DISCLAIMER: I own nothing you recognize.
In light of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince coming out, I'm updating :) I saw the movie and personally, I thought it was great. I hope you all like this chapter, its basically just a filler. Let me know what you think!
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Things calmed down over the next week, Snape and I avoiding each other on the several occasions he came to Grimmauld place. Sirius and I had not spoken alone since the water incident on the day of my arrival, and I was annoyed with myself that I seemed so conscious of his presence. But I ignored all of my misgivings, going about the house as cheerful as always. Harry had gone to his hearing and been cleared of all charges, thanks to Dumbledore. Sirius had acted relieved for Harry, but I'd had plenty years practice of reading his face; I could tell he was slightly disappointed that his godson would not become an outcast, spending more time with him. I just avoided him, talking and spending most of my time with Tonks, Remus and Molly.
"Wotcher, Saylie," Tonks said to me about a week after I arrived at Grimmauld place. "We're taking the Hogwarts lot to King's cross. Harry's got the whole guard with him, so I don't think we'll actually need you there this time, if you want to stay here." She raised her eyebrows, and I knew what she was thinking. Sirius didn't get to leave the house either.
"Oh, well, I was hoping I could come with you...." I said hesitantly. There was no doubt in my tone that I wanted to avoid any awkward situations.
"'Course you can," Tonks said at once. " We won't be more than a couple of hours. Some people need to be stationed around Hogsmeade, so we'll be setting everything up tonight for Harry's return to Hogwarts. Dumbledore's taking no chances."
"Of course. When are we leaving?"
"As soon as everyone's collected their belongings. Do me a favor, will you? Can you go up to the third landing and grab Ginny's luggage? She left it on the stairs and I'm in charge of making sure all of the bags get to the car. We're sending all of the luggage in a muggle car with Arthur and we're walking with the guard to King's Cross. Arthur couldn't get the Ministry cars again this year...for obvious reasons." Tonks finished, annoyed.
I nodded silently in agreement, and started up toward the third landing, passing by Ron, Fred and George on the staircase. They were arguing over who had seen George's broomstick last. Remembering something, I turned towards them quietly.
"I thought I saw it down in the kitchens last night," I admitted to them. The boys all stopped and looked at me curiously. "That house elf had been carrying it around."
"Kreacher," George muttered murderously. "Er, thanks, Saylie." I nodded and continued on my quest to find the luggage. I really hoped the teens at Grimmauld Place didn't hate me, because of what happened with Sirius and I; The way they dodged around me made it difficult to believe otherwise. I especially thought Harry Potter thought less of me, since he was Sirius's godson. They were all obviously friends with him, so I thought maybe they were judging me by my past...I sincerely hoped that wasn't the case. When I reached the third floor, I didn't even bother to try picking up the bags that lay in the hallway, knowing they would be too heavy to lift, let alone carry all the way back downstairs. I pointed my wand at them and whispered an incantation to make them feather-light. While stooping to grab the four carriers, I heard Harry's voice come from a room beside the corridor.
"Sirius, I don't know," He was saying dubiously. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"
"It'll be fun," I heard Sirius say cheerfully. "What's the harm? No one will know it's me." Harry backed out of the room, halting when he saw me outside the door.
"Oh, hello, Harry." I straightened up, collecting the suitcases and bringing them up with me. Sirius walked out of the room, coming to stand just beside Harry.
"Do you need help?" He offered, condescendingly, it seemed to me.
"No, thank you," I smiled, mockingly pleasant. "I'm sure I can manage." Promptly turning around, I started towards the first step, only to have my horrible footing betray me. I tripped over my own feet, sending one of the bags toppling out of my arms and down a few of the steps. Before I could fall any further down the ominous staircase, I felt a hand grip my upper arm, steadying me; I hadn't heard Sirius come over, but suddenly he was there, picking up the bag that had dropped and giving it back to me.
"Thanks," I said, trying to keep my voice good-natured. In truth, that little slip had hurt my pride a bit more than I'd have liked. I've been spending way too much time with Tonks, I thought exasperatedly. Sirius simply shrugged at me, smirking in that arrogant way.
"SAYLIE!" I heard a shout coming up from the first floor. It was Tonks, probably wondering what was taking me so long. I sighed, trying to hurry down the stairs with the luggage while keeping my balance. Sirius and Harry followed behind me, watching my slow progress.
"So," I said as a distraction from their staring. "What are you two up to?" I was suspicious of their conversation before, and I wanted to ask the question without my curiousity seeming too obvious.
