Ashley felt her gut constrict yet again with pain and nervousness. She was to speak in front of an audience of potentially trillions of beings and she was afraid that something she said may not be carry over well into other languages. She wasn't good with speeches. On Eden Prime, she had given a small speech when James, a member of the 212 had been transferred. She didn't think anyone had listened. Ashley had chosen a simple knee length dress of the deepest black she could find on the Citadel, along with a simple black scrunchie to hold her hair back. A black blazer completed the outfit. In a rarity for her, she found a nice pair of open toe heels that would be comfortable and yet also fit the dress. In an obscure way, while showing the colours of mourning, she also wanted Shepard to enjoy the sight of her in a dress and heels. It wasn't something she did very often, but she wanted to do this for him.
No doubt he would be smiling that little special smile he gave her from wherever he was. She recalled once saying that he would never see her in a tin foil mini skirt and thigh high boots, something she now wished with all her heart she could do. She just couldn't do this in her official dress uniform, it just wouldn't work. If they censured her, so be it. She was attending this funeral as the love of Commander Shepard, not just as Alliance Marine Ashley Williams.
Ashley did her makeup and painted both her finger and toe nails a pail white/silver mix. It contrasted nicely with the dress without standing out too much either. She put the Celtic cross back around her neck, over the neck of her dress. Ashley heard Tali come into the room and turned to look at her quarian friend. Tali had managed to find black material suitable to replace her usual scarf around her helmet. Tali had learned of the custom of wearing black at funerals from Ashley, and had decided to wear it to show respect for the Commander. "Are you ready Ashley?" "As ready as I ever can be I guess Tali" "Do you know what you are going to say? Did you prepare a speech?" "I've tried to prepare something, but I think I am probably going to speak from my heart today. I did include two poems I want to recite though" "I am sure that will be appropriate Ashley, Shepard loved listening to you reciting poetry" "Thank you Tali, I know he did. I hope that wherever he is today, he will enjoy it one last time"
Tali looked at Ashley and her heart wept as much as her eyes. Ashley was being so brave, but the pain was still there. Having gotten to know Ashley, Tali could see the pain hidden deep, while Ashley tried to be strong. Tali didn't have the courage to try and approach the pain, only Shepard had ever been able to help Ashley past that sort of pain over her dad and gradfather. In that moment, Tali finally understood how much the love between them meant to Ashley and Shepard. It took her breath away with its magnificence, yet also its supreme pain and sacrifice. This was love in its most raw and true form.
Ashley stood up, did one last check, hooked Tali's arm in hers and walked out the apartment. She drew her grief around her like a shield, and people noticed it. They gave them a respectable berth as the two of them walked towards the nearest transport. The ride over to the funeral venue would be quick, or so Ash hoped. She wanted to be seated long before things got busy. She feared her lack of strength to face everyone today.
The funeral was being held in a massive auditorium on the Presidium. It was packed to the rafters with people who had come to pay their respects. Anyone and everyone was allowed to attend, in a show of respect for what Shepard had done. Today, all were equal before a giant of a man. The event was also being carried live on the extranet and all public terminals on the Citadel so that anyone could watch it. The usher at the door guided Tali and Ashley down to their seats in the front of the building. They would be sitting with the Council and Alliance Brass bigwigs today. When Ashley looked at the stage, her heart started bleeding again.
There was a simple brown wooden coffin on the stage, with a podium a few steps away. Atop the coffin was a simple wreath of flowers and a massive photograph of Shepard that Liara had taken a few months ago. She had taken photos of all the crew, alone and together and had gifted them to the relevant crew members concerned. This photo was taken right before one of Shepard and Ashley together, a photo Ashley would keep on her at all times for the rest of her life. "He looks so alive in that photo, I just don't know how he did it" murmured Tali. Ashley had to agree. Shepard looked as handsome as ever, while at the same time dangerous, intelligent, compassionate and brilliant. He was calm and happy, yet also with a lust for life that no one could deny. She liked to imagine that even Saren and Sovereign could not survive that look and had to turn away ashamed. Their crusades of death could not comprehend what Shepard stood for, and so they had been all the more determined to strike him down.
Then there were those green eyes of his, eyes that bored holes through enemies, held compassion for those weaker than him and often pleasure when he learned something new and interesting. For her alone, she would always remember the way those eyes looked at her, weighed her and made her feel very much like she was the perfect answer to the ultimate question. Those eyes that looked at her as the woman behind the soldier and found her desirable. The eyes that looked at her alone and proclaimed their love a million times over. The tears started down Ashley's cheeks seconds later, but she dabbed them up before it could ruin her makeup. The day was still long, and there was much more to come.
