Chapter 12

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

"Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol

"You really didn't have to do this," Lana said when she arrived at Paul's the following afternoon. "I'd been fine at a hotel."

"I didn't have to, but I wanted to," Paul said, taking her bag. "Besides, we stay in too many damn hotels anyway without you putting yourself out when you don't have to."

"I know this was Denise's idea, but thank you," she said.

"Who says I didn't have a part in it?" he grinned. "You don't think I was going to leave my favorite employee in a place with no water, did you?"

"I'm your only employee except your cleaning woman," Lana pointed out.

"Yeah, and you're a lot easier on the eyes. I'll put your bag in the room. Go get comfortable."

"All right. Thanks."

Lana sat on the sofa and studied the surroundings before her. It wasn't a fancy place, but it certainly suited him to a T, she thought.

"You want to go to dinner?" Paul called out, breaking her thoughts.

"Sure," she replied, "but I need to change first."

"Don't bother; you look fine. Besides, we're only going to Buster's, so you don't need anything fancy anyway."

Lana smiled. "I can live with that."

"Good, I'm driving," he said, silently hoping the flowers would be there by the time they came back. He'd already informed the next door neighbors to accept them while he and Lana were gone.

--------------------------

Lana had immensely enjoyed herself during dinner; she hadn't realized exactly how hungry she was and had practically cleaned her plate.

"About time you ate something," Paul commented, laughing.

"What? I eat!" she giggled back, pointing to her hips. "Isn't it obvious?"

"Not really."

"I think you need an eye examination then," Lana smiled.

"Maybe I do, but you're looking very good these days." Oh Christ, that was corny, he thought. Nice going, Mr. Smooth.

"Well, thank you. That's very nice."

"Lana," Paul began, clearing his throat. "I don't want you to just think of me as the guy that issues your paychecks. I mean, can I be honest here? In the time since you've started working, I've become more comfortable being around you; I don't know, like I've known you before."

"In another life, perhaps?" Lana asked with a slight smile.

"Yeah, maybe that's it. Anyway, it's great you're staying for a couple of days so we can know each other on a more personal level without those goofs Spanky and Kimbo around."

"I thought all of you guys were close. And I don't mind Kim. She's a very good friend of mine."

"We are," Paul nodded. "But even Spank gets to be a pain in the ass once in awhile. I need someone sane around for a change."

"Sane. I'm not sure if I'd describe myself as that, especially what I had been through the last couple of years."

"Your addiction and Billy," he stated.

Lana gave him a shocked look. "How did you know about my ex? I never mentioned him to you." She then paused. "Oh, right. You talk to Denise. She must have filled you in on that."

Paul nodded. "She did, and for all it's worth, the guy is a total asshole for treating you like that. He's lucky I didn't know you back then."

"Billy played a big role in my addictions," Lana clarified. "He and my old job were parts where the Valium came in. The painkillers were after I screwed up my knee. I guess at the time it was easier to run to a pill bottle than face the situations head on. But no more."

"It couldn't have been easy for you to deal with all of that."

Lana shook her head. "It wasn't, and it wasn't only kicking the pills; there was also facing the issues that led up to my addiction in the first place. Rehab and my meetings helped me a lot, and so does having good friends like Denise and the other girls. And since we're being honest with each other, I didn't even want to reveal that I was a recovering addict to you at first. Frankly, I didn't think you would think much of me at all, being I was a 'pillhead' and not exactly the conventional Barbie type like Kim and even Cricket are. I was shocked that you hired me on the spot."

Paul gave her a look. "Did you honestly think I wouldn't approve of what you really looked like or what your past was? Lana, I realize your ex was an ass and there's guys in this company that are into that superficial stuff, but I'm not one of them. I've even had my share of shitty relationships, flings, whatever the fuck you want to call them. Anyway, you got hired on a high recommendation from Dee, whom I happen to respect greatly, not to mention your qualifications. I wasn't looking for arm candy or a model. I figured if I was going end up with a secretary, I wanted one with a brain and knew what the hell she was doing. Hence, we got stuck with each other."

"I wouldn't exactly call it 'stuck' from my end," Lana smiled. "Actually, it's been quite a good experience, at least the majority of the time."

He brightened. "Really?"

"Yes." Lana sipped her iced tea.

"And here I thought you were disgusted with my happy ass."

"Why would I be disgusted? Sometimes, I thought you boys were a little…..bizarre, but I wouldn't say I was disgusted."

"Jesus, I think we just found out a little more about each other," he grinned at her.

"I guess we did," she agreed.

The check arrived and Lana went for it, but Paul stopped her.

"I'm already staying at your place for a couple of days; at least let me pay for something," she said.

"Nothing doing," he said, "this is my treat. Plus I don't want to get the reputation of being a cheapskate boss." He winked at her.

"Like that would ever happen," she laughed. "You can be a lot of things, but cheap isn't one of them, at least my idea of cheap anyway."

When they arrived back at his apartment, Paul sent her ahead while he checked with the neighbors to see if the delivery had arrived. It had, and he sneaked back into the apartment while Lana was in the bathroom, finally finding a vase and sitting the dozen yellow roses on the table where she would easily spot them.

Lana had come out, now barefoot, and saw the flowers immediately while he was getting them sodas out of the kitchen.

"What's this?" she asked.

"What's what?"

"Someone send you flowers?"

"Actually, those came for you," he said.

"Me?"

"Yeah. Read the card."

"All right."

Lana had pulled the card out of its tiny envelope and stared at the writing printed on it:

I was just reflecting on our friendship and wanted to let you know how much it means to me. Your thoughtfulness always makes my days a little brighter, and problems seem a whole lot smaller. Thanks for being you and all you have done for me, though I may not always be the easiest guy in the world--Paul.

He came out with the sodas, trying to hide his grin. "Anyone we know?" he teased.

"Very funny," she said, smiling and shaking her head before coming over to plant a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you. They're beautiful. But how did you know what to get? Oh wait; it must have been Denise again."

"Actually, it was Kim this time," he confessed.

"Nice. Well, at least you took the time. It's rather refreshing to see a guy do that."

"Glad you approve, but be warned, I'm not exactly Mr. Excitement."

"I'm not exactly Ms. Excitement myself, so I think we'll get along very well."