Soo, I came back from a loooooong writers' block – and a couple of weeks' vacation too ^^ (no computer access).

CarmillaD: Uy, gracias por los cumplidos! Jaja, y gracias por darme tu punto de vista, sobre todo de los capítulos 3 y 5, ayuda mucho eso porque los lectores siempre ven cosas que el escritor nunca va a ver si no se lo dicen :)

YO TAMBIÉN soy fanática de la amistad entre Duncan y Gwen! ^^ Sabés qué? Yo ya me los imaginaba en el episodio del asesino de la sierra y el garfio, yo me acuerdo que los vi a los dos disfrutando la pelicula y dije… mmm, estos dos harían buena pareja… Por supuesto, en ese entonces yo ni sabía de la existencia de Courtney! (Yo empezé a ver en el episodio en que lo eliminan a Harold)

Disclaimer: I can't believe I've been totally necglecting the disclaimers all this time! But I just watched a documentary on copyright lawsuits, and I'm considerably freaked out, so… TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND/ACTION does NOT belong to me; I do however, own my free interpretation of Courtney's family.

I said on the first chapter this was going to turn out as an AU; this is where it starts.

~The Machine~

# Chapter 6: Thank Goodness #

Two weeks had gone by since Courtney had gotten back on the show, and a lot of things had changed, for the better in Courtney's opinion.

Gone was the hate and jealousy of her former fellow Losers. Present, was that of her actual peers.

Behind was that shameful 'letter incident', which Courtney still kicked herself over, but not so hard now that it was at a far enough distance that she could pretend it never happened.

The important thing was, that she didn't have those doubts anymore. No, she didn't stop to question herself. She didn't have the time to think about that now. And she sure as hell didn't want to, lest she came down from the high cloud of happiness she was currently in.

That's right; because now, for the first time in a long time, Courtney could say she was honestly happy. The thrill of competition was back in her, and she was, after the longest time, back in the right track to succeed.

Getting back on the show had been just what she needed. She was filled with a newfound energy and competitive edge.

She was oficially new and improved Courtney, who needed nobody and got off on her own, who always got what she wanted when she wanted it, and who would eventually win Total Drama Action. Nothing would stand in her way this time— this she had promised herself.

And honestly, when someone is that high up in their bliss, why would they stop and complain about the minimal things?

Why should she care about the fact that everybody seemed to hate her?

Courtney had enemies in the competition, she had enemies back in Playa de Losers, she had enemies in management. She was surrounded by hate.

But that was okay, because she wasn't there to make friends in the first place. And if anything, the fact that everyone was against her would only make it all the more triumphal when she won over them all.

So why should she stop and complain about how she suddenly had trouble sleeping?

Courtney had always been a light-sleeper to begin with, especially when she was competing by day.

And although she had never gotten as little sleep as she currently was, and although she did wonder, why now –Why was she losing sleep, when she was at her happiest? When she was, for the first time in such a long time, on the right track?–, her body seemed to have adjusted to the new regimen, so Courtney didn't dwell much on it.

And silver lining: she was always prepared for Chris' surprise wake-up calls.

The one thing she could complain about –if she were to take a moment in her joy fest to think about it-, was her situation with Duncan.

Before going back to the show, Courtney knew she had to make a decision; because if before, with Gwen lurking around and all the attention turned on them, it had been compelling that she sorted out her feelings for the delinquent, it was so even more now that she was about to actually see him again. She knew she had to make a resolve, and stick to it.

So she had sat herself down, thought long and hard, and finally accepted to herself that she was attracted to Duncan… but that it was nothing to lose the competition over.

And, with this in mind, she had set off.

The first few challenges had gone well enough; anger was what had fueled her during those first weeks. Her mind was still filled with memories of him and Gwen, of the humilliation he had made her go through, and the misery she wanted to make him feel in return. She hadn't hesitated in showing him she knew what he had done and she wasn't about to make this easy on him.

Then a few weeks into the competition, the anger started melting, and she slowly began to forgive him. But she wasn't lying to Bridgette before; this time, when -if- they got back together, it would be on her own terms. And she could see it was only a matter of time until he came begging for her to take him back.

