Chapter 10: It's been ages since I updated this one! I hope you enjoy reading it and thanks for reading (and your patience--it's been very busy lately) and your comments!

C.J. looked at the food piled high on her plate and poked her fork at it. She loved fried eggs and potatoes having grown up on a ranch, but she found herself working on her third serving. A few minutes ago, she had emptied her plate again but at some point when she hadn't been looking, Dave the cook must have returned with another round because when she turned her attention back to her plate, more eggs and potatoes were on her plate.

Shelli plopped down in a chair at her table, and sighed.

"Busy," C.J. asked.

"Busy doesn't even begin to describe it," Shelli said, "Three whole crews of loggers stopped by this morning. Said they could smell breakfast from all the way down the road."

C.J. looked around her but the Brick had thinned out a bit in the past half hour.

"It looks like it's settling down," she said, "I've been reading Ed's new revisions in his script."

Shelli nodded.

"Yeah, he said he had been lying in his bed last night and just before falling asleep," she continued, "He got a new vision of how it should be."

"Maurice isn't going to like that."

Shelli shrugged in her chair.

"He'll get over it," she said, "He knows how talented Ed is, even if he won't say it."

"He seems to want a lot of control over his movie," C.J. said, "Ed's been meeting with him for the past two hours. They're over at the old theater talking about the premiere and the movie's not even finished yet."

Shelli blinked her eyes.

"Oh that," she said, "Maurice is more into the business end than the art."

"He seemed to want artistic control."

Shelli waved her hand.

"He just says that," she said, "But he doesn't mean it. He'll make a big show about it but he'll let Ed do what he wants."

C.J. nodded, realizing there was a lot about these people she still hadn't learned. Suddenly, Shelli's facial expression changed. She broke out in a huge grin and stood up, holding onto her pregnant belly.

"Holllings, come quickly," she said, gesturing.

He looked up quizzically from the bar.

"What's up Shelli?"

C.J. looked over at the waitress as well.

"Are you okay," she asked.

Shelli nodded.

"Oh Hollings you're going to miss this," she said.

With that, he came right on over to the table still looking at her confused. He had learned that pregnancy brought out unpredictable behavior in women but this took the cake.

"Shelli, what's the matter," he asked.

She answered him by taking his hand and placing it on her abdomen and although he looked perplexed, slowly it dawned on him and he started smiling.

"Is that…"

"Yes baby, that's Hollings jr. moving around in there, wanting to get out," she said.

His eyes widened.

"Now?"

She chuckled.

"No, not right now, but you know like, soon."

C.J. saw how the older man looked at her, with gentleness and love in his eyes, and in his touch as he marveled at the new life within. She felt a pang inside her as she watched them, never feeling more alone. Then she looked up and saw him coming in the door.

"This is going to be you in a few months," Shelli reminded her.

C.J. nodded absently as she saw Matt head towards her.

"I got off the phone with Murray," he started and then looked at Hollings and Shelli.

"She felt her baby move," C.J. explained.

Matt looked at her, seeing that she looked more rested this morning. He looked at the plates in front of her.

"You've eaten breakfast," he noted.

"I was very hungry," she said, "I think it's the clean air. I was getting ready to go meet Ed. He's with Maurice right now."

Matt nodded.

"Yeah I saw them having a rather heated discussion down the street."

C.J. raised her brow, realizing that she had never seen Ed get upset about anything in the short time she had known him.

"You mean Ed got heated?"

"No," Matt said, "He's keeping a cool head. It's Maurice who seems to be upset about something."

C.J. sighed.

"Ed's a very talented film maker and if Maurice just keeps his focus on the business side, this project would go smoother," she said.

Matt noted the tone in her voice.

"It's important to you isn't it?"

"Yes I suppose so," she said, "When I first came here, I was at a loss and I needed something to do that meant something and it couldn't be the law…"

"C.J.," Matt said, "You don't have to explain yourself to me. I'm glad you're working with him."

"It's been a lot of fun," she said, "and it means a lot to Ed to use his talent for the towns people. In a sense, it raised him."

"It takes a village as they say," Matt said, "It's fortunate he had people looking out for him when he was younger."

"His own parents couldn't be there for him," she said, "so the townspeople stepped in."

