The Gift
Part XXXX
When their lips touched, it was like Sami had struck a match to a fire. EJ felt the raw need pouring out of him for the woman whom he was kissing. She was such a wicked combination of fire and ice and he knew he couldn't ever get her out of his system even if he tried. All he wanted to do was hold her, kiss her, savor her and show her the love he'd kept hidden away in his heart for so long. Having her in his arms like this was what he'd craved for ages. He didn't want to think or analyze it; all he wanted to do right now was to feel alive and be with her no matter what the cost.
His hands touched her face, caressing the contours of her face almost as if her were a blind man trying to learn her features from touch alone. Sami was overjoyed as EJ responded to her initial kiss now feeling as if she were drowning in the sea with the man before her being the only means of safety and shelter from the storm. She clung to him and his sweet kisses and caresses as if her life depended upon it.
He pulled her closer; he could sense her opening up to him more with each passing second. EJ hadn't even considered it to be possible that Sami could want to be with him as much as he wanted to be with her. Hearing from her the admission that she longed to be with him, that her heart was calling out to him struck him with amazement, to know that she wanted to be with him not only to help save their precious daughter, but also that she was longing for more to exist between was a true miracle indeed for him. He wanted everything from her, he wanted to show her how good it could be if she'd let him into her heart and now thankfully she was going to allow him the chance to prove his love to her.
There were so many things he wanted to tell her, but the pure rush of sensations in their kisses was also clouding his mind. How could he form the words to tell her how much she meant to him when she was barely clothed and ignited a fire within him that scorched his skin wherever she laid a hand upon him?
Breathing became a necessity, albeit a minor one at the time, so he concentrated his efforts to her neck pressing slow, slightly open-mouthed kisses to the delicate skin there. He could faintly smell traces of the shampoo he had used earlier on her in the bathtub, and the same intoxicating fragrance that uniquely belonged to Samantha. It was a heady combination; one that made him take a quick moment to breathe in her essence, to imprint it in his mind to never forget it. He edged down a little, kissing the place where her lingerie had come slightly loose exposing a few inches of her shoulder, a gentle curve that suddenly fascinated him. He let his tongue flicker over the spot, tasting her, and smiled against her skin when he sensed Samantha's quick outtake of air from her lungs.
Feeling more confident, EJ took his hands to the first satiny ribbon that enclosed her gown and slowly began to pull at the string, marveling over the effect as the gown opened up a tiny bit to reveal the tops of her breasts. The sheer white lacy garment she still had on providing only a flimsy barrier to the secrets that lay beneath the fabric.
Oh he fully intended to take his time with her tonight. How many nights had he dreamed of this moment of having Samantha come to him? He prayed this wasn't so sort of a hallucination because the longing to make her his was so strong. He had to caution himself to go slow, to not frighten her with the depths of his emotions that he felt for her. Sometimes the lust he had for her even frightened himself.
But it was more than lust, it was love and he wanted to tell her that and then she leaned in closer to him and he couldn't say a word, only hoped his touch would provide her with enough information for now until he could tell her how much he cared for her, had cared for her all this time they had been apart. How it had been pure agony to stay away from her, loving her from afar while trying to pretend indifference to her whenever she came into his vicinity.
He looked at Samantha trying to gauge if he'd gone too far by untying the first of the ribbons and was relieved to see her smiling back at him. He wasted no time after seeing her smile; he wanted to see more of her, all of her. He tugged at the next ribbon, his fingers softly trailing down as more of her creamy skin was revealed by his efforts. Another was untied and another until he reached the bottom of the menagerie of ribbon and finery of the gown and pulled it away from her shoulders, allowing it to pool where she sat on his bed, involuntary goose bumps forming on her flesh at it hit the night air in his bedroom.
Gone was the jaded look he normally showed the world, a reverent look EJ bestowed upon Sami that was almost foreign to her until she recognized that she had seen this look in his eyes for her when they had been friends, when she had been flirting with him with her kisses, when he had made promises to her after she hadn't married Austin that he would always be there for her, before she had found out that he was a DiMera and had tossed him out of her life with a fierceness that she had been determined to keep him at bay from her ever since. Why hadn't she realized this beforehand? He had cared for her all along and she had pushed him away time and time again, refusing to see the love in his eyes for her because her pride wouldn't allow herself to come back to him until now.
