Sakura shifted slightly, turning to face her sleeping lover. Cautiously, as to not wake him, she ran a steady hand through his mess of spiky, black hair. Normally, she was the one to fall asleep at night, but it was different this time. He had made love to her as sweetly and heatedly as always, but this time, as they had basked in after-sex glory, he had finally asked her. He had practically demanded that she became his wife.
She had cried, much to his bewilderment, and feverishly agreed. Then they had continued to lay in each other's arms, neither of them ashamed of their nakedness. Eventually, Sasuke had fallen asleep, leaving her to think. It was simply amazing. A small part of her was still shocked that Sasuke had apologized to her upon his return to Konoha for leaving for Orochimaru. That had happened over a year ago, and she still could not get over it. To think that he had loved her the entire time he had been away; it was astounding. Now, after almost eighteen years of her longing for it, Sasuke had decided to make her his wife. It was enthralling, simply wonderful.
Never before had she felt so completely happy, it was better than the day he had apologized, and even better than their first kiss, and the first time he had made love to her. He truly loved her, enough to trust her with conceiving his children. Sasuke said it had always been her, she was the one he had chosen to carry on the Uchiha line with, even before he had left Konoha. For years, he had been planning this.
...
There was a determined tug on Sakura's vest, drawing her attention downward. Her four year old son stood there, looking up at her through dark, beautiful eyes. As perceptive as always, little Takumi was concerned. He seemed to sense her slight nervousness. A flash of red went through his eyes, and he looked at her abdomen in confusion.
"Kaa-san, are you all right? Your chakra... it is different." He asked, reaching bout of his tiny, chubby hands to feel her stomach. Sakura sighed, she should have known her little protege of a son would have seen her irregular cycling of chakra forming in her womb.
"Kaa-san has a little surprise for Tou-san. She is just worried about his reaction." She whispered to Takumi. He glared at the little bundle of chakra, still not understanding.
"What is the surprise?"
Sakura smiled down at her son, and gently pet his head of tousled, black hair. "I will tell you later, Takumi-chan. Now go play with your friends."
He scowled for a second, but then nodded his head, and ran from the living room. She sighed, until she heard her son, still on his way out, run into his father. She heard, with great dread, as little Takumi said, "Tou-san, Kaa-san's tummy looks funny. I think she is scared about it."
So much for surprises, Sakura supposed. She did not get to hear what Sasuke said in response to this, and shortly after, her husband entered the room.
Sasuke had been gone for a mont and a half on a long-distance mission, and he finally had returned. Sakura, he quickly saw, was well into her second pregnancy. He did not need Sharingan to tell, the slight roundness of her stomach was enough to give her away instantly.
"When was it?" He asked, smiling softly and pulling her into a careful hug.
"It was on out anniversary, of that I am certain." She murmured, standing on her toes to kiss his cheek. His eyes widened, recalling that night, and knowing it had been almost three months previous. She must have found out days within his departure.
"I love you, Sakura." He muttered into her hair, then kissing her forehead.
Sakura woke with a start, her blankets pooled at her hips, and her body covered in a cold sweat. It had been three weeks since she had decided that she needed to forget Sasuke, and every night since making that decision, she had the same two dreams. She could control what she thought about during the day, but when she slept, it was impossible. Her heart still wanted Sasuke.
Tears pricking at her eyes, Sakura stumbled out of her room, not trusting herself to go back to sleep. Not bothering to be stealthy, she wandered down the hall, past Karin's room, and then past Itachi's, until she reached the kitchen. She was throughly exhausted, but there was nothing else to do but make herself some tea.
Despite her utter betrayal, Karin had stayed faithful, always careful of what she said and always kindly staying by her side, just as Ino had when Sasuke abandoned Konoha. It was strange how many times Sakura kept comparing people she now know to those from her life. Karin to Ino, Deidara to Naruto, and Itachi to Sasuke. It was sick, twisted, but she could not help but to think of them; her three precious people.
