I am SO SORRY! I thought I had this chapter up. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
A/N: It's almost over! It took me a year to type the first chapter, and a fortnight later we're throwing a graduation party (figuratively). Aww. *sniffle* Well, I know you're sad, but there will be an epilogue. I'm dragging it out for you. Just because I'm a sadist. HA HA HA HA.
Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl and I don't own the Little Mermaid. But the latter is okay because I've watched it innumerable times in the last two weeks and I'm noticing a lot of weird things. Like, Eric is in his wedding outfit and then when he goes out to save Ariel/the world from Ursula, he's back in his normal outfit. What, did he just decide, Hey, my outfit really isn't good for this scene, I think I'll change before I go saving people? *snorts* Yeah, I've put way too much thought into this movie.
AFHSAFHSAFHSAFHS
The next morning, Mulch flew into Holly's bedroom, actually squawking in excitement. He flapped onto her pillow, jumping around to wake up her and the crab beside her. "Congratulations!" he cried. "I just heard the news! You get to be a weirdo, and Opal won't own your soul!"
Foaly groaned, barely awake. "What is the idiot babbling about now?" Holly looked up blearily and shrugged.
"Oh, like you two didn't know," Mulch said, whacking the crab with a wing. "The whole town is buzzing about Arty getting himself hitched this afternoon!" Then, after a moment: "Ugh, I feel sick for actually being excited about this. What is wrong with me?"
The sarcasm was ignored as his words made their way into Holly's mind. She jumped out of bed and raced down the hallway to find the young man in question. Hearing voices in the main hall, she headed there, but she slipped to a stunned stop when she noticed Butler and Artemis there – and a pretty, young woman at Artemis's side. She ducked to hide behind the balcony, but she could still hear them.
"Well, Artemis, it appears I was mistaken," Butler was saying. "It would seem your dream girl does in fact exist. And she is quite lovely." To the woman he said, "Congratulations, my dear."
"We wish to be married as soon as possible," Artemis told Butler. His tone was even less emotional than usual, but Holly's brow creased in hurt at his words.
"Well, of course, Artemis, but these things do take time – "
"This afternoon, Butler," the younger man interrupted. "The wedding ship departs at sunset."
Butler was quiet for a moment; Holly risked peeking round the corner, but she couldn't see the torn expression on the Eurasian man's face. All she heard was the final "Whatever you wish." Feeling as though she had just been kicked in the stomach by a troll, Holly retreated to her room, followed quickly by Foaly. Below, Artemis's fiancée watched this with a smug smile and fingered her opal necklace.
Harbor, Sunset
The wedding ship left the harbor, just as planned. At the dock, Holly slid to the ground with her back to a wooden pole, trying to swallow the large lump in her throat. Foaly and N°1 kept her quiet company, their forlorn expressions the only way they knew to sympathize.
Over the water, Mulch flew towards the ship, intending on seeing his elfin friend again before the ceremony. He wasn't prepared to hear that friend's voice coming from a porthole. He came near to see the source.
What a lovely little bride I'll make
My dear, I'll look divine
Mulch didn't know who this brunette was, but she definitely wasn't Holly.
Things are working out according
To my ultimate design
The seagull swallowed nervously as the pretty woman drew out a hairpin and sent it flying into the forehead of the wooden cherub on her mirror. Holly's voice was changing into that of someone else, a malicious someone else he did know.
Soon I'll have that little LEPrecon
And the world will be mine
The smug laughter and megalomaniacal words that accompanied the girl's preening were without a doubt familiar. Opal. Mulch backpedaled and went flying towards the dock, squawking as he landed gracelessly at the feet of the odd group. "Holly! I was flying, and I saw the pixie was watching the mirror, and she was singing with a stolen set of pipes!" Holly gave him an are-you-stupid look. He began to whack Foaly on the ground. "Do you – hear what I'm – telling you? Artemis – is marrying – Opal – in disguise!"
Foaly wriggled a safe distance away and demanded, "Are you sure about this?"
"Have I ever been wrong?" Mulch countered.
"Well –"
"I mean, when it's important!" the seagull quickly continued.
Again Foaly prepared to dispute this, but he was cut off. "What can we do?" N°1 asked from the water. Holly stared out at the sinking sun, then jumped into the ocean. He raced to her side as she began a fierce swim towards the ship.
"I've got to get to the commander," Foaly muttered. "He has to know about this!"
"What about me?" Mulch asked, getting into it.
"You. Find a way to stall that wedding!" Foaly jumped into the shoreline shot, and Mulch flew off to gather all the animals he could find.
On the Wedding Ship
At that moment, Opal/Vanessa was walking down the aisle. Wedding march music played, and she smugly accepted the adoration of the people she passed. Until she passed Beckett, who was blowing raspberries and making faces at her, but she stomped on his foot with one of her heels and that took care of the problem.
