Note: SPOILERS for chapter 162. I used part of the settings in chapter 162 to suit my purpose for this fanfic. I apologize but you have been warned.
Disclaimer: I definitely do not own Skip Beat. If I did then I wouldn't have shared Ren=)
Of Love and Of Heartbreak-Chapter 2:
The rain pounded and pricked painfully on their skin as if trying to remind them how much of a taboo their relationship was and how tough their commitment would be, should they choose to pursue it. It required a lot of acceptance and understanding from the woman and a lot patience and self-restraint from the man. But at that moment they did not care. Tsuruga Ren did not care if Hongo Mizuki was his student and vice versa. All they cared for was that they could not bear to have the other out of their life.
"Sensei, I'm scared. Not of what the Hongo household will do to me, but of what they might do to you!" cried Mizuki as she shivered in the rain.
Eyes softening as he looked at his beloved's face he pulled her to an embrace trying to shield her from the rain."Don't worry about me. As long as I have you, I can take the horrors of my past head on." Ren declared as he continued to hold her close. When he felt her tears abate, Ren carefully cradled Mizuki's face and rested his forehead against hers, gave her a smile and said the three words that Mizuki had always wanted to hear: "I Love You."
Under the pounding of the rain, they shared a passionate kiss.
Mogami Kyoko opened her eyes and found herself resting her head on the table inside the Love Me Section room. With an exasperated sigh, she rubbed the sleepiness from her eyes and stared blankly at the space in front of her.
'That dream again!' she thought darkly, remembering that it was the thirteenth time that she'd had the same dream the past week and also remembering the prick in her heart every time she woke from the dream.
'What is wrong with me? It was just a kiss? And so what if he kissed her? It was an act. It was part of the script!' Kyoko continued to muse as she dropped onto the floor and rolling faster and faster as her thoughts became more confused. 'Even if it wasn't an act! Why should I be concerned? No, actually, I am concerned for Momose-san! She might fall in love with Tsuruga-san! But why should I be concerned if she falls in love with Tsuruga-san? It's not like I own Tsuruga-san or something. I mean…I mean…'
Kyoko slumped herself against the corner of the room, a mass of gloom and confusion swirling above her head. It was in this state that her fellow Love Me Section members found her when they entered their room.
"Kyo-Kyoko-san!" exclaimed Amamiya Chiori worriedly as she hurried over to Kyoko's side trying to shake the latter from her self-induced depression. "What's wrong? You're like this again!"
"Ah. Amamiya-san. Good Morning."
'H-how lifeless! This isn't how Kyoko-san usually is.' thought Chiori as she returned the smile Kyoko had given her and handed over the coffee she bought for them. 'I wonder what the problem is? She's been like this ever since the last taping for Box'R' when we saw the 'Dark Moon' crew at the parking lot. I wish I could ask her what's wrong, but I'm in no position to ask her after everything I've done to her.'
As Chiori continued to silently debate on whether to ask Kyoko about her problem or not, Kotonami Kanae took the liberty of smacking her best friend in the head with her bag.
"Ouch! Moko-san!" Kyoko whined as she rubbed her head. "You didn't have to do that! I know you want my attention, but you could have just easily called out my name and I would have answered you sweet, sweet voice with—"
"Yeah. Yeah. Whatever!" Kanae said as she dodged Kyoko's attempt at hugging her. 'At least she's not as depressed as she was before.' she thought silently as she looked at her friend who was now pouting at her for avoiding the enthusiastic greeting. "Wipe that pout off your face before I give you a real reason to pout."
"W-well, why don't we take a seat first and have some coffee." Offered Chiori nervously as she felt Kanae's irritation. She pulled out a chair for herself and motioned for the others to sit. "We haven't been together like this since last week so we should use the time to catch up and not to argue, ne Kyoko-san? Kotonami-san?"
