So, let me start out with a special thanks to "Miss Heather" who was my first and only reviewer, even though I got 55 hits on the story in my first two days.

*gives immense guilt trip and glares*

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and once again, thank you Heather, because I don't think id keep writing if I hadn't gotten at least one review!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. However, I own Femi-Nazi Bella.

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It wasn't easy to leave Phoenix.

I wasn't sad, no. It wasn't emotional.

But I couldn't exactly get on the road with my mother practically clinging to my leg and making me drag her down the pathway

It didn't help.

I had everything loaded into my truck, the new c.d player Phil had installed for me was well stocked with everything from "Animal Collective" to "Nat King Cole".

I was ready for the nine-hour drive to L.A, to Rose and Alice, and to new beginnings.

'Here's to hoping it doesn't end in a fiery inferno of cheating bastards and disaster!'

Renee was sobbing now, holding me in a vice like death grip that wouldn't be pried off with the Jaws of Life.

"Mom. I love you, and I'm going to miss you, but I really, really have to go."

"I know honey," she sniffled, finally letting go and putting her hands on my shoulders. She was looking me in the eyes in that perceptive way only mothers can, searching for something. An answer perhaps? To see if the reason I had told her I was leaving was true?

It made me uncomfortable, and my eyes shifted away, darting nervously to the side.

"Sweetheart, I-"

"Mom." I cut her off. "I'm fine. I told you, it's just… I need to start anew. That's all."

"That's all?" She was smiling softly now, her eyes twinkling with tears.

"Yes. And I have to go now. I can't get on the road too late. Traffic, and whatnot."

I was shocked to find that my eyes were stinging and my throat was feeling as if I had a particularly large golf ball lodged in it.

Was I being emotional?

No, never.

Yes.

"Okay mom. I love you," I called to her as I climbed into the truck, the suspicious feeling of tears that I hadn't felt since Jac- since..certain incidents, was coming back.

"Tell Phil I love him too."

My mom waved from the sidewalk as my truck roared to life and I took off down the road.

It was going to be a long drive, and to be quite frank, I was terrified. I hadn't been truly, truly alone with no distraction for a long time.

It was just me and my thoughts now. It shouldn't have scared me, but it did. I had never truly thought, in depth about what had happened with Jake.

God, it even sucked to think his name.

I had always been the girl who knew when she would be in love. I would read romance novels and sure, they were good, but I would scoff internally at the heroine who could never make up her mind.

'It can't be that hard,' I would think, 'To know when you're in love.'

And then I found myself in the situation with Jake. It was as if all that scornful thinking caught up with me in the end.

Because, when I found Jake, I thought well, here's this guy whose absolutely great, he makes me happy, and he's not too bad in the sack.

I'm in love, right?

Right?

I had been pretty sure that I loved Jake, I had been pretty sure I was in love with him.

But when I walked in on him and Jessica, I realized something.

Because while I felt many things,

Disgust, Anger, Hurt, Betrayal, Confusion.

I just didn't feel that inevitable heartbreaking, Earth shattering pain that should've come from being betrayed by the one you were in love with. I didn't feel it. I hated him sure, but not because I couldn't live without him and he had done this to me.

No, I hated him because he made me doubt myself.

Which led me to the conclusion that while I loved him, I wasn't in love with him.

I never was.

Who knew this shit could be so confusing?

I couldn't help but have all these thoughts racing through my head as I drove onward to L.A. And while Jacob hadn't exactly been my entire life, he had been a big part of it.

And suddenly having thisgigantic revelation as I was trying to start anew was disconcerting, to say the least.

I pulled quickly into the next gas station and got out of the truck in a fury.

I was shaking, I realized with somewhat suppressed horror.

That bitch of a dog had me fucking shaking.

It was just too much, to suddenly unearth these thoughts and feelings all at once, the feelings I had been suppressing just fine until now.

How could all this be coming out as I'm trying to run away from it?

