Chapter 3

As Gossip Girl's post sank in, Serena realized it wasn't too late for the whole splattering of Blair into tiny pieces. The three of them stood facing one another, their eyes not able to yet meet though. Surprisingly, it was Blair that spoke first. Upon hearing her weak voice, he forced himself to look into those revealing, chocolate eyes, and he could see the hurt and confusion buried deep within them. That's why he couldn't even begin to comprehend her next move. "Well, come on, guys. Why are we standing here acting as if Chuck's done something outrageous or unheard of? We broke up... over two months ago might I add. It was bound to happen eventually." Blair casually explained. Who was this Blair? Chuck knew he had once again caused her pain, so he couldn't understand for the life of him why she was attempting to rectify the situation to make it better for everyone involved even though it was probably in turn making it harder for herself...despite the fact that she'd ever let onto this . Serena piped in, "Yeah, I mean I guess I just never considered the after effects. You're right, B. Both of you will date other people, and who cares if Chuck was the one to start dating first? I mean we all remember that "literature loser" Dan started seeing the day after we broke up! Ugh, the thought makes me want to slap him again right now," she added through gritted teeth, hoping to lighten the mood. Blair smiled at her best friend's attempt, but again Chuck noticed it never reached her eyes.

"Blair..." he started, but she interrupted him. "Look, Chuck. If you're really here on business, then it could be days before you go back home. We still have two weeks before we'll head back ourselves, so if you still want to meet us tonight, you should bring her...this Eva Balenger." she secretly challenged him. "But, Blair I'd like a chance to explain. If you'd just let me..." he tried. She shook her head as if the explanation was not necessary. "Well, we really do need to be going ourselves, and remember, you're meeting. You don't want to be late now. We'll just see you later then. Goodbye, Chuck." She spurted out the goodbye as quickly as she could, grabbed Serena's arm, flashed one last fake smile, and the two girls walked farther and farther away from him.

Part of him wanted to run after her, to explain everything that happened after the night they last saw each other. His mind strayed back to that night...the night that still tortured him after all this time. He had done things to hurt Blair over the course of their relationship. He knew that. There were date nights that were cancelled because of last minute business meetings. Many of the enthusiastic stories she told him about NYU encounters went in one ear and out the other if the truth were told. He'd smile and nod when appropriate to do so, but numbers were always on his mind. Business was always on his mind. Now, that he had time to reflect on their relationship, he found himself wishing with all that was in him just to have another chance with her...just to rewind it all and start fresh. He'd do things so differently. Of course, missed dates and inattentiveness during story time were the least of his transgressions. There was the whole incident with Jack and the Empire. Chuck's business had sucked the life (or rather...heart) right out of him, and trying a scheme that would even possibly lead to losing Blair was proof of that.

His mind raced forward to the night after the William Van Der Woodsen take-down scheme. It was after the Benefit when he gave her his ultimatum, after trying various ways already to win her back. He had thought long and hard of a way to show her once and for all that she was the most important thing to him. The only thing that mattered. Not his constant feud with Jack. Not the Empire. Nothing...period. He wanted to make up for the wrong that he had done, and he tried to do so with the most elaborate, romantic plan he could think of. "Okay, fine it did help that I used one of Blair's classic movies as my motivation, An Affair to Remember." he smiled at his cheesiness. He remembered watching the movie with Blair for the first time, and apart from being bored and needing another Scotch, he actually enjoyed watching her...watching it. He asked her that night after the movie, "Why do you get so enthralled with movies like that?" truly wondering and she responded with a slight shrug, "I like knowing that no matter what is going on in my life, there's always a happy ending here. If I have to put a movie in to find that, then that's what I'll do," she replied happily kissing him on the cheek as she went over to the bar, bringing him back a Scotch.

