How many times a day do you wish that you were a freaking nocturnal, cuz I do all the time!
Anyways on with the story
(btw, I like, don't own K-ON, so don't sue meh!)
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"Are you serious?" Ritsu asked, mortified by the idea that Mio just suggested.
"Yes, I am. If they're going to be like this forever, they need to be educated!" Mio shot back.
"But they would have to start in, like, 2nd grade! They don't know enough!" Ritsu argued.
"Well, summer just started for most of the schools in the area, so I'll do my best to teach them everything," Mio said. "Besides, Hayley already knows practically everything."
"B-b-b-but, what if they don't blend in well with the kids? And what about their tails and ears?"
"You're pretty influential, get the school to let them wear hats, and they can keep their tails in their pants."
"Isn't it going to look really weird? We're 27 with 14 year old kids! I got you pregnant when you were 13? Oh god, how am I going to face your parents?" Ritsu shouted.
"Ritsu! Shut up! You couldn't have gotten me pregnant because we're both girls! And we "adopted" the three of them! They don't even look like us at all!" Mio retorted.
"Ah, details, details. I still think this is a really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, rea-"
"I get it!" Mio shouted.
"Really, bad idea, but you're in charge of the parenting so… I guess." Ritsu said, with a sigh.
"Really?" Mio said, her face lighting up.
"Yes, you can send them to school…" Ritsu said.
"That's great! We should go tell them the news!" Mio said, excited.
"No, no, just wait thirty minutes, their divulging in human customs." Ritsu said, grasping Mio's shoulder.
"What do you mean?"
"Their watching Shrek," Ritsu said, with a smile. "One of the greatest movies of all time!"
As if on cue, they heard the kids laughing in the other room.
"Haha! Donkey is the best!" Hayley laughed.
"See!" Ritsu said.
"So anyways, Ritsu, we have to figure this out." Mio said. "Are you making enough money to buy some school books from grades 3-8?"
"Of course I am, I'm making like a two thousand dollars every week." Ritsu said, triumphantly. "As long as they don't eat us out, we're good."
"Well then, how about I'll teach them for… 10 hours a day with two twenty minute breaks. We'll start at 5:30 and end at 3:00, and we'll still have weekends."
"Are you sure you can handle all that? And do you really think they can sit still that long? I think 8 hours on weekdays and 6 hours on weekends would be fine. Plus you get 7 more hours a week." Ritsu suggested, taking a seat at the kitchen table.
"But when will I get time to spend with you…" Mio asked, shyly.
"We can just hire tutors, or get one of those cyber school things." Ritsu said, shrugging her shoulders. "I don't think they'd be able to cover that much amount of material in that little amount of time though."
"You're right… we'd have to ask the teachers to move rather quickly… they seem like smart kids though, I think they can handle it." Mio said.
"Alright! Let's test them!" Ritsu said, and walked into the living room. Mio followed her.
Ritsu walked up to the coffee table, grabbed the remote and paused the movie.
"Oi, Ritsu-sama, what was that for?" Hayley shouted, a look of distraught crossing her face.
"Yeah, it was getting to a good part, Ritsu-sama!" Mercutio huffed.
"…" Ritio just stared at her.
"Pop quiz!" Ritsu shouted, smacking her hands together. "2+2"
"4" they all said, in eerie unison, immediately.
"6+12?"
"18."
"2 x 6?"
"12."
"9 x 11?"
"99."
"if x + 12 = 24, what is x?"
"12."
"if 10 + x – y = 37, and y equals 14 what does x equal?"
"41."
"16th president?"
"Abraham Lincoln."
"Capital of Idaho?"
"Boise."
"Capital of India?"
"New Delhi."
"Newton's laws physics?"
"1st, every object continues in a state of rest, or motion, in a straight line at constant speed, unless it is compelled to change that state by forces exerted upon it." Hayley said, picking at her finger nail.
"2nd, the acceleration produced by a net force on an object is directly proportional to the magnitude of the net force, and is inversely proportional to the mass of the objects." Mercutio said, looking bored.
"3rd, whenever one object exerts a force on a second object, he seconds object exerts an equal and opposite force on the first object." Ritio said with a small yawn.
Ritsu and Mio stood in front of them in disbelief.
"How… how do you know all of this?" Ritsu shouted.
"History Channel, Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, and some of Mio-sama's old books." Ritio said.
"I think we should get them assessed," Mio said.
"I'll go call the public high school and get the entrance exams." Ritsu said, with a slightly blank look on her face. "Mio, I couldn't do that until… never. I didn't even know the answer to some of those questions."
"Ritsu, most of those were basic questions, it makes me wonder how you even passed high school." Mio said, with a sigh.
