Hey! Here's the new chapter. I hope you like it. I know I said I would update yesterday but I had a didn't have as much time as I expected to write because my grandparents came to spend the day with us on Sunday. Anyway, thanks for all your reviews. I love them so keep them coming. You are AMAZING guys. Don't forget to REVIEW!!!! HUgs
Disclaimer: SM owns all the characters except Luke and the triplets.
Chapter 21
Edward's POV
While the kids stayed with our family, Bella and I went for a walk. We needed some alone time. I took her to the small clearing where I had found Lilly. Looking at it more closely now, I could see that it was like a miniature of our meadow back in Forks.
I sat in the ground and leaned against a tree. Bella was still looking around, taking in the space and undoubtedly, seeing the resemblances between this small clearing and our meadow. But I wanted her with me.
"Love." I called softly, trying to get her attention. I opened my arms inviting her to join me. She looked at me and smiled. Her eyes shone and she slowly made her way to me. As soon as her hand was within my reach, I took it and pulled her down, her smile widened and she let out a small laugh. She ended up sitting between my legs with her back against my chest. Her head was a few inches below my chin and I placed my arms around her waist pulling her as close to me as I could. I had missed this. "As much as I love to look at you, I prefer when you are in my arms. I missed you."
"I missed you too. You have no idea how many times I wished you were there with me. How did you find this?" She asked looking around once more.
"The night Alice had the vision of Victoria we had come to play baseball. Lilly didn't want to learn how to bat the ball nor did she want to play so she just watched. Moments later we noticed she wasn't there anymore so I asked Lizzie and Luke to talk to her and soon I had enough information to find her. She was sitting in the middle of this clearing, crying. I picked her up and took her back to the big clearing where everybody was."
"But she was okay, right? Why didn't you tell me about this? Something could have happened to her..."
"She was perfectly fine, love. Just a bit scared. I didn't tell you because you didn't need more things to worry about. She was safe and unscathed, nothing happened to her." I said calmly.
"I am very worried about her."
"Does she usually react the way she did when you arrived?"
"No. She doesn't do that many times, just when she really nervous or scared. But I can't see what would have caused her to act that way. I hate when she does that. It really freaks me out. Do you have any idea why she acted like that?"
"I don't know for sure but this accident thing really got to her. She felt guilty for coming outside. When I woke she was kneeling on the ground with her arms and head next to me in the bed. She was sleeping and as soon as she woke she started crying, sobbing and apologizing. She blamed herself for what had happened to me. I told her it was not her fault but I don't know if she believed me. Alice had told me about something Lizzie did..."
"Lizzie?" She asked confused. So I told her what had happened between Lizzie and Lilly after I blacked out.
"That certainly didn't help," She sighed when I finished. " But I'm sure it's the only reason why Lilly acted the way she did."
"She didn't interact much with us while you were gone, so maybe she just missed you very much." I offered.
"Still... there's got to be something else. I'll find out when she wakes. She will sleep for a while. She was exhausted."
"Aro didn't clarify exactly why Alice couldn't see me. You arrived when he was going to. He did a small experiment but he didn't explain the results." I say hoping she would explain me.
"What experiment did he do?"
"Well, we were seated in the living room and he asked her to try to see Emmet's future. She couldn't. Then he asked Emmett to leave the house and told Alice to try again, and she did it that time."
"Was Emmett sitting next to Lizzie or Luke?"
"Yes."
"We think that they inherited my shield but with a small difference. The shield doesn't cover just them but also everyone who is within its range though it's not as strong as mine since Jasper can still sense their emotions."
"So... since they were always with me, Alice couldn't see me. Right?"
"Exactly." She smiled warmly. I swear I could stay like this forever. "What are we going to do from now on?" She asked slightly worried.
"I already have my existence all planned out." I said confident.
"Really? And what are you going to do?" She asked amused. Did she think I was joking? Well I would make her see that I wasn't.
"I am going to spend forever holding you..." I strengthened my hold on her. "... kissing you..." I pulled her hair away with my chin, planting small kisses on her neck. I felt her shudder and smiled. "... Telling you that I love you..." I moved my mouth to her ear whispering the last three little but meaningful words. "... and being the father I never was." I sighed and leaned back against the tree. Bella groaned. "Unless you don't agree..." I was a bit startled. Her sudden silence made me fear her reaction. Was she having second thoughts about us?
"Of course I agree. But I didn't mean it like that." I breathed relieved with her answer.
"Than what did you mean?" I asked curious.
"Well... I was thinking about living arrangements. I mean you and your family live here but..."
"You don't..." I concluded.
"Yeah..."
