A/N: This morning my sister was listening to her iPod in the car and I mistook Justin Bieber for Ashley Tisdale (or someone like her). And it happened probably five other times later. Just today! Honestly, I have nothing against him. He just sounds like a girl. And needs a haircut. (Okay, calm down, rabid fangirls. I don't mean anything by this. I really don't care about him either way.)

Ooh, I went to see Clash of the Titans last night. The CGI effects were sweet! :) Sadly it wasn't very quotable. It was pretty good, though; I'd give it 3 1/2 or 4 stars.

Disclaimer: When you wish upon a star, it doesn't matter who you are . . . something, something, something, something rhymes with star. What a load of dwarf manure. I could wish on the SUN and I wouldn't own Artemis Fowl. Cry with me.

AFHSAFHSAFHSAFHS

Beep. Beep. Beep – thunk. Beep – thunk. B– SMACK! Holly stumbled out of bed, shaking her head halfheartedly in an attempt to get her long, unruly auburn hair out of her face. Yawning, she tugged off her nightdress and pulled on a light blue summer dress. As with the nightdress, it was not her usual style, but it was pretty, and Angeline had suggested it. Oh well. She brushed her mane, tied it back with a blue ribbon, and made a mental note to cut it later.

The crab on her pillow stirred. "Nanowafers . . . carrots . . . ugh. Holly, where going?" Apparently full sentences didn't appeal to him at four in the morning. She pointed to her eye, scooped him up, and headed for the door.

River

"N°1!" Foaly called, scuttling along the riverbank. "N°1! He's supposed to be here."

A sparking fish bobbed to the surface, looking slightly upset. "I'm right here. Please don't yell; my new fish friends are sleeping." Then he brightened. "Guess who I ran into?"

"Ran into," scoffed a familiar voice from the shadows.

"Mulch?" Foaly asked incredulously.

"Yep," N°1 confirmed cheerfully.

"No need to sound so happy about it," Mulch complained, finally coming out of hiding. Foaly chortled. Mulch flapped his wings indignantly. Yes, his wings. "The runt turned me into a seagull!"

"I thought it was appropriate," N°1 said unrepentantly.

With some effort, Foaly suppressed his laughter and turned back to N°1. "Can you take away the false color in Holly's left eye?"

"I wondered when she would ask." The fish motioned for Holly to come down to his level. Eyes glowing for a moment, magical sparks intensifying around him, he touched her face with one fin. Her eyes watered as the hazel dissolved into blue. She smiled, glad to have herself back. "I'll fix Artemis's, too, when this is all over."

"Today Holly and Artemis are going out – sightseeing, if you can believe it," Foaly informed the two that were out of the loop. "If you two can stay near, I'll try to keep you updated. Remember, he's got to kiss her."

Mulch the seagull made a disgusted face. "What kind of weirdo – ow!" Holly had flicked him on the head.

"Holly will belong to Opal if she doesn't," Foaly explained. "And apparently, she loves the Mud Boy." Holly flicked Mulch again, just for good measure. "We could use your help, dwarf."

"All right, fine," the seagull huffed. "I'll help you out. You owe me, though." Holly rolled her eyes.

Fowl Manor

Angeline and Artemis senior wanted to keep the twins as home, so Butler had volunteered to chauffeur Artemis junior and Holly. Now he was starting up the Bentley, and the two young adults behind him were arguing over where they were going to sit. In the back of her mind, Holly found it amusing that even when she was mute and he had forgotten he knew her, they still bickered. She knew Foaly was having a good laugh inside her pocket.

"No, you're the guest, you can have the front," Artemis insisted again. Holly made a series of firm gestures that basically said no, thanks anyways, Mud Boy, you can. This would have continued, but Butler stepped in and assigned them both to the backseat. They climbed in, and away they went.