"Oh, you heard that?" Sirius asked merrily. "I was just asking Harry if it would be alright if I came to King's Cross with you lot."
"King's Cross?" I repeated slowly. "You're not supposed to leave the house...Dumbledore's orders." I was worried, despite my better judgement. Sirius had never been the most careful person when it came to dangerous situations, and he especially did not have a problem with breaking the rules. Plus, I had made an extra effort of making absolutely sure I could go to King's Cross so I wouldn't have to be near him more than necessary.
"I'm aware of that," Sirius said smoothly. "But what's the point in being an Animagus if you're not going to use your power, right?" I almost dropped the bags again, after finally reaching the first floor. I'd forgotten...Sirius could turn into that massive, shadowlike dog. I remembered finding out about him, James and Peter when I found out about Remus's furry little problem. Sirius continued on his rant. "It's like telling Tonks not to use her Metamorphagus power. It'd be mad, really."
"Sirius." I turned to face him, my expression skeptical. "People all over the wizarding world must know you're an Animagus by now." Reasoning with him was not going to work, I could tell.
"Is that a hint of worry I hear?" He asked in a nauseatingly innocent tone.
"You wish," I muttered. "I'm just saying...Dumbledore won't be pleased."
"Well I'm not exactly pleased, being cooped up in this hell hole all the time," He snarled indignantly. Looking at his ravaged face, I had a sudden urge to comfort him, put my arms around him and tell him I'm sorry. But of course...he was the one who should be apologizing. Not the other way around.
I opened my mouth to speak, but Harry cut me off. "Sirius..."
"Don't you want me there to see you off?" Sirius asked impassively, raising his eyebrows.
"'Course I do," Harry murmured. "Maybe you're right. Everything will be fine..." He grinned, succeeding in convincing himself of Sirius's safety. Sirius beamed as well, clapping Harry on the back. Of course I did not agree, but I pursed my lips to avoid saying anything. Who was I to stand between Sirius' farewell to his only godson? I could tell that Sirius thought of Harry as a real son, more than anything else. It was obvious. So if this was the way Sirius got his kicks after spending so much time caged up in this moldy house, I wasn't going to be the one to ruin it for him, even if I did disagree.
I was snapped out of my thoughts when something wet touched my hand. Looking down in shock, I saw the giant, bear-like dog panting up at me, his tongue hanging out loosely from the side of his mouth. I could feel the surprise on my face; memories rushed back to me as I looked into the dogs' friendly face.
"Remus," I'd murmured quietly in the dim Gryffindor common room. The Marauders and Lily were all there, sitting quietly on the sides. "It doesn't matter to me what you are. I mean, if everyone accepted others for who they were, without judgement or question, the world would be a lot better place, don't you think?"
"Thank you, Saylie," Remus had replied with gratitude. At that, Sirius stood up, coming to put his arm around me.
"So," He'd said conversationally. "Now you know. We all turn into animals once a month to keep Moony here company."
I laughed, turning to look up at him. "So you turn into a dog?" He'd nodded, gauging my reaction. "Show me," I demanded.
"Show you?" Sirius repeated, amused. "You really want to see?" I nodded eagerly. "I don't know, what d'you think, Prongs?"
"Well," James had said thoughtfully, attemping to put his arm around Lily. But she had maneuvered away from him, going to favor a seat by Peter instead. "I don't think these ladies appreciate us enough to be presented with such difficult magical achievement."
"You two are so obnoxious," I'd said grumpily. "Please show us?" Sirius sighed dramatically, pulling his arm back from around my waist.
"Alright." He looked down at me curiously for a moment, and then unexpectedly, Sirius disappeared. There was suddenly an enormous black dog looking up at me, his tail thumping on the carpet rhythmically. I had stared in shock, only looking up when Lily gasped in surprise.
In front of her, there was a tall stag, with great antlers and large hazel eyes...James' eyes. Blinking, I'd looked back at the dog with interest, but it was no longer there. Sirius stood in front of me again, staring at me unfathomably.
"Did I scare you?" He'd asked mockingly.
"No," I said, still dazed. He came over, touching his lips softly to mine.
"Oi!" James yelled, irritated, having turned back into his human form. Sirius ignored him, deepening our kiss. I pulled away after a moment, grinning up at him wickedly.
"You dog," I said, teasing him just a little. Sirius just laughed, sounding exactly like the animal he'd turned into only a minute before....
I mentally shook myself, clearing my mind of that memory I would never forget. Bringing myself back to the present, I saw Harry staring at me confusedly. Sirius cocked his head to the side, whining a little, and coming forward to touch his nose to my hand again. I smiled, laughing breathlessly. "You always made a better dog than a human," I commented. Sirius barked happily, turning to chase his tail. Harry laughed, with Ron and the twins joining in when they saw him.