"What are you talking about, Ritsu-sama, Mio-sama?" Mercutio asked, tilting his head to the side.
"We are talking about… school." Mio said, hoping they would receive the news well.
They sat and stared at her for a second.
"What's school?" Ritio asked.
"You idiot, we've been watching TV and all this for so long, how do you not know what school is?" Hayley shouted.
"It's a place were you learn stuff, in rooms full of other people who are also learning things." Mercutio explained.
"Isn't that what we're doing now?" Ritio asked.
"No, Ritio, it's like textbook learning, with a teacher and 20 other kids in the same room, and scheduled time and stuff." Hayley said, rolling her eyes.
"Oh, you mean like on the TV? When all the people of those shows with kids our age go to?" Ritio asked, his ears bouncing up.
"Yes, now shut up, you're idiocy is really annoying me." Hayley groaned.
"Shut up! Its not like I spend all my time reading stupid books and shit!" Ritio yelled.
"Whatever, go take your testosterone somewhere else." Hayley said, waving him away.
"Shut the fuck up, bitch!" Ritio shouted.
"Hey, both of you shut the fuck up!" Mercutio growled. "Ritsu-sama and Mio-sama are telling us something, so we better listen!"
Ritio and Hayley looked at Mercutio for a second before slinking back into their seats, grumbling curses at each other. Mercutio shot them warning glances, and they silenced themselves.
"Ah, who's a mature little boy?" Ritsu said, petting Mercutio's head. Mercutio closed his eyes and started panting, with his tongue out.
"I'm not going to pet you if you do that…" Ritsu said, removing her hand.
"Sorry, instinct," Mercutio said, apologetically.
"It's all good, we just don't want to make the wifey jealous, ya know?" Ritsu said, sticking a thumb at Mio.
"Wha? I am not jealous! I'm just standing here!" Mio shouted.
"Aw, so you're not jealous even when I get stolen by a tall shouta?" Ritsu asked, with puppy dog eyes.
"Ritsu, tall shouta's aren't supposed to exist." Mio said.
"You're avoiding the question," Ritsu said, humor glinting in her eye.
"Well, it's not like your going to be stolen from me right?"
"Oh, some one is quiet modest, aren't they?" Ritsu said, raising an eyebrow with a grin.
"We-well, we are married!" Mio said, turning a bit red.
"She's still like a high schooler, ain't she?" Ritsu said, with a snicker.
"It's better than being a pre-schooler, like someone." Mio huffed.
"You know that saying "girls just wanna have fun", dontcha?" Ritsu said, laughing.
"The amount of fun you have is enough for the entire country of Japan." Mio sighed.
"It's better than having no fun at all." Ritsu pointed out.
Mio just sighed and looked at her, annoyed.
"You know what, whatever, we still have business to take care of." Mio said.
"Oh Mio, I didn't know you wanted to continue last night," Ritsu purred.
"I don't! I mean well… maybe later, but we have things to do right now!"
"So you wanna repeat this morning?" Ritsu said, raising an eyebrow.
"What happened this morning?" Mio asked, confused.
"No, nothing, nothing," Ritsu said, waving the question away. "Obviously it wasn't important enough to make you remember, so it's fine, we'll just finish this."
"Ritsu, what are you talking about?"
"It doesn't matter, I'll just go call the high school and then sulk for a little while, because my wife doesn't appreciate my actions!"
"What on earth… Oh!" Mio suddenly remembered. "You mean when you gave me a massage?"
"How could you not remember, I could see you were tense so I offered you a relaxing massage and she doesn't remember!" Ritsu turned to her and grinned. "Or was it that you were imagining something… inappropriate?"
"I-I-I, no! I mean, well you know, I kinda, no! Uhm, err…"
"Hey, Ritsu-sama…" Hayley said, raising a hand. "Remember we're in here. This is kinda awkward for us three, especially those two, probably fantasizing about it now."
Sure enough, Ritio and Mercutio were sitting there, looking into space with small grins on their faces. Ritsu smirked and walked over in front of them, then snapped her fingers in their faces.
"Ah!" Mercutio gasped. "Wha?"
"Huh?" Ritio just looked dumbfounded.
"Well, aren't you two just a couple of perverts?" Ritsu purred. "If you want, maybe one day I'll letcha watch."
"Really?" Mercutio asked happily.
"Mercutio, shut up!" Ritio hissed.
"Ritsu! Don't tell them lies!" Mio growled.
"But I wasn't…" Ritsu pouted.
"It better have been a lie." Mio said, her eyes glowing a bit.
"But Mio at this age they have to have sex ed- OW!" Ritsu shouted, as Mio's fist made contact with her head. "I thought you were over this "sadist fetish" a while ago."
"It's not a fetish!" Mio shouted. "It's the only way to get you to shut up!"