As for her? She was strong on her resolve. Her feelings were like a switch; she could turn them on and off to her liking. She could simply 'forget' her feelings for Duncan long enough to go through a challenge, then bring them back to influentiate his.

So what was the problem, you may ask, if she had such control over herself and everything was going so perfect?

The problem was, plainly and simply, her.

Courtney couldn't shake off a feeling she was experiencing, a feeling very similar to being made of steel. The other's opinion of her didn't get to her; her sleep deprivation didn't affect her; even her ex-boyfriend's attempts at winning her back didn't get to her.

That was the only word she could think of to decribe it; steely. Cold, unyielding, artificial steel.

Of course, she recognized these thoughts as foolish- why on earth would it bother her that everything was perfect? These were mere things she only ever noticed when she slowed down and really thought about things.

Like at lunchtime, when Chris and Chef were running around fixing up stuff for the challenges, and the other castmates ate in the hall, while she sat in the kitchen eating her lobster all by her lonesome. And thought.

Thought about all the setbacks she was finding, that went from the other castmates to herself. And how they wouldn't stop her from winning, because she was still better than every last one of them.

And how, past all the setbacks, she was perfectly happy.

Harold sat alone outside the girls' trailer, tuning out their arguing as he worked something out in his head. He wondered if he was the only one who had noticed Owen's suspicious behaviour—to him, it was obvious, but then again, all the others didn't have his astounding observation skills.

He was toying with different ideas, that went from food poisoning to alien abduction, and writing down on his handy notepad.

Suddenly, he stood up and let out an epiphanic gasp, hoping for an actual epiphany to come to his rescue. When nothing came after a few seconds, he closed his mouth and sat back down. "Nope, nothing."

After several more minutes of thinking, he gave up. The only thing sure to him was that Owen was sabotaging the teams, but he wasn't sure why. He decided to go see what Duncan thought of it. He closed his notepad and left in direction to the boys' trailer.

"Duncan, I need…-" was all he got out before he stopped dead on his tracks by the threshold, eyes wide.

Duncan and Owen were sitting on the floor on the center of the trailer, looking to have been deep in conversation before Harold arrived.

"What is it, Doris?" asked Duncan, clearly annoyed. "We're kinda having a conversation here," he added signalling the space between him and Owen.

And suddenly, it was all clear to Harold.

"You…You…You two are conniving! I can see it now- It's all a conspiracy! Gosh! I'm surrounded by traitors! Surrooouunded!!" Harold exited the trailer screaming, leaving behind two puzzled castmates.

Well, rather, one puzzled castmate and an uncomfortable-looking one.

"Um… okay, that was weird," Owen laughed nervously. "Harold really has no idea what he's talking about, eh Ducan? Yep, he's just one big nutjob… guy. Hey, is that a door?"

"Stop right there, big guy," Duncan commanded, keeping him from slipping away by grabbing the back of his shirt. "You were telling me something, remember? Something important."

"Me, telling you something?" he responded, fiddling with his fingers. "What could I know that would interest you? I don't know anything! Nothing I shouldn't know!"

Duncan hung his head and sighed heavily, about to lose his patience. "You started saying something about Courtney and Bridgette." Owen's jumpiness, naturally, hadn't gone unnoticed by Duncan; but frankly, he could care less about what he could be hiding, as long as he got through with what he'd started to tell him.

Owen racked his brain for the memory, and then it dawned on him. "Oh! That! Oh, you wanted to know about that!" Owen flopped back down on the floor with relief, going back to his carefree self. "Okay, it may just be a rumor, but this is what I heard in Playa de Losers. Apparently…"

--Enter Owen's doodle-like story-telling sequence—

"…Courtney manipulated Bridgette to take her side on the whole Gwen vs. Trent extravaganza."

A Doodly Courtney is seen whispering in a Doodle Bridgette's ear.

"And that's why Bridgette was so mad at Gwen on the two Aftermaths."

Doodle Bridgette is seen yelling at a Gwen Doodle.

"Then Courtney left to Vancouver without telling anyone, and Bridgette got really worried."

Bridgette Doodle is biting her nails.