Holly loved to stare out the window as they took all the scenic routes; the environment was simply gorgeous. She'd been to Ireland before, obviously, but that was mostly in save-the-world situations, so she hadn't exactly had the time to sit back and enjoy the scenery. Artemis enjoyed pointing out certain landmarks as they passed.

Eventually Butler parked the Bentley in a small town, where it seemed a fair or the like was happening. Artemis looked unsure, and Holly the same, but the giant steered them towards it anyways. He dropped them off and then disappeared, presumably to watch for assassins from the shadows (or something).

They only stayed there until noon, to save the afternoon for other sightseeing, but they covered quite a bit during that time. They watched a few minutes of a puppet show (which amused neither of them), browsed some local food shops, and generally acted like normal teenagers. A townswoman was doing free haircuts, so Holly convinced Artemis to wait for her, and when she emerged with her hair cropped to a fringe framing her face, he complimented her, "It suits you." She grinned, but the smile faltered momentarily as she realized he only meant it in the present. He still didn't remember her. Attempting to put it out of her mind, she pulled him towards the nearest attraction, which happened to be a dance floor. Neither of them was particularly skilled at dancing, but they were entertained for a while just figuring out the steps.

When they came home for dinner, Angeline managed to convince Butler to let them have the evening alone (no mean feat), so he dropped them off at a lake not too far away, where they rented a small rowboat just for the sake of it. From the shore a crab, a fish, and a seagull watched their progress.

"Move your feathers," N°1 whispered. "I can't see a thing!"

"Nothing is happening!" complained Mulch. "And if I have to watch them stare into each other's eyes for another hour, I will barf, or fall asleep, or both."

"Only one day left," N°1 worried.

"And that boy hasn't puckered up once," Foaly muttered.

"I believe," Mulch cut in, tired of waiting, "that this calls for a little vocal romantic stimulation." After flapping laboriously onto a branch a few feet away, he cleared his throat importantly. "Stand back!" And as the pair passed under him in their rowboat, he proceeded to make the most awful attempt at singing any of them had ever heard.

"Wow," Artemis commented after a minute of torture. "Someone really should find that poor animal and put it out of its misery." When Holly looked up to see Mulch winking at her and flashing a conspiratorial thumbs-up, she dropped her head into one of her hands – universal body language for what is that moron thinking?

Foaly groaned. "I'm surrounded by idiots. If I want something done right, I guess I have to do it myself." Taking a moment to recruit the nearby wildlife to his cause, he began to direct them. "First, we have to create the mood." Pointing to groups to cue them, he called, "Percussion . . . strings . . . winds . . . words." Climbing onto a large plant near them, he leaned in and began, not noticing the subtle sparks of magic N°1 sent his way.

There you see her
Sitting there across the way
She doesn't have a lot to say
But there's something about her

Artemis barely reacted to the new background music, but Holly's eyes widened when she noticed Foaly out on a cattail right near his ear. She was surprised to hear something not, well, totally tuneless coming from his mouth, but N°1 gave a fishy grin and waved with one fin.

And you don't know why
But you're dying to try
You wanna kiss the girl

Artemis turned, but Foaly had jumped back onto the ground. "Did you hear something?" Holly shrugged and gave him her best innocent, what-are-you-talking-about look.

Yes, you want her
Look at her, you know you do
Possible she wants you too
There is one way to ask her
It won't take a word
Not a single word
Go one and kiss the girl

Artemis's eyes were now on Holly, who was staring into the distance with some sadness. Foaly encouraged the rest of the animals, "Sing with me now."

Sha la la la la la, my oh my
Looks like the boy's too shy
He just won't kiss the girl

Sha la la la la la, that's so sad
It's such a shame, too bad
He's gonna miss the girl

"I feel bad not recognizing you," Artemis told Holly honestly. "Did we meet at a science convention?" She made a face; he chuckled. "All right, no. Was it business?" She frowned and shook her head. He was quiet for a moment before he asked, "Were we friends? When I was younger?" Holly nodded, excited. His headache expression appeared again. "It's so odd," he confessed. "It's like you're there, but it's a blur." He smiled slightly at her. "It'll come. I've nearly got it already." He had stopped rowing, but the boat floated into a more secluded area, courtesy of Foaly's wildlife band.