Matt sat down at the table. Hollings and Shelli paid him little mind, focused on each other having moved to another table.

"A child needs parents," Matt said.

"A child needs a family," C.J. said, "And that can come in many different forms."

Matt thought about that and nodded.

"I didn't have a mother while I was growing up," he said, "But my father tried hard to make up for that."

"I didn't have either parent for very long," C.J. said, "I missed them a lot but my life worked out okay."

Matt smiled at that.

"Okay?" he said, "You graduated first in your class always, even in law school and you became a very successful lawyer."

"You turned out very well yourself," C.J. said, "Professionally I think we've both done very well."

Matt raised a brow.

"Professionally," he said, "But we're both missing in our personal lives."

C.J. frowned.

"I didn't mean it in a negative way," she said, "We both never married."

"We've both been engaged," he pointed out, "I think I actually got far enough to have a wedding date."

"Elizabeth," she said, nodding, "That wasn't too long ago."

"It never would have worked out," Matt said, "She never could accept what I did."

"Houston, it's a tough choice to have to make for a woman," C.J. said, "to see the man she loves walk out the door each morning and wonder if that's the last time she'll see him."

He narrowed his eyes.

"Are we still talking about Elizabeth here?"

"Partly," she said, "But I know how she felt and saying goodbye to you and walking away must have been a very difficult decision."

"I think having our wedding crashed by a psycho killer bent on revenge was the last straw," Matt said, "But I get the distinct impression we've moved on and we're talking about you."

C.J. blinked her eyes.

"What do you mean?"

Matt paused.

"About your feelings," he said.

She sighed.

"What do they matter," she said, "I learned through this that I can't give myself 100 percent to a person and then lose him."

He digested her words for a moment.

"Is that what you did that night," he said, "Why didn't you say something?"

Her cheeks flushed a little bit.

"I didn't think I had to," she said.

Matt couldn't really argue with her. He had sensed the depths of her feelings through the way her lips met his and through her hands on his skin, the way their bodies met. The passion which had risen between them had surprised him although looking back, he should have known.

"No you didn't," he agreed, "I was going to tell you that when I got back."

She nodded, knowing that the chain of events which had transpired once he had left her to get into the departing vehicle had not allowed him to do that. Still, the pain that she had felt when she thought she lost him forever still felt fresh even though he now sat in front of her miles away from L.A. and that night.

"I still feel like that C.J," he said, "Nothing's changed."

She looked up at him, her hair settled on her shoulders and shook her head.

"Everything's changed," she said, "I've changed. Not my feelings about you but whether or not I'm willing to risk them."

"I'm not going away this time," he said, "And nothing's going to happen."

She sighed.

"You don't know that," she said, "You didn't see it coming that night and that can happen again. I just don't think I could go through losing you. Besides I…"

Maggie walked up to the table just then.

"C.J., I think Ed's waiting for you outside," she said, "I saw him with Maurice but Maurice left."

C.J. looked up at Matt.

"I have to go," she said, "He's going to start edits soon and there's more changes to be added in the script."

Matt nodded.

"Okay then, I will see you later," he said, "Are you free for dinner?"

Maggie tilted her head.

"Scrabbles tonight," she said, "Although you could skip the second round of the tournament."

C.J. shook her head.

"No, I actually am looking forward to it," she said, "But it's not until seven."

"I'll pick you up at 5:30 for dinner," Matt said.

She looked at him, silent for a moment and then she nodded.

"Okay, that's fine," she said, getting up and grabbing her things, "I'll see you later."

Matt watched her go and Maggie watched him.

"You've really got a thing for her don't you?"

He looked at her, a bit startled.

"We go back a long way," he said, "We've been friends for years."

She looked at him carefully.

"Yeah, well I didn't see friendship in that look," she said, "But it's cool with me because I like to see people who can get this whole male female interaction thing right."

"What about you and that doctor…"

She made a face.

"Oh you mean Fleishman," she said, "The walking bundle of intertwined neuroses."

"He does seem a bit uptight," Matt agreed.

"He's twisted all up in his own fears and shortcomings, but it's his own fault."

"Is he a good doctor," Matt asked.

She looked at him suddenly.