Itachi woke to the sound of Sakura stumbling down the hall past his room, as he had for the past three weeks. And as he had done for that time, he rolled out of bed, threw on a tee shirt, and went to the door. As always, there was a trail of tears left in her wake. He followed the path, until he found himself standing outside of the kitchen, like every night he had for the past three weeks. Like every other night before, Itachi silently slumped to the floor out of view from the archway leading into the kitchen. Her broken, choked sobs sounded through the walls, torturing him.
She must have had the dreams again, he sighed to himself. Itachi wanted to go in there, to hold her as her cries shook her entire body, but it was apparent that she did not wish for him to assist him whatsoever. He was there though, in case she sensed him sitting just outside, listening as she weeped.
After three days of doing just as he was then, Itachi had gone to Karin for an explanation. She had been gracious enough to give him a proper response, and told him about the two reoccurring dreams.
She was being stubborn, and he knew this very well. Sakura needed more help than she was willing to ask for; her pride was almost as high ranking as any average Uchiha. Karin was being nothing but amiable about the entire situation, but with each passing night of waking up to Sakura's sobs, it became clear that she was not enough. As tempting as it was, he could not go into that kitchen, take her into his arms, and hush away her nightmares. Sakura had to approach him first, and until that happened, he would stay away, just as he promised.
After a long time of Itachi sitting, enduring his inner turmoil, her wails subsided, until there was nothing to be heard at all. His back sore from sitting on the hard floor for several hours on end, Itachi stretched, then got to his feet. Tentatively, he entered the still kitchen, finding Sakura fast asleep, her head against the table and her hand still loosely grasping an untouched cup of tea. Carefully, he took the cup and poured its contents down the sink.
Cautious, as to not wake her, Itachi wrapped both arms around her, and lifted her from the table. She was so burned out that, despite her kunoichi instincts, she did not so much as shift at his gentle hold. As always, he carried her down the hall, listening only to her fretful sleep and the pad of his feet on the hardwood floor as he slowly walked. Concern etched into his face, Itachi looked down at her.
For the first time, she began to thrash in his arms, trying to resist her nightmares. Try as much as he did, Itachi could not properly restrain her feverish movements and walk at the same time. Sakura's eyes flashed opened once more. She did not ask why he was carrying her, but instead acted. In desperation, she reached out to him, searching for comfort. He was so surprised that he let them both slump to the ground.
Itachi watched in amazement as she clutched onto him in a hold almost too strong for him to loosen. With great effort, he freed both of his arms to wrap them around her. She squeezed harder and harder, until it was almost painful. Itachi sat patiently with her, enduring her deathly tight hold until her strength gave out. She collapsed against him, her chest still heaving with strangled sobbing.
"He killed me! so why? Why do I keep doing this to myself?" She asked frantically, clenching his shirt in hardened fists. To this question, Itachi had to think to fabricate an acceptable answer.
"You think that holding in these feelings will help you move on, but you are wrong. What you need is to let it all out, or the pressure of compressing your emotions will build up, and break you down when it is too much to handle." He whispered, rubbing his hand into her back in soothing circles. She whimpered to herself softly.
"He will never leave me alone. He will not even let me sleep at night. I hate him so much, but I still wish my dreams were reality."
Itachi listened to what she said without judgement. She was hurting, and fixing her was more important than anything else. He understood her want to keep her problems to herself, but it was not going to help her at all. During his short, miserable life, he wished there had been someone to listen to how he felt. There had not been though, and he had only allowed himself to cry once, the night when everything in his life was turned upside-down. No one had been there then; everyone who mattered was dead, besides Sasuke. By then, Sasuke had hated him with a vengeance, and he was a renegade for what he was ordered to do.
Sakura was lucky to be surrounded by people who cared. There was himself, and Karin, and occasionally Deidara, who had taken on the responsibility of being a therapist. If he had been allowed to let his emotions out of the bottle it had been tightly corked into, things would have been different. He would not have been consumed by that awful disease he had brought upon himself from stress and misery. He could have gone years without any physical pain, with only emotional scars to deal with.