"Bella I would follow you to the end of the world if that was where you wanted to be. Whenever you go, I'll follow so... it's your decision. Do you want to go back or stay here?"
"What about your family? You just moved here and I know Rosalie hates to move."
"Our family!" I corrected. "I'm sure they won't mind Bella. What do you want to do?"
"I didn't want to move until it was absolutely necessary. I want the kids to have a life as stable as possible. I know we will have to move soon but..."
"Then it's settled. Besides I want to go with you and the kids instead of staying here."
"Why?" She asked curious.
"First because I agree with you that we should try to move as little as possible while the kids are so young and second because I want to show everyone in that town that you are mine and that I love you. I want to make them swallow all the comments they made about you. I want them to know that you are not alone anymore and that the only reason we were apart was a mistake. My mistake."
"I don't think we should make this decision without talking to everyone else." She persisted.
"Fine love. We will talk to them later. Just know that I'll follow you wherever you want to go."
"Good." Suddenly she turned around and put her legs around my waist.
"Love, what are you doing?" I asked looking at her beautiful and flawless face.
"Well... I was going to kiss my handsome boyfriend for a while before we went back to the house but I think he's not very interested so..." Swiftly she got up. I managed to grab her wrist before she could go anywhere.
"Maybe you should let me go Edward... I've seen you're not very interested..." She trailed off and smiled playfully.
"I will never let you go. I've watched you leave too many times in the past two weeks and it broke my heart every time so from now on, I'll never let you go." I spoke seriously. "Besides who said I wasn't interested." I smiled mischievously and she raised an eyebrow. Quickly, I pulled her down to my lap. Her shocked face was only two inches away from mine. I closed the space there was still between us and captured her lips with mine. Her hands moved to my hair and she gripped it tightly. I put my arms around her waist and pulled her body close to mine so that every single part of my body was touching hers as our lips moved in harmony.
I really had missed her. I had missed this, being so close to her... I was really glad she was a vampire now. I know it's selfish but I don't care. Right now the only thing I care about is that she's mine and I don't have to be careful anymore. I don't need to be worried about hurting her. We are equals and we were made for each other.
***
Bella's POV
A few hours later we straighten our clothes and hair, though Edward's hair was a lost case, and went back to the house. As soon as we entered the living room Emmett turned around, pausing the game he was playing with Luke, and looked at us.
"What happened to your hair Eddie? Usually it's not so messy." He smirked. He just loved to embarrass us. I swear that someday it will be time for payback.
"None of your business." I hissed.
"So what were you doing lovebirds? Nothing I wouldn't do, I hope." There he was again. Rosalie got up and headed to him. SMACK!
"Stop that immediately Emmett. There are children in the room." Rosalie scolded.
"Baby!" He complained.
"Mommy why did Aunty Rosie hit Uncle Em? Isn't he a grown-up?" Lizzie asked surprised.
"Sometimes we're not sure." Edward muttered under his breath. Every vampire in the room except Emmet silently laughed.
"What? What?" Luke asked. "Why are you laughing?"
"It's nothing hun." I answered quickly. He and Emmet went back to the game with Felix and Demetri cheering Luke. Lizzie too had forgotten her question and was playing with Alice and some dolls. Jasper watched them, while Esme, Carlisle, Aro and Luke (Sr.) talked. If two weeks ago someone told me that we would end up like this I would have laughed in his/her face and asked if he/she was crazy. But I was very happy that it had turned out like this.
"I'm going to check on Lilly. Do you want to come?" I asked Edward.
"No. I think you should talk to her first." He said. I threw him a questioning look. Was he sure? "Go." He insisted pushing me to the stairs. I gave him a quick kiss and went upstairs.
I opened the kids' room door carefully. Lilly was still asleep; her brown curls spread in her pillow. I sat in Lizzie's bed and waited for her to wake up. About a half an hour later she started stirring and I kneeled next to her bed.
"Mommy?" She called opening her eyes.
"I'm here sweetie. Did you sleep well?" She just shrugged. She sat in the bed pulling the knees to her chest and placing her head on them. Small tears escaped from her eyes. "What's wrong honey? I'm so worried about you!" I said softly sitting in her bed and pulling her to my lap. Lilly almost never acted like this. She was always the strong one.
"Mommy, do you still love me?" She asked looking up at me. I was astonished.
"Of course I love you baby. Why would you think otherwise?" What had happened?
"And you will never leave me behind, right?" She questioned again, her voice full of fear. Did she actually think that I would do something like that?
"Baby, I would never leave you behind. Why would you think that?" She looked down to her lap. "Sweetie, look at me! What happened?" I pulled her chin up forcing her to look at me. More tears streamed down her face. I whipped them away and waited for her answer.
