Okay, first things first.

A very special Thank you to MamaTwiFan, who actually pimped my story on Twitter, which made me dance like a maniac in my aunt's living room.

She actually made me very excited to update when she said her friend's were checking it out. Thank you so much, I hope you're locked on for the ride! ; )

Leydylaura-

I will be throwing some EPOV in here somewhere, it sounds fun.

I'm Hispanic, and I speak fluent Spanish, but I live in California. I'm visiting my family mostly all summer, and this story popped up in my head when I got here.

Thank you to my reviewers! You make me smile!

On with the story. ; )

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I do, however, own Bella's vicious hangover.

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After washing the dishes, I headed into the entertainment room where everyone had their respective drinks. Edward and Emmett were involved in a game of pool, and I noticed that he wasn't even looking up to give me a glare.

I needed a drink to wash down the heaping plate of guilt.

Thankfully, Rosalie had spent a year after college as a bartender, so she knew what she was doing.

I gratefully sucked down one cherry something or the other. Then another. And another.

And I think I moved onto tequila after that.

And then I don't quite remember what happened.

But I woke up in my nice, soft bed. And that was all that mattered. Until I moved my head and realized the headache I was currently nursing felt like a mallet was humping my temples.

Oh, christ am I in for it.

A mere ten seconds after I had woken up I heard a light tapping on my door that sounded like a hoard of angry villagers trying to knock in my face.

"Bella?" I heard Alice's voice calling softly. I didn't bother to call back, I knew she'd come in anyway.

My door creaked open and I swore to myself that I was going to oil that fucking hinge if it was the last thing I did.

And right now it felt like it might be.

Alice, god bless her, was holding a Bloody Mary in one hand, a bottle of Advil in the other.

I sat up gingerly and reached for the pretty pills and the drink that suddenly looked like my saving grace. I took two pills and washed them down with salty drink before I spoke.

"Alice, why aren't you dying right now?" I croaked. I sounded like a horny frog.

"Because, Bella my dear, I was drinking for fun. Not to drown my guilt." She raised that perfectly shaped eyebrow at me.

"So you heard about that." I said, laying back into my fluffy pillows.

"Yes, Bella. I did."

"Whatever."

"He was trying to be nice. Trying to start fresh with you."

I looked up at her through bloodshot eyes.

"Because you put him up to it."

She rolled her eyes. "That's besides the point."

"No, Alice that's exactly the point."

She looked down at me. "Bella, you threw up on his shoes last night."

WHAT?!

"I - I- what?!"

"Yeah. So maybe you should be nicer."

"I-I-I fucking barfed on his- his shoes?"

"And you're lucky they weren't Italian leather or he might've started speaking in tongues."

"Oh. Oh my god."

"I mean, it's kind of funny if you think about it. One second, you were just sitting on a bar stool singing-"

"I was singing too? Well fuck."

"Don't worry, you sounded good. Anyway, you got this woozy look on your face and you totally looked like you were going to fall off like a dumbass," she chuckled and shook her head nostalgically. "Then Edward kind of hopped over there to stop you from falling,"

She stopped at the befuddled look on my face.

"I know, nice, right? Well he did and then you looked at him kind of confused, almost your horny look? Then your mouth opened like you were going to say something, and you just threw up. On his shoes."

The look of horror on my face must've resembled the one I had when I accidentally slapped Mike Newton on the ass in biology and got a detention.

Alice giggled. "Oh, Bella. Only you."

Yeah. Fucking yeah. Only me.

"Well, anyway my dear, I have to head to work in a little bit, but I just wanted to let you know about that. Good way to start your day."

Work?

"What time is it?"

"Um… seven fifteen?"

Fucking whore.

"God, Alice, that's cruel even for you. It's so early."

"Only time to beat a hangover," she said as she walked out the door smiling brightly and waving.

I flopped back onto my bed and groaned.

I threw up on him. My god.

***

I rolled over groggily, what the hell is that?

It took me a few seconds to register that it was piano music floating into my room from across the hall.

Well, at least it didn't sound angry.

I looked at the alarm clock and realized it was almost one. Shit.

I hopped out of bed quickly, too quickly. A wave of nausea hit me like a wall and I fell back onto my bed groaning.

Never again. Never.

Okay. Now I just needed to get into the shower. Just get to the shower. That's all.

I winced as I stood up, the headache returning full force.

Okay, first some Advil.

I probably popped more than was entirely necessary but if I happened to kill myself in the process that was okay.

I climbed into the hot shower and moaned in happiness. This was heaven.

You better hope you're in heaven. You fucking threw up on him!

No! No, I refused to feel bad over this. This is the same guy who I had been shooting death glares and insults at since the moment I met him! Why should I feel bad?

And it's his fault if I think about it. I got drunk because I felt guilty about him. And they say the truth comes out when you drink. Obviously my drunk subconscious was trying to tell me that I've wanted to throw up on him since I first saw him.

Next time I'd just have to make sure he was wearing Italian Leather.

I grinned to myself. Oh, Bella, that's an asshole move.

Yeah, it is.

I was still smiling as I hopped out of the shower and dried off. I felt marginally better, and Advil and hot showers were quickly becoming my best friends.

After haphazardly drying my hair, I slipped on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, and went to go make my bed. My stomach let out a rumble worthy of Mt. Vesuvius. What the hell are we going to eat tonight?

Well, I'm not asking him to take me to the store. I obviously have no control over my bodily functions when I'm around him. With my luck, I'll shit in his car.