The only major difference between Ashley and Shepard was that he was an atheist while she was quite religious. As such, his funeral had no priest murmuring platitudes, no scripture and promises of eternal life. Words though they might be, Ashley wished that she could have heard them here and now. After some introductory speeches, Councillor Anderson had risen to say his piece. He kept it short but meaningful, and had people laughing with his stories of Shepard. The list of speakers continued, including Admiral Hackett and other people Ashley had never heard of. Common people from the missions that Shepard had done also came to speak, giving witness to the compassion and wisdom of the man. Many of these people owed their lives to Shepard, and they were not shy in admitting this.
Eventually it came down to her speech and the closing thanks by his mother, Hannah. Ashley was surprised to hear that his mom would do the speech and not his dad, but she had been told that Shepard's dad couldn't speak in public to save his life. She had wondered about that, because Craig had often given the most amazing speeches. Something had to come from his dad. She hoped to find out one day. Ash heard her name being called softly by an usher. It was time.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I give you a very special person here today. Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams will be speaking on behalf of the entire team that worked with Commander Shepard. Chief Williams has proven herself to be a brilliant soldier and has forever earned out grateful thanks. Ashley?" Feeling a bit flustered by Anderson's introduction, Ash stepped up to the podium. Words usually flowed so easily out of her, but today with all the cameras and recording devices pointed at her, combined with her lack of skill at making speeches, she froze up for a while. Just when it seemed she would never speak, the first words came out, slowly at first, haltingly, but gaining strength with each passing moment.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, Members of the Alliance and Council, my fellow team and crew mates, Mr. and Mrs. Shepard. I have been asked to say a few words on behalf of our team, but I do not know if anything I can say will ever express how we feel. You have heard others speak here of what kind of man Craig, Commander Shepard was. I do not wish to repeat those wonderful words, but rather to add my own few poor words.
In the past on Earth, before we made First Contact, there were many legends and myths of our people. Many of those myths and legends were of people who were heroes. Some of those heroes became a hero by doing the right thing at the right time. Others worked at a simple task their whole life to help better humanity. Commander Shepard was one of these people, but he was of a different kind. He didn't seek out fame, fortune or glory. He simply believed in doing the right thing at the right time. The burdens places upon his shoulders became heavier and heavier with every passing day, yet never once did he falter or complain. He simply went about it in his own quiet reassuring way. He found the time to balance the smallest of missions with the most important ones. People are here alive today because of that.
When I spoke to him about the Skyllian Blitz, he told me that again, he was simply in the right place at the right time. He pulled off the first of many miracles that day, but when I said this to him, he told me that he was never alone. Without the people there who chose to believe in him, he said he would never have succeeded. Teamwork was the key he said, because you are never truly alone in this galaxy. He applied this same principle with our team during our missions. Never before have humans, asari, quarians, turians and krogans worked together like we did. Together, we did the impossible. Divided, we would never have survived. Before I knew him, I was wary of "aliens" as we called them, because they were not of our same species. Working with the Commander showed me just how wrong that view is. Just because we don't look the same, it doesn't mean that we don't have many things in common. Take Wrex over there for example. He will never win a beauty contest, but he is amongst the wisest warriors I have ever seen. He also has one of the best senses of humour you can imagine, but in order to see this, you need to get to know him. Craig did this and he was richly rewarded with not only advice from a wise warrior, but also friendship in the midst of the chaos. Tali, over there, is amongst the most brilliant engineering minds the universe has ever seen, let alone this galaxy. Yet if he didn't take the time to get to know her and instead treated her with the suspicion others do, we would have failed. Her upgrades and modifications to the Normandy saved our butts more times that I can remember.
The lowest point I had the pain of seeing on my journeys with the Commander was Virmire. We lost Kaidan Alenko there, another man who deserves full honour for the sacrifice he made. If it wasn't for him, we wouldn't be here. He paid the ultimate price, and we were all lessened by his absence. The loss of Kaidan tore Craig deeply, as Kaidan was like a brother to him. That day, we learned the truth of what the Commander believed about friendship and standing together, taken to the ultimate extreme. Rest in peace Kaidan, wherever you are.