"Well, I already told you what happened on my assignment and it really was nothing interesting." Said Kanae as she gracefully sipped form her cup and looked pointedly at Kyoko. "And besides, I'm not the one who came back with this depressed aura, sucking in everything and everyone into her depressed world, so I shouldn't be the one talking."
Kyoko sighed again. She really had no idea why that scene kept playing in her mind and in her dreams. It really was a trivial thing that she was hung up on. There was no need to feel all depressed and make her friends worried but she just really couldn't understand why. Why? Why did she feel as if her heart was being ripped from her chest when she saw the shoot? Why did the scene keep on replaying itself in her mind? Worse was she didn't even dream of Ren as acting as Katsuki. She dreamt of Tsuruga Ren himself kissing Mizuki. Why?
"Kyoko-san? You're spacing out again." Said Chiori, waving her hand in front of Kyoko's face.
"Ah! Sorry! I was distracted for a moment."
"See what I mean?" said Kanae with a sigh of her own. "Why don't you just spit it out already? If it bothers you this much then, it can't be healthy for your body or for your career either."
As she saw the look of genuine concern on Kanae's face, Kyoko weighed her chances and decided that it might not be so bad to tell her friends after all.
"Okay. But please promise not to laugh at me or worse forge about our friendship because I made you worry about a silly thing!" Kyoko pleaded but the look of impatience on Kanae's face prodded her to continue. "Well, you see it's about Katsuki and Mizuki."
"Huh! It's about who again?" interrupted Kanae.
"See…I told you. You'd just think I'm stupid! And I've barely even started. I won't talk anymore!" said Kyoko as she folded her arms, cheeks reddening considerably in embarrassment.
"Oh alright! I'll shut up! Just continue with your story."
Kyoko gave her best friend a slow, apologetic smile and continued. "You see, it started last week when Amamiya-san and I were heading over to the next location for the Box'R' shoot. We went out of the mall and into the nearby park where we saw the 'Dark Moon' crew shooting one of the last few scenes for the show."
Kyoko fidgeted uneasily in her chair as she arranged her story in her head, trying to figure out how to narrate the root of her depression properly while Chiori and Kanae nodded at to motion her to continue. "It was the 'Kissing Scene' between Katsuki and Mizuki that they were shooting for at the park. I knew that it was THAT scene they were shooting for today based on our schedule but I didn't want to go in the set and interrupt when I was supposed to be at Box'R'. So I continued to watch from the side and then…and then…"
"Let me guess." interrupted yet Kanae again. "It's the kiss that's been bothering you all this time that you can't even look at me for five seconds without zoning out."
"Come to think of it. Kyoko-san zoned out completely after that and the only time she snapped out of her trance was when we arrived at the Box'R' set, when the director called for Natsu-san." supplied Chiori. "You seemed so absorbed into the scene that you didn't even notice me pulling you by the neck because we were almost late. But if that's what you're worried about then it's perfectly normal. You should have seen all the other girls watching the shoot. They melted like puddles right at the spot. Oh how scary it is…Tsuruga-san's power to make everyone fall for him that is."
Kyoko's mood considerably darkened once more as she recalled the feelings that seemed to shred her heart to pieces, the emotion that stirred inside her after seeing that sincere-looking, heartbreakingly passionate kiss. Somewhere deep inside her heart, she knew what emotion she was feeling after seeing Tsuruga-san kiss someone but she didn't want to recognize it. She didn't even dare to think of the filthy emotion that she felt because if she did, then that would mean leaving her already broken heart out once more in the open, unprotected and vulnerable to the pain of her unrequited feelings. Kanae on the other hand, recognized immediately the source of her friend's discomfort and managed a sigh.
'It looks like she's about to graduate from the Love Me Section soon.' thought Kanae softly. She knew first hand that this girl was very much capable of giving love. So much love in fact that it can even rival President Takarada. However, Kyoko has lost hope of being loved unconditionally which resulted in her incapability of recognizing the unconditional love that the people around her are giving to her.
