Here we are again!! I started this chap right after i got a nice little review :) but RL got in the way, and well it sucks and i write to forget RL!!! and viola!!

this one is a bit longer then the others, a lot more going on!! as well, there is some stuff in this chap that will be explained in the next. sooo, don't fret, your questions will be answered!!

love ya all!! R&R!! greatly appreciated, and enjoy!!:) ;)

Chapter 5--Suffocation

The bright light pierced through his closed lids, it was scorching hot, he could hear whispering, he tried to get-up but something kept him down. He was scared, the whispering got louder, but he still couldn't hear what they were saying. The light got brighter, he wanted to scream and found that nothing came out.

Harry opened his eyes and sat-up, covered in sweat he was panting. It was just a nightmare.

"Harry." He looked-up and saw Damita. "Another nightmare?"

"I'm fine." He whipped his brow, still breating heavily.

"You have a visitor."

"What?"

"A visitor. Actually you have two."

"Who?"

"Follow me and find out." She said smiling. He followed her out of his room, and down a hallway past the other patient's doors. Which were locked and with no windows, his stomach twisted, he tried to concentrate on whoever came to see him.

Damita opened the door to a small room, with a table, and two chairs. Harry stood there for a moment, Captain Janeway and the Doctor stood on the other side of the table.

"Hello Harry." Kathryn greeted him, she bit her lip as he just stared at her.

"Hello Captain." He sat opposite of her, his eye twitched slightly.

"Could we get some privacy?" She said to Damita, who nodded and left closing the door behind her. Kathryn sat down.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, her voice cracked betraying her worry for him.

"Fine. I'm feeling fine." He answered a little too quickly.

"You sure?" He gave her a strange look, he knew he wasn't a good liar.

"Of course......why?"

"Dr. Marran said we wouldn't have contact with you for 30 days, it's been 65. If that wasn't bad enough I haven't had any say in your treatment. I haven't been made apprised of any of the drug treatment they have been givng you, or your progress." The Doctor answered.

"65 days? It's only been 30, maybe your mistaken."

"We're not mistaken. Your sure your alright?" The captain hedged, she raised an eyebrow.

"Mr. Kim......"

"I'm sorry, I am so, so sorry." Harry interrupted the Doctor.

"About what?" Kathryn enquired quietly.

"Everything. I remember every irrationality, every outburst, the violence, what I did to you..." Harry couldn't finish his sentence, he was really disgusted by what he had done.

"It's alright." She reassured, she smiled at him, showing remourse was a good sign he was getting better.

"No! It's not okay." He raised his voice, he grabbed her hand and squeezed it tight. "I could have killed you. I could never live with myself, knowing I had hurt you, in anyway."

"You weren't responsible for what happened....."

"No, listen to me." Harry snapped, he looked her straight in the eyes, the intensity in them made her believe he was trying to say something to her. He then tapped the palm of her hand with his finger three time, three long sweeps, then three taps again.

"I need to take responsibility for what I did. Understand me?" Kathryn realized that the intensity in his eyes was fear.

"Yes! I understand." He let out a deep breath, she could see tears in his eyes.

"Good. I don't want any special treatment, sick or not, I should take full responsibility."

"Okay." His eye twitched again, his head started to hurt, he put his hand on his head and cringed.

"Are you alright?" The Doctor moved to Harry's left side. "They didn't allow me to bring in a tricorder, but I can still examine you."

"No." Harry snapped "I'm fine." He stood-up, his voice cracked "Sometimes, I-I get headaches. Not a big deal. I have to go." He quickly walked to the door, and banged on it. Damita opened the door.

"Harry wait..." Kathryn called out to him, but he quickly made his escape through the door, which locked behind him.

Harry hoped the captain got the message, that she didn't just dismiss it as one of his crazed hallucinations.

"Ready for some breakfast?" Damita said interrupting his thoughts. He nodded his head, she lead him down the hall where Dr. Marran was standing. He grabbed Harry by the arm, pushing him back to his room, he threw Harry onto the ground.

"What did you tell them?" He spat. Harry stood-up slowly.

"You saw and heard everything, you know I didn't tell them anything." He flexed his right arm, it was starting to feel numb.

"I heard you say nothing, I saw you tap her hand. Is that some kind of code? Were you trying to tell her about our plans?"

"No!" He snapped.

"So, I don't have to remind you what is at stake? The life of your son, your life, the lives of my people."

"You don't have to remind me." Harry whispered. "How did you find out about him?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes, it does."

"Very well." Dr. Marran adjusted his uniform "My group..." Harry opened his mouth to say something "Again, I will not tell you who we are. We found it quit peculare that an alien species we knew very little about had one of our people, and he was dead. We dug him-up."

"You had no right to do that."