Sakura fell back into a fitful sleep, tormented by premonitions of what should have been. Itachi did not blame her for succumbing to slumber, she had to be tired after waking up every night to cry. He knew he was, and he was not the one being tortured by favorable dreams. With her laying limply in his arms, Itachi got back to his feet, and with no further interruption, brought her back to her room.
With Sakura laying back in her futon, Itachi settled himself against a wall across from her, with every intention to stay in case she woke again. He gazed at her face studiously, seeing that she was far from being at peace. Her face, while always beautiful, was scrunched up in absolute pain and grief. Every once and a while, a lone tear would drip down her nose, leaving a small stain on her pristine, white pillowcase.
After an out of her sleeping, Itachi dozed off, still leaning against her wall in a constant guard. If she woke, his instincts would wake him as well; he would be there for her when she needed it.
Sakura's eyes shot open, thankful to find that the night was finally through. Already, she could feel the dread in preparation for the next almost sleepless night. She sat up, letting the blankets covering her fall to her lap, and was surprised to find Itachi opposite of her, fast asleep and leaning on the wall. However, with the soft sounds of her sitting up, she slowly shifted. Awake, their eyes met. Much to Itachi's bewilderment, Sakura awkwardly got down to her hands and knees, and bowed.
"I apologize for last night. I should not have been so loud as to wake you, and should not have attacked you with my emotions. Thank you for returning me to my room, but you should not have stayed. I know the floor cannot have been comfortable." She said, guilt hinting at her overused voice.
"There is no need for you to apologize. I imagine you are more tired than I." He murmured, stretching as he stood on his feet. She glanced at him through her pink hair, still bowing. Sakura noted how his black sweatpants just barely hung on his hips. She wondered if he was eating enough, or if it was even possible to lose weight while being dead.
"Still, it was unnecessary for you to do that for me. I am thankful you did." She replied. He held his hand out, which she took, and Itachi helped her up into a standing position.
"Sakura, if I had any objection to bringing you back to bed, I would have approached you on the matter three weeks ago."
Sakura's eyes widened, and a deep blush teased her cheeks at this realization. She was not sure why, but she never thought much about her waking up every morning, tucked safely into her futon, while she had fallen asleep at the kitchen table. Both concerned and embarrassed, Sakura looked into Itachi's face. She found the dark, bruise-like shadows under his eyes to be much more pronounced, no doubt from lack of sleep. Every night she had stayed up, crying to herself, he had stayed up too, waiting for her to fall asleep so he could return her to her bed.
"I am a monster, am I not? Not only am I doing this to myself, but I am doing it to you too." Sakura mumbled, looking away in shame. Itachi clicked his tongue in disapproval.
"You are not a monster, Sakura. It took me years to come to terms with what I had done, but I had not had the great fortune of having someone that cared. I wish someone had stayed up with me all night, even if they had never said a thing to me." He reprimanded, using a finger to turn her face back to him.
"Besides, I did this on my own. You never asked me to stay with you, I chose to. Do not feel guilty for something you cannot control." Itachi continued. Sakura nodded her head to agree with him. A part of her wondered how he had gotten so wise.
"You were right, you know. I was blinded, and somehow, you had the insight to see that. I do not want to be blinded by my feelings for Sasuke, and I am trying to do better , but my dreams are not something I can control." Tears threatened to spill as she spoke, and her shoulders hunched forward while her head hung, hiding her face from view effectively.
"Do not doubt yourself, koishii. You are not defeated yet, and I still believe you can conquer this." Itachi murmured, his velvety tenor tickling her ear. Just as she had done last night, Sakura reached for him as the tears began to fall and the wails broke free from her throat. Both amazed and sympathetic for her actions, Itachi tied his arms around her, pulling Sakura's small, shaking figure into him.
Sakura felt pathetic for crying like a child again, but it was liberating. She felt somehow free from something that had been holding her back. She had been guilty about pushing her problems on Karin, even though she never complained. Itachi had always been there, waiting for her to get over her pride so he could help. Understanding why he wanted to help her was unimportant, all that truly mattered was that he was willing to listen as she cried.