"You could try "Ritsu, will you please be quiet?"." Ritsu suggested, rubbing the lump forming on her head.
"I have, Ritsu, and it never works." Mio said.
"I said you could try." Ritsu said, with a grin. "I didn't say you would get results."
"Baka!~" Mio shouted, before taking another swing at Ritsu.
It upset Hayley and Mercutio –more Mercutio- to see their beloved Ritsu-sama to be hit, but they had gotten used to it and no longer interfered. They understood at this point that it was merely a sign of affection between the two women, and there was nothing they could do to end it. Besides, Ritsu seemed to enjoy it sometimes.
"Hold on, I am not a masochist!" Ritsu shouted at the kids.
Whoa does she have ESP?
"Yeah sure why not? Dogs turned into kids in this!" Ritsu shouted at the air.
That's because its cool…
"Well, it'd be cool if I had ESP, but nooooooooooo, Ritsu just gets older!" Ritsu shouted, throwing her hands in the air. Everyone else stared at her like she was crazy.
"I'm not crazy!" Ritsu shouted.
Shut up Ritsu!
"Don't tell me to shut up!"
I just did, and I am your God!
"God my ass!"
I created your ass! Well technically Kakifly did, but I created your ass in this.
"Fuck you!"
Fuck you! You know what, hold on… hold on…
-rebuilding the fourth wall-
"Gee, that was weird!" Ritsu said. "Like… I just have an encounter with God."
"More like you were possessed." Mio said.
"Yeah, Ritsu-sama that was weird…" Hayley said, an eyebrow raised in alarm.
"Yeah, yeah, anyways, I need to go make some phone calls for ya kids." Ritsu said, taking her cell phone out of her pocket and walking into the dining room.
The kids looked at Mio, who broke into a cold sweat.
"Uh… so…"Mio said nervously.
"Shouldn't you tell us what school is like?" Hayley said, trying not to roll her eyes.
"Oh! Well, high school… is an amazing place." Mio said, with a smile. "That's where Ritsu and I started the K-ON club at our school, and we made some really good friends, who we still talk to now and again."
"That's where you two hooked up, right?" Hayley said.
"Wh-wh-where did you l-learn that phrase?" Mio said, alarmed.
"TV," Hayley said, with a shrug. "Some teenagers were sayin' it."
"Well… I guess it's fine, you guys are teenagers…" Mio said, trying to remember if she talked like that in high school. "I guess kids do it now-a-days."
"I'm pretty sure Ritsu-sama told us that she used to talk like it to, since we asked her if it was an ok phrase." Mercutio said.
"Yeah, along with "yeah man let's hit that hoe", and "I'm gonna bang you so hard you cant walk for a week!" she said that they were completely fine." Hayley said, laughing because she was the only kid that got it and Mio was turning red all the way to her ears.
"Ritsu!" Mio shouted.
"Honey, I'm on the phone," Ritsu said, her head popping from behind the wall for a second.
"What on earth of you teaching them?" Mio shouted, anyways.
"Ssssh, you're going to interrupt me!" Ritsu said, with a small smirk as she disappeared again.
"What the hell is she thinking anyways?" Mio grumbled.
"You were telling us about high school, Mio-sama…" Ritio said, keeping a straight face but his ears bouncing up and down and his tail wagging in anticipation gave it away.
"Oh… well, you can join clubs and play sports, and excel academically…" Mio started.
All of them made a face at the last part.
"But in two years, you have to start thinking about college, I think. I don't remember if the Americans have four or three years…" Mio said.
The kids made a face again, Hayley especially with a look of disdain, which surprised Mio a bit since she was the smartest.
"But for the most part, it's fun. You'll make new friends, and get to do a lot of enjoyable things for the next four years. My high school years were probably some of the best of my life." Mio said, smiling happily.
"Yeah, especially when you and Ritsu started fu-" Hayley started.
"NO!" Mio shouted, her hand out. "My high school life was still good without the… you know."
"No, Mio-sama, I don't." Ritio said, confused.
"She means, before they started fucking like bunnies, ya know? Screwing, sex, fuck, mating, *ha ha ha*" Hayley said, imitating the panting noise.
"Oh, um…" Ritio turned a bit red while Mercutio had a peculiar look on his face, as if day dreaming. Hayley smirked.
"Perrrvvv~" She purred. Her ears bounced up and down and her tail wagged back and forth in amusement.
Mercutio was to busy fantasizing about god knows what (oh and does she know). Hayley just sat there, cross armed and bouncing her foot up and down on her leg. Mio and Ritio promptly turned red as they realized why Mercutio was out of it.
Finally Mercutio shook his head and mumbled, "I wonder when Ritsu-sama's going to get me that tape…?"
