Chapter 32 ---Another chapter of this cross-fiction story. Hope you like it, and thanks for reading it and your comments! I've been working on some FF stories including the rather strange new one, "Where are you Going, Where have you Been" and working on updating some of the others as well. Spring's in the air and it's kind of nice that the weather's nice to take the old laptop out.
She woke up with him still lying asleep next to her, his arm tucked around her waist. A trace of pale sunlight flowed through the window which meant that it had stopped snowing. The forecast had assured people that the snow would come down more as a dusting than a full-blown blizzard so they probably hadn't been snowed in or anything like that. When she had been attending law school at Harvard University, she had lived in a rented house her final year just outside the city and had missed several days of school due to storms blowing in and shutting down the roads until the snow plows came to clear them.
And if that happened in Cicely, people might be snowed in for quite a while, something to think about if she planned to stay here until her baby arrived.
"Good morning…"
She felt his hands tighten on her abdomen and his body shift. Somehow they had become wrapped in each other's arms after moving to the bedroom from the living room. They had dozed off on the couch but after they both awoke when somehow he fell off of it, nearly taking her with him they had moved to the bedroom. At first he had sleepily assured her he would be just fine on the couch but she wouldn't hear of it, and off they headed. Only to sleep of course.
She turned her head to look and smiled at him.
"Sleep better?"
He grinned, kissing her lightly on the lips, and when his mouth left, she still felt that tingle rushing through her.
"I would say so," he said, "What about you?"
She sighed contentedly.
"I could get used to this," she said softly.
His heart lifted at those words and his lips met hers and this time, they remained there for longer.
"Me too," he said, finally remembering he had to breathe.
She closed her eyes as he pulled her closer to him again, his breath softly against her hair and his hands stroking her hips.
"Houston…"
"What?"
"You do understand why I can't marry you."
His hands stopped moving.
"I'm trying to C.J.," he said, "but I really think we need to think about this new life we're bringing in the world."
"Houston…it's hard for me to forget even if I wanted to," she pointed out, "I can't zip my jeans anymore."
He smiled to himself.
"That shouldn't be a problem," he said, kissing her shoulder, "One less thing to worry about coming between us."
She turned around and looked at him again.
"Oh no, you're not," she said, "That's how we got into this position in the first place."
He pretended innocence.
"What position," he said.
She rolled her eyes and thought about how good it felt to be snuggled against him, wrapped in his embrace which made her feel both safe and…not so safe. And he started doing very pleasurable things with his lips and her earlobe.
"That tickles," she said, smiling.
"Then I must be doing it right," he said.
She suddenly turned around to face him.
"What are we doing here," she said.
He lifted himself up on his elbows looking at her.
"C.J. you got better grades in biology than I did," he said.
"As I recall, I tutored you in some subjects in biology," she said, then grimaced, "That didn't come out the way I intended."
"You could pick up where you left off if you'd like," Matt offered, "or I could tutor you in a couple of areas."
She felt herself flush knowing exactly what he was talking about, as her mind flashed back to the night when they had conceived their child. She felt his lips on the nape of her neck and her skin goose pimpled.
"Houston…I don't think this is a good idea."
"What," he said, then kissed that spot just below her hair line, "Oh you mean…this."
Damn it, of course she did and he knew it! Playing with her mind like that, when he knew exactly what she was getting at. And how was she going to convince him that they couldn't get married like this, when he continued invoking such wonderful feelings through his mouth on her skin?
"Houston…I'm not the same woman I was a couple of months ago," she said.
He sounded surprised.
"You're not?"
She hesitated.
"I'm a bit…fuller."
He chuckled.
"I can see that," he said, "and it really suits you. Not that you're not the most beautiful woman in the world anyway but there's something about you…"
"I'm going to get a lot rounder," she warned.
"C.J., that's just as much my fault as yours…"
She had to smile at that.
"True… but one day I'll be too big to get out of bed without help," she teased.
He didn't miss a beat.
"Then we'll just stay there," he said, "and find some ways to keep busy."
"I'll bet…"
He released her reluctantly and sat up in the bed.
"I'll go fix some breakfast," he said, kissing her again on her lips before getting up and walking to the kitchen.
She just lay back on the bed, wondering what she had done or said wrong. Now he hadn't done anything wrong, in fact her body had loved the attention he had been giving it this morning. Just because she was pregnant didn't mean…she smiled to herself. But damn if he hadn't cut her off with that kissing when she had tried to broach the subject of marriage and why she couldn't do it. Not the way he wanted, that it was something that they needed to do to legitimize the life growing inside her. She knew that he cared very deeply for her and the physical attraction…clearly no problem there but she wanted much more than that. She had told him that she had loved him before he left her night, not for the first time in her life.
Looking back, she had confessed her feelings to him on that matter several times usually during periods of intense crisis which brought out the emotional vulnerabilities in both of them. The walls that they kept up between them when other feelings besides those involving their lifelong friendship threatened to emerge, usually didn't fare too well when their lives were in danger or one of them had been physically harmed. She had told him she had loved him when they had just seen a close friend of theirs, Andrea, get shot by an unknown sniper. Next thing they knew they were under heavy gunfire and trapped inside an office with only furniture and their wits to keep them alive. She had felt such strong emotions that had been suppressed for a long time erupt when she looked into the face of the man she had known most of her life, thinking it might be the last face she ever saw if she died there with him. Fear had struck her but so had the realization that if she had to leave the world in a violent suddenness, at least she hadn't been alone, but sadness had also hit her at the thought that he might be gone too and that she had never told him…
She sighed, knowing that something inside her had catalyzed those words she kept hidden out of her mouth and once they were out, she couldn't take them back. He had just looked at her, as she tried to read his face and saw his own emotions swirling there. Then they had to escape what turned out to be a booby trapped building about to explode and into his car where once the adrenalin began to ebb out of her system, she noticed that she had been bleeding from a gunshot wound. She had looked back at the flames erupting out of the building, knowing that the evidence that could clear Matt of murder charges would soon turn into ashes. She urged him to go inside but he just shook his head at her as if she were crazy and drove her to the hospital to save her life.