She tried to catch her breath as he looked at her, but it was difficult. With a trembling hand she reached out to the drawstring on his pajama pants. She paused a moment, knowing that they were about to embark on new territory, the only time they had been together before when Madison was conceived wasn't like this and suddenly memories of that fateful night flooded her head even though she tried to stop them from coming.
EJ could sense her hesitation and watching her face he knew as surely what she was thinking without saying a word to him. He covered her hand with his own before she could untie the string and said, "Samantha, it is okay. We don't have to go any further, just knowing that you wanted to come to me tonight is enough. I can't ask for more than you are ready to give to me. I'll never force you to do something again that you do not truly want to do."
"EJ, I do want you. Do you really want this too?" Her voice trembled, there was so much riding on his answer to her.
"Samantha, I want you in my life, but if taking this to the next level isn't something you are ready for, we can wait. I don't want to scare you away again. I can't take not being able to have some part of you in my life beyond being Madison's mother. I have waited so long for you. That is why I never got involved seriously with anyone else. You are the only woman for me, can't you see that? I love you, I always have and I always will whether or not we end up taking this further. You have my heart; I can't fathom not loving you. When you said that your heart was calling out to me, I felt a joy arise within me that I didn't know was possible."
"Oh EJ, we have been so foolish. When I think of the years we have wasted, both wanting to be with the other, but our pride preventing us from seeking the other out." Sami brushed his hand away from hers with the other and continued what she had started to do earlier.
"Samantha, don't do this unless you are sure," EJ said haltingly, her hands releasing the bind to his pajama pants to reveal himself fully to her as she tugged the fabric down past his hips after he obliged her by shifting up for a moment in the bed.
"I'm sure EJ." She also removed the rest of her gown, so that now there was nothing hiding them from one another. For a few moments they took the time to just look at one another, not yet touching again, then the temptation was too much for both of them and EJ reached out to touch her skin, reveling when she arched closer to him. She rubbed her body next to his, causing them both to groan, the fire starting to grow between them as their skin touched one another, both completely naked with one another for the first time.
He sought out her lips again, evoking feelings that he could not say at the moment, wanting to convey to her how much she meant to him by his touch alone. They kissed, while their hands traveled upon each others body, both seeking to learn from the other in their passionate caresses became bolder with each passing minute.
EJ kissed her until he could no longer stand it, if he didn't get to make love to her soon; he would surely die from the longing that she built up inside of him for her.
"EJ, please I need…" she began as EJ shook his head slightly in response to her request.
"Patience sweetheart," he replied as he began to work his lips down her body, his tongue tracing infinitesimal patterns over her body. He wasn't going to rush through this, he wanted her to realize how long had had waited for her and how much better it would be for them both if he prolonged the anticipation. He wanted this to be a night that neither of them would ever forget as long as they both lived.
"Screw patience," Sami hissed as she rose up against his chest. If he didn't take her soon, she was going to scream.
"As long as you want this…" he let his voice trail off.
"I do," she replied honestly.
"Are you really sure about this Samantha?" EJ questioned not wanting her to look back on this with regret later on.
"More sure than anything in my life," she whispered her acquiesce to his question.
Sami wanted to tell him that this was incredible, that he was making her feel things she had only imagined before and then she lost all ability for speech. Sami trembled against him, the emotions of desire rushing forth like a rising tide in a storm swept sea. EJ, in a moment of loving tenderness, brushed his mouth against her.
The magic of their embrace became urgent as his own need started to spiral out of control. He wanted to make this feeling last as long as possible, for her to feel the pleasure rushing through her. He paused, taking in her features as they rode the waves of passion together in their loving embrace.
EJ waited, keeping his own desires in check as he watched; sure he had never seen anything so captivating as Samantha was while they made love to one another. She truly was his soul mate in each and every sense of the word, as they touched one another, both not knowing where one began and the other ended.