Lilly's POV
When I woke mommy was there waiting. She asked if I had slept well. I hadn't but I didn't want to bother her. I had a nightmare. But I had it several times. Always the same. Over and over again. Everybody would go away and leave me behind. Lizzie and Luke left. The Cullens left. Grandpa Aro, Uncle Demetri and Uncle Felix left. Uncle Luke left. Mommy and daddy left. I was alone. They didn't take me with them. I didn't know why. They just went away and left me alone. I tried to tell them to wait, to take me with them but I couldn't talk.
It seemed so real. That I couldn't help but to cry.
"Mommy, do you still love me?" I asked.
"Of course I love you baby. Why would you think otherwise?" She asked surprised.
"And you will never leave me behind, right?"
"Baby, I would never leave you behind. Why would you think that?" I looked down at my hands. How could I ever think mommy would leave me behind? "Sweetie, look at me! What happened?" She put her hand in my chin forcing me to look at her. I just cried more. I didn't even know why I was crying. Maybe I just letting out everything that I had hold inside during the past years.
When I managed to calm down I told mommy everything I had thought about when daddy was 'sick'. I told her about how guilty I felt, how it felt when Lizzie and Luke got closer to daddy, why I wanted to hate him, how alone I felt without her here, why I had ran away during the baseball game, how I couldn't let go of the past, how jealous I was of my siblings... I also told her about the mean kids that would always mock with us because we didn't have a daddy and I wanted to cry but had to be strong for Lizzie; and how ashamed we were because we had to take Uncle Luke instead of our real daddy to the school parties... and I told her about the nightmare.
I said everything. I talked until my throat hurt but at least I got everything out. Then I cried more. And after all that I felt like a weight had been lifted off my back.
"Ssshh baby. Everything is fine. We will never leave you behind. I love you. We all love you. But you will have to talk to your father about this. You have to tell him."
"But why can't I just be like Lizzie and Luke? Why can't I forget?"
"I would never want you to be like Lizzie or Luke. You are all different and each one of you is special in your own way." She said planting a small kiss in my forehead.
Bella's POV
I couldn't believe in what my little baby had just told me. I had no idea this had affected her so much. I should have paid more attention to her. I always took her for the strong one and in the middle of that I forgot that she too needed to cry sometimes. And these few days she had spent with the Cullens... Of course it was not their fault. How could they know? I should have paid more attention. I should have talked to her before I left. I should have talked to her on the first day she refused Edward. I should have known that she would take things differently than her siblings.
I was astonished and worried with everything she had told me. How could she have suffered so much without anyone notice?
As I planted a small kiss in her forehead I noticed it was hotter than usual. I immediately reached for the kids' bag. I know I had a thermometer in there. When I found it I went straight to her. Just like I thought her temperature was higher than usual. Not too much though.
"Stay here baby. Mommy is just going to get you some food and medicine. You're a bit sick." She nodded and lay back down in the bed. I hurried back to the living room.
"What's wrong love?" Edward asked, probably noticing my worried face. "Did she wake up?"
"Yes. We will have to talk about her. But later." I turned to Luke. "Do you have any medicine for the kids with you?" I asked.
"Why? Is she sick?" Edward asked worried as Luke got up from the couch.
"Just a slight fever. Nothing that some food and a good night of sleep wouldn't cure but I don't want to take any chances." Luke nodded going to the car to get the medicine. Esme offered to cook but I wanted to do it.
I went to the kitchen and Edward followed.
"Is everything okay with Lilly, love? Did you talk to her?"
"I did. And I never thought this would affect her so much. I should have paid more attention to her." I said while cooking some eggs.
"This what?"
"This situation. In the past four years she suffered silently and I never paid enough attention to realize it. I always took her for the strong one." I put the eggs in a plate and turned to Edward. "And in the past days she spent with you..."
"Did I do something wrong?" He asked worried. "Is this my fault?"
"No Edward! Stop that! I know how much you like to blame yourself but you did nothing wrong. Nothing I haven't done. This is not your fault. Lillian is just different."
"What do you mean with different?"
"She's too observant and sometimes she doesn't interpret things in the right way. She analyses things too much and then she 'sees' things that are not there. Sometimes she 'sees' things that other people wouldn't even think of. For example when Lizzie called you daddy, Lilly didn't saw just that, she saw you taking her sister from her. And she keeps it all bottled up. She was confused. She can't let go the past and that is hurting her. I know that this is difficult to understand but when you talk to her, you will. She will probably fall asleep again so I suggest that you talk to her tomorrow."
