"Sean, I just told you that I'm going to be completely deaf in a few more years."
"But you can hear now. And technology is always improving so maybe there'll be a way to fix things. And if not then you'll deal with it. You can't define yourself by that one thing."
"Excuse me?" Emma stared at Sean with an incredulous expression on her face.
"What? You're not just the deaf girl, Emma. I think maybe you see yourself that way but no one else does."
"I know that, sometimes I know that. The part I had a problem with is me dealing with it. Where are you in this scenario?"
"Oh." Sean looked a little sheepish at his slip. "Em, I'm a practical guy and I don't know where we'll be in five or ten years, so if we're together then we'll deal with it. But if we're not then you're still strong enough to handle it on your own."
"It's just really scary to think about this future where I can't hear. But I'm dealing with it."
"By hiding it from everyone?" Sean watched as Emma's face turned angry at his words. "If you wanted a lap dog then you should be dating someone else."
"I don't want to be a charity case. People always feel sorry for the deaf girl. It hasn't gotten so bad that people notice or that they have to know right now."
"Because you avoid situations where it could be a problem."
"I'm doing the best I can! You don't know what it's like to wonder if your friends really like you or if they just feel sorry for you. Or to always have teachers pay extra attention to you in class. Or to find out that your crush only likes you because he thinks you'll be easy to get in bed."
"But it doesn't have to be like that! I'm sorry that you felt that way at your old school and I'm sorry that you feel like you have to hide but you need to give people a chance. Paige, Manny, Toby, all those kids might surprise you."
"You just don't get it Sean! You don't deal with it every single day!"
"I'm trying to understand but I feel like I'm going in circles with you!"
"I can't trust them! I have a father in Vancouver that I haven't seen or heard from in months. He leaves messages on the answering machine when he knows I won't be home. When I lived with him it wasn't much different. He can't stand the fact that his child has a disability. You want me to tell people that I barely know that I'm losing my hearing? My own father couldn't accept it so I'll be damned if tell anyone else and face that same rejection!"
Sean was speechless. He'd broken through Emma's wall but he'd gotten more than he'd bargained for. He didn't know what else to do for Emma. Maybe he'd just have to let her work things out for herself at this point.
"I need to go," Emma said upon seeing that Sean was rendered speechless. "Tell Manny and Paige that I'm not feeling well and I'll call them tomorrow."
"I can take you home," Sean said as he reached for Emma's arm.
"Don't," she warned and jerked her arm away from his hand. I'll call my mom."
"Maybe that's for the best," he agreed. "I'll see at school on Monday."
Emma waited until Sean was in the arcade before walking to the bus stop. She didn't want her mom to know what had happened.
"Yo Blondie, want a ride?" yelled a guy from an old beater.
Emma looked over prepared to tell the jerk to piss off when she saw that it was Jay's old beater and he was leaning out the driver's window.
"Sure." Emma hopped in and quickly belted up. Jay was notorious for being a crazy driver.
"So what are you doing down here?"
"I came with Sean, Manny and Paige."
"And yet you're alone."
"Things didn't work out."
"I smell a fight but you don't want to talk and I'll respect that. So where to?
"Anywhere but home."
"Have you ever heard of the ravine?"
"Isn't there where everyone goes to make out?"
"Among other things."
Emma didn't even need to think twice.
"Let's go."
Life got really busy for a long time. I'm a grad student so it's not going to get any better. I appreciate those of you that are still interested in this story. I'll make an effort to update but school keeps me really busy and when I do have a breather I don't usually want to write anymore.