"Meanwhile, Gwen got to her and told her her side of the story. Bridgette realized Courtney had lied in a bunch of stuff, and when she got back from Vancouver she confronted her. They had a big fight and then Courtney told her the truth."

Courtney Doodle: Bridgette, I never cared for you. I was only using you to have someone stand up for me 'till I got back on the show, and now that I have, you're no longer of any use to me.

"Bridgette was sad, but Gwen consoled her and now they're friends again. That was why Bridgette wasn't there to say goodbye to Courtney when she left."

--End Owen's doodle-like story-telling sequence—

"Wow," said Duncan, taking in the new information. He had actually wondered if Courtney had been able to keep her only friend from the show, or if her brand new attitude had awarded her everyone's estrangement.

If what Owen said was true, then that answered his questions, and it also meant that he wasn't the only one that had noticed Courtney's change. It wasn't just him that was all crazy paranoid because his sort-of girlfriend was changing on him, it was everyone that had noticed something was wrong with her. And that fact alone changed a lot of stuff.

He shook his head, leaving those thoughts for later. "So, uh, what was she doing in Vancouver?" he asked in an attempt to keep the conversation going.

"There are different versions," Owen answered. "Most of us think she went to watch her final trial, or supervise her lawyers or something. Ezekiel has a theory that she ran away for a while to unwind," he chuckled, "And then one of the interns came up with the story that she had fired her lawyers and went up against Chris herself. But how likely is that?"

Duncan didn't return the laugh. "So she left without telling anyone?" That wasn't like her, but then again, he would have thought a lot of what she'd done on the last two weeks wasn't like her.

"I think she left a letter," Owen said, digging up the memory. "But it was strange and left Bridgette even more worried, for some reason. She didn't let anyone else read it, so I don't know." Owen finished the story and watched Duncan's reaction attentively. Despite everything, he considered the punk a friend; and though he wasn't a big fan of Courtney, he was a fan of Courtney and Duncan together.

"That's messed up," Duncan said lamely, in order to fill the silence. In reality he was deep in thought.

Owen got up. "Well… I'll leave you to think. And I suposse I should go talk to…–No not Chris! W-what would make you think that!" he laughed nervously, turning fidgety once again. Without more ado, he left the trailer in a hurry, presumably to not go talk to Chris.

Duncan barely noticed at all.

He stayed motionless for a few moments, as if considering something. Then he got up and went to his bed, sat down, and dug under his pillow to take out one of his most treasured, secret posessions; his picture of Courtney.

It was a simple portrait of her in her everyday outfit, with her regular perfect brown hair, and smiling her usual cute, deceivingly innocent smile. He had gotten it one day in Playa de Losers, when they were looking at some pictures she had brought from home, because he wanted to see what her family looked like.

Duncan had asked her for this picture, alledging every guy should have at least one picture of their girlfriend. She had smiled evilly, brought her face close to his, and whispered that that was great, but that she was not his girlfriend.

He had simply snatched the picture later on.

He was almost positive she knew he had it –Courtney held all memories as something sacred, and that of course included photographs; besides, with her natural neatness, she must've known she was missing one of her belongings-, but she had never told him anything, which Duncan considered as her way of allowing him to keep it.

And now, whenever he was alone in the boys' trailer, he couldn't help but to take it out and just look at it… drowning in memories.

Yes, he knew it was pathetic. It was as if he was the soldier fighting some war in a country far away, and she the wife he hadn't seen in years; instead of her being just a couple of feet away, and seeing her every single day. Still, the distance was the same; not physical, but emotional.

Ever since she had come back to the game, twice as cutthroath, ruthless and competitive as in the first season, she had been nearly irrecognizable to Duncan.

Because, it wasn't like she hadn't always been difficult. And proud. And a master at crushing his spirits.

But now… now she was simply out of control.

She was using her lawyers to get her unfair privileges. She was paying no mind to the fact that everybody hated her. She was distrustful, agressive and unyielding. She was even using his feelings for her as a tool to get further in the game.

And then there was the whole Justin deal, the way she was leading him on on the princess challenge. Duncan would never say it, but he found that course of action slutty; almost as if she had become a new Heather.

