Double update! Don't miss the previous chapter :)

~The Machine~

# Chapter 11: Duncan In The Forest #

A couple of hours had passed, and Duncan had managed to convince himself that the girls were already back at the film lot, and that he was the only one left out here. He probably was, too. And they were probably all taking a nap, Chris and Chef included… all together, clad in pajamas and sleeping hats, in matresses shaped like fluffly pink clouds that when you pressed a button posed up in the air while they played soothing music…

Duncan shook his head again, slightly alarmed. What had he been thinking just now?

Has he seriously been imagining a cliché ideal sleeping scene? Maybe he had momentarily fallen asleep while walking and hadn't realized it.

Duncan's apprehension grew; alone in the forest was not a good setting to be getting hallucinations.

He was beginning to regret ever trading roads with Courtney. Not that he wasn't glad that she was safe and sound in her trailer, but he deserved it more than her. Hey, he was the tired one! She didn't even look tired! …If that wasn't too selfish.

Like she can talk about selfish, was the thought that crossed his brain before he could filter it.

He shook his head again, but didn't contradict his thought. Courtney was selfish by nature. She sometimes tried to disguise it to be more agreeable to others, but when it came down to it, she was a selfish person. He knew that, and he didn't mind it. It was just part of who she was, and he wouldn't change a thing about her.

Not because he thought she was perfect already or anything like that, but because, strangely enough, he knew that if he tried to change things about her, if he tried taking away her flaws, she would no longer be the girl he loved.

No, he wouldn't change her if he could.

Not like she was trying to change him.

The thought made him stop dead in his tracks, a scowl consuming his features. He suddenly felt the urge to kick something. He turned to a nearby tree and delivered a front kick to the trunk, letting out a growl and not feeling at all relieved afterwards.

It was true; that he couldn't deny. But the thought bothered him more than he thought it should have. Why did it rile him up so much, so bad that he had to take it out on a tree?

Duncan tried hard not to think about it… but he couldn't repress the feeling of wrong that overcame him every time he thought of him and Courtney.

What was wrong with him? He had just gotten the girl he wanted… why wasn't he leaping in joy (inwardly, of course) like he thought he would be?

Duncan ran a hand through his face, in an effort to clear it from drowsiness, and attempted to answer himself.

Their relationship… just wasn't the same anymore. Courtney wasn't like he remembered.

Everytime she taked to him, he felt like he was like a toy to her. Whenever they were together he felt like he was trapped on a box so little that he could barely breath. And more than just not being able to touch her without previous notice, he hated what it represented; he hated that she would not let her guard down around him.

Duncan just couldn't lie to himself any longer. His relationship with Courtney was as messed up as this enormous forest he was currently lost into.

The punk teenager leaned against a tree, it just dawning on him that he had been in denial all this time. He had really thought that things would just magically fix themselves up once they were back together.

The real question was, now that he knew this, what was he going to do about it?

…Break things off with her?

He cringed.

After going through so much crap to get her back? After so severely humilliating himself in national TV? (because Duncan knew, even though he hadn't been completly awake to realize it, or remotely willing to accept it, he knew he must have been embarrassing himself.)

Duncan rubbed his eyes firecely and separated from the tree to avoid falling asleep leaning on it. He had to keep moving, otherwise he would fall asleep in the middle of this forest, and risk getting eaten by wild animals imported from places they were actually natural of.

Night was closing in now –unless that was just another sleep-deprived hallucination. Darkness made him think of sleep, of a comfy pillow and a warm matress and the common miracle that was sleep.

He suddenly remembered his lost animal buddy and, out of desperation, he called out to it. "Look. I'm sorry, alright?" he said, regarding the forest in general, as if the chameleon was an omniscient presence just lurking around until Duncan decided to properly apologize. "Just show yourself so I can get back to the lot and get some sleep." Sleep. Ooh, precious precious sleep. "You're my only hope!" He finished dramatically.

As Duncan waited for a response, he didn't even notice when he walked by a concealed pitfall, narrowly avoiding it. He got no answer from his animal, but at least talking outloud had helped him feel a little more awake, though it would have been more efective if he had gotten an answer— how could he know for sure he had spoken outloud at all?

The thought alone made him feel dizzy. For Pete's sake, he wasn't that sleep-deprived! He had dozed off minutes after Courtney had snuggled up to him, and she looked perfectly fine.

In that moment, Duncan got a strange feeling of detachment from his body and a higher level of conciousness, as it ocurred to him that maybe his thoughts from before were just him seeing things dark because of his physical and mental tiredness.

Maybe he simply wasn't thinking straight, and all his feelings were false. Maybe everything was fine between him and Courtney. Maybe, once Court had grown accustomed to him again, once he had won her trust back, then she would revert to her old self.

Except…

Was he pursuing a hopeless task? Was he yearning for something that didn't exist?

Duncan groaned painfully and grabbed his head, as if the thoughts were causing physical pain in his brain. Thoughts were just running back and forth through his head, faster than he could control them. He wasn't stupid, he knew that what he should do was to stop thinking things over, and wait until he had slept some –or at least gotten out of these freakin' woods-, but his brain just wouldn't shut up. It kept kept lashing out in different directions, producing thoughts that bumped into one another and contradicted each other at a vertiginous speed, and it freaked him out because he couldn't shut his own mind.

His pocket knife was firm in his grip before he realized he had pulled it out, his instincts ready to defend him against a possible enemy, failing to identify that the current enemy was himself.

Courtney may never turn back into the girl he loved. The thought drove him crazy, more than his logic considered it should have. He saw the whole forest swivel around him, and found it hard to keep his footing.

He finally found his unsuspecting enemy in a tree, clawing his knife deep into the bark as the scenery became still again. He breathed heavily as he regained a small sense of clarity from the violent action. It only stayed with him for a while and, to his desperation, washed off shortly after. One distinct thought stayed with him.

He needed people.

He needed to see a familiar face, someone to hold him down and speak to him, give him back a sense of normalcy. He didn't want to be alone with his thoughts anymore. He would have given anything to see Gwen or Geoff right now. But he would even take Beth, Owen, even Chris or Chef at this point.

Paradogically (or not), the one person he did not want to see was Courtney.

He didn't even want his idealized version of her to speak soothing words and caress his face, because her presence –even his utopian envisage of her presence-, would bring forth issues he didn't want to deal with right now.

Duncan pulled on the knife to get it out of the tree, hoping that no camera had caught his little outburst, and suddenly realized he could hear water running. He looked around and found a small waterfall that fell on a tranquil lake. He instantly headed for it, his mind deciding that splashing some water on his face would help him wake up, and hopefully distract him.

A single lone shark was swimming in the lake, looking strangely battered and heavy in its demeanor, as if it had just gone through a long journey. Duncan ignored it as he fell on his knees and started splashing water on his face, rubbing his eyes furiously from time to time.

He stayed like that for a while, before he opened his eyes and looked down, immediately focusing his disbelieving gaze on something that didn't fit with the setting.

Washed up on the shore, was Courtney's PDA.

His first reaction was to get up and whip his head around, to see if Courtney herself was near. But the only living form in sight was the shark, and he didn't hear the brunette's easily identifiable voice anywhere.

He looked down at the phone again and then did a double take, as if seeing the device on a new light.

More than the fresh water on his face, it was the sudden realization that got him awake in a second. A rush of adrenaline shot through his body, feeling his worries leave his mind for a second, giving place to a long-awaited clarity of thought.

He grabbed the device and felt himself smiling.

Yes. Suddenly, he knew exactly what to do.

Cliffie. Mwahahahaha!

Question,

Did anything make sense to you?

Thank you.

~The Lighthouse