The thought made me laugh out loud.

So I finally admit I'm running away from something, not running to something.

Perfect.

I walked inside the station to get something completely unhealthy, some sort of junk food.

I paused in the drinks section, briefly considering a strawberry something or the other, definitely alcoholic.

No, no that was stupid. Drinking while driving? I've only got four hours to go, with my coordination and my truck, I'd take out at least seventy people.

But…it does sound awfully good….

No! No! Stupid Bella!

I literally scoffed at myself as I walked on, grabbing a Monster and a bag of chips. I stocked up on Hershey's with Almonds and walked up to the counter.

As I put my items on the counter, my eyes caught on the display of cigarettes behind the old lady ringing me up.

This was an adventure, right?

I had never tried smoking, but it was supposed to relax.

And lord knows I needed to relax.

But what kind? I'll go with what looks safest.

The woman had just finished ringing me up.

"Actually, can I get a pack of Menthol lights? And a lighter, please."

I walked outside with my things, somewhat excited with my new sense of adventure.

I knew I was probably going to cough up a black lung and I really didn't want anyone to hear my choking.

I walked around to the side of the station and fumbled while I opened my cigarettes. I took out the first little white tube and put it in my mouth. The lighter was another story.

I really didn't know how to turn on a lighter. Like, at all.

Well shit, I didn't get this far to come away with nothing. I flicked and flicked, and finally, I was so ridiculously frustrated that I cursed and flung the lighter down.

"Can I help you with that?"

turned around to see that the smooth voice with a slight twang belonged to a good looking man. He had a cowboy hat on, he was tall and lanky, and his grey eyes held a mischievous twinkle. I could see curly dirty blonde hair peeking out from his hat.

I was suddenly nervous, not because the man made me uncomfortable, but because I really did not want my first time smoking to be in front of a stranger who would probably laugh at my hacking.

"Well…" I said, somewhat nervously, "I just, it's just- eghbluh."

Oh, eloquently put Bella. Well done.

He smiled calmly and bent down to pick up the lighter.

"Lemme guess ma'am. First time smoker?"

I turned an unattractive shade of beet red and mumbled incoherently.

Well, shit. Psychic.

"I kinda guessed when you couldn't work a lighter. That's a somewhat crucial part of smoking."

He smiled again and held the lighter up.

"If you still want to try…"

I laughed a little, realizing that I probably looked a little bit more than stupid.

"No, I- I guess I don't."

He gave me an inquisitive look , cocking his head to the side.

"What I would like to know, is why you suddenly decided to take up smoking here in a gas station parking lot? Don't most people generally start early at a tween party with their inexperienced friends?"

I smiled a little and chuckled at my foolishness.

"Yeah, I.. I guess so."

"Is something wrong?" He looked confused, but also kind, like he wanted to help. This was nothing more than a kind stranger. Not a lifeline sent from God so I could figure out my sordid affairs.

I realized then that I didn't know his name.

"I'd like to know your name." I fumbled with my pack of cigarettes.

"I'm Jasper. Jasper Whitlock." he reached out his hand, and I met his with mine, shaking enthusiastically.

"I'm Bella. Bella Swan."

I looked at my phone, realizing I needed to go if I wanted to beat traffic.

"Well, it was nice to meet you Jasper. Thank you for helping me out."

He smiled again and tipped his hat.

"You're welcome Miss Swan." He handed me back my lighter and I gave him a final smile before I climbed into my truck.

As I drove away, I looked at him in my rearview mirror. He was hot. Very hot. I should've asked him for a quickie in the backseat.

I snorted to myself. Not that adventurous Bella.

I was actually enjoying the quiet drive, it was going quite a lot faster than I had imagined.

Muse was blaring from my CD player and I was singing along when I heard the sound of my nightmares.

The spluttering of my engine.

No. No. This can't be fucking happening. No. Shit. Shit.

My truck was finally giving out, here on the highway, thirty fucking minutes from LA and it was fucking cold outside.