Was this the same girl that had teamed up with him to steal food from their evil dictators that fateful night? Who had thrown all preconceptions out of the window to let loose for just one night? The same girl whose world he thought he'd changed?

He couldn't see the Courtney in front of him right now and see her as that person. He couldn't imagine This Courtney keeping a wooden skull just because he had made it for her and he couldn't imagine This Courtney proclaiming she would never forget him, at the top of her lungs to the whole viewing audience.

Duncan didn't want to think he had misjudged her in the past. No, he preferred to think she had changed now, and that she could go back to they way she was.

And Duncan –completely oblivious to the general opinion that he was trying too hard on Courtney and that he was too good for her and that she didn't deserve him and such- thought he wasn't trying hard enough.

Deep inside, he had the certainty that all it took to get her back to the way she was –the way they were-, was a little extra effort on his part; that would do the trick, and the one thing that kept him from doing it was his pride.

And he was perfectly concious of that; his pride wouldn't let him beg Courtney, even if it would fix his relationship with her up.

Duncan's eyes widened as he heard someone approaching outside the trailer. He quickly tucked the picture safely under his pillow and waited. Whoever was outside had now walked away, and Duncan concluded it had been an intern. He let out a breath, relieved, and looked down.

Was it really pride, or was it fear that he may do his best, exhaust all his tactics, and she still wouldn't come around?

He took the picture halfway out of its hiding place.

Duncan would never say it outloud. But all he ever really wanted was for things to be the way they used to.

Harold entered the girls' trailer just as he had exited the boys': screaming bloody murder. "Owen's a traitor! Owen's a traitooooor!"

"Hey, don't you knock? This is the girls' trailer!" Courtney chided, jolting up from her top bunk bed.

Beth also looked up, annoyed, from her bottom bunk on the opposite side of the trailer. Both girls had finished arguing and broken off their alliance a few minutes ago, and now they had been giving each other the silence treatment, until Harold barged in.

"Owen's a traitor!" the redhead continued, undisturbed. "And now he's sucked Duncan into his web of lies! We have to vote him off!"

Courtney jumped out of the bed. "Harold, what is this nonsense about? And what did you say about Duncan?"

"Owen's sabotaging that challenges, I'm sure of it!" he told her, as Beth also rose and joined them.

"And how do you draw that conclusion?" Courtney methodically, skeptic at his claims but also not wanting to miss out on any bit of information.

"He was the only one out of my sight when the spaceship window broke. I'm convinced he broke it," he said.

"Just because you didn't see him?" Courtney asked skeptically. "Don't you think it's more likely that- oh, I don't know, Chris broke that window?"

"Impossible. We were on the air at the time, and he was far away, he couldn't have reacted so swiftly." Harold retorted immediately. "Besides, my nun-chucks disappeared after that and later I found them outside the ship. They were obviously what was used to break the window, and I had them with me at the time, so somebody inside had to throw them out."

Courtney paused and considered this. "Is that all the proof you've got?" she asked finally.

"Well no, I've noticed him acting strange for days. Ever since he came back even."

That last sentence triggered something in Courtney's brain. She stored it in the back of her mind to revise later.

"You know, Owen is my friend," Beth spoke up. "And I would never, ever think ill of him… but how could I doubt you when you get all detectivesque, Harold! If you say we have to vote him off, I will!" she finished in an adoring voice, attempting to draw him in with what she thought were flirty eyes.

It had the opposite effect, and Harold's eyes suddely grew large and reflected the instinct to get the hell out of there. "Uh, okay. Great," he said as he hurredly retreated. "Think about it, Courtney!" he finished before he slammed the door.

Courtney had already turned his back on them when Beth started 'flirting'. The shorter girl turned to her with a beaming smile. "I make him so nervous!" she said in a surprised tone.

Courtney rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "Are you actually going to vote for Owen?" she asked, taking advantage of the fact that she seemed to have forgotten she was mad at her, and also to get her to stop talking about her new crush.

Beth laughed. "Nah. Didn't you hear all the stupid things Harold was saying? I just said that so he'd feel he was my hero. Sometimes, you gotta butter guys up," she said expertly.