He smiled thinking back to that happier time between them. An Affair to Remember helped spark the idea in him that he felt would not only bring Blair back to him...but keep her with him forever. As he walked into Harry Winston's the day before the Empire State Building meeting, he couldn't believe what he was doing. Yet at the same time, he couldn't imagine doing anything else. Chuck Bass-nineteen years old, committing himself to one woman for the rest of his life. "What would dear old Dad say now?" he thought bitterly as he perused the jewelry store that day looking for the perfect ring to symbolize his love. As he thought more about Bart Bass, he actually considered that his father might be proud of the man he had become. His father never learned from his mistakes, and he wondered how he would feel about his son being able to learn from his. At the thought of making his father smile down on him on such an important day of his life, Chuck decided on the perfect ring for his Blair. He never once questioned his choice because Blair always respected him for his excellent taste in jewelry. Besides that, this ring screamed, "Blair Waldorf!" He couldn't wait to put it on her dainty, ring finger and kiss the hand that would be his forever. The eight carat, cushion cut diamond was a classic Winston that embodied timeless elegance, or at least that's what the salesclerk had assured him of. "Timeless elegance. That's my Blair." He smiled the biggest Chuck Bass smile you've ever seen as he walked out of Harry Winston's and into his future with the soon to be Mrs. Blair Waldorf Bass.

He remembered how he felt standing at the top of the Empire State Building. His heart was racing, his palms were sweating, and he rehearsed over and over again the words that would make up his proposal to Blair. When you love someone the way he loved Blair, the proposal itself could be pretty intimidating, even for Chuck Bass. There weren't enough words in the English language for him to explain his remorse, his love, and his eternal promise to her. As the seconds, minutes, and soon hours passed by, he couldn't stand on his own two legs any longer. It was 7:30. He waited until 7:30, and Blair hadn't shown up. His trembling body fell onto a nearby bench, and with nobody around to see, tears, countless, tears fell down his cheeks as he realized the truth. She didn't love him anymore.

Chuck forced himself out of that painstaking memory, cursing himself all over again for royally effing everything up. Instead of attending his business meeting as he had planned, he made a call and rescheduled it for the following day. Far too much had happened this afternoon for him to even begin to focus on his foreign enquiries. He found a quiet spot in a local park on the outskirts of the city. As he watched an older couple walk hand-in-hand down the walking trail, he sighed and let his mind continue to wander back to the past, his ever-so-painful past.

After he regained enough strength to literally pick himself off of the bench on top of the Empire State Building, he took the stairs all the way down. The more self-inflicted pain, the better. He felt a fire in his leg muscles that he hadn't felt in a while, but that pain didn't even succumb to how his heart was feeling. This is what a broken heart felt like. He'd always seen other saps go into a state of depression after losing someone they claimed to have loved, and he'd laugh at their stupidity on the inside. But if this is what it felt like without Blair, he didn't even care if he lived anymore. He was one of those saps. Somehow, he made it back to his suite in one piece. Although, the ride home was a drunken blur (never had he ever been more thankful of the liquor stash in his limo than he was right then), and he couldn't for the life of him remember taking the elevator up. He didn't turn on any lights. He didn't do anything. He sat there all night, drinking his sorrows away. Except, the more Chuck thought about it the more he wanted to kill the man who made up that stupid saying. He was definitely NOT "drinking his sorrows away." He was merely fueling the fire. When the door to his apartment opened later that night and Jenny Humphrey came barging through, he thought her world too seemed to be crashing in on her. He wanted to be alone initially, but he couldn't turn her away. Beneath all of that wretched, gothic make-up, he could see the same hurt in her eyes. It was a mirror image of exactly how he felt. Chuck's nose turned up with disgust as he remembered back to when Jenny first leaned into to kiss him that disastrous night. The kiss that led to his personal demise. It wasn't at all like kissing Blair. With Blair, they knew each other so well, that their mouths fit like puzzle pieces, each one knowing exactly what to do to fit with the other in perfect harmony. With Jenny...not so much. "Good gosh, can she seriously stick her tongue any farther down my throat?" he found himself thinking constantly, gagging a few times as the kiss led to making out, sloppy Jenny Humphrey making out. He wasn't even into this hook up. It was like he was a robot, going through the motions, but his mind and heart were elsewhere. Later that night, in bed...the bed that Blair would never be in again, when they both silently decided to go through with it, he watched her face from below as tears streamed down the sides of her cheeks. They were both so damn wretched and lonely. "Shit! I can't believe I'm doing this. What am I even thinking?" Even in his drunken mind, he questioned his decision as he hovered above her in bed taking what was unrightfully his. More than any other thoughts that went through his mind that night, were thoughts about Blair. Sex with Jenny Humphrey was awkward, forced, and lacked any passion whatsoever. He'd never be able to make passionate, deep love with Blair again. Hell, he seriously doubted he'd ever make that kind of passionate love with anyone else...ever again. "God, just let me die." he pleaded with God to do him the honors. As he removed himself from the bed after...closing the deal, he heard the most beautiful and at the same time, frightening sound in all the world. Blair was there in his apartment calling out his name.