Finally they reached fulfillment together and were fully spent as he finally relaxed against her body, snuggling against each other in utter contentment in the afterglow of their lovemaking until they both drifted off to sleep in one another's arms.
The Gift
Part XXXXI
Upon waking, EJ's heart swelled up with more love for Samantha than he could have imagined. Samantha continued to sleep peacefully within the shelter of his arms. She was without a doubt the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and watching her sleep like this was something he had dreamed about countless times in the past. Last night was fantastic; it was more than he had believed was possible as he reached down to press a kiss upon her cheek; she shifted in her sleep trying to snuggle closer to his warmth.
When they had kissed last night, he hadn't quite envisioned that they would end up making love. While last night was wonderful, he still couldn't help but be nervous this morning. What would Samantha think when she awoke and fully realized what they had done with one another?
He hoped that this wouldn't strain their already tentative steps that they had made at repairing their long lost friendship. EJ had sorely missed his best friend he had in Samantha before things had gone astray. He realized how much he had come to enjoy her company as a friend once more and he didn't want to lose her friendship again too.
He wanted so much from her; would she want all the things he wanted too? He still had so many questions and now with them making love, it seemed like there were more things he wanted to know. He wanted to wake up with her in his arms each and every morning from now on, maybe he'd get the opportunity to do just that if he didn't mess this chance to prove his love to her up.
While Samantha hadn't admitted her love to him last night, surely she had to feel that way. Well he'd spend each and every day making her feel special and loved and hopefully one day she'd feel secure enough in their relationship to tell him the words he longed to hear from her.
But right now feeling her warm body pressed so snugly up against his body, he felt the stirrings of renewed desire flowing through his veins. Maybe they would have time to savor the early morning together before their daughter woke up. He leaned down to press a kiss upon her neck, causing her to move in her sleep and murmur something he couldn't quite make out.
Smiling he pushed her hair aside to gain more access to her lovely neck when he heard a knock upon his door.
"Daddy, may I come in?" His daughter's soft voice asked as he saw the door knob start to turn.
EJ rose up immediately from raining kisses upon Samantha, his eyes desperately searching for his pajama bottoms. Luckily he spotted them tossed beside the bed and he grabbed for them. He had no clue on how to explain Samantha's presence in his bedroom and didn't even want to contemplate trying to come up with something to help her understand why her mother was in his bedroom this early in the morning.
"Just a second sweetheart," EJ jumped up out of bed, tugging to pull on his pajama bottoms and almost tripping over himself as he tried to get them on as the bedroom door swung wide open to reveal Madison carrying one of her teddy bears in the crook of one arm.
Her eyes widened over seeing her mother in the bed and she cast her father a confused glance. "Daddy, what is mommy doing in here?"
"Well, um you see, ah…" EJ struggled to come up with some plausible excuse, but words seemed to fail him at the moment. He ran a hand through his hair that was sticking up in various places on his head, but he couldn't say anything. He'd never had to deal with this type of situation before because he had never had anyone over when Madison was here in their home.
"EJ?" Sami stirred in her sleep, hearing voices in the room, and she was about to sit up when Madison decided to crawl on the edge of the bed.
"Mommy, wake up!" Madison raised her voice a slight bit; she always was a morning person while her mother definitely was not. Madison loved coming in to wake up her mother in the mornings singing to her sometimes to make her get up from the bed.
Sami's eyes popped open and she tugged at the sheet, instantly realizing she heard her daughter's voice. Sure enough Madison was perched at the edge of the bed, EJ standing there at the foot of the bed behind her giving Sami a bewildered look over their daughter's head.
"Mommy, what are you doing in Daddy's bed? I thought you wanted your own bedroom," Madison started to move closer to her mother causing Sami to grasp at the sheet for dear life, there was no way she was going to be able to explain being naked in EJ's bed.
"Uh well…" Sami stammered making EJ feel relieved that some of the heat was off him for the moment.
"You and Daddy sure are acting funny," Madison looked back at her dad then returned her attention back to her mother.
"Sweetheart, why don't you come and help me prepare breakfast?" EJ asked, hoping this question would quickly change the subject, but apparently Madison was not ready to go into the kitchen yet.