"Dearly beloved," began the bumbling priest performing the ceremony. Opal tuned him out, choosing instead to smirk at the quickly setting sun. She returned her attention to the filthy Mud Men just in time to hear Artemis say emotionlessly, "I do." Lovely work, the mesmerizing opal necklace. The priest continued with the vows, but only the screeching of animals nearby the boat interrupted Opal's self-congratulation. Indeed, she looked over, and a large group of seabirds was zooming towards them, led by a particularly ugly seagull.
" . . . And do you, Vanessa . . ." The priest was oblivious as the seagull drove his companions straight at Opal's head. She screamed shrilly, and they just came right back at her. The guests couldn't help but notice as various sea animals found their way, loudly, onto the deck. Some seals (where did they come from?) bounced her like a ball until she landed right on her wedding cake, and then three dolphins jumped up from the sea and squirted water in her face. Random crustaceans crawled all over her, sending her into hysterics about her perfect skin being ruined.
The animals generally wrecked havoc all over the ship, but the final straw was when that ugly seagull flew up and squawked in her face. She grabbed him around the neck and vigorously began to throttle him. Holly was climbing on board but couldn't do anything to help. From across the deck, as Mulch was pulling fiercely on Opal's necklace, Beckett broke away from his parents just in time to run up and kick Opal in the rear. She screeched indignantly; the necklace broke off her neck and went flying through the air – to crash at Holly's feet. The effects of the mesmer disappeared as her C scale filled the air. Artemis held his head as Holly's voice found its way back into her body, the last notes of the scale coming out of her own mouth. Memories flashed into place in his mind as he heard her voice sans mesmer. He stared across the deck at the redhead as though she was a new person.
"Holly?"
Holly grinned at him. "Hey, Arty." Beckett ran over to her, talking hyperactively in his excitement.
Artemis stepped quickly away from the priest, heading straight for his friend. "It – I remember now. Again." The moment he neared, Holly hugged him.
"I . . . wanted to tell you . . ." Her face inched towards his.
"No!" Opal screeched, now in her own voice.
Just before their lips touched, the sun behind them dipped below the horizon. Holly grimaced and with a painful spasm began to shrink, finding herself coming to a stop at three feet tall. Mulch dropped from the air and landed with a grunt on the deck, a dwarf once more. A high-pitched squeal from the water indicated N°1 had found himself normal again as well.
Opal was wasting no time in welcome-backs, though. With surprising strength she grabbed Holly by the arm and pulled her into a lifeboat. "So long, Lover-Boy," she cooed patronizingly to Artemis before cutting them loose from the ship.
When they made it to shore, Opal dragged Holly into the shot. It shot downwards, and as they got out in Haven, they heard the voice of Holly's favorite commander.
"Opal, stop where you are!" Root blocked their path, his tri-barreled blaster pointed directly at the pixie. Foaly, a centaur again, stood firmly behind the commander.
Opal smiled, the warmth therein entirely artificial. "Hello, Julius. So good to see you."
Root wasn't one for false small talk. "Let her go."
"Not a chance, Root, she's mine now," the pixie spat. She unfurled a contract. "We had a deal." Root laced his blaster with magic and sent a high-level stream at the paper, but it merely bounced off. Opal grinned again, the smile real and very smug this time. "You may notice it is entirely unbreakable. I think she'll make a lovely pair of stilettos." She sent her own magic spiraling towards Holly, who began to shrink even more. ". . . Of course, I always did have an eye for a bargain," Opal said innocently; "I might be willing to trade her for someone even better."
Aboveground, Ireland
Artemis had cut loose another lifeboat and was rowing as quickly as he could to shore. "Artemis, what are you doing?" Butler called out.
"I lost Holly before," the black-haired young man called back, an unusual fierceness in his tone. "I'm not going to lose her again."
Haven
"So," Opal asked the commander, "do we have a deal?" Root cast a glance at Holly, who was beginning to resemble footwear. He furrowed his brow and leaned forward to sign his name over hers. Instantly she grew back to her normal size, and he shrank into a pair of combat boots, his blaster and his ID falling to the ground beside him. Foaly and Holly were soon at his side.
" . . . Julius?" Holly said in little more than a whisper.
Foaly was, for once, respectful. "Commander."
Opal gave the boots a not-so-gentle kick. "I'll never wear those," she said to herself. "They're much too ugly. Oh, well." She stooped to pick up the tri-barreled blaster, which she pointed straight at Holly's chest. "And with the stupid commander out of the way, next in my order of business is you, you little – ACK!" She clamped a hand to her arm, which was bleeding. Both of them turned to see Artemis standing a few feet away, holding a fairy gun. Probably the first thing he could get his hands on, it didn't do much damage, but it did get Opal angry. "Go get the stupid Mud Boy!" she ordered Mervall and Descant, who obediently raced after him. He made it to the shot, but they pulled him back out.
"Come on!" Foaly called to N°1, who had just come out of the shot. They hit the Brill brothers until they released Artemis.
Opal fired up the blaster. "Say good-bye to your sweetheart," she said with mock sympathy to Holly, pointing the gun at the teenager. As her finger moved to the trigger, Holly reached out for the pixie's treasured hair and yanked hard. It had the intended effect: Opal's aim was off. As it was, she accidentally vaporized her hench-twins. She hardly noticed that, but she did notice two of her worst enemies running for the shot. She downed another potion and with a cough followed them aboveground.