Chuck's flashback to Blair showing up that night made him smile because no matter what happened later, he knew that in that moment, he was the happiest man alive. Blair really did love him and her showing up there despite everything proved that. He couldn't believe that after all this time that fact alone still made him feel good inside. She had shown up for him after everything that he had done. He had ruined her in some ways, and yet, she loved him enough to come back to him. He seriously doubted he'd ever find that kind of love again. As the afternoon sun went down, the people in the park also seemed to slowly vanish. Before Chuck knew it, he was alone. However, it was oddly refreshing to have the whole park to himself. He got up and walked along the trails taking in a piece of the beautiful countryside that many tourists don't ever take advantage of. As he walked on, he flashed back to Humphrey's horrible timing at the hospital. After the blow of Humphrey's fist on his face, Chuck could hardly see straight. When his eyes did come back into focus though, it was her face that he looked at first. She had stood up for him, questioning with anger Humphrey's motives. Before she could inflict a little piece of "Blair Waldorf" on Humphrey, he demanded Chuck to tell her himself what happened. Chuck looked at her face. "Tell me what?" she silently pleaded with me. All he could get out was a weak, "Blair," because behind that response was a sob that he was too afraid to let out. Of course, Blair's intuitiveness was one of the things that first drew Chuck to her. It didn't take her long to figure out, judging from the terrified look on Chuck's face and the devastated look on Jenny's face the actions that took place earlier in the night. That night was the last time he had seen her. The night ended and so did Chuck's will to live with a simple, "Don't ever say anything to me...ever again. This whole night didn't happen."

He remembered dropping to his knees when she had left him standing in the hospital lobby. She left him, and this time, he knew that she would never come back for him. He had gone way too far. Why couldn't he have just waited longer at the Empire State Building? Why couldn't he have told Jenny to get lost? Why couldn't he ever get anything right when it came to Blair? "All I ever did was love you," he remembered her torture-filled words the night after the "indecent proposal," one of his many mistakes. He knew to any outsider it must seem as if his love never measured up to the love Blair had for him. Nobody would ever know how deep his love for her went, and yet, still despite how he loved her with all of his being, he still couldn't make her happy. So he did the only thing Chuck Bass knew to do, and that was to run. He left his little black book with Nathaniel. It was time for Nate to stop crying over Serena anyway. "Put it to good use and do what you want with it. I don't want it in my possession ever again," he told his best friend as he boarded the Bass jet for Prague. He wanted to get as far away from his life as he could, and Prague was a place he'd never tried before. "Hell, why not?" he thought as the plane took off. Once he reached his destination and was forced to stop running, Chuck did the only the other thing he knew to do. He commenced to drunken stupor immediately upon leaving his hotel that night. Leaving the pub in the early morning hours, Chuck hadn't known that his whole life perspective was about to change.

He trembled at the memory of what happened next so many nights ago in Prague. "Only pathetic Chuck Bass would be thinking of HER amidst all of the high-class hookers around." he mumbled to himself. He passed two working girls on the street corner, commenting on their velvet attire. "How elegant," he smirked to himself as he walked down the dark alleyway leading to his hotel. He saw the man approaching, and despite how wasted he was, alarms started ringing inside of his head. Something wasn't right. He didn't hear the other one come from behind, and then it was too late.

Chuck snapped back to the present, not wanting to relive that terrifying moment for another second. He took a trembling hand and laid it on his upper abdomen. The wound he'd have forever. The wound reminding him that he risked it all just to have a piece of her with him in the end. An eight carat piece of her to be exact. If it was his only connection to her, then he'd fight for it. He couldn't even succeed at that though. He had wanted to tell Blair everything this afternoon when they got the Gossip Girl post about Eva. He wanted her to know the full story. He spent a week in the hospital in Prague. The doctors constantly urged him to call a loved one or friend back home in New York. They were concerned that in a crucial time of healing he should be with people that loved him. "Look, Doc. I am a waste of space. I have no loved ones. I have hurt everyone I've ever come in contact with. I won't be making the call." He wanted to say those words so badly, but they didn't easily roll off the tongue. It was hard for him to even admit to himself that he had nobody left. For all he knew, Lilly probably hated him by this point too. After all, Blair was like her second daughter and Jenny was her stepdaughter. There's only so much one person can withstand. Unfortunately, the pain he caused spread like wild fire. He finally let the truth set in. He had nobody left. "I'm Chuck Bass. No one cares." he wanted to scream out the familiar realization, and this time, with even more passion because this time, the words were true.

