Thanks as always to Nikki and Dani for their encouragement and ideas and

to Angelz1114577 & Whitlocked from PTB and their beta'ing :o)

Jake fans, grab the tissues, our boy is hurting :'o(.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters, they belong to Stephenie Meyer.

Chapter 13

Jacob PoV

I'd stayed in wolf form for a whole day; just long enough to calm myself down and make my way to Seth's place. This was different from when I lost Bella to Edward. This time I knew that I was at an advantage by having Ness already and that there was still a chance I could win, just as long as I kept fighting. Sitting back wasn't an option for me. I was in no position to decide that I wasn't going to pursue this, just as the moon couldn't suddenly decide not to orbit the earth any longer. Nessie was still the heart of my very being, drawing me back to her, despite my boiling anger and jealousy at what I'd seen in her dream. I couldn't do it on my own though. I knew, without question, that I had to speak to somebody about all the things that were spinning around inside my head, before I drove myself crazy.

I'd thought carefully while I was running, about whom to go to. I longed to head directly for the security of the house I grew up in; to seek out the comfort of the familiar surroundings, but I couldn't put my Dad through this. He worried enough about me as it was, without giving him reason to worry. I thought about Leah, but even after all this time, and seeing my relationship develop with Nessie, she was still pretty much anti-vampire, no matter who they were. I knew she wouldn't be able to hide her satisfaction at my being let down by Nessie, and I wasn't sure I could handle that right now.

I soon realised that Seth was the obvious choice. Not only had we grown to be great friends over the years, but he was also good friends with the Cullens. This assured me that he would think about the best course of action for everyone involved, and not pass any judgement.

I had to hand it to Seth; he'd done a great job of hiding any surprise when he'd answered his door, half asleep still, to find me standing naked on his porch. Since Leah had moved out and his mom had moved in with Bella's dad Charlie, Seth was living alone at the old Clearwater family home. He'd invited me in without question, pausing as I followed him down the hall, to slip quickly into his bedroom, emerging moments later with a pair of clean, cut off sweats that he tossed to me. I nodded my head in a gesture of appreciation and pulled them on.

"It's good to see you man, it's been too long," he said as he took a step toward me and reached out to clasp my right hand in his. I appreciated the sentiment and pulled him toward me roughly, thumping him on the back affectionately with my left hand. We broke apart and continued down the hall, to the kitchen.

Seth turned to face me and let his eyes briefly take in my unkempt appearance for a moment and then he spoke.

"Are you hungry?" I could tell that he already knew the answer to his question, even before I nodded my head. He pulled a pan out of a cupboard, poured some oil in and placed it on the stove to heat up while he cracked and beat the eggs in a bowl and poured them into the pan. Neither of us spoke while he prepared the food and then he put the overflowing plate down on the table in front of me. I began eating hungrily, the hours without food suddenly catching up with me. After a moment Seth broke the silence.

"I spoke to Edward earlier."

My chewing slowed and I looked up from the plate to Seth. He was leaning casually back against the counter, hands holding onto the edge of it and his legs crossed in front of him. His face was smooth and his eyes concerned as he watched me closely, gauging my reaction to his words. I shrugged, swallowing my food before I responded.

"I thought you didn't seem too surprised to see me here."

He smirked slightly. "You thought wrong, Jake. I assumed you'd run off again like you did when—" He cut off abruptly and I guessed he wondered if he'd said too much. "Well, you know." I winced at the memory, knowing exactly what he was talking about. When Bella had chosen Edward, I'd spent months living as a wolf, doing my best to bury everything that I was feeling deep down, beneath my primitive urges, finally giving in and returning for Bella and Edward's wedding.

Seth evidently had thought I'd done the same thing this time too, when he heard I'd taken off.

"It wouldn't have taken much to know for sure Seth, all you had to do was phase and it would all have been there on display in my head for you." I snorted lightly as I spoke, glaring at him.

"I'm well aware of that Jake. I'm also aware that you hate that we can hear each others' every thought. I knew you'd be broken; I didn't want to listen in. I wasn't feeling too optimistic, but I had hoped you'd turn up sooner rather than later. "

I felt bad then, I should have expected this from Seth, he'd always been a loyal friend.

"Aw, man," I said, regret evident in my voice as I winced and placed my knife and fork down on my plate. I sighed. "I'm sorry Seth; I'm just struggling with everything right now." I leaned back in my chair, rubbing my face with my hands, before dropping them into my lap. "Maybe I should just head home, Ness will be worried about me. We should probably talk this over, see if we can find a solution."

Seth shifted slightly.

"Nessie isn't at home Jake; she's gone to stay with Rosalie and Emmett for a few days." As soon as his words registered, I felt an ache begin inside me at the thought of the physical distance between us. I hated being away from her anyway, but knowing she was further away than I'd thought made the sensations worse, if that was possible.

I needed to speak to her; the urge to get everything straightened out and to bring her back here to me, was suddenly vital. I stood up, scraping my chair back as I did so.

"Seth, could I use your phone?" His eyes met mine for a moment before he reached out his hand, picked it up from the counter next to him and tossed it to me. I caught it easily and dialled the familiar number. It rang out for a while before it cut to voicemail. At the sound of her voice, my insides tightened painfully and I turned my back to Seth, fighting to keep the agony from my face. I swallowed hard as I prepared myself to leave a message.

"Uh, Ness, it's me. I'm ok, I'm with Seth. He just told me you're at Rose's. Listen, I'm sorry about last night honey I—" My voice cracked as I struggled to get the words out. I swallowed, cleared my throat and tried again. "I, uh…" I spoke in a rush now. "I love you and I need you to come home so we can sort this shit out. I can't stand being away from you." I took a deep breath. "That's all. Call me. Love you." I pressed the button to end the call and then dropped my arms loosely to my sides. I let my head flop back toward the ceiling and exhaled loudly. I brought my head forward again and turned slowly back around. Seth was no longer there.

