Summary: Please go back to Chapter One! Beep!
Author's Note: I'm oh so sorry for the extreme long time since I've updated. I know, it's been over a year. (I think...right?) Anyway, I am SO sorry! I just got extreme writer's block! I now know where I'm going...kind of. It's summer time! Oh so happy! Time to go cra-zae! Oh yeah, and update! Enjoy the chapter and thanks for being patient with me! I love you guys!
Glasses of Realization:
The next few weeks at Hogwarts flew by in a blur of emotion. The girls had seized every moment to arrange plans for the Winter Ball. The boys were shocked that the were having a ball in the first place, and not shocked in a good way. There hadn't been a ball in quite a while and the students were in mixed opinions about the fact that the headmaster would allow such festivities to take place so close to midterm plans.
Janette's eyes continuously sparkled while thinking of Dennis, her date for the ball. Her usual self-rightous self deflated, suddenly taking on a costume of uncertainty and nervousness. Lily and Alice were caught way too many times by Janette, who was constantly asking which dress robe to wear, how her hair should be done, what makeup palette she should use...it drove them insane. Lily would try to hole herself inside the library, in the darkest corner she could find while Alice took up a tutoring job so that she could stay busy in turn that Janette would try to pin her again.
The Marauder boys were less shaken about these turn of events. Sirius, of course, didn't have trouble in finding a date. Crystal Balim told the story about seven times before being forced into her dorm. You would think that her friends would wait out her insanity. Yes, you would think so.
James and Peter spent their free time reawakening the socially-dead Remus from his dark crevice. He was slowly making recovery, greeting old friends down the corridors and raising his hand more often during classes. When the boys got tired, they switched shifts with Lily at the library. Recovery was a long, hard process.
James watched Lily as they passed Remus off on one bright, tuesday afternoon. She had tied her fiery hair behind her into a out-of-the-way ponytail and was tyring to juggle a few books while grabbing Remus's hand. Dark rings were starting to form under her eyes and the sparkle from her emerald eyes didn't seem as bright as they were a few days ago. James thought back to the last few days and realized that he hadn't seen Lily outside of classes and the library in quite a while. She had been studying like mad, never really speaking to anyone except to reassure James and Peter that she would take good care of Remus.
James furrowed his brow, his face growing serious from its usual cocky grin. "Lily, are you sure you're ok watching Remus tonight? You seem..." Lily shot a daring glare his way, reminding him to think twice about what to say. "...tired."
"I'm fine, thanks," said Lily, her voice as more of a growl. "Come on, Remus, let's go." Since Melissa had gone, she had started to study more and more. She guessed it was probably just to fill up the void. She didn't think it was unhealthy..she needed to study to get good grades, didin't she? Lily grabbed his hand and started to stalk off towards the library, unaware of the anxious looks being thrown by the boys.
"Uh...Lily, I think I'm fine. Seriously. Everyone, I think I need some space. I don't need to be watched every minute like I'm a child. I don't need to be under constant surveilance!" cried Remus, his voice carrying out through the empty hallway. His calm exterior was starting to fade away, showing his true emotions that lay behind.
"But..."
"No! I just need some space, ok? I'm sorry, and I'm thankful for all that you've helped me with, but I just need to have a little more room." Remus cast a sympathetic look towards the lot, hoping that they'd understand.
"Sure, mate. Let's just give him a little breathing room. Mooney, we'll see you in the Dining Hall at eight, ok?" James started to take off, leading Peter towards Gryffindor tower. Remus quickly walked down the corridor to speak to Slughorn about his latest essay assignment. Lily looked incredulously at the retreating boys.
"James!"
"Yeah,"James turned around, stopping right in front of Peter, causing the short boy to walk right into him. He fell onto the ground, writhing in pain, cursing about his nose. The two paid no attention to him.
"What the bloody hell was that all about? He isn't alright walking around on his own! He needs someone to watch him, to make sure he doesn't do something he'll regret-"
"Lily, for Pete's sake, we have to give him some space. If we don't, he'll never get the hang of what he did before."
"But what if he does something endanger his life? He felt so suicidal when Melissa left-"
"NOW DON'T BRING THAT UP AGAIN!" James's voice carried out loudly down the corridor. His face turned crimson and his hands were shoved forcibly into his pockets. He seemed like he wanted to restrain himself from doing something...Lily couldn't tell what it was. "You know that Melissa's death is why he is what he is and how he is now. If you keep bringing it up, he's going to stay the way depressed forever. You have to stop hanging it over his head like that! Lily, don't you see, you're making things worse!"
"By what, trying to help him accept what he did?!"
"Accept?! Oh, that's just ripe. Accept. Don't you think that Remus has done enough "accepting" for the rest of us, let alone himself? In case you haven't noticed, he's already accepted what he's done. He's trying to move on, but you keep holding him back! You'd notice if you weren't also nose-deep in textbooks to notice the lives of your friends around you. OPEN YOUR EYES, LILY, AND GET OUT OF YOU OWN DAMN WORLD! MERLIN, YOU CALL ME A ARSE BUT WHY DON'T YOU JUST LOOK THE HELL AT YOURSELF!"
Lily's eyes filled with tears, too many to hide behind the mask she always put up when she was around Potter. She still held her guard, though they flowed freely down her cheeks. She griped her books as tightly to her chest as she could, not knowing what to do. Her silent sobs were never witnessed by anyone else, until this day.
James watched Lily as his anger finally subsided. The strong girl that he thought she was seemed to unravel before his eyes. He saw her shoulders shake and the dewy droplets fall down her porcelain cheeks. Her knuckles turned a sickly white from the pressure she had put on the books and she hadn't looked up since his outburst. He didn't know the amount of hurt that welled up in her eyes. He didn't want to know because he was the one that caused it.