It was there at the hospital he had met Eva. She had assisted the doctor one day in cleaning up the wound site, and even though the doctor left directly afterwards, she stayed behind. She definitely wasn't like the usual nurse he had. Chuck never caught his usual nurse's name because she was always so rude and abrupt. She had the body of a linebacker, and he only assumed her name would be Helga or something of the sorts. Chuck remembered thinking this new girl was beautiful in a natural, exotic way. She had tanned skin, green eyes, and soft brown hair. He watched her that day as she cleaned up the gauzes and washed the utensils. "So, are you my new nurse?" he asked her, half-hoping she'd say yes. She turned and smiled, "Well, yes and no. Your nurse is on vacation for a week. Although, I am betting her vacation entails soap opera viewing in the comfort of her own home with all nineteen of her cats." Chuck laughed. He liked her already. "So, then you are my nurse?" he questioned. "I'm actually a second grade teacher at a local school, but in the summer months, I volunteer at the hospital. It's not much, but it keeps me busy in the summer, and working in a hospital is a lot like teaching children. Both are very rewarding because you care and help others and both involve you listening to lots of whining and crying." she smiled as she compared the two. Chuck and Eva's comfortable conversation continued until another nurse interrupted, stating that they needed help in Room 312. As he watched her exit his room, he had an odd sense that over time, maybe just maybe, somebody would care that he was Chuck Bass once again.

He learned all kinds of things about Eva in that first initial conversation, and he admitted to himself that he liked what he heard. He learned she was hardworking and caring and yet, still possessed a love to please herself too. She enjoyed backpacking, mountain climbing, and surfing. He made a mental note that when he finally was released from the hospital, he maybe should try working out himself. In the past, his only form of exercise was...well, you know. Over the next week, Eva would stop by after her afternoon rounds, and the two of them would talk for hours. Listening to Eva's stories about being with her children in school, experiencing nature with her closet friends, and being an active part of not only volunteer work but charities too, made Chuck believe that maybe God had sent her to him. It was a sign. "You are who you associate with." He remembered his father trying to lecture Serena over hanging out with troublesome socialites like Poppy Lifton and saying that same quote. Then, he thought it was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard of, but now, he thought, "With Eva around, there just might be hope for me yet."

Chuck had been with Eva for over two months now, and he couldn't help but smile at how much of a positive affect she had on him over the summer. For starters, she taught him that being outdoors (no, not clad in a business suit), was one of the most rejuvenating experiences life could hand you. Chuck found that he loved ruggish activities that he often considered barbaric before like hiking, kayaking, and even fishing. Not only did he enjoy them, but Eva did too. In fact, there was hardly a experience they shared together that wasn't done outdoors. He loved her ability to be dressed in shorts and a tee shirt with no make up on and still look incredibly sexy. Besides finding new hobbies, he also stopped drinking...heavily at least. Eva didn't even try to persuade him to stop. She didn't have to. Being with her made him want to be a better person. Soon, he found that he was changing for himself. Eva was only the initial medicine that he needed. Even his business manners had changed. It wasn't long after being out of the hospital, that he checked numbers and decided that it was a good time to sell the Empire. There were far too many memories...some good, but the bad outweighed those by far. He felt that the Empire was the only thing standing in the way of truly being the new person he had strived to become. He had Eva to think for his new-found love for himself and life. Before seeing Blair and Serena, he was actually excited about the thought of his friends from home seeing him with someone so whole and pure. Although, when he thought about them meeting Eva for the first time, he thought they'd probably all think he bribed her in some way or another. He laughed at this thought. He couldn't blame them, after all. He knew what the old Chuck Bass was like far better than anyone else...Of course, there was always Blair too. She knew the old Chuck too, and that fact, he would have to live with for the rest of his life. Now that the opportunity to introduce Eva to Blair and Serena actually arose, he was nervous as hell. Blair had asked him to bring her tonight. She and Serena were now expecting it, but how he could introduce the two women, the only women in his life-the love of his life -and- his new-found saving grace?