Feeling lost, I crossed to the sink. As I did so, I absentmindedly slipped the phone into my pocket. I grabbed a glass from the drainer, filled it from the faucet and gulped it back noisily, before I refilled it and carried it out of the kitchen. I wandered into the living room and found Seth, sitting on the old sofa watching TV. He glanced up at me as I entered and watched as I sank down in one of the armchairs. As I put my glass on the floor and stretched my legs out in front of me, I felt Seth's phone vibrate in my pocket, and a series of beeps indicated that a message had arrived. I leaned to the side and reached down to pull it out, glancing at the display and seeing that it was from Nessie. Sitting forward, I gestured with the phone so he'd know it was for me.

"Ness," I told him.

I opened the message nervously, wanting to read her words but afraid of what they might say.

Need space to think.

Be home soon, Love you too N x

I sighed and deleted the message before tossing the phone back to Seth. He looked at me questioningly, but didn't ask anything out loud.

"Well, she's not hurrying home." I flopped back and rested my arms along the arms of the chair, drumming my fingers on the worn leather, distractedly. Seth picked up the remote and clicked the TV off, angling his body on the sofa so he was facing me.

"You want to tell me your side of things, Jake?"

I considered his offer for a long moment, this was after all, what I'd come here for. Eventually I managed a half smile at my friend.

"I think I'm going to have to, I'm going to go crazy otherwise."

I leaned forward to pick up my water from the floor and took a sip. I placed it back down, got comfortable in the chair and told him the whole story up to the part where I freaked out at her dream and couldn't face going straight back to see her when she was having dreams like that about someone else.

Seth was a good listener; he didn't interrupt or pass any kind of judgement as I spilled my guts to him, which I was grateful for. Of course, he already knew much of what had been going on inside of my head for the past few years, so many parts of the story needed less explanation than they would have done, had I chose to speak to anybody outside of the pack, besides Edward of course.

"I can see why Nessie would want to get to know the guy, Jake. She is unique compared to everyone around her." Seth's body language was open, he gestured with his hands, keeping his palms facing upward as he spoke, showing that he was trying to get his point across, without intending to upset me. "Remember how Sam struggled when he was the first to change? You know how grateful we all were to have somebody else there for us, somebody who knew what it was like, when we first changed. Nessie has nobody else that really understands."

As much as I hated to admit it, he had a point. I hadn't really thought of it that way before. I remembered back to when I'd first transformed into a wolf, how frightening it all was and, as Seth said, how thankful I'd been that I wasn't going through it alone, as Sam had. So much had been unknown to him, just as it was to Nessie I guessed.

I grimaced as I finally gave in and agreed with Seth, nodding at his words.

"I know, I know," I could hear my voice and it sounded anguished, even to my own ears. "If only it were that simple. I'd give her anything she wanted; anything, you know that Seth, but he wants more than just friendship and I'm terrified that I'm going to lose her." I leaned over onto my right elbow, bringing my hand up to my face and covering my eyes with it.

"Jake, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about, imprinting's stronger than any of this shit."

My head snapped up.

"Then why's she dreaming about him like…that?"

Seth's expression was pained at my mention of the dream.

"Aw, come on Jake, she can't control what she dreams about. I'm sure it doesn't mean anything. You must have had dreams about other girls." He raised his eyebrows at me and smiled. I looked away and when I spoke again my voice was quieter.

"Not since Ness. It's only been her for a long time now."

I leaned back in my chair, resting my head back. "You know what worries me about the legends?" I looked at Seth and he shook his head in answer. "What if they're outdated? I mean, they've all turned out to be true so far, the wolf stuff and the imprinting, but times have changed. Maybe the imprinting isn't necessarily enough any more. Society's different, women's roles are different, maybe just having somebody devoted to you isn't as attractive as it used to be, long term. Or maybe it's a vampire thing," I threw my hands up in the air now and my voice was growing louder and more desperate. "They're our enemy, right? What if the imprinting doesn't work the same for them as it does for everyone else?

"What if she wants more? If she needs more? I already give her everything, my whole being," I gestured to myself. "I've nothing else I can offer her Seth, if this isn't enough."

Seth was sitting quietly, looking bewildered at my speech. Whatever he'd been expecting, I was sure that it hadn't been this; a complete loss of confidence in the very foundation of our people, our culture and our lives.

I lifted my head slightly and looked at him. My voice came out in a husky croak as the emotion built inside of me.

"I don't know what I'll do if I lose her. It was unbearable when I lost Bella, but this is so much…more." My eyes were searching his now, desperate for him to understand. "I can't even put it into words. I don't know how I could go on without her." I looked down at the faded green carpet, no longer able to meet Seth's gaze, as he watched me crumbling before him.

"What would happen to me Seth? What would the moon do if the earth exploded? Would it drift on the same path around a void forever? Would it drift away, or would it explode too? I've done nothing but try to figure it out and I just don't know. I'm scared, man; I'm really fucking scared."

Seth stirred then. I looked up and the movement caused the tears that had been welling in my eyes to spill over and run down my cheeks. My friend's anguish at seeing me like this was clearly visible on his face. He rose out of his seat and crossed the room, sinking down on the arm of the chair next to me and placing his arm around my shoulders. He made comforting noises while I finally let go of the walls I'd been holding around my worries. They came crashing down, releasing all the emotion like a dam bursting, flooding through my body and flowing out in the tears that now streamed down my face.

Poor Jake, any advice for him?