"Look, Lily, I'm sorry." James started towards her, his arm reaching to surround her shoulders.
"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Lily quickly brushed away, her vision blurred. She only knew that she had to get away. She raced down the corridor towards Gryffindor tower with James chasing after her, calling for her with every step she took. Peter, uneasy with what he had witnessed, set off on a search for Sirius.
In the Common Room...
"Lily, stop!" James grabbed Lily's arm as she tried to make a break to her dorm room. She had dropped her books on the way to the tower, but she didn't care about the books right now. She had to get away from James Potter.
"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Lily cried, trying to pull away from James, her sniffling getting harder until they were full blown sobs. "You don't understand." She toppled onto the couch, taking comfort from the velvety cushion covers. James, still holding onto her, softly tried to calm her down and make some sense of the situation.
"Try me."
James slowly and unsurely, leaned in and pulled his arms around her and pulled her into an embrace. Lily sank in, her head on his shoulder, sobbing hysterically. Their entrance had scared off the previous inhabitants of the Gryffindor Common Room. They knew when they had to leave.
They stayed in that position for a half an hour. Lily gazed into the fire while James waited from the time to ask her what she meant. Lily's breathing started to even out, and her breaths came out soft and quiet. James found comfort in their closeness and felt a longing, the same longing he'd had for the longest time. For Lily. Always Lily. Only Lily.
"Lily?"
"Hm...?" she questioned, as she started to slip off into dreamland.
"Lily, you don't need to hide the fact that you miss her."
Lily's eyes started to well up again as she gripped tighter onto James. She needed something to keep her up, or else she'd drown in all this sadness.
"You've helped out Remus and told him to accept the fact that Melissa is long gone. I think you need to follow your own advice and accept it as well."
"I have." Lily looked up into his eyes, trying to show him that she really did try. She knew the truth.
"It's called 'denial'. Look it up." James reluctantly let go of Lily and stood up, his legs happy to be in use once again. "Get some sleep and try to accept. I'll see you tomorrow." He made his way towards the boys' stairs and started to climb.
"James?"
"Huh?"
"Thanks."
The next day...
"Oh Merlin, I am so excited about the ball tonight! Can you believe it?!" shreiked Janette for the twentieth time that morning. Her black hair bounced as she practically skipped alongside the rest of the girls. "Did you see how Dennis sent me a message by owl this morning in front of the whole school? Isn't that romantic? He said he couldn't wait to take me to the ball! Do you think the red and black robe is the one I should wear? I'm still not sure..."
"Janette, will you please, for Pete's sake, shut the hell up? You've told us about the note about a million times. Yes, it was bloody romantic and yes, it was bloody fabulous but that doens't mean you should be losing your mind over this guy!" Alice exclaimed, her frustration had finally blew. It was true, Janette had been talking about the note ever since she got it. She spoke about nothing else than the ball and Dennis. It was driving everyone, including Alice, absolutely insane.
"Janette, you prat, that dress is the best one. Take it or leave it, that's all I really have to say," replied Lily in a bored tone, sighing as she flopped into her chair. She was thinking about her little rendezvous with a specific someone in the Common Room last night. She had started to see a more sensitive side of James when Remus had been peirced in the heart, but she shoved it aside, thinking that it was a trick. Yet over the past month, she noticed things that made it true. James Potter really did care.
"Earth to Lily."
"Ms. Evans, are you still with us?"
Lily jumped and stared at the Charms professor, staring at her with his beady, black eyes. The entire class had turned to stare and she found herself oddly self concious. "Yes, I'm sorry."
"You should be, Ms. Evans. I had higher expectations from you, as a prefect."
"I really am sorry." She tried to explain but the professor had already turned towards the blackboard to explain a complex maneuver to put on items of great worth. Lily caught James giving her a curious look and she shook her head. Nothing to worry about, she thought.
Welcome to the Winter Ball...
Janette had just finished putting the finishing touches on her makeup mask, finally fulfilling the orders given by Lily and Alice: to actually go to the dance. The girls had spent the last hour prepping and making sure that they looked "presentable" by the other two. This might be their one and only ball during the school year. They had to make the most of it. Or so Janette felt.
As the girls filed out from the dorm room, James stood in the Common Room waiting for Remus to hurry up. He had said that he just needed to find another sock, and he had left for about two minutes already and James was getting impatient. Why he was going to go to the ball anyway was a mystery to him, but Sirius and Peter wanted to go and Remus thought it would be a good chance to get back out in the open...
The girls strolled down the stairs in single-file. Alice cascaded first, leading the way, down the stairs in a dark blue dress gown. Her hair had been pulled back softly that created a messy but elegant look. Janette followed down in suit, her black and red, kimono style dress robe fitted her form the perfect way. She had let her hair down and wavy, its natural state.
Lily slowly cascaded down the stairs in her heels and in a dark green dress gown that accented her eyes. Her hair was pulled in a loose french braid-type style and she wore tiny flower earrings. As she reached the bottom step, she looked into James's eyes.
She was gorgeous, James thought, and she didn't even know it. Lily looked down blushing and hurried towards her friends. James sauntered over in his usual way.
"Hey, ladies, looking good. Alice, you look utmost ravishing, as do you, Janette. Remus should be down in a second, and then we should-"
"I'm down now. Hey, ladies, let's head to the Great Hall, shall we?" Remus popped up as if from no where, shocking James. He jumped and fell backward onto the couch, crumping his dress robes which he had spent over two hours of painstaking labor trying to get the dumb thing to fold right.
"Bugger," grumble James, as he dusted himself off. He followed the others out of the portrait entrance and into the freezing corridor. What a great way to start the long, long evening.
Author's Note: I hope you liked this latest chapter! Please review and I'll do my best to update soon! Thanks a bunch, guys!
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