"Mommy, did you forget your pj's?" Madison asked scooting up closer, trying to get a hold of the sheet to see when EJ deftly swooped in and picked her up from the bed, causing her to giggle.
"Let's go my little sprite," EJ suggested carefully placing Madison over his shoulder making her laugh even more.
"Daddy…"
"We have to make your mother breakfast. I think she is starving."
"Well you better find her some clothes because she will be freezing…" and the rest of their conversation was cut off from Sami's hearing as EJ quickly took Madison down the hall, making her laugh even more over something he said.
Sami felt her face burn crimson as she got up from the bed. She went to EJ's closet trying to find a shirt anything to cover up with. There was no way she was leaving the bedroom in her gown that she had worn into his room the night before. Luckily she found what looked like would be a comfy cotton polo shirt; she hastily pulled it over her head and then went to his dresser drawers hoping to find a pair of boxers. She got a pair and tugged them on, trying to get her hair out of her eyes and then headed to the kitchen hoping that Madison would have her mind on something else by the time she entered into the room.
The Gift
Part XXXXII
Sami was rolling up the sleeves of EJ's polo shirt trying to get the edges rolled up enough so they wouldn't cover her hands, while her hair felt like it was all in her eyes as she struggled to pull the mass up into a suitable ponytail away from her face. Her thoughts were scattered in a million different directions, and thankfully EJ had sprinted Madison out of his bedroom before she could ask either one of them any more questions.
Questions her mother had no idea how to answer. There really was no manual to help you with answers your inquisitive five year old may ask when she finds you naked in what isn't even your husbands bedroom even if the man is that particular five year's father. Sami shook her head; there was no way she was going to be able to explain something she really couldn't explain to herself.
Last night had been incredible, more than she had ever imagined, but now in the light of day, had she made a mistake going to EJ last night? While she knew that she had been the one to suggest that they try to have another child with each other to help Madison out, the enormity of the situation hit her even more this morning.
She had liked being with EJ last night way too much for this to be a casual thing between, it was like they were playing with fire and she was sure they were both going to be burned. What about Madison? She needed to take some time to think, but the longer she stayed away from EJ and Madison the harder it would be to go into the room with them.
Well she'd go in there right now, then the question really hit her what was she more afraid of allowing her pride to get into the way of things or really letting EJ know how much she loved him? Why was taking a chance on finding true love for her so damned hard?
She walked into the kitchen and was greeted by a sweet sight. EJ had Madison sitting on top of one of the counters as he helped her stir some kind of batter into a bowl, both laughing together as Madison wiped a smudge of batter from her cheek. They were in their own world oblivious to their surroundings as they talked and laugh and once again Sami wondered what all of their lives would have been like if she had only followed her heart years ago.
There was no doubt EJ loved Madison and he had told her he loved her too, but promises made in the heat of passion were one thing and in the light of day could be something else entirely. She'd just play it cool and see what happened, maybe that was the best thing she could do at the moment.
She didn't have to wonder what to say to EJ or Madison either for that matter when a knock at the door caused them all to look up from their various musings.
"Are you expecting company?" Sami asked EJ as he gently put Madison back down from the counter into the floor.
"No, I don't know who it would be," EJ didn't have a shirt on, but thinking it would take more time to retrieve one from his bedroom the person at the door would be standing outside in the cold long enough already so he opted to go to the door dressed the way he was in only his pajama bottoms.
He opened the door and was surprised to see Will on the other side of the door, "William, good morning, come in from the cold."
Will stood at the door, not sure about EJ's invitation to come in seeing as how he was half dressed, "Is my mom around?"
"She is in the kitchen, let me get her for you," EJ hurried off to the kitchen to tell Sami that Will was here. It looked as if Madison was about to launch into another round of questions for her mother and Sami looked relived to see EJ come back into the room.
"Who was at the door?" she asked, Madison right on her heels with the batter covered spoon in her hand waving it around the room like one of her many magic wands that she possessed.
"Your son," EJ said as Sami gave him a worried look and quickly headed off to the foyer.
"Will's here?" Madison threw the spoon onto the cabinet and started to follow her mother when EJ held his hand out stopping her from leaving the kitchen.
