CHAPTER 7

For six months ONR and LGB left messages, IM'd and privately chatted … and for six months House and Eileen were at each other's throats. Oh not overtly…for the most part. Eileen worked hard to stem that. But the remarks were catty and sometimes they did go too far.

Like the previous week. Eileen rounded a corner and saw House walking towards her with his ducklings. They saw who came toward them, stopped in their tracks, pulled a 180, and practically ran for the hills. House smirked and shook his head but didn't take his eyes from Eileen. If House were honest with himself… a trait he never possessed… he would've admitted that the woman got better and better the more they saw each other. She was no longer fat (though she hadn't lost weight… she just wasn't fat in the first place); she was curvy with ripe breasts and impeccable taste in clothing. The woman knew how to dress to compliment her figure. House's eyes took in the sway of her hips that left him mesmerized. He whistled as she approached.

"Look at you! Are you the next Muu-Muu Swinsuit Edition Model?"

She gave him the finger. "And are you the next Gimpy Old Man spokesperson for Medimusal?"

House walked by her, slapped her rear end, and smirked. "Round and jiggly, like a bowl full of jelly."

Eileen didn't even think as she kicked his cane out and send him sprawling to the floor then pivoted quickly and landed her expensive brown platform pump on his neck, holding him in place. The hallway quieted as people wondered what she would do next. At least House was smart enough not to writhe under her foot. It was like he knew exactly how to act in just such a situation. "Weight does have its advantages." House's eyes followed her smooth calf up a little ways underneath her mid-calf straight skirt. His hand came up and he grabbed her calf, giving his fingers time to lightly caress the skin. It was smooth and incredibly soft.

"Are you going to let me go?"

"Not until you admit your ego weighs more than I do."

"That's not possible." She applied more pressure and he gasped but he wasn't about to fold to this woman, no matter how formidable an opponent she was. "Nothing weighs as much as you do…" His voice grew continually raspy as she applied more pressure.

"Oh for the love of… Dr. Simons, get off him!" Wilson sighed as he hurried over. "This has got to end. I can't play playground monitor for the boy who pulls the girl's pigtails."

"Then what do you suggest we do? He starts it!" Eileen asked, without removing pressure and without taking her eyes from House's.

House removed his and gasped, "Show me what you got under that skirt and I'll be willing to negotiate."

She narrowed her eyes. "You try anything and you'll be coughing up your gonads." A titter of laughter rippled through the crowd as she slowly stepped away from him. She watched House stand up and then she backed up and walked down the hall. Every time she saw him, talked to him, he stole a little something from her. He couldn't shut up; it was like he had diarrhea of the mouth or something. But she saw something in his eyes, something that was very faint at first but had grown over the last six months. If she hadn't known better she would've thought she saw admiration, then respect, then even a glint of attraction.

If she were really honest with herself she would've admitted she felt the same thing; if she were really honest with herself she would've admitted that she looked forward to seeing him because she never knew what he'd say. If she were really honest with herself she would've admitted that she liked how he had looked up her skirt, how he touched her, how he baited her.

And if she were really honest with herself she would've admitted that they had to stop having any contact with each other as they were far too volatile.

*****

ONR HAS SIGNED ON

ONR: Drea?

LGB: hey doc. I've gotta problem.

ONR: I've got lots of them. I'm an expert. How can I help?

LGB: LOL. I'm attracted 2 some1 I shouldn't like.

ONR: I'm really not that bad…

LGB: very funny. I like u 2.

ONR: I really should call you a slut at this point of the conversation

LGB:…???....

ONR: well, u r telling me, some1 u've talked 2 4 6 mos and have even slept with, that u like some1 else

LGB: cybersex isn't really sex u know

ONR: tell that to mr. stiffy. What's this about u liking some1 else?

LGB: wow, u used a lot of numbers in that 1 sentence

ONR: oh, I get it. nice.

LGB: what?

ONR: touché. Great touch with the avoidance thing

LGB: what can I say right here? Its true… I like u both

ONR: so I'm just ur boy-toy? Ur go-to-guy for sexual frustration?

LGB: ONR, once again, cybersex isn't really sex. Besides, I met u on a shoe board. We talk on IM. This is fantasy; I have a real life u know

ONR: that's not making me feel any better

LGB: look, can we just focus on my problems here?

ONR: whoa, whoa, whoa. Wrong thing to say right there.

LGB: look, I'm sorry. I'm just pissed off. Can we just start over? Please?

ONR:…what's it to me? what will you give me in return?

LGB: what do you mean?

ONR: u know what I mean.

LGB: oh hell. Not now. I don't want to suck ur toes tonight. I did that last night…don't u wash ur feet?

ONR: but the way u stepped all over them just now… they really hurt.

LGB HAS LEFT THE ROOM

*****

House could hear the faint flushing of a toilet, his love life swirling with the water down the drain. Funny thing was: this argument hurt him just as much as the arguments with Eileen bothered him. What was happening to him?

*****