Now's your moment (ya ya ya ya)
Floating in a blue lagoon (ya ya ya ya)
Boy, you'd better do it soon
No time will be better (ya ya ya ya)
She can't say a word, and she won't say a word until you
Kiss the girl

Foaly had managed to recruit all kinds of animals to give the little area the perfect atmosphere. Fish (including N°1) burbled water to imitate fountains; birds serenaded them; even lightning bugs glowed in the twilight like tiny lamps. The scene was, in a word, magical, and the two humans were obviously falling under its influence.

Sha la la la la la, don't be scared
You've got the mood prepared
Go on and kiss the girl (whoa whoa)

Artemis could feel a mental tugging towards this girl. Just like in the gorilla cage, his mind said, but when he tried to grab onto the thought it disappeared.

Sha la la la la la, don't stop now
Don't try to hide it how
You wanna kiss the girl (whoa whoa)

Sha la la la la la, float along
And listen to the song
The song says, kiss the girl (whoa whoa)

Sha la la la, hear the music play
Do what the music say
You've gotta kiss the girl

Boy and girl had begun to lean in, ever so slightly.

(You've got to) Kiss the girl

Inch by inch, as the music quieted.

(Why don't you) Kiss the girl

Holly's eyes fluttered closed first, and Artemis's closed a moment afterwards.

(Go on and) Kiss the girl

Foaly clicked his pincers eagerly as he watched them near each other. "Go on and –!"

Kiss the girl . . .

They were a hair's breadth apart when suddenly the rowboat capsized, dumping its occupants into the warm lagoon water. Holly and Artemis sputtered as they tried to regain their bearings. The wildlife left in a hurry, and Foaly groaned in defeat. On the other side of the boat, Mervall and Descant Brill high-fived triumphantly.

Opal's Lair

Opal was watching the whole scene from her room, and she was furious. "That was close," she spat, "too close! The little tramp! Ugh, she's better than I thought . . . at this rate, he'll be kissing her by sunset for sure!" She stormed over to her cabinets and began pulling out various chemicals. "Well, it's time I took matters into my own gorgeous hands!" She threw together a potion in a frenzy.

"Root's favorite officer will be mine," she hissed, catlike, "and then I'll make him writhe. I'll see them both wriggle like worms on a hook!" As she laughed, her appearance began to change – into that of a human. A beautiful young woman, with long chestnut hair and fair skin. Opal smiled widely.

Fowl Manor, Later That Night

As promised, Artemis finished reading the Story of Prince Ahmed and "Perie" to his brothers before they went to bed; Holly stayed again to listen. The twins were, of course, thrilled to have reached the action in the story. Their brother read about the revealing of Ahmed's fairy wife and the materialistic demands of the Sultan upon her, from the water of the fountain of lions to the magical pavilion, until her brother Schaiban killed him and all his evil advisors.

On their way out, Artemis stopped to talk to Holly. "Listen, Holly, I – has your left eye always been blue?" She instinctively reached up to touch it before shrugging innocently. "That's odd; I could have sworn both your eyes were hazel. And actually, the left one is exactly the color of my eyes."

The young man's confusion was interrupted by the arrival of Butler. "You have a visitor. It's a young lady. Vanessa. She's at the door." Artemis headed to meet this girl, but not before Holly noticed the headache look, stronger than before. She left for bed in a very good mood.

Artemis neared the door, preparing to disappoint another marketer from the village nearby. However, as he entered hearing range, he could hear a pleasant, familiar voice speaking from the door. Musical tones. That voice was beautiful, and it was addressing him.

"Hello, Fowl." The brunette before him smiled, and it seemed the opal jewelry around her neck was glowing. Artemis's eyes glazed over; his last sentient thought was, This can't be good.