The Gift

Part XXVI

It was very late when Sami arrived back at the hospital, after leaving Lucas. Sami drove around Salem aimlessly for hours, trying to make sense of everything that had transpired earlier. From Dr. Lykens suggestion that she and EJ seriously consider having another child to the almost rational conversation she had with Lucas about getting a divorce, her mind felt like a whirlwind had struck.

Sitting in her SUV in the darkened parking lot, she removed her engagement and wedding ring set that Lucas had given her years before. There had been a time when she thought she would wear these tokens of his affection for her forever, but now as the moonlight spilled into the vehicle casting a glow upon the jewelry instead of feeling sadness that things were going to be over with Lucas, all she felt was relief.

She put the rings into the glove compartment; she would save them for Will. She didn't want to upset Will, but after their past few conversations, she thought that her son could see the truth that his parent's marriage was over. She dreaded telling him the news, but knew she would have to do it sometime tomorrow. Will needed to hear it from her; she only hoped he wouldn't turn against her for making the decision to leave his father.

She didn't know what she should tell EJ, would he even care that she and Lucas were going to get divorced? EJ used to be easier for her to read or so she thought, but now it felt like some days they were making headway to becoming friends again and others the walls they each had built up against one another seemed so high that neither would be able to scale them.

The past few weeks had taken a tremendous toll upon her mentally as well as physically. Her clothes were all getting baggy, since she either couldn't eat or refused food when it was offered to her. She was in a constant state of worry over Madison. How she longed for even a few hours of sound sleep, most days she was lucky if she managed to even close her eyes for a short nap.

All she wanted was a safe haven to come to, for her to have someone with whom she could completely bare her soul, to lay her burdens down even for a short while, but right now that wasn't possible. Then she opened the door to Madison's room to find both she and EJ asleep and prayed that one day, her daughter would be well. Sami knew in that moment that she was ready to do anything to save her life and only hoped that EJ would also agree to do what she was willing to try, and that was for them to have another child.

Now she wondered as she watched them both sleeping how EJ would react to knowing that Sami wanted to bring another life into this world and for him to be the father. It was asking a lot from both of them, but now she had peace with her decision, she only hoped that EJ would feel the same.

It would be so nice if she could crawl into his lap, lay her head down upon his shoulder and tell him how much she loved him. She shook her head, EJ wouldn't believe her, she'd done so much to prove to him that she didn't care for him that now when she wanted to be with him that it would take a miracle for him to see her true feelings.

As she looked over at her sleeping daughter, Sami was afraid she was asking for one too many miracles to come true. Her thoughts were broken when she heard Madison call out in her sleep; her daughter must be having a bad dream. Sami made her way to her bed, whispering softly to her, telling her what a sweet girl she was as Madison opened her eyes and reached for her mother.

"Hey there sweetie, are you okay?" Sami asked, trying to help Madison not feel so disoriented in the hospital room.

"Mommy, I want to go home," Madison cried, her cries also causing EJ to awaken, he quickly came to her side also, although he had yet to say anything.

"It's okay, you just had a bad dream, that's all," Sami smoothed her hair back from her forehead, trying not to cry herself when a great deal Madison's hair came out so easily within her hand. Madison had not noticed it yet, but Sami realized soon her daughter's loss of hair was going to be another side effect from the chemo treatments.

"No, I'm going to be sick," Madison whimpered as she started gagging. EJ quickly reached for the bedpan, Sami holding her head over it as Madison began to throw up. Madison tried to catch her breath in between bouts of retching. Sami and EJ stayed with her until she finally fell back against her pillow, her forehead drenched in sweat while her tiny form shook.

EJ took the bedpan away into the bathroom wanting to be sick himself after watching his daughter go through what she had tonight. He rinsed out the contents and cleansed his hands. Reaching for a washcloth to wet it so he could bring it out to wash Madison's face, wringing out the water from the cloth, he walked over to her bed, and began to gently wipe her face.

"Thank you Daddy," she said, her voice barely above a whisper, her sweet words piercing his heart as he tried his best to keep it together in front of both Madison and Sami.

"Try to sleep sweetheart," EJ urged, his voice on the verge of cracking as he leaned over to kiss her.

"Okay, Daddy, I'll try. Mommy, please lay down with me," came her simple request, her voice small and weak.

"Of course I will," Sami whispered as she lay down beside her daughter, she looked over at EJ, seeing his obvious upset over Madison being ill, she reached over the bed across Madison to lightly touch his hand, trying to comfort him too.

"I'll get the nurse to bring Madison something for her nausea," EJ moved away from the touch of her hand, afraid that he was going to start crying in front of them both and he needed to be strong for them.

"Thank you," Sami said, sensing his need to exit the room. She watched him go, her heart aching for him as much as Madison and once again prayed that God would heal their daughter. She didn't know how they would ever manage without her.