Tali sat on a chair overlooking the bed, watching Ashley slowly start to wake up. For a week now, Tali and the rest of the team had taken turns watching over Ashley. Poor Dr. Chakwas had been working around the clock and had almost no time to mourn, let alone think, but she had pushed on with a grim resolve. Ashley's temporary insanity was coming to an end, and she was more lucid with every passing day. Today was to be her last day of being sedated, if everything went well.
Tali sighed as she watched Ash. Her own grief regarding Shepard hadn't yet run its course, but she was ever so slowly coming to terms with it. Since the day she had met him, Tali had had a crush on the Commander. His kind ways, quick thought and compassion had surprised her. Prior to starting her Pilgrimage, Tali had not heard a lot of good things about humans. Shepard had not debunked those stories; he had torn them to shreds. He had formed an almost unbreakable team, including non humans like herself, Wrex and Garrus. Initially uneasy, all of them had come to respect and treasure the man. The human crew of the Normandy, perhaps following his lead, got to know them and begun to treasure them as well. Together, they had forged a team that had achieved what seemed the impossible.
Despite all the chaos, the Commander had taken time to get to know every person on his team. He had bonded with all of them, and considered each of them close friends. He had spent many hours talking to Tali when she was down in Engineering with Engineer Adams, getting to know her better. She had truly appreciated this gesture, and over time had told him just about everything about herself, the quarians and life on the Flotilla. After one of his missions, he had given her some data on the geth that would be very useful back on the Flotilla, and would prove her worth to all quarians. Because of this, his handsome looks and her own young age, she had developed a crush on him. If he knew, he never mentioned it, nor did he treat her any different. Despite her helmet's face visor obscuring everyone's view, Shepard always seemed to find her eyes when speaking to her. It was uncanny; it was something most humans couldn't do. Tali never breathed a word of her crush to anyone, lest they all laugh at her. There was no logic in the idea, yet it was there nonetheless. Tali was powerless to explain it.
Watching him and Ashley get close had given her an unexpected emotion: jealousy. It was sometimes tough to be around them, but Tali eventually learned to move past it. She only hoped that one day she could find somebody to share such a love with, to have such a strong bond that it seemed your very souls were connected. Tali sighed again and started to stretch when she noticed that Ashley was about to awaken for real. She stood up from her chair and moved around so that Ash would see her when she opened her eyes. Ash's eyes popped open, the brown orbs looking so full of confusion it made Tali want to cry. It fell to her to finally crush all of Ashley's dreams and hopes, and never had Tali felt so small and miserable.
"Hey Tali, it's good to see you" Ashley's voice was hoarse from all the screaming, and it was terribly weak compared to the voice Tali knew so well. Tali cleared her throat. "Hey Chief, good to see you awake again. How are you feeling?" "I feel weak and sore, but I should be on my feet again soon. Can't keep a marine down for long!" Tali smiled to see the ghost of a smile on Ashley's lips, it was something at least. "Tali, where is Shepard? I hope he wasn't seriously wounded. Is he nearby?" The way her face lit up when she mentioned his name wrenched Tali's heart all the more. Taking a deep breath, she took Ash's hand and held it. "Ashley, Craig died in the attack after saving Joker. He was spaced, and his suit was leaking oxygen. I am so so sorry, but he didn't make it" Tali's tears started down her face again, just saying the words had reopened the wounds.
Ashley's face twisted in pain, but she didn't start screaming again. Her grip on Tali's hand stayed steady. "This isn't the first time someone has told me is it?" "I'm afraid not Chief, we've all taken turns over the past week. Why do you ask?" "I've been having dreams where I heard people say the same thing, but I just thought it was bad dreams. I guess it was real after all" Tears started running down Ashley's cheeks again, but it was more natural this time.
"Thank you Tali for being here, it really means a lot to me." "My pleasure Chief, although as I said I wasn't the only one. We were all here for you. We all lost a great man that day" "Thank you Tali, and please send everyone around so that I can thank them as well. I suppose Dr. Chakwas will want to see me as well" "I'll be back in a few moments then Ash. Hang in there" With a wan smile, Ashley squeezed Tali's hand once and let go. Tali was no medical expert, but she thought that the worst was over now, and Ashley would slowly start the slow painful road to recovering from this terrible blow.
Ashley watched as Tali left the room. They were obviously on a starship, probably headed towards the Citadel if Ashley wasn't mistaken. Ashley let out a small sob, and the tears kept flowing, but she felt a little better than she had before. Tali's presence had been a comfort, an unexpected one. Craig had once said to her that Tali felt like a sister he never had. For Ash, with three sisters, she understood exactly what he meant, and she had now seen it herself. Thinking about it made her smile softly. He may have been gone, but she fully believed that he would always watch over her no matter what. Commander Craig Shepard struck her as the kind of man who would hold to such a promise, even in death. If he was with God as she hoped, more so than ever. Surely the God she believed in would grant him that small mercy for all that he had done?