"Well yeah sure," she said, "Despite all his hang-ups and his whining about being trapped in Alaska, he's a good doctor."

"He's been treating C.J."

"I wouldn't worry about her Matt," Maggie said, "She's doing just fine."

"Do you know what's going on," he asked.

She looked at him and his eyes looked troubled but she had made a promise and those weren't made to be broken.

"You'll need to ask her about that," Maggie told him.

C.J. sat in the small room where Ed often went to edit his film footage.

"This is nice Ed," she said.

He smiled as he spooled the reels on the machine.

"Marilyn's friend helped me find it," he said, "I edit my movies here."

As she watched him finish setting up the editing device to begin his work, she thought about her conversation with Matt and how she had understood where he was coming from with his comments but she still didn't feel like she could tell him about the baby. She envied Shelli and Hollings in their excitement and joy about their impending arrival. She knew she had to tell him. She just didn't know how or even what would happen next. Or how she would handle it if he left again or if anything happened to him.

"I couldn't tell him," she said finally.

Ed nodded.

"About your baby."

"He would be so happy about it," she said, "He's always wanted children but if I lost him…if he left again…"

"And he didn't come back," Ed finished, "You'd be very sad."

"Yes," she said, "I don't think I could go through all that again."

Ed nodded again, without saying anything as he began to thread some of the film from a reel through the device and pushed a button to move it completely on the reel.

"It takes a village," he finally said, "I had many parents, many fathers and mothers. Sisters and brothers, after they found me on the river."

She hesitated.

"Was it hard…not to know who your real parents were?"

He kept his eyes on the moving film.

"I had a spirit guide come to me to help me find them," he said, "But he showed me that my family is here…in Cicely."

She nodded thoughtfully.

"I lost my parents when I was young," she said, "I didn't know my father beyond when I was a child. I want my child to know his or her parents."

"I think that's the best," Ed said, flipping the switch on his editing machine off, "Then he or she will have the best of both worlds rather than being caught in between them."

She looked at him startled at his observation but he focused on his film.

Matt looked up and saw that Joel had entered into Ruth Ann's store where he had come to use the fax machine to get some documents back to Murray in L.A. that he had signed. Murray had shocked when he had resurfaced but had gotten over that the quickest and within a short time, he had handed Matt all his paperwork that he had to fill out for his company. But then that's why he hired him because despite Murray's quirks, he was a great accountant and had filled the shoes that Matt had been all to willing to remove and had done well with his corporation.

"It looks like you're setting up shop here," Joel noted, looking around.

Matt looked up from his pile of papers.

"I have to send some invoices back to L.A.," he said, "I have employees who are handling my agency while I'm gone."

"So you're staying here?"

Matt nodded.

"C.J. feels comfortable here," he said, "So it makes sense and she and I need to work things out between us."

Joel folded his arms.

"Like the shock she went through when she saw that you're still among the living?"

Matt rubbed his forehead.

"Something like that."

"She's a strong woman," Joel said, "But she needs to keep her stress level down so I don't think you should say anything to her that's upsetting."

Matt narrowed his eyes.

"Why do I get the feeling that there's been something you've not been telling me?"

"Because there is," Joel said, "But I'm obligated to respect the privacy of my patients. I took an oath when I became a doctor."

"Is she sick?"

Matt felt his heart sink, waiting for the answer, but much to his relief, Joel shook his head.

"It's nothing like that," he said, "And that's all I'm going to say because I can see that you are very concerned."

"Then what is it," Matt asked.

Joel pointed his finger at him.

"You're not going to make me violate my oath," he said, "So don't even try."

Matt nodded, knowing he wasn't getting anywhere and willing to let it drop…for now.

"Okay," he said, "I don't like that but I can see I have no choice."

"She might tell you what's going on," Joel said, "Then it won't an issue but you might want to give her some time."

"I'm willing to do that," Matt said.

"Good, then that's settled," Joel said, preparing to leave, then he stopped, "But if you do run into her, remind her that she has an appointment tomorrow morning at 11."

Matt frowned, more perplexed than ever but he nodded.

"I'll do that."

With that, Joel left and as he watched him go, Matt knew that something was going on and he was going to have to get to the bottom of it.