I grimaced.

I looked around in my purse for a rogue twenty. I could just order pizza.

I listened at the door and noticed that the piano music had stopped. Dear Lord, please don't let him be outside my door with an axe.

I stepped outside warily and looked around before shrugging and making my way downstairs. He was standing right by the phone of course.

God, he's not even a man anymore. I think he's made of inconveniencies.

I walked quickly into the kitchen to find a number for Dominos.

I could feel his eyes on my back and I wondered if he was going to go all BTK on me anytime soon.

After searching thoroughly in the phone book, I went to order the pizza. He was standing by the phone, arms crossed, just staring.

God, he was creepy. He seems like the type to sneak in your room while you're sleeping and think it's romantic.

Yeesh.

I walked over to him and reached across his face to get the phone. He didn't move an inch, but now he had a weird look on his face. Perhaps he was trying to barf on my shoes.

Jokes on you bitch, I'm not wearing any.

I slowly dialed the number and put the receiver to my ear.

When he talked it made me jump. He was really good at doing that.

"What the hell are you doing?"

He had a nice voice, smooth like the best jazz..

No Bella! Stop that!

"I'm calling a doctor. Trying to set up a date so we can surgically remove the dildo from your ass. Although maybe you like it there."

He snatched the phone from my ear.

"Such a crude little woman." he said, shaking his head.

"Here, call this number. It's Benneti's. Order a deep dish meat lovers, and a New York style pepperoni."

I grinned. "Is the meat lovers for you?" I said innocently, batting my eyelashes.

He rolled his eyes. "Yes. If you like I can order you a twat pizza, Bella."

I scowled.

I ordered the pizzas, and when asked for the address for delivery, I was befuddled. I hadn't memorized it yet.

I told the man to hold on and turned to ask Edward for the address.

He was gone, the stealthy bastard.

I walked into the living room and he was sitting on the couch, flipping through channels, not even looking.

"Edward?" I whispered, "What's the address?"

"Gays don't know those things."

"Nonsense. Gays have an immaculate knowledge of where they are at all times."

He rolled his eyes and scoffed.

"No, really Edward. What is the address?"

He turned to look at me. "What's in it for me?"

I resisted the urge to claw at his eyes. "I'll buy you a gay porno and a new Elton John album."

He scowled and told me the address.

I repeated it to the delivery boy and he told me it would be there in thirty minutes.

I walked into the kitchen and when I turned around, Edward was standing there.

"You know Edward, you may be good at sneaking up on me but the pizza boy will be here in thirty minutes. You'll have no time to hide the body."

He looked at me in a strange way.

"You threw up on me last night."

I almost laughed out loud.

"It's the only sane reaction to have when your face is in such a close proximity."

I turned and walked into the living room. He was probably following me.

"You threw up on my shoes."

I sat down in the recliner and looked at him.

"We've established that."

"So you threw up on me, but you're still being a snarky bitch?"

I nodded slowly, eyes wide.

He ran a hand through his hair furiously.

"Is that your way of flirting? Is throwing up on people and being a jerk your way of charming the masses?"

My mouth dropped open.

"Edward," I said slowly. "That is not flirting. That is hating."

He rolled his eyes and sat down huffily.

"I was being sarcastic Bella."

"You need lessons."

He scoffed and continued flipping through channels so fast it made my head spin.

We sat in silence until the doorbell rang and he went to get the pizza.

It seemed like he was trying to be nice. Lord knows if his drunk ass threw up on me I'd castrate him.

He walked back in with the pizza, and the scent assaulted my senses. It smelled like sex. But not the bad smell, the feeling.

Mmmm.

I flipped open the top of the pizza as soon as he set it down, and I ran intot the kitchen to get a red bull. Should I get him one?

Okay, I'll be nice.

I set down the two red bulls, and he looked at me oddly.

"I don't drink red bull."

I firmly braced myself for a lesson on why they were so unhealthy, but he merely stood up and went to get a glass of water.

The first bite of pizza was amazing. I ate at least six slices. The pepperoni was pretty bomb too.

I lay on the couch, feeling like a rhino. Well, considering how I felt this morning I felt pretty fucking good right now. The red bull gave me a ridiculous caffeine high and I wanted to bounce all over the walls but I didn't think I could.

Edward was staring at me in amazement.

"I don't- I don't think I've ever seen a woman eat that much. Like, ever."

"That's because you're used to anorexic Barbie dolls who eat a piece of lettuce with a walnut or tangerine thrown on top so it looks like they're eating and dressing on the side."

He looked at me. "Are you bulimic?"

Of course. Every woman he knew had to be separated into two groups of eating disorders.

"No. I eat. And once it's inside of me, it stays there."

He gave me a dirty look. "Unless it's all over my shoes."

I smiled at him. "At least it wasn't your pea coat."

He rolled his eyes and grabbed the pizza boxes from the table.

"Are you finished? Or should I leave the box for you to devour?"

"I'm seriously considering it."

He rolled his eyes and walked into the kitchen.

We were sitting and watching TV. now, and it was almost ridiculously awkward when a steamy sex scene came on the made for TV movie we were watching.

I got up and began to walk up the stairs to my room. Should I say thank you? He did pay for it… and it was fucking delicious.

I turned around and cleared my throat awkwardly.

"Um…thank you…for the pizza."

He nodded without tearing his eyes from the television.

I walked to my room without looking back. Well at least I tried.