"Do not talk to me about what rights I do or do not have. He was one of my people, we have every right." Dr. Marran screamed.

"He's was my son, you have no rights when it comes to him." Harry grabbed Dr. Marran by the collar and threw him against the wall.

"So, now he's your son. When he was alive you treated him like garbage. Admitted it yourself." He pushed Harry away from him. Harry felt like someone had reached into his chest and ripped out his heart. He stumbled onto his bed.

"The way he looked, the fact that his DNA showed he was only half Cor'tan, and that you had been infected with Mez blood, it was obvious he was your son. Our DNA analysis confirmed it." He paused for a moment.

"What they did to him......" He trailed off, he knew from Harry's reaction he had hit a nerve, he tried to cover his smirk by putting his hand over his mouth. However, Harry never noticed, his mind started to wonder to that day, Dean strapped to a table, being ripped apart.

"You looked like you were in pain, are the implants hurting you again?" Harry nodded his head, Dr. Marran pulled out a strange looking instrument with two prongs at the end, and a long thin handle. He pressed a few buttons as he ran it up and down Harry's body.

He left the room, and came back in shortly after with a syringe. The pain quickly went away, it was replaced with exhaustion. Harry lied down and within minutes was fast asleep.

Dr. Marran watched him for a moment, things were working better then he could imagine, he delighted in the thought of his project coming to conclusion. The riches he would mass, it would only take another 3 surgeries, he smiled and left.

Captain Janeway walked swiftly into the conference room, the Doctor followed close behind. She sat down at her chair, the look on her face confirmed the other's fears.

"I guess things didn't go well." Tom spoke-up, feeling anxious. He couldn't tell anyone, but the depression was coming back. He felt if Harry came back he would be cured, maybe they could help each other. It was a stupid thought, he knew it, but something had to give, they, he, couldn't keep living like this.

"I don't know how to answer that." Kathryn admitted "He seemed better, he took responsibility for his actions."

"But!" Tom snapped.

"But, he still seemed agitated." She shook her head "I don't know what to believe. Maybe Dr. Marran kept us away for a good reason." She conceded, she unconciously put her hand on her stomach, it amazed her how much weight she had gained. She would have to confess her aweful secret soon.

"You don't actually believe that captain?" The Doctor spoke-up, Tom was amazed that he was on his side.

Kathryn stood-up and walked to the window, from her vantage point she could see the planet her young officer inhabited, or was confined in. The distance between Voyager and the planet was starting to make her space sick, she started to feel nauseous, the planet seemed to be moving she felt dizzy. She caught herself on the wall.

Tuvok was quickly by her side, Tom felt ill, Chakotay gave Tom a glare of death, and the Doctor tried to scan her, she waved him away.

"I'm fine, I think I'll sit." After she collected herself, she resumed the meeting. "To answer your question Doctor, I have no idea what to believe. For 5 months we saw him slowly loose his mind. He couldn't tell the difference between what was reality and what wasn't. There is no deffinitve proof that this isn't another one of his hallucinations."

"Captain, there was nothing peculiar about your visit?" Tuvok inquired.

"Everything was peculiar about our visit." The Doctor answered.

"There was one thing. He said he wanted to take full responsiblity for his actions."

"That's a good thing." Tom spoke out of term again.

"However, I had this feeling he was trying to tell me something. He tapped my hand like this." She imitated the tapping, stroking, and tapping that Harry did on her palm. "Then he asked me if I understood, I told him I did, but I have no idea what that means. If anything."

"That's an S.O.S."

"Tom's right. Human's use to us it before the invention of the radio. They used a sequence of long and short elements to repressent letters. That's deffenitely an S.O.S." Chakotay took his mind off of killing Tom just long enough to fill in the blanks.

"What's an S.O.S?"

Neelix, who had become uncharacteristically quiet, finally spoke-up. Like the other in the conference room, he had become consumed by what appeared to be a tango between certain officers. Tom stared strangely at the Captain; Chakotay stared strangely at the Captain in between wanting to kill Tom; the Doctor starred at everyone strangely; and the Captain, well she seemed to phase in and out of being sick, and trying to keep her first officer and helms man from killing each other. To top things off, Neelix, and it seemed he wasn't the only one, was completely out of the loop.

"Save our souls. He's calling for help." Tom answered, Neelix was still a little confussed as to why Harry was saying save our souls, but he decided it wasn't a pressing matter.

"Then...the answer is clear captain. We should get Harry back." Neelix paused "Shouldn't we?"

"I understand everyone's concern, I want him back too. But, we need to make sure we are making the right decision."

"Of course it's the right decision." Tom was loosing his grip on his emotions and he yelled at her, it wasn't just Harry's prediciment that had him on edge.