On Shore in Ireland
Holly and Artemis stumbled out of the shot, followed closely by an upset and groaning Opal. "You have to go," she ordered him. "Let the LEP take care of this."
"I could if you weren't holding onto my shirt like it was life itself," Artemis pointed out. She frowned up at him and opened her mouth to argue, but their attention was stolen by Opal, who seemed to be growing. Massively. The pixie stepped into the water, now twenty feet tall and showing no signs of slowing. The two of them could only stare and pray that the colossal tri-barreled blaster in her hands would break.
Finally Opal stopped growing.
Finally Opal's extreme growth spurt ended; not that it was much of a relief, because the pixie now towered over them with a maliciously gleeful expression. "You are both pitiful, insignificant fools!" she shouted down at them. She aimed the blaster at the two of them.
"Look out!" Artemis and Holly scrambled for cover just as Opal blasted the patch of sand they had just occupied.
"Now I will rule the entire world!" she declared as she began to fire into the ocean, stirring up chaos in the ocean. A particularly strong wave crashed into the beach and hauled both human and elf out to sea. Opal stuck the end of the giant blaster into the water and began pulling it in fierce circles, creating a confined whirlpool.
The motion of the water there brought up an old sunken ship, which nearly crashed into Artemis. As it was, he used one of the ropes dangling off the side to laboriously climb up onto its deck. Holly was still in the ocean, but she had found a boulder to anchor herself to. However, Opal certainly wouldn't have that; she blasted towards her, vaporizing the rock and sending Holly spinning into the whirlpool. The elf blacked out for a few moments, but she quickly recovered her bearings as Opal sent high-level blasts at her. She dodged the first few, but she was tired; she couldn't last much longer.
Opal aimed the blaster for the last time. "So much," she spat, "for true love!" Then Artemis sent the ship's mast straight into Opal's stomach. A very ugly screech left her mouth, and then she sank lifelessly beneath the waves, taking the ship with her. Artemis, who somehow had managed to jump off the ship to (relative) safety, arduously crawled onto the shore, where he collapsed in exhaustion.
Belowground, piles of shoes were turning back into their original forms – fairies. Overjoyed, they clambered out of Opal's lair by the dozens. N°1 delivered a certain tri-barreled blaster, fairy-size once more, to a pair of combat boots, which quickly transformed into Commander Julius Root.
A short while later, Root and Foaly took the shot up to the Irish shore, where they saw Holly sitting behind the mound of earth, watching for Artemis's recovery a few yards away.
Root sighed. "She really does love him, doesn't she, Foaly?"
"Well, it's like I always say," the centaur replied; "fairies should be free to live their own lives."
"You always say that?" questioned Root pointedly. Foaly gave a guilt shrug. "Well," said the commander, "I guess there's just one problem left."
"What's that, Julius?" asked the technician, and for once Root didn't correct his first-name basis.
"How much I'm going to miss her." He beckoned to another figure in the shot. N°1 scampered out and headed straight for Holly. He put both gray hands on her arm, and sparks began to fly around her. Turning, she smiled widely in thanks at her commander, knowing full well who had authorized what was about to happen.
Further away on the beach, Artemis was slowly making his way to a sitting position. He frowned at the messiness of his appearance. "My suit is ruined," he said aloud to no one in particular.
"That would be your response to saving the world again," came a response he hadn't expected. He turned quickly. A familiar young woman with short auburn hair stood nearby, a grin in place. Artemis practically jumped to his feet. "Holly!"
"Arty!" she laughed. "Again with the cheesy name-calling. Have you been watching soap operas?" Rather than dispute his cheesiness, he chose to step forward and kiss her soundly on the lips.
Outside Fowl Manor, less than a month later
"You may now kiss the bride." Some of the rowdier guests (namely, Mulch and Foaly) whooped as Artemis and Holly shared their first kiss as a married couple. Beckett, who with his twin had been a ringbearer, reached out to his new sister-in-law for a kiss as well. From the first row, Angeline held onto her husband with one hand and mopped her tears with the other.
Eventually the time came to bid the guests good-bye. This had been a small wedding; the immediate Fowl relatives were there, of course, as well as a number of fairies, this being the reason for the small size. N°1 and Mulch both received hugs from Holly, even though Mulch stank (as usual).
Foaly was next in line. "Stay in touch," he sniffled.
"Are you crying?" she asked him.
"No," he lied badly.
"I'll miss you, you sap," she teased as she hugged him too. A few more fairies came to say good-bye, and then Commander Root stepped up. Holly hugged him fiercely. Now she was the one tearing up. "Thank you, Julius," she whispered. "For everything." Beside her, Artemis bowed slightly to the commander; he returned the gesture. Root went back to the group of tittering fairies, and the new Mr. and Mrs. Fowl waved to them as they left to return to Haven.
Now we can walk
Now we can run
Now we can stay all day in the sun
Just you and me
And I can be
Part of your world