Chapter Three
Revelations

Jack and Kim watched as Renee and Teri played with Toby after dinner. He chased the ball when Renee threw it for him and even with Teri tried to throw it for him. He had been right about Teri. She loved Toby. She had already claimed him as her own.

"A dog was a good idea, dad. Renee is happy."

Jack knew she wasn't entirely happy. It wasn't because Renee ever told him, but because he knew. He just knew she wasn't happy, not fully happy. She wasn't as happy as she could be, as she should be. "She's good at pretending."

"So…she's not happy?"

"Sometimes she is. Sometimes we have good moments, sometimes we have good days. Other times, most times, it's not good. I don't know what to do or how to fix it. It's what I do, I go in and I solve problems, I can help the country avoid nuclear disasters, but I can't help her with this."

"Dad…it's not your fault. And you do help her. Have you suggested that she talk to someone?"

"She doesn't want to see a shrink."

"Stephen knows a great doctor at the hospital. She works mostly with soldiers who suffer from PTSD. She'd be great with Renee. Her name is Dr. Fischer. Maybe Renee should give her a call."

"Thank you, but I don't know. I don't think she's ready for that. She's tried the doctor thing before and it hasn't worked out. She doesn't even open up to me that much."

"Well, if she ever changes her mind."

Jack nodded and smiled. "Of course."

Teri ran after Toby as he made his way onto the deck. Jack knew he was tired when he found a place to rest under Renee's empty chair. "Whoa, Teri, slow down there. I think Toby is tired," Jack said as he scooped the little girl up. She settled into his lap. "We should let him rest."

"Okay," she told him as she wiggled out of his lap and climbed into Renee's lap instead as she sat down, facing her. her head rested on her chest.

Renee smiled at Jack.

"I knew it would only be a matter of time before she liked you more," he told her.

"No, she just thinks I smell better than you."

"Renee smells like flowers. You smell like boys," Teri told Jack.

The three adults laughed. "I hope you always feel this way about boys," Jack told her as he leaned over and kissed her forehead.

"Your mom told me you wanted to start ballet, Teri," Renee spoke after several beats of silence.

Her blonde head nodded up and down excitedly. "Mmm-hmm."

"Well, I used to take ballet."

Teri's eyes widened. "You were a ballerina?"

Renee smiled. "I was."

"You could help me!" she told her.

"I was thinking the same thing." Renee smiled.

"That will be okay, right, Mommy?" her pigtails danced around her head as she turned to Kim.

"Of course, that will be great."

"It will be fantastic!"

Kim smiled. "It's her new favorite word," she explained.

Renee smiled as Teri settled against her once more, putting her head on her chest. "I can hear your heart beeping."

Renee giggled. "You can?"

"Mmm-hmm."

Jack smiled at the sight. It was times like this he felt honored to be a part of Renee's life. He was getting to witness something amazing. He was witnessing Renee coping and hopefully healing. He knew it wouldn't happen over night, he knew it probably wasn't going to be soon. However, moments like this gave him hope. Hope that she would one day be okay. She would be happy, happy with the life they'd created together.

JRJRJRJRJR

Renee settled into bed as Jack came into the bedroom, dressed for bed. She pulled him closer to her as he found his way into bed. Jack smiled as she rested her head on his chest. "Did you have a good day today?"

"I did," she answered.

"I'm glad."

Renee glanced up at Jack's face. "Jack?" her voice barely above a whisper.

"Hmm?"

"While I was with Teri today I was thinking."

"About what?"

"I want more things in my life that mean something."

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know. I just know I don't dream anymore. I want to dream again. I want to love my life again. I used to find joy in being an agent. That was my life. I want joy again. Real joy. Not just moments here and there."

Jack was hesitant. He didn't know if he wanted to bring this up again. "You know…Kim and I were talking. Stephen knows this doctor at the hospital. She works with military who suffer from PTSD. I'm not trying to press it. I just want you to know it's there. Only if you want to."

Renee sighed. "I might."

Jack sighed too, in relief. He'd hate to start another fight between them. "That's good. I was worried about brining it up. I don't want you to be offended."

"I'm…I'm not. And I don't want you to think that you, that this life doesn't make me happy, because it does. I wouldn't be here if it didn't. I could be miserable anywhere. I just want you to know that this has everything to do with me and nothing to do with us. I want to be okay with the decisions I made. I want to be able to live with them."

Renee sighed. "Maybe I should talk to someone. Maybe they could help. Not that you don't."

"It's okay, Renee, you don't have to explain yourself to me."

"I-I do. I've been thinking that before it was all too fresh. With Wilson and the FBI was just too new. I think that's why it didn't happen the first time with the shrink. Maybe I could do better now. Maybe it will be easier with a stranger. Maybe talking to a doctor will help me talk to you about it."

"Hmm." He didn't know what to say. He just wanted to let her talk.

She began drawing circles on his chest. "Maybe if it's a stranger…someone I don't have to live with, to look into his eyes everyday."

"I'm the last person that could or would judge you. I've told you that before."

"I know, but it's so confusing, Jack. I just…I want to do this my way."

"Okay, I can do that." And he would. This was a big step for her and he would respect her decision. He was happy for it. She was trying, and that's all she really ever promised him, that day in the coffee shop just months ago seemed so far away.

"Thank you. You don't know how you help me Jack."

"I think I do, Renee. You help me too. We're in this together."

Renee smiled. "You're probably the only person in the world who could understand, Jack…I know that, and it makes sense to talk with you about it. But I…"

"It's okay, it's okay. Come here," he told her as he pulled her even closer to him. He liked her here, in his arms. It made him feel as if he were doing something. That he was helping her, even if it were as small as holding her, he could do this. He liked to be wanted. To be needed. It was something he'd come to be good at over the years.

However, nothing like this. Not in a long time, anyway. Not since Teri, and that didn't end the way he had ever dreamed. This was something new for him. This was something he had never seen coming. The happiness thing was going to take some time getting used to. This life too, this slow-paced life that didn't include running from anyone, mainly his demons. He could get very used to this. He hoped with all of his heart that she could too.

TBC in Speak