He went on the run, away from her for weeks and turned to his long-lost uncle who had covert connections to clear him which happened, with C.J.'s help and life went back to normal, and they never addressed the words that she had said to him that night. That had hurt her, she knew looking back and maybe, when their old college buddy, Robert Tyler had come sailing back into town and their lives to take a news anchor position at a local network, she had been more susceptible to the charm that infused from him behind his easy smile and his good looks. The man that she considered marrying had come between her and Matt and she had even threatened to break off their friendship over Robert when Matt had told her that he had been behind the kidnapping plot. She had been so overwhelmed by the return of Robert into her lives and her arms and the memories of what had happened the night she had told Matt she had loved him that she had almost walked away forever. And she had never told him the complete truth about what had driven her to leave him.
She lay there digesting all that when Matt returned with some dishes of what looked like one of his omelets and some toast, along with some coffee for him and herbal tea for on her omelet were several of her beloved pickles, and that just made her smile. He winked at her.
"Just in case the craving hits," he said, "It's a long way to that kitchen."
They both sat on the bed, eating breakfast together.
"This is delicious," she said, "I forgot how much I missed your cooking."
"I've spent years perfecting the Texas omelet," he said, "but it still needs some work and you have to be more creative with ingredients up here."
She shrugged.
"The pickles are what's important…"
He smiled.
"C.J., you've got a crate in there," he said, "We can work them into a lot of different recipes."
"I'm sure," she said, picking one of those delicious pickles and popping it into her mouth, "It's strange having such a harbor for pickles. I don't usually like them very much."
"Cravings are normal in pregnancy," Matt said, "or so I've read."
Her brows rose.
"You've been doing some reading?"
He nodded.
"I just had some books shipped in from Amazon," he said, "all about the different stages of pregnancy and what to expect."
Her heart warmed at that.
"That's really nice of you to do that."
Matt sipped his coffee.
"That I'm really happy that we're having a baby together and want to be involved in what happens with him or her?"
She tilted her head.
"I know you do," she said, "and I want you there with me. Our child needs his or her parents."
Matt hesitated.
"C.J. about my wanting to marry you…"
The second time that topic had come up this morning, the first they had really spent together in a long while.
"I told you…"
He put down his plate on the bed and reached over to cup her chin in his hand.
"I want to marry you," he said, "Not just because you're having my baby. I know this pregnancy wasn't exactly planned…"
She hid a smile.
"No, but it's very much wanted anyway."
He couldn't be more in agreement.
"Funny isn't it," he said, "I never knew I'd ever feel strongly in my life that this was what I wanted," he said, "To build a family like my parents did."
"I'm not going to deny you that," she said, "Not ever. It's just that…"
His lips reached for hers again and he stopped the rest of her sentence with a kiss. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer to her.
"You want me to say that I love you…"
She blinked her eyes open in surprise and pulled away, looking into his eyes.
"What…"
He paused and she thought she saw his eye lids flutter as if they'd been stung.
"I've never really been a man of words C.J.," she said.
She nodded.
"You're an action type of guy," she said, "I've always known that. It's hard to miss watching you chase the bad guys and save people's lives before coming home to soak your bruises away in the hot tub just to go out and do it all over again."
"That's the way my daddy was and his daddy I suspect," he continued, "but I really never meant to make you think that's all that I was and I couldn't say what needed to be said…"
She sighed.
"Houston, I know that about you and it's part of the reason why I fell so hard for you," she said, "because you're more a man of action in some very important and some…pleasurable ways too."
He smiled at the hint of pink in her cheeks.
"It's just that when I look at you, I seem to lose whatever words that I do have," he admitted, "You just knock me down every time you look at me in that certain way of yours…and I forget what it is that I want to say."
"I noticed," she said, smiling more broadly.
"But that's no excuse for not telling you how I feel in less…physical ways," he said, stroking her face again, "though I still plan on doing a lot of that."
She sure hoped so! Yes, words mattered, she was a trained lawyer for pete's sake but truth be told, she really loved the more tactile communicating they did together.
"Houston, you don't have to explain anything," she said, "I told you I loved you and I love all of you even when you get all tongue tied."
She watched his face change again and saw the effort behind what he had been trying to say before and she reached for his hand, taking it in her own and that appeared to relax him a bit, enough to continue.
"When I told you I wanted to marry you, it wasn't because I felt it was the right thing to do…," he said, "It's because I love you so damn much and I can't live without you in my life."
C.J. felt her own eyes tear up. She remained quiet for a long moment, but still held onto his hand, rubbing it while looking straight at him.
"Oh Houston…that's words enough for me," she said, reaching for him, "You can always show me in other ways…like…"
"This," he said, stroking her lips with his finger.
She arched her brow at him and his insides melted as he felt desire rush through him.
"Or this, you old cowboy," she finished, reaching for him.
She wrapped her arms around him and drew him against her and he gently shifted his body over hers and as his lips claimed her own, he started reminding her that when it came to other forms of communication, he could more than get his feelings across just fine.
And for a Harvard trained lawyer who lived and breathed on the spoken word, so could she.