My speech has gone on long enough, but I want to end off with a point and two poems by Dylan Thomas, a man I feel who has written words better than I ever could dare to dream, let alone speak. My point is that Craig showed us a better way of treating each other. Let us learn from his wisdom and never forget that together as a galaxy united, we can face anything. Commander Shepard was an atheist, but I believe in God. We had many interesting discussions about it, and we respected each other's views. I will say this. If there is a God out there like I believe, I pray every day that he has taken Craig to be by his side, to care for him and to reward with the rest he so richly deserves after serving as such a remarkable protector to this galaxy. If there is no God, then I hope that wherever he is, Craig is looking down on us content and at peace. My poems are as follows, the first one is called "And Death shall have no Dominion":
And death shall have no dominion.
Dead mean naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon;
When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion.
And death shall have no dominion.
Under the windings of the sea
They lying long shall not die windily;
Twisting on racks when sinews give way,
Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break;
Faith in their hands shall snap in two,
And the unicorn evils run them through;
Split all ends up they shan't crack;
And death shall have no dominion.
And death shall have no dominion.
No more may gulls cry at their ears
Or waves break loud on the seashores;
Where blew a flower may a flower no more
Lift its head to the blows of the rain;
Though they be mad and dead as nails,
Heads of the characters hammer through daisies;
Break in the sun till the sun breaks down,
And death shall have no dominion.
The second is called "Do not go Gentle"
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rage at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
At the end of Do not go Gentle, Ashley slowly stepped down off the stage. A lot of people were weeping openly now. The raw power of the words seemed to touch the nerve of a lot of people. Ash silently thanked Dr. Chakwas for mentioning Dylan Thomas. While she had read a lot of poetry, nothing she knew could quite match the raw power or potency of these words. On her way back to her seat, Mrs. Shepard stopped and took hold of Ash's arm and leant in. "I'd like to talk to you after the funeral please; we have a lot to discuss. Can you stay here afterwards?" Ash mutely nodded that she could. She would do anything for Mrs. Shepard.
Hannah Shepard stood behind the podium and closed off the funeral with a her thank you speech. She added a few light hearted moments from her experience of being a mother, which brought sad smiles to many people. After her speech, she signalled to her husband to come onto stage with her. He made his way onto the stage and stood by her side for this closing part of the ceremony. It was something listed as "The Last Post" in the funeral program, a name which wasn't familiar to Ashley, or by the looks of many people around the auditorium, to them as well. Councillor Anderson asked everybody who could to rise as The Last Post was played. He explained that it was an Earth military ritual at the closing of funerals of soldiers who had died with honour. It had fallen out of use a while ago, but he said that Shepard had requested it in his last will and testament.
A lone marine walked onto the stage, near to the empty coffin. He was dressed in the archaic full dress uniform of the marines. Out of time, yet perfectly fitting the nature of the event. He carried a trumpet with him. As he raised the trumpet to his lips, the Citadel Council and a few Alliance leaders stepped up to the stage, carrying the flags of both the Council and the Alliance. As the first note started, the various members began folding the flags into triangles, but their actions were almost unseen as the crowd broke down into tears at the sound of the trumpet. The marine blew out a simple tune, but it seemed to carry the weight and burden of every soldier ever known, the pain, suffering and woe of war, the duty and honour of defending those who cannot defend themselves and above all, the dignity that one solitary person could bring to an entire people. The sound was at once simple yet incredibly haunting.
The Council and Alliance were still folding up the flags; they were almost complete when the trumpeter began the tune again. As the sound of that lonely haunting wail began again, Ash finally broke down utterly and did not see the flags presented to the Shepards, the salutes from the marine pall bearers nor the final exodus of the empty coffin. Her composure had dissolved at the sound of The Last Post, but this time it was not the raw ravaging grief of before, but the quiet agonising acceptance of loss and knowing that it can never be different. Her sobs were quieter than before, but they were far more intense. All the pain, all the grief, all the misery she had ever known came pouring out.
At some point, a pair of arms encircled her, what seemed like the arms of a mother. This was something Ashley needed, and without thought she leaned into it and cried more. A hand was stroking her hair, calming her. Eventually, Ashley got her crying under control and blinked her eyes. The mysterious person holding her turned out to be none other than Mrs. Hannah Shepard. She was resplendent in her dress uniform, but in that moment she was not a high ranking Alliance soldier, she was a mother; a mother who had just comforted the woman who could have been her daughter in law.