Ashley decided to stop thinking about that for the moment and get out of bed. Tali had said she had been out for a week, and she felt that way. Although she had taken no wounds, she was terribly weak and drained. Sitting up took a lot of effort, but Ash pushed through the pain and managed to get there. Swinging the bed sheets back, she slowly lowered her legs over and placed her bare feet on the floor. The floor of the ship was cold under her feet, but she welcomed the feeling as a new sensation. She was just sitting there, catching her breath before trying something more useful when Dr. Chakwas walked in, with the rest of the team slightly behind her. Joker wasn't there, but with his difficulty walking, it was understandable. Then again perhaps he wasn't even on the ship anymore.
It was good to see them again, and she was cheered to see their small smiles. This team had become a second family to her. Ashley reminded herself that they had also lost someone. A leader, a friend, a brother, a commanding officer. In their own ways, Shepard's demise hurt them as much. Ash knew about this kind of pain, it had happened before with her dad, though not this badly. Ashley had loved Shepard as much as she had her dad, and some of the pain came from the fact that he was gone so soon after she discovered true love. For once, things in her personal life had been going well, and she finally had someone she loved and wanted. For once, she had let her dreams come out and had dared to hope for a better future.
Craig had treasured those dreams and had encouraged her to work towards them. He had chuckled and said she had better work extra hard, since he was now a big part of those dreams. With a dangerous glint in her eyes, Ash had looked at him and said "Is that so Skipper?" Still chuckling, he had said "Indeed it is Chief" If he saw the gleam in her eye, he paid it no attention. What did get his attention however was when Ash soundly kissed him out of the blue. He had returned the kiss with interest, until she broke it off. He had chuckled again and murmured that she was indeed a hell cat off and on the battlefield. Ash had blushed and felt slightly annoyed. He had noticed that gleam and read her like an open book! In the end, she had to chuckle as well. Even in something this small, he had shown how much he loved her.
"Williams, it is good to see you up, if not about yet" Garrus' slightly metallic voice said. Garrus and her got on very well together and had often been with the Commander on missions. "Thanks Garrus, it means a lot to me" Similar statements came from everyone, even taciturn old Wrex. Not normally one for showing much emotion, he made a dry comment about her hair that made everyone laugh a little. Small and quickly over, it was at least a start for everyone.
"Once again guys, thanks for being there for me. I know it can't have been easy, and I truly appreciate everything you have done for me. I can't tell you how proud I am to be part of this team. I know that I must look like a mess, hell, I am a mess, but I promise you that I will get better. I won't let the words and works of Craig go to nothing. I mean to see his memory honoured and treasured no matter what. What he did for the galaxy, us and for me is something that can never be repaid. I mean to do him proud"
With a "here here", the team all agreed and slowly left, each one taking a moment to squeeze her arm or whisper words to her. Everyone knew how much Ashley and the Commander meant to each other. Though against the regulations, their relationship had blossomed and it had captivated the crew. On this ship, everyone approved of it. The crew in particular had enormous fun teasing Shepard about it. Ash had seen and heard some of the things they did, and to see him stumble and blush was always funny. Not that she was spared any of the pranks and jibes herself. Well known as one of the sassiest and saucy marines around, she too was powerless to respond to them. It was always good for a laugh.
Dr. Chakwas didn't leave the room. She looked at Ashley, noting how pale and wan she seemed. Still, the fact that she was half out of bed was a good thing. "How are you doing Chief? No lies, I want the truth please" "I won't lie Doc, I am not fine at the moment. I will never fully be ok again, but I will learn to live with it and move forward. This is like when my dad died, though it's different." Dr. Chakwas looked at Ashley and was quietly impressed with her inner strength. Ashley had changed since she came aboard the Normandy. Through her relationship with Shepard, she had come to believe more in herself, be more confident and to express herself more eloquently. "A year ago, if I had never had met Craig, I would be beyond help now, but I'm not Doc. I just need time" "Tell me Ashley, have you ever read the words of the poet Dylan Thomas by any chance?"
Dylan Thomas? The name sounded familiar to Ash, who had read most of the works of the great Earth poets. She shook her head, she didn't believe she had read anything of his. "When you get the chance, look up some of his poems. I am not a big lover of poetry myself, but his works have always stuck in my head for some reason. He was from Wales, on Earth, and was quite well liked" "Thanks Doc, I will do so. It may take my mind off things" "First things first though Chief. Go take a shower and get some food from the mess hall. You need to get some solid hot food in you again. While you were out, we could only feed you liquids, and those are not very fulfilling" "Aye aye Doc," Ashley responded with a small smile. Everyone loved Dr. Chakwas for being so caring and motherly. It was a good trait in a doctor.