"I tried Bella. I swear I tried to get close to her but she would just push me away."
"I know. Like I said she was confused and she's hurting. This is not your fault. We just have to pay more attention to her from now on. We can't let her be the strong one. Not always. Now bring a glass of water and ask Luke for her medicine."
"Maybe I shouldn't go Bella. She..."
"I need help. And you are her father so you are coming. End of discussion." He laughed and gave me small kiss before grabbing a glass of water and following me.
I entered the kids' room and Lilly was exactly like I had left her.
"I brought you some eggs and an apple. You have to eat everything so that you can take the medicine. Then you will have a good night of sleep."
"What if I have more nightmares?" She asked while I put the plate on her lap. In that moment Edward entered the room with the water and the medicine.
"You won't. I'll sing to keep them away if you want." He answered smiling tenderly. Lilly smiled back eating her eggs and looking at me.
"He definitely has a talent for that." I said laughing. It brought back good memories. The way Edward would hum my lullaby to make me forget everything. My sleep was positively more peaceful when Edward hummed me to sleep.
She quickly ate everything and drank the water. Edward gave her the medicine and she lay in the bed. Then he started humming a beautiful lullaby that I supposed was the one he had composed for the kids. It was as beautiful as mine. She fell asleep a few minutes later.
"She had a nightmare?" Edward asked.
"Yes. She dreamed that we had all left and she was all alone." I sighed. Edward came to stand next to me and pulled me into his arms.
"I'll never leave any of you again." He whispered at my ear.
"I know. I trust you Edward. You earned my trust back and nothing will keep us apart again." I felt safe in his arms.
"Nothing, Love. We will be together forever. How could I fulfill my plan if you're not there?" He kissed me softly. "I was thinking about taking Lilly to our meadow tomorrow so that we could talk without being interrupted. What do you think?"
"I think it's a great idea. I'd like to go back there as well but tomorrow it has to be just the two of you."
"We can go whenever you want to. We will have to show it to Luke and Lizzie anyway. Do you think Lilly will agree to go alone with me?" He asked fearful.
"Of course she will." I said reassuringly, kissing him again.
***
Edward's POV
I waited patiently for Lilly to wake up. Lizzie and Luke were already having breakfast. Finally she opened her eyes.
"How do you feel today?" The fever had passed during the night.
"Fine." She said sleepily.
"Good. Dress this and go to the kitchen to have breakfast. Your brother and your sister are already there." I handed her a pair of jeans and a red t-shirt and I kissed her forehead, leaving the room right after.
"I went to my bedroom, had a shower and changed to jeans and a red t-shirt. I went to the kids' bedroom to find that Lilly wasn't there anymore. I entered Alice's room.
"Alice do you have a backpack?"
"Like this one." She asked holding a blue backpack.
"Exactly. Thanks." I got out of the room leaving a very angry and curious Alice behind.
"Edward why do you want a backpack? Edward Cullen! You will tell me..." I laughed going to my room again. There I rummaged through the wardrobe trying to find a blanket that I was sure was there. Finally I found it. I opened the back pack and put the blanket inside it, heading to the kitchen. "Edward!" I heard Alice calling again.
As soon as I got to the kitchen I slowed down. Lizzie was hugging Lilly tightly. Maybe too tight.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Lilly. I will never hate you. I love you very much. I'm sorry. Please forgive me." She apologized.
"Okay, okay, I forgive you but stop trying to strangle me." Lilly managed to choke out.
"Okay Lizzie I think that's enough. Let your sister breathe. I think you're spending too much time with your aunt Alice." My love's voice sounded.
"Someone said my name?" Alice asked entering the kitchen.
"You better not be changing my daughter into an evil pixie like you." Bella said.
"Evil? You're hurting my feelings Bella!" Alice cried faking shock.
"Mommy's right! You do look like a pixie aunty Alice." Lizzie squealed. Yep! Alice was already rubbing her bubbly personality on my daughter. God help me! I headed to the fridge and took out a bottle of water, putting it inside of the backpack. I also grabbed some fruit. But I had to take something else. Lilly barely had dinner last night, only the eggs...
"Here." Bella said handing me a tupperware with sandwiches inside. What would I do without her?
"Thanks love." I went to the fridge again to pick some yogurts. There was a lot of flavors how would I know what was her favorite?
"Pineapple." Bella whispered in my ear, kissing my neck. I thanked her again and closed the fridge, placing the yogurts in the backpack. I had everything I needed. I put the backpack on my right shoulder and made my way to Bella who was leaning against the kitchen counter watching the kids eating in the kitchen island. They were talking and laughing with each other. I stopped in front of Bella with my back to the kids.
