Chapter 8

Elisabeth Weir sat down on a tree that had fallen over, looking at the world around her. Teyla was smiling faintly as she nursed Torren. Sitnalta was running around with the children, and Jennifer Keller and Laura Cadman were on the verge of joining the fun. Anne Teldy took herself a bit too seriously, so she stood to one side, smiling indulgently.

Elisabeth leaned back against the stump and looked at the brilliant night sky. The beads in her hair clattered softly as she moved. She missed her short hair – for a start it was much easier to maintain – but for now she had an aversion inside her to the idea of cutting it. She had thought for a while that it was due to the nanites. They had proven able to change one's perceptions. Yet Sitnalta assured her the nanites were now completely harmless. As the young woman had told her: "Think of them not as Replicator-nanites, but as Weir-nanites." Then the young woman had grinned: "I know it's a doozy, love, but you can trust me," she had said in a perfect mimic of the Becketts' accent.

So why the feeling that her long hair had a purpose? Perhaps it had something to do with the feeling that everything had changed: that she had changed and that she was never going to be the same person she had been. Her changed appearance was thus part of that feeling of change – of alienation.

And yet, as much as she replayed those days in her head, she could find no way in which things could have been different. Perhaps without Sitnalta it would have been even worse.

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The explosion had caused the glass to burst. Elisabeth knew that a concussion caused one to forget the moments just before the impact on the head, yet often in her dreams she would see the rainbow of glass bursting; flying at her. She would raise her arms, but the force of the shockwave flings her backwards and into darkness.

The next thing she knew she was waking up in the infirmary. As she sat up Rodney, John, Ronon and Jennifer had entered the blue-lighted room. They looked as confused as she did. All except John. He had looked furious: furious enough to immediately order her into quarantine. Jennifer had been forced to examine her in a bio-hazard suit.

"They shouldn't have done this," she told Teyla, also garbed in a suit. She was aware she would have died without the treatment, yet even then she had been more concerned with the safety of Atlantis than her own life. Also she dreaded the idea of the Replicator-nanites trying to take over her mind as it had only a short while earlier. No, it had been a bad idea; they should have let her die.

But time had not allowed any of them the luxury of discussing the issue. By the time she had come to the conclusion she would prefer it if they turned off the nanites, Rodney and Radek had already cooked up a new idea that was both reckless and brilliant. That seemed to be the way those two thought: though science geeks, their minds worked on the outer edges of comfortable. And their ideas were always just as uncomfortable; just as dangerous. This time they had the idea of giving one of the puddle jumpers a hyper-drive and to raid the Replicator homeworld of a ZPM.

She had known she needed to accompany them, and it had been a good thing she had. What nobody had counted on was Sitnalta joining the mission, as well. Rodney had grumbled about it, but she had noticed before that the scientist's will usually crumbles before the even more obstinate will of Sitnalta. In all honesty, for all intents and purposes Sitnalta had been raised by those on Atlantis: John with his cynicism and pig-headedness, Ronon who never argued, but only stood unmovable once he had decided on a course of action, Teyla with her calm determination and even Elisabeth self, who knew she could be difficult when pushed. No wonder Rodney never had a chance.

And of course, though everyone knew Sitnalta had knowledge of Ancient technology, they never even considered that she knew anything of Replicator tech. And Sitnalta never told anyone, either. The young woman seemed to like the idea of letting Rodney and Zelenka take the lead; only joining in when she could improve on their plans.

So when the shield had failed during the raid she had simply disappeared into the back of the jumper. Elisabeth had not given the blonde woman much consideration, though. Instead she had gone into the city and kept Oberoth at bay.

Unfortunately Oberoth was strong, and he had overpowered her in the end. As she had stood, surrounded by Replicators and watching John, Ronan and Rodney disappear, she had expected to finally die. Instead the world had suddenly turned black around her.

When she came to, she was back in the infirmary. A worried Beckett and Jennifer had stood on one side of her bed; a belligerent Sitnalta and an angry John on the other side. Though Elisabeth had tried to insist they tell her what was going on, they had continued their argument over and around her. From the sound of it, it had been going on for some time. Eventually she had managed to piece together most of what had happened and why they were arguing.

Back on the Replicator homeworld Sitnalta had reactivated the shield – the one that disassembled the Replicators. But because she knew more about the nanites than Rodney (to his chagrin), she had been able to modify the shield to a frequency that the Replicators had not adapted to yet. The beam had disassembled all the nanites, including Elisabeth's. Then Sitnalta had promptly informed SGA-1 to get her (Elisabeth) and to hurry up and get their arses back in the jumper.

Back on Atlantis, the young woman had insisted Jennifer and Carson inject Elisabeth with more nanites, and then ordered them to "get the bloody hell away," she had work to do. Sitnalta can beverydifficult.

Then she had set to work on the nanites, rewriting them completely into what she would later call Weir-nanites. Unfortunately John had not been convinced, though. He had stormed into the infirmary with Carson and Jennifer training behind him and told Sitnalta to shut down the nanites. That was about the time Elisabeth had woken – right in the middle of Sitnalta telling John he was an arse (the young woman spent absolutely too much time picking up bad habits) and that he could go jump off the east pier for all she cared. As far as she was concerned, Elisabeth was a friend and friends helped friends – no matter what. Though she had not thought the exchange amusing then, Elisabeth had often smiled afterwards. She was quite sure John had even considered jumping off the pier just to get away from Sitnalta!

And so Elisabeth had re-joined the Atlantis-team. Unfortunately things had changed even more than she could have guessed back then.