I pulled over to the side of the road and sat there in silent disbelief as my hood started to smoke quite violently.

Only to me. This shit would only happen to me.

I mean, come on. New beginnings. This is what I was driving away for. A fresh start.

Is this a goddamn omen?

Well, shit. I'm fucked.

I tried to start the car again, desperately turning the key in the ignition with more and more force until finally, the key broke.

Snapped cleanly in half, just like my sanity.

I laughed out loud. One of those, I'm going to laugh hysterically because this moment is so comically fucked up that I cant do anything but giggle like a hyena on amphetamines.

I sat in my dead car with half of a key in my hand and I laughed. I chortled. I giggled. I guffawed, and ha-ha-ha'd and he-he-he'd until I was in tears.

I don't know the exact moment when it changed into hysteria.

But suddenly I wasn't banging the steering wheel out of mirth, I was banging it out of frustration, and I was crying hysterically for everything. For the three years I wasted on Jacob. Because I wasn't in love. For the doubt I now carried around with me. For the betrayal, the shot at my self esteem, the image of my best friend doing that to me.

I cried because I knew I was running away from something and it made me angry that I was being a coward. I cried because I didn't know what was going to happen in L.A and I fucking hated uncertainty.

But mostly I cried because I hadn't let myself cry in months.

When I was done, I threw the half of my key into the cup holder and sat in my seat calming down until I pulled out my cell phone.

I was beginning to think that with my luck, it wouldn't work, or it'd be dead, something equally sitcomish like that. But it was fully functional when I flipped it open and dialed Alice.

"Alice," I sighed in relief when she answered. My voice was still hoarse and I cringed at the sound.

"Bella?" she asked, and her voice instantly made me feel better. It was so musical, everything she said sounded like a song.

"Alice, my fucking car broke down. I'm thirty minutes from L.A. I'm on Highway 501."

I could tell she was suppressing a laugh, and an 'I told you so'. How many times had she told me that my shithole of a truck was going to die on me when I least expected it, only for me to reply that 'Old faithful Mauve wouldn't do that to me."

"So Mauve finally kicked the bucket?" Her wind chime laugh sounded in my ear but it sounded like a blender because of the headache that was currently developing in my ear.

"Yes. Alice. I need you to pick me up."

"Well, Bella, I'm kind of busy as of now, so I'm going to have to send my cousin."

"I don't care who you send, just make sure they get here fast." I sounded like a bitch and I knew it but this was so fucking ridiculous I couldn't help it.

"Okay Miss Bella, I need to go finish up with a client here, so just wait. I'll see you in an hour."

"Bye, Alice."

"Love you, Bell!" and she hung up. I sat in the truck, growing increasingly frustrated as I contemplated my situation.

I eyed the cigarettes sitting next to me. I could do this, dammit. I could.

I flicked the lighter, growing more and more determined.

I had never been so happy to see that tiny little flame.

I quickly pulled out a cigarette and flicked the lighter again. The little fire appeared like magic. I was nervous, sure, but it was now or never.

I inhaled quickly, too quickly.

I felt that I had somehow sucked in a rabid badger who was very quickly clawing up my lungs.

I coughed and hacked and coughed until there were tears running down my face. When I finally calmed down, I eyed the stoke warily.

Did I dare do it again?

Of course I did.

The second drag was easier, and I took it in stride. I took drag after drag until it was just the butt, which I then flicked into the street.

I hadn't anticipated how potent the relaxation would be. I felt so light headed, I was floating and stress free. It felt great, and I just laid back and enjoyed the sensation.

I decided one more couldn't hurt, so I took my time with this second cigarette.

I laid back and felt so relaxed I almost fell asleep.

"Bella?" A gruff voice asked. I looked up, startled to see a man with bronze hair, peering in. I opened the car door and his perfect nose wrinkled in distaste.

"You smell disgusting."

Aw. This was the start of a beautiful friendship.