My reviewers make me want to throw a party in Edward's pants. Everyone will be coming.

No, he does not have an STD. MamaTwi, you made me laugh out loud like a freak. It would put a damper on things.

But I'm not that cruel.

Or am I?

Haha.

I'm spoiling my reviewers, four chapters in one day. Maybe five, who knows? I'm feeling inspired.

Yeah…some angstyy angst ahead.. Sorry.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I own Bella's rage.

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As soon as we had pulled into the driveway I was jumping out the car door and running up the front steps.

I didn't stop when he called my name.

The only thing that could have stopped me at that point was the fact that the fucking door was locked.

Shit.

I stood with my forehead resting on the door, back to him. I heard his quiet footsteps crunching on the gravel behind me.

I fought the tears wanting to well up in my eyes.

Who the fuck was he to make me cry?

I felt his hand on my shoulder and the rage boiled up in me, which helped fight off the tears.

I whirled to face him.

"Don't touch me."

He looked at me with sadness in his eyes.

I hated it. I hated that he felt bad. It made me so angry.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I had no idea."

"Don't say you're sorry Edward. Just don't."

"Listen-"

"Edward, unlock this fucking door or so help me God-"

He moved past me to unlock the door. I strode past him into the house, practically running up the stairs to my room.

I slammed the door and slid down it, my knees finally buckling.

I didn't want to cry yet. I wanted to think.

Maybe moving here wasn't such a good idea. Leaving my mom, when she'd already been left so many times before.

But she had Phil now, I told myself. She had him and he loved her. I could see it.

I needed to stop making excuses to run back home.

The only people I had ever admitted my 'daddy issues' aloud to were Rose and Alice. And that had been in high school. I didn't like talking about it with Renee, I could still see the sadness in her eyes sometimes.

And now I had told Edward. I didn't go in depth at least, but it felt wrong to use my problems as ammo. I had only said it because I wanted him to feel shittier.

And judging by the look in his eyes, it worked.

I didn't want to be mean to him. I really didn't. But he reminded me of Jacob in weird ways. Even the way he walked, the looks in his eyes sometimes. It was too familiar.

And lets be honest. Things didn't end so well with Jake.

God, when I walked in there and saw him and Jessica…

I just felt so betrayed. And more than that I was pissed. I was screaming at them to get the fuck out, practically throwing them out naked into the hallway.

And I'm still so angry at him. He made me doubt myself. Not only did I doubt my fucking sanity, because I thought I had been in love, but I doubted everything.

I didn't feel good enough anymore. Obviously if he was looking somewhere else for sex, he wasn't satisfied. And then there were the thoughts that maybe it wasn't just for sex. Maybe Jessica had things, qualities I didn't have.

I wasn't good enough.

I found myself questioning things I had never even thought about before. Before I had been so sure of my abilities, and of myself. But now, I'd look in the mirror and wonder if my forehead was too big, or my hair was too this, my stomach was getting bigger, my knees were awfully knobby. Maybe I wasn't as intelligent as I thought.

And I kept questioning, and then I would realize I was doubting and it would make me so fucking furious.

Not just at Jacob, but at myself.

I felt so fucking fake. Walking around like a badass with a foul mouth when underneath it all I was a scared insecure little fucking girl with no clue what she's doing.

When had I let that fucking barrier down and allowed this man to have so much control over my feelings?

I had been sure that I was smarter. After seeing what all those idiotic fuckers had done to my mother, my father being one of them, I had been so sure that would never happen to me.

But here I was, collapsed on my floor, just wanting to sob my heart out.

And it wasn't fair to me, or to any one.

I was treating Edward like that because of something that wasn't his fault. All of these men had unknowingly, or maybe knowingly fucked my shit up.

What if I could never have a normal relationship because of them?

I mean, come on! I was in LA with my best friends, supposed to be starting anew, leaving all of those things behind, and they were still with me.

But I knew it wasn't Phoenix that was the problem. It was me.

All of those males who messed with my head had probably moved on by now, forgetting all about the things that plagued me every damn day.

Especially Jacob. And my father, who I saw once a year at some awkward dinner or something. He didn't even go to my graduation.

Why couldn't I move on? Why couldn't I enjoy LA, and my independence? Why were these people still plaguing me?

I'm trying to tell myself I wasn't running away. Maybe part of me was running away.

But there has to be somewhere inside of me that's running blindly to something too.

God, why can't I be normal?

Why do I have to be lying here on my pretty blue carpet sobbing like someone shot me?

Why can't I forget?

Fuck.

I just want to forget.

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So yeah, it's awful short, but I kind of had to show you that side of Bella. She's not just a bitch for no reason.

Although that would be fun.

Revieww loverrrrrs!