"Afraid to let your secrets out.
Everything that you hide
can come crashing through the door now,
but too scared to face all your fears.
So you hide, but you find
that the shame won't disappear.
So let it fall down,
there's freedom waiting in the sound;
when you let your walls fall to the ground.
We're here now…
This is where the healing begins,
This is where the healing starts.
When you come to where you're broken within,
the light meets the dark."

Healing Begins
Tenth Avenue North

Chapter Five
Light Meets the Dark

She watched him. However, it was more like studying him. He was watching TV and she was trying to be nonchalant about the whole studying thing. She knew she failed miserably. She knew he knew she was watching. Studying. Whatever. She wondered how she should say it. She'd been practicing for weeks. Well, in her head and a few times staring into a mirror. But she hadn't actually said it. Out loud. Out loud to Jack.

She sighed and Jack glanced over at her. "Is something bothering you?"

"What? No."

"You've been acting strange these past couple…few weeks. Did something happen at therapy?" Jack asked.

It had been three months since she'd started seeing Dr. Fischer. That meant it had been nine and a half months since Vlad and that horrible day. She wondered if she had actually loved him since then. She wondered if while on the road to loving herself again she fell in love with Jack too.

She knew that it must be true, because she was finding peace with herself and a love for the man sitting beside her. She just had to admit it to him now. Perhaps saying it aloud would make things right between them. More right.

Renee took Jack's hand. "Yes. I realized something. Three weeks ago."

"Yes?" Jack prodded.

Renee cleared her throat. Who knew it would be this difficult? She'd said the words before. However, she guessed it wasn't like this before. Those men weren't Jack Bauer, the man who understood her better than anyone. The man who would do anything for her. The man who showed her he loved her every single day since he'd told her his feelings for her. He hadn't said the words since then, but he hadn't needed to. She knew what he felt.

"This was a lot easier in my head." She paused wondering how to go on. Jack squeezed her hands ever so slightly. It was just what she needed.

"I love you, Jack. I think I have for a long time now. I-I-"

Jack smiled. "You love me?"

"Yes. I do. Unequivocally. It took me a while to realize. It took me a while to see my worth again. You've helped me with so much, Jack. I owe you so much-"

"You don't owe me a thing. I love being with you. I love waking up next to you. I love you, Renee."

She leaned over and kissed him on the lips it was long and slow and sweet. "I knew you'd say something like that," she told him as they pulled away and her hands cupped his face.

He laughed. "So that's what's been eating at you?"

Renee nodded. "I don't know why. I mean, I knew what your answer has been. I just…anyway. It's there, in the open."

"Yes, it is. I'm glad. With all the awkwardness between us, I thought you might have wanted out."

Renee put a hand through his short hair. "I could never want out of this. Those two attempts were stupid. Foolish. I would never wish to be without you. It's you who is dependable. Loyal. You've stuck by me when most would have not walked, but run away. You and your family and Toby are the best things that have ever happened to me. I love you and this life," she smiled, kissing his lips.

It was as if a weight was lifted from her shoulders. She didn't have to carry this around anymore. For that, she was grateful. It was as if the light had met the dark. She could see again. There was a light at the end of the tunnel, and his name was Jack Bauer.

"That's great. It really is. I was wondering when this was going to happen. When you were going to tell me. I'm glad you did. This is so much more-"

"Real."

"Real now," he agreed.

She smiled and glanced over at Toby, who was sleeping in his dog bed. She wondered if she should tell him the rest of it. All of it. She loved him. That was something that wouldn't change. But the other thing. Maybe she shouldn't bring it up at all. Maybe she shouldn't try to push a good thing. It was good, what they had. She wondered if it could be better.

"Anything else?" Jack asked.

Renee shook her head. Liar.

"What do you say we go for Toby's walk? We can go down to the park today."

Renee nodded, but didn't move when Jack left the couch. "Renee?" he called.

"Jack?" She asked. The question brought him back into the living room and she studied him once more as he studied her.

"Yes?"

She shook her head. It was there and then it was gone. "Never mind, it's nothing. I'll get Toby's lead, go get your shoes on, mine are still down here. We'll be waiting for you." She knew he wanted to press it but he didn't, he simply disappeared upstairs.

JRJRJRJRJRJR

They walked hand in hand while Jack led Toby. She had finally said it. She'd finally acknowledged her feelings for him. He wondered what else was there. There was something, of that Jack was certain.

The two sat on a park bench and both watched as Toby sniffed his new surroundings. "Something else is on your mind." It was a simple observation. However, he knew he was right.

Renee sighed. "No there's not."

Jack smiled. "You can't lie to me, Renee."

"I'm not-okay fine, I am. But it doesn't matter."

"What doesn't matter?" He asked as he took her hand in his free hand.

"I love what we have right now. Nothing has to change," she told him. She was looking at him. She was staring off to the playground area, a few children played there.

"But you want it to."

"No, I want us to both be happy. I am happy, Jack."