"I am here, koishii. I am always here." he said soothingly. Sakura blinked at the endearment he had given her, realizing it was not the first time being called that by him. Koishii. Darling. She was undeserving of such high regard, with the way she had treated him.
"There is nothing about me that is endearing, Itachi. I am a terrible person, and a pitiful kunoichi." Sakura whimpered, hiding her face in the crook of his neck. Itachi shook his head, readily disagreeing with how she was abusing herself. It seemed that she could not see herself either, or she would have known how wonderful she really was.
"What do you see when you look in the mirror?" He asked cryptically in a soft voice. Sakura sighed sadly. "A mess."
"You are too pessimistic, koishii." He hummed scoldingly. She knew he was right, she was rather negative. That was half of her problem. It was her negativity that made her think about that she would never be happy without Sasuke, and that without him, she had nothing to exist for. Though her mind knew this was not true, her emotions could not agree.
"I know. I wish I was more of an optimist, but after... after team seven was torn apart, it was hard to remain positive." Sakura whispered, only faltering slightly. She had almost said his name, which was unacceptable. Itachi saw this, and it did not take much to figure what she had edited out. Whether it be for her benefit or his, she was avoiding saying Sasuke's name aloud. At least she was making a conscience effort to change her actions; that in itself was a big step to take alone.
"You are brave, koishii, for trying to take this on your own, but it is unnecessary. We want to help you, to see you better." Itachi sighed as her tears stopped falling. She looked up at him weakly, and after seeing the apprehensiveness in his onyx eyes, Sakura nodded her head in affirmation.
"Go take a shower and relax. I will make breakfast for you in your stead." He finally said, slowly pulling himself away. She smiled gratefully, and watched as she left the room. She left as well shortly after, heading straight for the bath for some quality relaxation.
Karin breathed out slowly, sliding into one of the couches in the open living room. Deidara sat opposite of her, scrutinizing her weary actions carefully. Karin had not slept well the night previous, undoubtedly because Sakura had been crying right outside her sliding door. Itachi had been comforting her, she knew, and this fact still distressed her.
"Orochimaru is planning something, you know." She said, looking up from her lap to Deidara's sky blue eyes. He snorted, supposing that he was utterly unsurprised by this new tidbit of information.
"When is that fag-lord not planing something devious?" He asked back rhetorically. Karin rolled her eyes, knowing he was right. Orochimaru always had some sort of scheme brewing, whether it be to get a hold of fresh Sharingan or to come back to life. She had the nudging feeling in the back of her head that told her his new ploy was going to involve both of these.
"Yes, but this involves Sakura." Karin told him. He grimaced, not liking the idea of that snake of a man getting anywhere near Sakura and her emotional mess.
"You only care about her because of what Itachi told you to do, un. From what I can tell, Uchiha can take protect his little girl well enough." Deidara grumbled. He was, if he was completely honest, tired of hearing about that stuck up Uchiha and his newly discovered hormones.
"Yes, but then Itachi-kun will be angry with me!" She retorted, reaching over to throw an abandoned scroll at his head. He sighed, staring at her indifferently as he inched over a second in time for it to pass by his head. Karin was such a violent, ill-tempered kunoichi, he could not help but to think.
"I honestly do not think he gives a flying fuck what you do, un. I am the one with years of training in psychiatry, remember?" Deidara said in nonchalance, waving his hand around lazily.
Karin pouted. "Years of training, my ass. I bet you cannot even read, dipshit!" She yelled, throwing another scroll that had been laying on the coffee table between them. Again, he dodged not a moment too soon.
"Well, you keep acting like I am your psychiatrist, un. And I can read, for your information." He countered. She flushed, stood up, smacked him upside the head, and then left the room abruptly. Deidara was left to grumble on how women were so unreasonable, Karin in particular.