"Madison, we may need to give William and your mother a few minutes alone before we go see him," EJ didn't have a good feeling about Will coming over so early in the morning, especially since he had never darkened EJ's door before today.
"I want to see Will," she crossed her arms in front of her and gave EJ a look that said she meant business and he almost laughed aloud over how much her behaviorisms were like her mother's.
"I promise you can go in there in a few minutes, but right now you have to help me finish cooking these pancakes as soon as I get on a shirt," EJ said tapping Madison on the nose even though she didn't give her father a happy look over his decree that she would have to wait to see her older brother.
"Will, what are you doing here?" Sami asked before thinking how the question sounded.
"Good morning to you too Mom," Will had come inside the doorway, but the door behind him was still open almost as if he were planning a hasty exit.
"Where are my manners," Sami closed the door and reached out to give Will a hug. "Good morning Will."
Will took one look at his mother's harried appearance and of course with her wearing nothing more than a pair of boxers along with what had to be one of EJ's shirts, and from EJ's appearance of being half dressed when he answered the door, it didn't take a rocket scientist to know what was going on between his mother and EJ. While he knew his parents were going to get divorced it was a bitter pill to swallow realizing how quickly it looked as if his mother was moving on.
Sami pushed back an errant strand of hair that had fell from her lopsided ponytail and her heart fell, she knew that why Will had suggested that she go find happiness, he really hadn't thought about her being with EJ beyond helping out Madison.
"Will, I can explain," Sami began only to have Will hand her a folder.
"Mom, what you do and who you do it with is really none of my business," Will was trying to be grown up about this situation, but it was more difficult than he thought it would be realizing that his mother might end up being with a man he had detested almost from the first moment had had met him, even if that man was the father of his younger sister.
"What is this?" Sami asked, the folder feeling heavy in her hands.
"It's divorce papers from Dad," Will shrugged and started to turn to leave when Sami's voice stopped him.
"I just didn't think I would get them so soon…" her voice trailed off and Will didn't have it in him to leave his mother standing there all alone even if he really didn't know what to say. When Uncle Mickey had suggested that it might be easier if he delivered them to his mother than from some unknown courier Will had agreed, but now he wondered if it wouldn't have been better to let someone his mother didn't know give her the papers.
"Well he said you would want them pretty quick and I guess maybe he wanted this divorce as much as you did," Will didn't know what else to say, it felt like whatever he said it would only make things sound worse than they really were at the moment.
"I'll need to look over them before I sign them," Sami said, her voice faltering a bit.
"Uncle Mickey said to take all the time you needed and to let him know if you needed any revisions on the documents before you started divorce proceedings."
"I will," she nodded her head showing that she understood what Will was telling her.
"Mom, I need to go, but I'll call you okay?" Will needed to get out of here before his mother broke down on him because he really didn't know what to say or do to help this situation. While he was still angry at his father for cheating on his mother, he wasn't all gung ho on having EJ become a big part of his life either.
"Okay," Sami led him to the door and watched her son walk away. She hadn't expected to receive these papers so soon, she thought maybe after Christmas was over that they would start to get things going about handling a divorce, but apparently Lucas wanted to get out of this marriage even more quickly than she had wanted to do so.
She felt numb as she found a chair to sit down, her hands trembling as she opened the packet of documents and didn't even realize EJ and Madison had come into the room until Madison cried, "Where is Will? I wanted to see him."
Sami looked up at Madison and put the papers beside her not really wanting to look at them anyway, "I'm sorry sweetie; Will had to go back to work."
"Daddy you said I could see Will if I let Mommy talk to him first," Madison gave EJ a withering look and stomped off to her room upset that she didn't get to see her brother especially since this was the first time he had ever come to her daddy's house before.
EJ and Sami looked at one another, both hating that Madison was upset, but knowing that this wasn't a friendly visit from Will. Sami got up and left the papers in the chair, "I'll go talk to her, make her understand that Will can come over some other time, maybe I can talk him into coming over on Christmas because Madison doesn't need to get out in the crowds since the chemo wears her immune system down."