"What would make you…happiest?"

Renee smiled and shook her head. She hadn't taken her eyes off the kids. She hadn't looked at him since he started this conversation.

"I'm serious."

"So am I. It doesn't matter."

"Damnit. It does to me."

He watched as her eyes closed and opened several moments later. She took a deep breath. She let it out slowly. She still wasn't looking at him.

"I want to marry you."

It didn't take him completely by surprise, but he wasn't really expecting it either. "You do?" He asked.

"See? It was stupid to bring up," she said as she let go of his hand and rose from the bench.

"Hey, don't do that. Sit down," he told her as he grabbed her arm, just before she was out of reach.

She sat down again, but she still didn't look at him. "You want to marry me?"

"Yes."

Jack leaned over and kissed her exposed neck, just on the small scar that was there. "That wasn't you asking, was it?" He whispered, kissing her ear.

She finally turned to face him. "You know, what we have is good, Jack. We don't have to get married…I don't want you to feel forced into anything. Things are fine this way. We don't-"

"Of course we do. I want to make you happy. So, if getting married makes you happy, I want to marry you too."

"Jack. We've said a lot of things to each other, and you've made promises to me about…I just want you to know that I'm not going to hold you to them. I don't want you to feel obligated-"

Jack stopped her fumbling words with a kiss. He grabbed her face and kissed her soundly on the mouth. He suddenly didn't want it to end. He didn't care that they were in the middle of a public park. He didn't care that people could see. Toby was the only one put out and then only a little bit.

He had to get his point across. He didn't feel obligated to marry her. He felt honored. He wanted to marry her. He needed to marry her. He hoped he was proving that right now. He was more of a man of action than words. He always had been.

Her hands wrapped around his neck and pulled herself into his lap. His hands began to travel, settling just under the bottom of her t-shirt. He could feel her hesitation. They pulled apart and she mumbled her apology.

"Don't be sorry. It doesn't matter to me if it takes more time. And plus, there are children around…"

He felt and heard her sigh. Toby whined, wanting attention. He jumped up with them on the bench and settled beside them. "It shouldn't take more time. I love you. I should be ready-"

"Says who?"

She didn't have an answer for him. Instead, she kissed him again, lightly on the lips. "Thank you, for understanding."

He smoothed down her tangled hair. "You're welcome."

"You'll be the first to know, though."

"Oh, well, I would hope so."

She smiled then. It was a real, true smile. He didn't think he could be any happier today.

"So, it's settled then. We're getting married?" She nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck. Wanting to be close to him. Needing to be close to him.

"We are," he answered.

She kissed his neck and smiled. "Today is perfect."

"Mmm. It is. You are perfect."

She giggled and he could feel her breath hot on his neck. She tilted her head and he could feel her hair tickle his arm. He wanted to remember this moment. He wanted to remember everything about this moment.

Toby began to feel neglected. He began licking Jack's hand. Renee unwound herself from Jack and sat beside him once more. Toby immediately climbed into her lap and licked her face.

She laughed and patted his head. Jack pulled at her, so she was in his lap again, but her back to him, and Toby rested in hers. Jack placed a kiss on the back of her neck as she wholly relaxed in his arms.

He could definitely stay like this forever. Here with her. Here as them, not as Jack Bauer and Renee Walker. Here there were no threats. There was no imminent danger lurking around the corner, there was just a beautiful day. It was a beautiful day with his beautiful soon to be wife.

He knew it was real, but he held her tighter anyway, just in case.

"What?" She asked quietly.

"Just making sure it's all still real."

She turned her face to him. He saw her smile. "It's real, Jack. I'm here, you're here, Toby's here…we're here."

"I couldn't think of a better place to be right now."

"Mmm…me either."

"You don't think there could be anything to make this better?" He asked as he poked her side. She jumped and laughed.

"Well, maybe."

"I see it in your bag right now."

"You wanna?" She asked.

"Sure," he said. She smiled and reached down, her fingertips brushing the strap on her bag and she grabbed it. She set it into her lap, mindful of Toby. Jack grabbed the book before she could and he opened it to the bookmarked page.

Dr. Fischer told Renee early on to do things she loved. Renee had always been an avid reader. However, now, her favorite pastime was Jack reading to her. He definitely didn't mind. He actually quite liked it. He didn't even mind the book choices. Yet, he would never tell Renee that. Right now, they were reading Persuasion by Jane Austen.

No, he wouldn't have it any other way. This was definitely the life.

~Fin

A/N: I used the conversation from hour 17 of day 8. I thought it was a big turning point in Jack and Renee's relationship(no matter how short), and I wanted it in my fic(because in my shippy world that didn't happen). She was still unsure, and he wanted her to know that she was indeed what he wanted. And he shows her with an action, he shows her with a kiss. *sigh* I love that scene…Anywho. I took a little bit out, and I added a little bit to make it fit. Thank you all so much for reading! I had a great time writing; I hope that you had a great time reading!