Different chapter 2

After that I went trough some time about which I rather not talk about right now,..

Yea, it was pretty bad.. And I don't really want to go depressive at the moment, or well more depressive…

I didn't care about my life anymore,

I became what my 'so called friend' Jessica called a Adrenaline Junkie, but I wasn't that bad, all I did was jump on the back of a motorcycle with a stranger..

like I said, it was nothing.

But the interesting part of it was, every time I did something you would consider 'dangerous' I saw Edward,

like my mind is playing a trick with me , making me believe he would still care, but he wouldn't , after all I was just a distraction, I wonder would he have somebody else by now? Probably, yes.

Eventually , I started hanging out with Jacob because he was the link to something exciting again, riding my own motorcycle..

we spend days together working together, well yea.. me sitting there and Jake working on it , and yeah sometimes making homework but yeah that just sucked,

I didn't care about my future, it wasn't like I had a happy forever with the love of my life.

No, the love of my life, walked away from me in the woods without a backwards glance,

with the words that broke my heart in a million pieces, with the life ending words .. that's what it felt like, my life ending..

Well riding my own motorcycle was exciting enough for my mind to go crazy again and see Edward again, pretending like he cared as in the good old days..

My change began.

The more I thought, the more I wanted to change, I didn't want to be the old Bella , the shy , quiet one ..

I wanted to have attitude and look good , so I changed , Boys like Edward don't like the shy quiet ones, I found that out.. the bad way..

But it wasn't just for Edward I changed, hell he wouldn't care, I just wanted to , I was sick of myself.

I started wearing make up, better clothes and hell I even started wearing heels , and I liked it If you learn to walk on them you won't fall every five seconds. I love it .

And uhm.. maybe some other people liked it too.. a little too much..

Much to those people's dismay I found it hard to let people close, to get new friends, everybody leaves in the end.

So yeah, besides Jacob I had no friends left anymore, Jessica thought of me as a freak since I acted like an adrenaline junky, we hanged out of took to motors out for a run all the time, people probably thought we had something together , But as long as we know it's not like that it's okay, right.

Well, when Jake started to think wrong things I told him I didn't feel that way , and he said he wouldn't give up on me , that he had enough time, and life started to look a little better with Jacob as my best friend, and I started to consider letting him closer everything changed after that one night ,

The night he got drunk, tried to 'get what belonged to him' as he put it, well we ended with getting into a huuuge fight, he told me I wasn't worth anything, nobody wanted me, apparently I was a piece of shit.

And he left. We where on La push beach at that moment, Hell I even didn't know my way to my truck, he just turned and left, without a backward glance, just like he did.

I must've killed somebody In my last life, Karma hates me . that was the 2nd time somebody really important to me left me behind. Without a backwards glance.

I guess the tiny piece of my heart that was starting to heal broke again, never to be repaired, barely ate anymore, people would think I had anorexia... but I love food to much. Heh ..

I guess you could say that that was the second time I died.

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AN: OKAAYS, I would've added another little part here that goes more to Charlie , but I'm going to leave that for the next chapter, I'm sorry that it took so long to update, I think the chapter sucks, and I've been sick and still kind of am , I love you all who reviewed, alerted ,… :D

I'm not going to go REVIEW PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE, but I am telling you, when I get lot's of reviews I get encouraged to write more = faster updates.

I hoped you liked it , or a little.. :l I'm not sure about it