"Oh, Sirius, no!" Molly came up from the kitchens with a wooden spoon from dinner. Spotting the enormous dog in the entry way, she raised the spoon to wack him with it, half playfully and half forcefully, but Sirius dodged out of the way with another booming bark. "You cannot come to King's Cross, it's much too dangerous. You could be seen! Someone could recognize you! Dumbledore would never allow this."
"Molly," Remus said soothingly, his hands laden with baggage. "I'm worried, too. But I don't really think there's anything we can do to stop him. There never has been."
----------------------------------------------------------
We probably looked like an odd sort of group: About seven badly dressed wizards, six children, four of whom had flaming red hair, and a giant dog barking and chasing everything in sight. But the weather was nice, the sun beating down pleasantly and a light breeze swirling strands of hair across my face that had fallen out of my updo. I had changed before we left Grimmauld place. As I was a bit more experienced in muggle fashion than the other adults, I kept it simple, wearing a plain white t-shirt and ripped jeans.
"Sirius," Molly hissed for the hundredth time on our journey. "Please, for Merlin's sake, act properly and leave that squirrel alone."
Ginny giggled beside me, and I saw Hermione roll her eyes on my other side. We'd been walking together for a few blocks, making small talk here and there. But nothing exactly prepared me for the conversation that came next.
"Er, Saylie?" Hermione asked gently. I looked at her, raising my eyebrows in question. "What...well, er, what exactly happened with you and...Sirius?" She flushed at the surprise on my face. I hadn't anticipated her asking me straight out like that. She must have known part of the story, at least. "You don't have to answer," Hermione rushed on. "I was just wondering. But that was quite rude of me, I'm sorry."
"It's all right," I said calmly. Of course she would be curious about it. It was quite obvious that someone had been talking about the issue, but surprisingly, I didn't really mind. It was bound to come out sooner or later. I was just having trouble with how to answer her question. "Well...people change. I'm sure a smart girl like yourself knows that as well as I do." I could feel Ginny staring at me as well, listening raptly. Sirius was bounding after Harry happily, with one ear cocked toward us. But I doubted he could hear our conversation. "What happened with me and Sirius was a long time ago, and I've never really been the type to just let things go. He lied to me...and I'm a brilliant grudge-holder." I laughed a little, trying not to seem too anxious. But then my voice turned serious and I looked at the bushy-haired girl beside me. "Things fall apart sometimes, Hermione. The trick is to figure out what to do with the pieces
"Oh," She said meekly. I could tell she was still embarrassed.
"I'm sorry," I said, smiling a little. "That probably didn't clear much up for you."
"Oh, no," Hermione said, looking up in surprise. "I understand what you're saying. It wasn't my business anyway, I'm sorry."
"It's fine," Was all I said.
"That's really clever," Ginny stated after a moment of silence. "What you said, I mean. About things falling apart...and figuring out what to do with the pieces."
I smiled again. "It's the best way I could think of to describe the situation." I shrugged absently, watching Sirius bite a flower off a shrub and shove it into Molly's hand. What a suck up.
We continued our walk to King's Cross, conversation becoming more and more comfortable with the girls. I had been starting to think that everyone at Grimmauld place hated me, because of what happened between Sirius and I. Everyone, besides Snape, was friends of sorts with Sirius. I didn't want them to judge me, to think little of me because of the falling out between us. At least now I knew that Hermione and Ginny, and probably the other teens as well, were just curious about what happened. I'd taken much worse when Sirius was first imprisoned, with people staring at me all around Saint Mungo's, whispering behind my back. If honest, interested questions were all I was going to get about the situation, I could live with that. I just wondered how much more of this stress I could live through.
-----------------------------------------------------
Sirius's Point Of View.
I trotted along after Remus on the way back from King's Cross station, having just said goodbye to Harry, Hermione and the Weasley's. It felt great to be out of that damned house, even if it'd only been for a little while. But now I was heading back to the wretched place, back to getting locked up inside for who knows how bloody long. It was like Azkaban all over again.
No, I shouldn't think that. Azkaban was worse - much, much worse. The dementors had sucked every cheerful thought or memory from my mind...all but the ones of Saylie. I knew that I'd left her; that wasn't a happy feeling at all, so they couldn't take it away from me. I felt guilty, ashamed when I had been arrested, knowing that she wouldn't understand the truth. I'd fought so hard for those memories of her - I never wanted to forget. But none of it mattered now, I suppose. What's done is done.