"I don't even know if I can face Tsuruga-san! I'm ashamed of my thoughts! This just shows how much I lack in professionalism." Whined Kyoko, effectively breaking Kanae out of her own reverie.
Feeling pity for her friend, Kanae decided to intervene and help Kyoko out for a bit. "Well, why don't you ask yourself why you feel that way?"
The ginger haired girl stared incredulously at her best friend. "Believe me Moko-san. I've been asking myself that question every time I dream about the kiss."
"Well, what conclusion did you arrive to? Why do you feel that way?"
"I can't…It's not that! It can't be that…" Kyoko stumbled. "I shouldn't feel… I'm not capable of—"
"Love?" Kanae slowly supplied.
Kyoko's face twisted into an expression of unfathomable sorrow. "Yes… and if this is love I'm feeling. Why do I feel so scared? I'm scared of loving Tsuruga-san. Love should be a happy, light feeling capable of lifting you to cloud nine… but with him it just—"
Staying silent for most of the time, Chiori finally found the courage to voice out her thoughts. "Aren't you just scared then, Kyoko-san? Scared of not being loved back?"
"I don't even want to call it love. It's the word that I've decided never to use when describing my emotions." Kyoko said. "It's respect. That's what I feel for Tsuruga-san. That's right! I'm jealous. I am jealous of Tsuruga-san acting ability. Being able to make all the female spectators melt like that…I definitely am jealous of his acting prowess."
Chiori and Kanae could only look on as they saw Kyoko trying so hard to convince herself of what her feeling were not. Looking at her watch Kanae broke Kyoko from her monologue.
"I have to go to work now. You!" she barked at Kyoko. "If your feelings are like that, then shouldn't you act like a professional and work on concentrating on your role instead." Kanae made her way towards the door and threw her empty coffee cup into the garbage bin. "But let me tell you this. The next time you see Tsuruga-san and you heart twists painfully and you see the kissing scene in your mind, you better prepare yourself to admit that the emotion you lack has already come back to you." and with that Kanae left the room.
Chiori also rose from her chair. Although she has not known Kyoko for long, Chiori knew for a fact that Mogami Kyoko knows how to love. Her friend just did not want the emotions to back inside her heart for fear of rejection.
"Kyoko-san." she said quietly as Kyoko looked at her with sad eyes. "Please don't be afraid to love just because you a bad experience with it. Believe it or not, I already love you as a friend and it would be a disappointment for me if you don't consider loving me back as a friend. I'm sure Kotonami-san thinks so too." She said laughing to herself as Kyoko's face showed a look of horror at the thought of Kanae being disappointed in her.
"And Kotonami-san was right. If you see Tsuruga-san and your heart starts to race, please do consider letting the angels of love back in your heart." Chiori finished with a wink and left Kyoko alone to absorb their advice.
Kyoko heaved a sigh as her friends left still feeling overwhelmed from the repetitive use of the word she despised the most. 'Me. In love? With Tsuruga-san? Am I that stupid to fall for a person who would always tease me mercilessly and expect them to love me? Impossible.' She straightened herself and took her things from her locker remembering that she had to leave for a taping of 'Kimagure Rock.'
"Strengthen yourself Mogami Kyoko. You're a year wiser now and smart enough not to fall for the same cruel trap as love." She said and strode towards the exit, fully confident that she patched up her wall of feelings with her strong logic. As she went to open the door, the handle turned and the door opened to reveal the subject of her current confusion, the reason for her sleepless nights.
"Hello Mogami-san."
"But let me tell you this. The next time you see Tsuruga-san and you heart twists painfully and you see the kissing scene in your mind, you better prepare yourself to admit that the emotion you lack has already come back to you."
Mogami Kyoko, stood stock still, finally realizing the influence that the man in front of her had over her life. Without warning, her logic shattered and her walls came crashing down.
Author's Notes: Thank you to the four people who reviewed the Prologue. I really appreciate you taking time to comment on the story. Please feel free to review and criticize the story and its structure but please do so politely.