"What… tape?" Mio asked.
"Huh? Ohh uhm…" Mercutio thought for a second. "The one… uh… Looney Toons!"
"Yeah, if Looney Toons involves-" Ritio started.
"Shut up!" Mercutio growled. Ritio just shrugged.
"Involves what?" Mio pushed.
"You and Ritsu, ya know, all the above." Hayley said, with a sly look on her face. Mio turned a strange shade of reddish-blue.
"Mio-sama, are you ok?" Ritio asked, about to jump up and help.
"No, she's just embarrassed and intensely mad at Ritsu, that there just didn't a color that can show up on her face accurately enough." Hayley said.
"Really?" Mercutio said.
"Ready… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… BOOOM!" Hayley said, just as Mio had steam coming out of the top of her head.
"RITSU!" she shouted, storming off into the kitchen.
"What?" Ritsu said, looking around the corner, a look of fear as she saw Mio. "Oh crap! I told you not to tell her Mercutio, it was a joke!"
"What was a joke, huh?" Mio growled, as she reached Ritsu.
"Uh… noth- gwaag!" Ritsu choked out, as Mio lifted her up but her collar. "Haha, look déjà vu…?"
"Ritsu, I'm not laughing." Mio said, with a serious look on her face.
"*cough* yeah, I can, uh, see that…" Ritsu said, turning a bit blue. "Do you think you could *gwaaagc* let me down?"
"I'm not sure yet, maybe I should keep you up there for another 10 seconds." Mio said, a dark aura hovering over her head.
"Or… or, you could just hit me." Ritsu suggested.
"No, I don't think you'll learn if I do that, so I'm just going to chill like this."
"You don't have strong enough arms, you'll have to let me down soon." Ritsu said.
"You'd be surprised, Ritsu."
Ritsu tried to pry Mio's hands away, to not avail. Finally she sighed.
"I didn't want to resort to this, but you made me." Ritsu said. "Hayley, do it!"
"What are you…" Mio said. Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around and saw Hayley wearing a zombie mask.
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Mio screamed, dropping Ritsu and running away into a corner. "I didn't see it, I didn't see it, I didn't see it, I didn't see it…"
"Good job, kid." Ritsu said, fist bumping with Hayley.
"No problem, Ritsu-sama." Hayley said, with a smile.
"Alright, I've got to go comfort my wife…" Ritsu said. Ritsu took a seat next to Mio and wrapped her hands around her.
"Hey, hey, calm down," Ritsu soothed her, running a hand through her hair.
"That was mean Ritsu."
"Well, you were choking me."
"Because you offered to give Mercutio a video of us having sex!"
"I was joking, but I guess he took it seriously. Besides, if he had really wanted to see us that badly, he would've already peeked in our room."
"Oh my god, what if he has?"
"Mio, they haven't alright? I would've noticed."
"Somehow I feel like you wouldn't really do anything about it."
"Well, if their gonna see sex, they might as well see it done right!"
"What the hell does that mean?"
"I mean, you know with the super hot girl, who has super hot moans, who looks even more super hot when she's covered in sweat and panting, with the kinda cool guy giving it to her." Ritsu said, with a smile. Mio turned bright red and hit Ritsu on the head.
"Hey Mio… Let's do it." Ritsu suddenly said, after a few moments of silence.
"Wh-wh-what?" Mio spluttered at Ritsu's sudden words. (I don't know if splutter is actually a word, but Word says it is…)
"C'mon… please?" Ritsu asked.
"Not on the kitchen floor!" Mio hissed.
"Of course not!" Ritsu said, picking Mio up and bringing her into the dining room. "On the table!"
"No!" Mio growled.
"Why not?"
"Because, what if they walk in?"
"They wont, they can hear us from where they are."
"That's not any better!"
"Mio, they're dogs, they can hear us no matter what." Ritsu rolled her eyes. She lowered her voice to a whisper. "Right guys?"
"Yeah!" Hayley shouted from the living room.
"See?" Ritsu snickered as a look of mortification passed on Mio's face. Mio glared at her for a second before pushing her away.
"Oi, what was that for?" Ritsu said, as she stumbled back. Mio hopped off the table and stared at Ritsu for a second, before walking away.
"We'll just have to wait until they're not in the house." Mio said, stubbornly.
"Oh coooome oooooooon!" Ritsu shouted, following her.
"No."
"God, I need summer to end." Ritsu groaned.
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So… just in case you were wondering, here are the kids results on they're tests
Hayley- 100%
Mercutio- 95%
Ritio- 94%
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NEXT CHAPTER SCHOOL STARTS! Making friends and shit, ya know? Sports and shit.
Sorry this took so long guys, there been a lot going on and I had to fix my computer. Its all good for now tho.