"Okay," EJ let her go to their daughter and when he looked over to the chair where Sami was sitting saw the reason why Will had come over. He picked up the papers and before he even got a good look at them, knew why Samantha looked so upset too. She had just been served with divorce papers.
The Gift
Part XXXXIII
Sami paused at Madison's bedroom door to knock upon it before entering her room. She saw Madison sprawled on top of her bed, crying as if her heart was broken. Sami made her way to the bed and sat down upon it.
"Honey, please don't be upset," Sami said softly, not wanting Madison to cry.
"I wanted to see Will," came the muffled reply from Madison as she shifted away from Sami's touch on her arm.
"I'll get Will to come back over for Christmas," Sami said, hoping that Will would come visit his baby sister even if he had gotten out of EJ's house as quickly as he possibly could just a few minutes earlier when he had delivered her the divorce papers from Lucas.
Madison raised up and gave her mother a disbelieving look, "Mom, I know Will doesn't like my daddy, but if he would only give him a chance he would see that he is the best daddy in the entire world. My daddy is way better than his will ever be."
"Madison, you don't need to say things like that about Lucas, he is your step-father," Sami sighed, knowing that Madison would never be content to leave EJ's home since she thought they would both be living here from now on.
"So it's okay for Will to not like my daddy, but I can't do the same?"
"Lucas has been good to you Madison," Sami reminded her daughter something that she already knew even if she didn't want to admit it.
"And daddy would be good to Will if he would ever give him the chance," Madison sat up on her bed, refusing to let anyone say anything bad about her father in her presence.
"Maybe he will be able to give him a chance," Sami said, hoping that Will could find it in his heart to be around EJ even if only for his sister's sake, "we just have to give Will some time to adjust to our new situation."
"Why did Will come by if he didn't want to see us?"
"He needed to give me some papers," Sami said trying to scoot closer to Madison, but she refused to let her mother come nearer to her than she already was at the moment.
"What kind of papers?"
"Well Lucas and I are going to get a divorce and we have to agree upon everything to dissolve our marriage."
"Does that mean that you and daddy are going to get married?" Madison's eyes lit up with a sparkling of true happiness that Sami hadn't seen a lot of from her since she had gotten sick.
"Honey, I don't know," Sami reached out to Madison once more, but still she refused to let her mother comfort her.
"You would be happy with daddy," Madison declared wholeheartedly. "I know you would. We could be a real family."
"Sweetie, I…" the words failed Sami. She didn't want to get Madison's hopes up about the future because she honestly had no clue herself as to what the future would hold for them all.
"Mommy, please you have to marry daddy, please." The plea in her daughter's voice was almost more than Sami could bear. Madison finally reached out to grasp her mother's hand.
How could she even begin to explain the complexities of her and EJ's relationship to their daughter when she didn't even know exactly where she stood with EJ?
"Mommy, please do this for me, please!"
"Sweetie, your daddy hasn't asked me to marry him and I don't know if he is even thinking about marriage to me. Right now I'm still married to Lucas."
"But you said Will brought you papers so that you wouldn't be married to Lucas anymore. Just sign them and then you can marry daddy."
"It's not that simple," Sami shook her head wishing Madison were a bit older so that she could understand the situation better, but then acknowledged to herself that age did not always allow you to see clearly as she thought of the years she had tried so diligently to reunite her own parents after their divorce from one another.
"Mommy, I'm worried if I don't get better that daddy will be all alone and I can't let that happen. Please Mommy, please promise me that you won't let my daddy be alone," Madison's tears started anew.
"Honey, don't say things like that, you are going to get better," Sami pulled Madison into her arms, trying to calm her down. "These treatments you are taking are helping you to overcome the leukemia."
"Mommy, I know how sick I am. I don't feel good anymore. That is why I need to know that daddy will be okay if I'm not around to take care of him."
Madison's words hit Sami with a force that she hadn't realized possible. How could she help alleviate her fears? Fears that no child needed to have to worry about, but Madison had always seemed to be far older than what her age deemed. EJ had commented once to Sami in the hospital that Madison had an old soul in her and now more than ever that sentiment rang true. It just wasn't fair that their child was worried about things that most children didn't even have to consider at such a young age. Then again, most children were not going through what Madison was facing.