The day was almost eerily silent, and neither Orochimaru nor Danzo showed their face until dinner. Since Itachi had been so kind to make breakfast in her place, Sakura took it upon herself to cook dinner instead. She impressed everyone in the group by serving a full meal consisting of salmon sashimi, grilled eel, pickled vegetables, vegetable tempura, miso soup, and of course, rice. What had pleased Itachi the most, however, was the mitarashi dango that she made for afterwards. It was quickly decided that Sakura should make dinner instead of breakfast, since she had made such an extraordinary meal.
After the dishes were all cleared and taken care of, everyone besides Orochimaru and Danzo retired into the living room for the evening. Sakura was tired, and Itachi saw this very clearly, but he did not say anything, knowing why she did not go to bed on her own. She was afraid of the reoccurring dreams, and would rather not be alone to face the again.
"Damn, that was a good dinner, un." Deidara huffed, flopping himself onto a free spot on the couch, rubbing his overfilled stomach. "You should get a few lessons from her, Karin." He continued snidely. Karin blushed at his remark, and taking it as an insult, grabbed the closest thing to her (which just so happened to be a heavy lamp) and threw it at the offending terrorist. He ducked just in time.
"Hey! That could have seriously hurt me, un!" He shouted after the glass shattered on the wall. "And now we do not have a lamp either!" He added as an after thought. She grumbled something incoherently, but Sakura was sure she said something about how there would be another lamp there the next morning.
"I would have healed you if there was any blood." Sakura interjected. If it was only a bump though... he would have to suffer for being such a notorious pain in the ass. It was not fair of him to taunt Karin merely because she was a lesser cook than she.
"See, there you go. It is not as if you could have died again anyway, even if Sakura was not around." Karin stuck her tongue out. Deidara rolled his eyes at her immaturity, while Itachi watched the entire scene unfold with amusement. Observing people in their element was something he found entertaining, though most thought it to be strange or creepy. He, personally, did not care what anyone thought about his pastimes.
It was not long, after Karin and Deidara had gotten their bickering out of their systems, before Sakura drifted into slumber so deeply that even if they did start yelling again, she would not stir. Itachi got up from the couch he had been sitting at and took the responsibility of putting her to bed. He picked her up from the armchair she was curled up in, and wordlessly carried her down the hall to her room.
He was silently glad that she looked more at peace when she slept this time, and hoped as he rolled out her futon and placed her in it, that she would have sweet dreams. Sakura needed rest, and as long as those dreams did not show, then she would sleep the night through. Itachi gently kissed both of her shut eyelids before covering her with blankets and leaving the room.
When Sakura stirred, it was not because of any nightmare, but because of discomfort. She pulled the thick blankets off her, and realized why. She had gone to bed with her clothes still on. Huffing to herself, Sakura plodded to her closet and grabbed the white kimono she usually wore to bed. She stripped completely, not caring enough to put her day clothes in their proper home, and wrapped the soft material around herself. Comfortable again, she trudged back to her futon, and quickly fell back asleep.
They came back with a force, both of the dreams playing out vividly in more detail. She could have memorized every taut muscle of Sasuke's chest under her fingers, and counted all of the hairs on her son's head in the agonizingly long amount of time it took for them each to end. When she jumped up, instantly awake, Sakura wanted to claw her own eyes out, just to rid her mind of the visions she kept receiving.
Sakura was almost frantic, needing to rid herself of these nightmares. She had to do something drastic, something to get her mind off Sasuke. Desperate for help, and for healing, she could only think of one thing to do. Go to Itachi. He said he would mend her, put the broken pieces back together, and that was what she needed.
His door quietly slid open, but it was enough to wake him up. Itachi slowly opened his eyes to see Sakura standing there. She closed the door behind her, and stood in the middle of the room. Itachi sat up, and being throughly concerned, had been about to ask her what was wrong, when she spoke.
"Fix me, Itachi." She said hollowly, uncrossing her arms and letting the kimono she had been wearing fall to the floor. Itachi did all he could not to gape at her bare form.
"Fix me." She repeated.
AN: OOOH~ what's gonna happen? Hmmm.... give me lots-o-reviews, and I might be nice! ^^