Escaping from Azkaban had been like being born again...until I thought of my dead friends, my girlfriend left in the dark. Oh, and the fact that the entire wizarding world thought I was an insane murderer. So, doing the only thing I could think to do at the time, I went to find Wormtail at Hogwarts, the rat I'd seen in the newspaper clipping, and that was where I met Harry....
That brought my thoughts farther into the present, about fifteen minutes ago. I'd stood on two paws at King's Cross, the better to look into my godson's eyes. He was so much like James, with his loyalty to friends and talent for trouble, but he showed his mothers compassion through his green eyes. Molly yanked me down by the collar, hissing at me to act more like a dog, all while pushing Harry quickly onto the train and ignoring my growls. Now she was going to stop me from saying goodbye to my own godson? She acted as if she was the only one who cared about Harry.
Hoping to give Harry a laugh as he waved through the train window and to irritate Molly, I'd started to chase the train as it moved forward, running alongside it excitedly and feeling the natural instinct of my animagus ignite. I heard Saylie giggle reluctantly as I bounded past her, with many others pointing and laughing. Well, I still had it: I loved to put on a show.
Now, strolling happily back to Grimmauld Place after an angry looking Molly, I looked at Saylie with my perfectly attuned animal eyes.
She had her dark hair pinned up with strands of it falling into her golden eyes, wearing perfectly fitting and matched muggle clothes. She'd always been beautiful, that was what first had caught my eye in my fifth year at Hogwarts. She'd held her slim body with such confidence that I'd hurried to meet the challenge; it took forever to convince her to go out with me, much like it had taken James ages to get Lily to say yes. Saylie's issue was different, though - she did not deny that she liked me, which had pleased me greatly. But she had heard about my reputation and didn't like that one bit. Honestly, I had been lying to her at first about "trust" and "committment", and I know she saw right through me, though I denied it for years. Then, slowly, I truly started to realize how amazing she really was. Still is, probably. I had never expected for our relationship to turn into what it did....I'd never exactly seen myself as tied down, with an actual girlfriend. I preferred multiple girlfriends, sometimes at one time. But when I met Saylie...it just didn't seem to hold the same appeal. Strange. At any rate, I had been bloody crazy for that woman.
Now, walking behind her, I thought back to the conversation I'd overheard between her, Ginny and Hermione. My animal ears were much more sensitive to sound than in my human form, so I'd been able to hear Saylie with ease. I'd seen her glance at me a few times, probably wondering if I could hear her with my ear cocked toward them curiously. And I could.
'Things fall apart, Hermione. The trick is to figure out what to do with the pieces.' We didn't fall apart...we were destroyed. Saylie seemed to have given up on even trying to fix things between us. Part of me couldn't blame her; I'd probably hurt her bad. I mean, it had hurt me like hell to leave her alone like that - it worried me half to death, especially during those times. I'd never meant to hurt her, I just wanted to protect her. Voldemort had been on a rampage...I hadn't told her about anything that was going on because I wanted to keep her safe. She had been the most important thing to me - not that I would admit that to anyone, even Remus - I didn't want her to be afraid. If I told her what was going on, she would have been unnecessarily frightened.
At least, that's what I told myself to justify my actions. James had told me repeatedly that Lily wanted to see Saylie, to let her know she was alright. But I couldn't do it, I couldn't tell her Lily and James had to go into hiding. Partially because I couldn't believe it myself.
Now, with Saylie so close, living in the same house as me, I was partially jumpy, partially angry and partially worried. She wouldn't even look at me for more than five seconds; she'd been avoiding me as much as possible, with the exception of the water fight we'd had on her first day at Grimmauld Place.
Ah, the water fight....It had been like falling back into the comfortable, teasing relationship we'd had all those years ago. But I had to stop thinking like this; if Saylie wanted things to be like this, then fine. She could act like everything was peachy, as if she wasn't bothered by anything that had happened. She could pretend I didn't exist and she could make things awkward and cold for as long as she liked.
But she couldn't avoid the situation forever. I half hoped she would try - I didn't exactly want to face her after twelve years, either. Saylie had quite a temper and was bloody stubborn when she wanted to be. She'd argue for hours if this issue was brought up. I used to love arguing with her, seeing her beautiful face flushed and angry, getting her all riled up. It was actually kind of fun - and the making up afterwards wasn't bad either.
But I didn't want to fight with her now, especially over this tense situation that had time to fester and boil over during the last twelve years. I was just glad to see her, even though I could tell she was faking happiness. Even though I could tell she was miserable - just like me.