When Sami didn't reply to her request, Madison climbed into her mother's lap and laid her head upon her shoulder. Sami felt her daughter's tears seep through the shirt she was wearing and hugged her close to her.
"Mommy, please promise me that you will look after daddy, please." Madison clung to her mother as tightly as she could.
"I promise Madison," Sami vowed and kissed her daughter's cheek unaware that just outside the door EJ had heard their entire conversation even though he had not made his presence known to either one of them.
With tears rolling down his face over hearing his daughter's pleas to Sami, he turned away, walking down the hallway determined not to keep Samantha tied to him over what Madison had asked of her mother. Knowing if Madison was taken away from him that Samantha wouldn't have to worry about him at all because he would be long gone from Salem; for without his daughter in his life there was nothing that would be strong enough to keep him here anymore.
The Gift
Part XXXXIV
Lacing up his running shoes, EJ was ready to go for a run. He needed to clear his mind, especially after hearing Madison's pleas to her mother. He couldn't stand the pain of hearing her sweet little voice beg her mother to help look after him. Once again he was struck with a deep and abiding fury, this feeling of utter helplessness was something he was not accustomed to and did not enjoy.
He had to get out of there, just for a little while and in his haste to escape he left neither a note or said a word to Samantha. Why did things between them always have to be so damned complicated? Late last night and even this early morning he'd had hope for them, but now he couldn't say he believed in much of anything at all.
The coldness in the air was brisk, but EJ didn't care. He welcomed the cold along with the feeling of exhilaration as he pushed his body harder and harder, but try as he might he couldn't run fast or far enough to escape the torment of his thoughts because they held his deepest darkest fears of losing his only child.
He loved Madison with a love he had never imagined possible when she was born and that love had continued to grow and blossom with each and every new day. He kept running trying not to think about what his life might be like without her sweetness to color his life with something new and different all of the time. Every day he spent with Madison was a day he was in awe that somehow out of all the bad things he had done in his life that having his child with him made the bad things recede into the background.
He wanted to believe he was a changed man, one that wanted a better life for his daughter, but was fate trying to tell him that he was only allotted a brief period of time with his child? He couldn't fathom not having Madison and maybe he and Samantha weren't meant to be anything more than just being her parents. He loved Samantha, but could they make things work? He didn't want to hurt Madison, to give her false hope of being a family when he knew things were so volatile with Samantha. Could they take the risk without them tearing one another apart? His past with Samantha was a compilation of many things, and while there had been many endless days and night that he had cursed ever meeting her, he knew that she had irrevocably changed his life from the first moment he had laid eyes upon her.
He needed a plan, but no plan was forthcoming as he continued to run, his side starting to get a stitch in it from the intense exertion of his run. Finally he stopped in his tracks, bending over slightly with his hands on his hips trying to get enough air into his lungs. His thoughts were jumbled, he loved Madison, and he loved Samantha, but was love enough?
He took a few more seconds to try to reign in his thoughts for the future and decided when he got back to the house he and Samantha needed to have a talk about what they needed to do for the future. A future that looked very uncertain to him at the moment.
Madison had cried so much that she was worn out from the stress and the strain. Sami took a wet washcloth and carefully washed her face, telling her precious daughter to rest and that when she felt like it they would make another attempt at breakfast or try having brunch.
After making sure Madison was calmed down and settled Sami went in search of EJ. She really wanted to see him, to feel his strong arms around her after the shock of having Will deliver divorce papers from Lucas was starting to wear off a bit.
"EJ, where are you?" Samantha asked, but received no response from him. She looked around, but saw no sign of him anywhere. She went to the kitchen the remnants of their uncooked breakfast littering the area. She took the pancake batter and scraped out the bowl, thinking they would have those another day. So far this had not been the kind of morning she had anticipated after making love to EJ the night before.
She stopped in her tracks, yes she had made love to EJ, but they desperately needed to talk. There were so many things to be discussed, but most importantly she needed to tell him how she really and truly felt about him. She was going to tell him that she loved him and see how things went from there.
She felt a weight lift from her soul at the very thought. Now all she needed was to find EJ. Where in the world was he?