If Courtney didn't have so much class, she would have taken her finger to her mouth and pretended to gag, instead of just shaking her head like she did at the other brunette's 'relationship advice'. Seriously, she could not conceive how someone could be that deep in denial.

After Harold's interruption, the girls went back to minding their own business. Once back on her bed, Courtney remembered the thought she had stacked away and tried to summon it.

What had Harold said…? Oh yeah, something about Owen's return. Courtney remembered that when Chris had said Owen had filed a lawsuit against the show just like her, that had sounded strange. She hadn't pegged him as that kind of guy; no, he didn't have the guts.

What if Harold was right? What if Owen was sabotaging the other contests? What if he was part of a plan of Chris' they didn't know about?

Courtney glanced at her PDA, an idea forming in her head. After a moment's consideration, she grabbed the device, jumped out of bed and exited the trailer, before Beth could ask her where she was going.

Once outside, she punched a number she knew by heart and waited for someone to pick up.

"Fleckman," said the man on the other end.

"Fleckman, it's Courtney," she answered. "I need you to look into something for me. And keep it subtle- if you know what I mean."

"Castmates, cast your votes."

The characteristic tension of the Gilded Chris ceremony hung in the air as the contestants voted.

Courtney was about to vote, when she noticed the camera turned right on her. "Back off! There's a reason this is called secret voting people." And then made her vote.

Up on the stage, Chris got the results. "And the gilded Chris goes to…" he started. "Beth."

"Yay!" Beth cried as she received her award.

"Duncan."

Duncan smiled as he was tossed his Gilded Chris.

"Aaaand…" Chris continued, watching his victims' expressions.

Harold was shivering and had his hands over his ear, not wanting to hear anything.

Courtney sat with her eyes narrowed, arms crossed, and her body completely still.

Owen sat uncomfortably, eyes darting around, wondering if word had spread about his position on the show.

"Courtney!" The brunette received her award with a satisfied smile.

"Sorry, Harold," Chris said, not looking sorry at all. "Your lame-o-sine awaits."

The host then lowered to escort the sulking redhead to the vehicle. "But, Owen's the traitor!" he protested.

"Oh, I'm gonna take care of that in a second," Chris said as Chef pushed Harold headfirst into the lame-o-sine.

"I'll wait for you Harold!" Beth cried out.

Harold directed his eyes to the sky. "Haven't I suffered enough!?"

Owen approached the host. "Uh, Chris? I think you forgot to give me my Gilded Chris."

"I don't think so Owen," Chris said. "You've been fired."

"What?" the blonde cried. "Bu-but- I thought you said it didn't matter Harold knew!"

"I said we were fine as long as Courtney didn't find out. Now we have all the weight of the law over us! And I can't risk another lawsuit," he said through gritted teeth. "So you get. Inside. That. Limo!"

By the way Chris' eyes were popping out of their sockets, Owen didn't dare disobey him, and quickly enter the vehicle, offering a cheeky grin. Chris slammed the door after the two eliminated contestants, and then turned to the camera with is regular smile on.

"And so we go from the final five, to the final three! Tune in next week for the most dramatic episode yet of Total. Drama. Action!"

"Well whaddya know? Harold was right," Beth commented as she and Courtney entered the trailer together, already in their night clothes.

"I did know," Courtney remarked. "I'm the one who got Owen kicked off."

Beth gave her a weird look. "But I thought you voted for Harold."

"Oh I did," she said, assuming a proud stance. "But I had my lawyers investigate Owen, and they comfirmed my suspicions: he never filed a lawsuit against the show, Chris had him come back. I confronted Chris about it, and told him I'd tell everyone if he didn't do something about it. Then I voted for Harold, and voilá- two contestants, out of the way." She finished her story with her head held high and a superior smirk.

She opened her eyes when she received no answer, and saw Beth sitting on her bed looking deep in thought. "Beth?" she demanded. "Are you listening to me!?"

Beth looked up, with worried eyes. "Do you think I'm making a mistake?" she asked.

"Excuse me?"

"Going for Harold. Do you think it's worth it for me to leave Brady?"

"Oh dear God," Courtney breathed, turning to climb to her bed.