The first thing that was different was the attitude of the rest of Atlantis towards her. Those first few weeks had been terrible. Many had looked at her with pure distrust, especially John. It had been a long and painful process to win back the trust and respect of the team.

Another thing had been the sudden change in herself. It had not been that noticeable in the beginning, but she soon realised her body needed less sleep than anyone else's. At first she had attributed her sleeplessness to her desire to be useful again. But after a week she had to admit she had changed – part of her was now like the Replicators and didn't need any sleep.

Then there had been the attitude of the IOA. They flatly refused to trust her (even now) and had sent another to replace her as leader of the Atlantis team. Unfortunately the same distrust kept her prisoner on board Atlantis. The IOA had officially pronounced her dead and told her that though she would not be put off Atlantis; she was never again welcome on earth. So now Atlantis had become her permanent home. That would have been fine, if it wasn't that it also felt like her prison at times.

But the worst part had been John. Even now he looked at her suspiciously. At first he had just been careful around her, but his attitude had soon turned sour on her. Now he shunned her as much as possible. The others had tried to talk to him about it, but he remained obstinate.

Perhaps he was correct, though. Perhaps she could not be trusted anymore.

The next problem had been Samantha Carter. SGC had sent her as leader of Atlantis, and from the start things had gone wrong between the two women. The irony was that the two of them were much alike.

The problem was that many of the Atlantis team – especially the scientists – still waited until Elisabeth approved of a plan. The military personnel referred to Carter, and though both women insisted everyone should consider Sam as leader, many of the military people would still glance first at Elisabeth.

Of course it did not help that there was now no specific purpose for her. Not so long ago Elisabeth had been leader of the community, now she had nothing to offer them. Yet she trusted Sitnalta. Therefore she had never even considered leaving Atlantis and stepping through the stargate to an empty planet.

In time everyone had found their balance, though. Elisabeth was now mostly unofficially second in command (something that Carter found easy to live with, but which had grated on Woolsey's nerves for a long time). This had freed Carter to join many of the off-world missions (or as Sitnalta had once pointed out: an off-off-world mission, seeing as Atlantis was already off-world from earth – and now even off its own world), as well as Teyla, who had often been asked to look after the city while everyone was away. This seemed fine by everyone.

Woolsey had taken it a bit differently, especially as nobody had ever let on to the IOA that she took such an active role in the city again. That he had been pissed was to say the least. Yet even he had never let on to the IOA that she was still active. The man was truly an enigma at times. And over time the two of them had formed a formidable team. As she was a civilian like him, he had started coming to her with some of his frustrations with the military personnel, as well as the implications of some of his decisions. In turn she had been able to argue with him and soothe his conscious at ignoring the rules of the IOA. By now she fulfilled the role as second in command, as well as advisor to Woolsey.

And to be honest, though she missed being in command, it was liberating not to be the one who had to worry about earth and the IOA.

It was only John that still looked at her and saw the enemy within.

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As she looked at the stars, a sudden memory flashed through her mind. It had been when they had been about a year in the Pegasus galaxy. They had been awaiting three Wraith hive ships and their escort of cruisers and darts. In desperation John had taken one of the nuclear weapons she had negotiated from the Genii, put it on a puddle jumper and flown off towards the ship in a suicide run in an attempt to destroy a hive ship. Fortunately Caldwell and the Daedalus had arrived in the nick of time and beamed him out. When the hive ships had been destroyed, John had been beamed into the gateroom, in front of the gate. It was that moment that now played itself off in her mind: John had called out in a joke "honey, I'm home." Though she had by then known he was safe for a few minutes, she was still relieved to see him. She had thought they had lost him.

No, she had thought she had lost him. The relief she had felt when he had turned around had been like nothing she had felt before. And when he had turned and seen her, the look on his face had made her heart leap. Yes, she had denied it for a long time; even going so far as to try and start things with Simon again. But that which she had suspected (and tried to deny) that day could no longer be denied: she had fallen for John Sheppard. Just too bad the time for anything to come from it had passed.

"First you were frowning, then you were smiling and now you seem on the verge of tears," a voice suddenly came next to her. Teyla had finished with Torren and had come to join her friend. A worried Sitnalta sat down on the other side of her. It often seemed to her these two women came together at night and planned their strategy where she was concerned. Usually one of them was always nearby, looking out for her; resulting in a three-way friendship unlike any of them had known before.

"I was just thinking about The Accident," Elisabeth replied. They had all come to refer to that day two years ago as 'The Accident,' in capital letters. Teyla frowned.

"You do not still believe we had made the wrong decision?" she asked her friend.

"No. I was just thinking. Tonight seemed like a night for reflection."

This time Sitnalta frowned. "As long as I don't have to remind you what I think about your tendency for self-sacrifice," the woman grumbled. Weir smiled. Just after The Accident, Sitnalta had ranted to her about what she (Sitnata) considered an inappropriate and stupid tendency towards self-sacrifice in her (Elisabeth). As far as Sitnalta was concerned, Weir had more to offer in staying alive than looking for each and every opportunity to try and get herself killed. Halfway through the rant Elisabeth had thought Rodney was a perfect match for the blonde woman. By the end of the rant she had felt immense sympathy and respect for the moody scientist.

But Sitnalta had made her point. Elisabeth knew she was wont to self-sacrifice. She had tried to temper that impulse ever since.

"The second moon is nearly up," Teyla suddenly said, getting up. "It is late and these children need to get to bed," she explained. "It is time we got back to Atlantis."

"Yes, let's go back," Elisabeth agreed.