"One more outburst like that Mr. Paris and I will have you thrown into the brig so fast your head will be spinng for a week." She said sharply. Neelix and Seven gave each other quizzical stares, human sure had the strangest sayings.

"We need to make sure that we are making this decision because it's what's best for Harry, and not for us. Doctor, you and I will go back down to the surface, we'll talk to Dr. Marran, see if we could get you more involved in his treatment." The Doctor nodded his head.

"Tuvok, I want a full analysis of any security detail, weaponary, if someone so much as sneezes near Harry I want to know. If needs it be, the best way to get Harry out without endangering any other patients."

The rest of the meeting went smoothly, she dismissed her crew, who promptly left, all but Tuvok.

"Is there a problem?" She looked her old friend in the eyes, she knew why he chose to stay behind.

"I wish to discusse some issues that have come to my attention."

"Issues?" His eyebrows came together, even with his surpressed emotions, he knew this would be a difficult subject.

"Mr. Paris' irratational behaviour of lates."

"Isn't he always irratational." She joked.

"That is true, but it seems that it has become more frequent, and unfortately hostile." She nodded her head.

"I agree. The Doctor has informed me that he's diagnosted Tom with depression. In males it can translate in hotility even violence. I thought he was getting better, but he seems to be sliding again."

"Wouldn't it be prudent to temporarily relieve him of duty?"

"I'm hoping, and this maybe a little irratational, that once Harry comes back that it may help him in his recovery."

"Or it may hinder his recovery."

She stood-up, learning from her previous mistake, she leaned against the window with her back to the planet. She crossed her arms over her chest.

"If you would prefer, I could relieve him of his duty." She smiled.

"I appreciate that, but I don't need you to rescue me, I can handle it myself."

"I did not mean to imply that you were in need of rescuing."

"Don't be coy, you've been treating me differently for the past week. As if I am in need of rescuing." She shook her head, her eyes fell on her bulging belly, she really had gained a lot of weight. "You know." He stood-up and walked just a few feet away from her.

"I have noted several physicological changes that would only conclude that you are in the process of.....having a child." Tuvok wouldn't admit it to anyone, even if the captain asked him point blank, but at that moment he gulped, and even more so, he wouldn't admit he had a slight tinge of fear.

"Oh god! I've gotten fat haven't I?" This was a strange response, Tuvok raised an eyebrow.

"That's what gave it away, I've gotten fat."

Tuvok was in a precarious predictement. He truely didn't know how to proceed. He knew that it was often the case with human females, especially in the early months, were exceptionally emotional, often resulting in irrational and unpredictable responses and behaviour. The captain seemed to be on the brink of tears.

"No." He lied, it seemed like the logical response.

She wipped away at her eyes and smiled, she started to stretch her uniform over her ever enlarging belly in an effort to look more sliming.

"May I enquire as to who is the father?"

"The father is an idiot. Let's leave it at that." She sat down. Tuvok, at that moment made an oath to himself to never confront a human female who was pregnant. They were more irratational, illogical, and unpredicatable then usual.

"I don't know what to do Tuvok. I've become a prisioner of my hormones. I have never felt like this, never. I stand-up I get nauseous, or dizzy. I'm emotional, one moment I'm happy, the next sad, then I'm laughing and cry at the sametime. The worst part is.....how am I going to explain this to the crew?"

Tuvok sat beside her.

"They will understand that you are human, and that you as well have a need for compainionship."

"But, I'm their captain. I shouldn't be....consorting with the opposite sex, let alone getting pregnant."

"There have been other female captains who have become pregnant during their service."

"Yes, but they were all married, or in a relationship, what will they think of me? Will they still respect me?"

"I fail to see the coalition between the two issues. You have never shown yourself to be imcompetant, or shown a reason for them to no longer respect you as their captain."

She leaned back, she put her hand on her stomach again, she would have to inform the crew soon.

"I don't know Tuvok. It's illogical isn't it? But, it doesn't mean it's not true. Rumours most likely have started, if they haven't figured it out just yet, they will soon."

"It would be prudent to make an announcement soon." She started to tear-up, but nodded her head in agreement.

"I reassure you captain, you are not alone, I will stand by any decision you make. As well as any assistance in child rearing that you may need." She smiled.

"I hope it isn't presumptuous to say that the father has forfeited his parental rights."

"I forfeited them for him." They were quiet for a moment, Tuvok would only admit it to himself, that he was more curious then before about who was the father. "I don't need any help with the child, I can handle it myself. Thank-you anyways."

"Harry....Harry wake-up." Harry opened his eyes, it was still dark, his body still felt heavy from a lack of sleep. It was Damita, she stood over him with a smile.

"What is it? Something wrong?" He started to feel anxious, he sat-up.

"Nothings wrong." She whispered, quickly checking the door. "Come with me." Harry wanted to question her more, but with the door open a new sense of freedom washed over him. He took a deep breath and just went with it.