"I mean, what if I'm doing the wrong thing?" Beth continued, jumping out of the bed. "Like, oh my God, he's gonna watch the episode in a couple of days! He's gonna think I don't love him anymore! Courtney, I need to call him, can I use you PD-"

"No you can't use my PDA!" Courtney snapped, whipping her head around. "I am not letting you use my real credit to call your fake boyfriend!"

Beth stepped back, looking up at the CIT as she flopped down on her bed, giving a huff. The geeky girl then lowered her head, gave a short sigh, and turned around without saying anything.

Courtney raised her head curiously to peer at the suddenly quiet girl. She looked truly troubled as she went slowly in direction of the door to turn off the lights. The CIT shrugged mentally, ceasing to care, and lay her head back on her pillow without closing her eyes. She was staring at the wall of the trailer when the lights went out, and the room became another in the darkness.

Courtney listened to Beth's barefoot steps on the floor, and then the creaks of her bed as she climbed on it; and envied how in a few minutes, she would be far away in Dreamland.

Courtney always considered that her clearest moments were at night. Simply because the day was already over, and you could look back on the events with objectivity, and chances are that you won't even remember your thoughts in the morning.

It was during this time that Courtney's mind started replaying the happenings of the day; bringing forward every possible mistake she had made throughout the day and tearing it to shreds with reprimands, until she caved in and swore to herself that tomorrow she would be a little bit more perfect.

She was so used to it that she didn't even fight it anymore.

She found it had become more frequent and sterner than ever before since she had come back to Total Drama Action; nowadays, her thoughts were so loud and raw that they made it hard to sleep.

Courtney stirred, trying to clear the noise, but in doing that, she suddenly became concious that the noise wasn't coming from inside her head.

Her eyes shot open and she rolled over, propping herself up on her elbow. Her eyes comfirmed what her ears had heard a seconds ago; Beth was sobbing.

The girl had her eyes shut, but spams raked through her body, as she tried to sob and inhale from her runny nose at the same time, creating a wet-sounding effect.

Courtney watched the pitiful scene in bewilderment. She deduced the girl was just letting off some steam, but still; the fact that she was openly bawling when she knew Courtney could hear her… that finished convincing the CIT that her roommate had no self-love or sense of pride whatsoever.

Courtney returned to her original position, trying to block out the noise.

Half an hour later, the crying had thankfully subdued. But Courtney still couldn't sleep.

During that time, she had gone over all the happenings since the first Aftermath show, she had thought of the reasons why Beth might've been crying, and she had at one point wondered how Bridgette was doing… and she still could not manage to fall asleep.

Courtney heaved a sigh, feeling suffocated in her sheets.

She wasn't just tired. She was tired and frustrated trying to fall asleep, tired of tossing and turning over and over again, tired of the nights growing longer and longer.

Sometimes she wondered if she did this too herself, all the sleepless nights. This torture to herself, this… saboaging herself.

It wouldn't be anything new, either. Oh no, this was older than time.

It was in school when she signed herself up for a dozen extra-curricular activities, and then stressed over having too much to do in such little time. It was in New Year's when she made herself a list of unrealistic resolutions, and then hated herself for not achieving them. It was every single day when she acted mean to other people, thus making herself be hated.

She finally opened her eyes and sat up on her bed. She took a deep breath, feeling her chest was too small for all the air she was trying to take in, and ran a hand through her hair.

Twisted. Everything about her was messed up, ruined or twisted. She didn't know what was wrong with her, nor did she have the energy to try and find out anymore.

She looked at Beth's fast asleep form below her.

She really just wanted to feel alright again. Then again she had no idea how to make that happen.

Courtney considered exiting the trailer, considered staying out on the forest and waiting for sunrise, skipping on trying to fall asleep altogether… but the instinct won; she knew she'd regret it in the morning, when she was tired and less productive.

So she crawled back under the covers with slow reluctance, back to the darkness where she couldn't hide from her thoughts.

-Yeah, I changed the other of eliminations so I didn't have to make an extra challenge.

-The first and the last part, were they too rant-ish? Did you read it complete or just skimmed through it?

-Detectivesque. Did I invent that word?

~The Lighthouse