I turned my head and stared at Gilbert as he slept. I wondered how long I've had this crush on him deep down in my body , but I couldn't let him know that as far as he was going to know I was high and horny I mean I am just a teenager right. I turned my head back towards the ceiling and just thought to myself for a moment what would people do if this ever got out not that I really care about what stupid gossiping high schoolers thought even though I was one , minis the gossiping part but still me and Jeremy just didn't mix well he was so young and confused I just don't know if I want to deal with that kind of shit. I slowly moved the covers off of me and got up . I really didn't want to face him this morning so I got up and left I just needed to go somewhere else away from him
I pulled into my driveway knowing what was coming to me if I walked into that doorway a beating from my father was what happened after a night of drugs but the beating was just because I didn't call and that made me a worse son than I already was if he knew what happened last night what would happen I stepped out of my car and walked toward the door I reached my hand to the door handle I hesitated on opening the door but pushed through anyway and there he was standing I knew what my actions would cause but I was okay with it .
...
I was in the bathroom icing my swollen lip I hated this I just wanted to leave go far away ...with someone... no I wanted no one just me so I didn't have to deal with a whiney lagging person I threw the ice pack on the floor
"fuck" I grabbed my forehead "it was sex that's all it was and its all its going to ever be" or maybe I just was going to have to stop what I started
...
"Tyler" Jeremy was standing at my locker waiting for me to speak.
"what Gilbert"
"cant you use my first name ever"
"last night was sex and that's all" I whispered "and it can't ever happen again you mean nothing" I said and started to walk away.
"hold on" Jeremy started to walk right next to me. "you can't just fucking do that ass"
"I can and I did just go play with your meth pipe fag" and with that I pushed him to the ground and kept walking.
...
Jeremy's point of view
that little bitch he fucks me calls me a fag and then pushes me to the ground but what should I expect from such a low being who needs him and you know what he was right about the meth pipe I'm going to fucking do it only if I could bring myself to do it lately iv cared about Elena's feelings which I usually don't.
"Jer" I herd Elena outside my door.
"yeah"
"can I come in"
"why not" I said flopping down on my bed .
Elena came and sat on my bed and an awkward silence just went on for what seemed like an eternity .
"what do you want"
"I just want to talk we never do that and we need to ok Jer"
"what do you want to talk about and it better not be about how capable I am of doing the right thing"
"no not that just talk to me as if I was your best friend"
"I don't have a best friend Elena"
"what about Tyler you guys have been hanging out lately haven't you"
"no I hate him"
"why"
"none of your business"
"Jer we are supposed to be talking like we are best friends"
"well it's not going to happen Elena so just leave okay I don't want to talk about it"
Elena looked down with a sad expression on her face "I'm sorry Jer"
"its ok I just want to be left alone"
okay she said before leaving my room but before she left she looked at me this rime with a worried expression on her face. "night" she said before shutting the door.
"night Elena" "night Tyler"
I rolled over and closed my eyes and just thought about stuff like why I tried to kill myself it was because I felt I really had nothing which was a lie because I have my sisters I thought I had Tyler and why he all of a sudden didn't want me any more stung and left a wound in my heart because I liked him but the thing was he was never going to feel the same way was he.
...
in art class I was haunted by images of two nights ago and without knowing it started a sketch of Tyler and I laying side by side with our lips barely touching when I realized what I was drawing I shut my sketch book and sat the next three minits waiting anxiously for the bell to ring.
when it did I was the first out the door and to tillers locker trying to break the chain of him ignoring me.
"Tyler" I ran to his locker which he was just opening .
"Gilbert leave me the fuck alone I don't want to speak to you I'm sorry about what happened and I'm sorry for the way you feel but I don't have the same feeling at all okay so the sooner this obsession stops the sooner your failed attempts will stop happening"
"lets just talk some time okay Ty just meet me at eight tonight in the graveyard"
"graveyard really what to shoot up heroine I'm not going to show up"
"well I will be there waiting for you Tyler so just try to push yourself to go okay" he said nothing and started to walk away.
"I know I will be there" I whispered to myself and felt one single tear drop down my cheek. "ill be there"