Harry followed Damita to the roof, the air was warm, sweet with the smell of some fruit, possibly a blossom. There was no lights, but the moon was full, giving the pair dim lighting. The little things that he always took for granted. Eventually he would have to go back in, but for now he simply closed his eyes as it started to rain.

"I'm soaked." He laughed.

"Do you want to go inside?" He shook his head, the past few months had been so difficult, this was the only time he felt happy. He breathed deeply, and let it out slowly.

"Open your eyes. Look what I got you." She held out a bottle of alcohol.

"Oh! I knew you wouldn't let me down." He said smiling, he took it and drank greedily from the lip. He waited all day for some alcohol, he had to go to this hell hole, the interrogation, the damn implants. He started to feel depressed again, he drank more from the bottle, he couldn't wait for the buzz to kick in.

Damita moved closer, he noticed how wet her clothes were, how they stuck to her body, her wet, long, black hair was matte against her face, and body. She glowed against the pale moonlight.

"You know what I've done my whole life?" He asked her, she looked at him quizzically.

"No, what?"

"I've done the right thing. I did everything my parents asked of me, I was good little boy, never dissobeyed them."

"Never?"

"Ever." He laughed and drank more. She starting supplying him with booze weeks ago, it was the only thing that kept him from killing himself.

"I got good grades, listened to everything. On Voyager......I did everything the Captain asked of me, just like with my parents. I never broke a rule. Never!"

"That sucks, because breaking rules is fun." She giggled, she played with her belt, teasing Harry with the potential that all her clothes might come off.

"Your a rule."

"I'm a rule?" She said astonished.

"I mean, we're not suppose to fuck you." He laughed, he could feel the alcohol taking effect.

"Really? Is that a written rule."

"No, it's a 'we're going to kick your ass if you even look at Damita' rule." She sat down on the ledge.

"So, I guess your not going to give it to me, because you don't break the rules." He quickly drank the rest of the bottle, threw it away, and walked-up to her, and kneeled down.

"I'm not the only one who's breaking the rules, I mean, your not allowed to fool around with the patients."

"Really? Well, I guess I'm a bad girl, your not the first. You going to spank me?" He grabbed her, kissed her passionately on the lips, and tore at her clothes. Her body took his breath away, she wanted to scream as they had sex, but knew if anyone found them naked on the rooftop, having sex, Harry would be dead.

Afterwards, Damita led a very drunk Harry back to his room. When they got there he wanted to take her inside, he didn't want the euphoria to stop, and he was so drunk at that moment nothing mattered.

"We can't.....shhhh!" She layed him down on his bed and kissed him deeply, his hands caressed her waist, down to her hip, and her thigh. "Harry......tomorrow." She smiled, their clothes still soaked, she left him in his dark, locked room. The euphoria was now gone, he was again a prisoner, he tried to hold onto the sense of her body, the smell of her perfume, the wet clothes and the hot bodies. He slept soundly.

The next morning Dr. Marran woke Harry up, who was still a bit drunk, but now had a very bad hangover.

"I'm not feeling well.....what is it?" He mumbled, he couldn't even sit-up.

"Why are your clothes wet?"

"What.....no.....my clothes are not.....wet." Harry fumbled through the sentence, but through the fog, he sensed he had gotten caught.

"You were on the roof, weren't you?" Harry sat-up, leaning against the wall.

"No."

"Damita, she likes going up to the rooftop." He paused, moving closer "You know she's my daughter. It wasn't a question, Dr. Marran knew Harry knew she was his daughter. "How dare you! Touch my daughter like that, you disgusting, piece of garbage. When we're done with you, I'm going to enjoy killing you. Nice and slow."

"And they say I'm crazy."

"Maybe I should put you in isolation. How you like that?" Dr. Marran smiled.

"How would your 'group' like that? You think they would like to know that you screwed-up your little project, because you couldn't keep a leash on your own daughter." Harry was starting to feel more lucid.

"Keep pushing your luck, your not as indespensable as you may think." He pressed a button on his his belt, two attendents came in. "Mr. Kim needs a lesson in how expendable he really is." Harry started to move back which made him feel nauseous.

One of the attendents grabbed Harry by the shirt and threw him onto the ground.

"Don't damage the implants, unlike you, they are invaluable."

"No, wait...." The two attendents started to kick and punch Harry, they didn't stop until he was unconciouse.

"Take him to isolation room 4." Dr. Marran ordered.

"Sir, isolation room 4's life support is malfunctioning." Dr. Marran smiled.

"As I said, 4." They relunctantly dragged Harry into the isolation rooms, shoving him inside, and secured the door.

oh yes!! that's all harry needed was a good ramp on the roof LOL!!! oh but he got himself in more trouble!!