"I think we'll be going, love. I already have everything. Right?" I asked just to be sure I hadn't forgotten anything.
"Yes. There's a white hoodie for her in the chair by the door. Take it in case it gets too cold."
"Sure thing, love." I said lowering my lips to hers and stopping when they were an inch apart. She immediately closed the space, pressing her soft lips to mine.
"Eager much?" I asked teasingly, breaking the kiss for a moment.
"Oh shut up!" She said pressing her lips to mine again. I smiled. My back was turned to the kids so they couldn't see anything.
"We have to go, love." I said.
"Okay. I'll miss you." She said.
"I'll miss you too. I love you, my Bella."
"Love you too." She gave me a last soft kiss and I turned around to look at the kids. They were still joking around. Esme was in the doorway looking at us with a smile of pure happiness in her lips. I guess she had been there for a while now.
Now they look like a family. I smiled at her thought and looked around. She was right. We did look like a real family, finally. I smiled at Esme. I'm very happy for you, son. You deserve all this.
"Didn't you have to go mister?" Bella asked. I nodded. "Then stop daydreaming."
"I don't need to dream about anything. I have everything I want right here." I said looking around. I kissed her again and picked Lilly from her place, grabbing her by the waist.
"Hey!" She squealed. I got out of the house and placed her in the ground.
"Are you afraid of me?" I asked.
"No." She murmured.
"Are you afraid of being alone with me?"
"No."
"I want to take you to a place so that we can talk. It's a very special place that only me and your mom know about. Is that okay?"
"Yes. Aren't you taking Lizzie and Luke to see it too?"
"In another time. This time will be just both of us. Okay?"
"Okay."
"It will be faster if I carry you in my back and run. But if you prefer we can go by car..."
"No. It's fine if you run." I helped her to climb to my back, grabbed the backpack and took off.
***
"Are we there already?" She asked half an hour later.
"No. We are almost there." A few minutes later I stopped and helped her down. I set the blanket on the ground while she looked around. I sat in the blanket and waited. The meadow was beautiful. Since it was summer it was filled with wild flowers.
"Where are we?" She asked still taking in the meadow.
"Forks. When I lived here I found this place and usually came here to think or to have some peace. Then I met your mother and brought her here. It became our meadow. We would come here whenever we wanted to be alone."
"It's so beautiful." She exclaimed coming to sit next to me. We stayed in silence for a few minutes.
"Why did you hate me so much?" I asked beginning the conversation.
"I didn't. All the times that I told you that I hated you, I didn't mean it. I just wanted to hurt you." She confessed. I was a bit shocked
"Why?" I asked.
"Because you had hurt mommy. And you had left us alone."
"I didn't know about you."
"But you still had left mommy. And she loved you. I wanted to hate you because you made her suffer and because you made us suffer. People spoke badly of mommy because you were not with her. And there were kids in the school that would mock us because we didn't have a daddy. They said that you had left mommy because you didn't want us and that you didn't care about us, and Lizzie would always cry. It was worse when it was daddy's day party at school." Tears streamed down her face. "When Lizzie forgave you, she was mad at me because I wouldn't. And I blamed you. It felt like you were taking Lizzie away from me. Then it was Luke."
"Why did you run away the day we were playing baseball?"
"Because I didn't fit." She sighed.
"You didn't fit?" I asked confused.
"Yes. You were all happy. You were a family. A real family and I didn't fit. It looked like there wasn't any space for me in that picture. I felt alone and I was jealous. I wanted that too but I couldn't forget everything that you had done. My heart told me to forgive you so that we could be a family like I always wanted. But my mind told me that you didn't deserve my forgiveness because of all the pain you had caused us, that you should suffer too. I couldn't be sure you wouldn't leave again and I just wanted to protect mommy, Luke, Lizzie and myself. I didn't want you to be important to me so I pushed you away when you tried to come closer to me. But then the bad vampire attacked you and I realized that I you really cared about us. I felt so guilty. I didn't want anything bad to happen to you." Then she looked up at me. "I love you daddy and I don't want you to leave us again." She threw her arms around my waist and hugged me, crying.
"It's okay baby. I love you very much too and I will never leave you again. I will be with you forever." I forced her to look at me. "I want you to know that we will never leave you behind. I love you as much as I love your sister and your brother." She buried her head in my shirt again and cried some more. I sighed relieved. Now I had my family back.
So what did you think? REVIEW and let me know. There will be only one more chapter before the epilogue. So it's one of your last chances to review. I'll try to update in the end of the week. (Friday or so). REVIEW!
I love you!!!!!!!
HUgs