I hope everyone had a good Christmas and I wish you all a Happy New Year! Thanks for taking the time to read my story and also for the reviews, they make my day!

Thanks as ever to my friends & betas, I really appreciate all your help with this :o).

Hope you all enjoy the chapter, what will happen between Jake and Nessie now?!

Chapter 19

Nessie PoV

I blinked twice to make sure I wasn't seeing things as Jake stood in the doorway. I suddenly remembered the compromising position that I was in with Nahuel, and was instantly filled with guilt that Jake had seen us like this. I scrabbled to push Nahuel off of me, and he had just sat up when I saw a look of anger wash over Jake's face. His lip was curled and his eyes were narrowed; his body was trembling violently as he tensed, ready to fight. Just as I was sure that he was going to come at us, Emmett appeared in the doorway behind him and wrapped his arms around Jake so he couldn't move.

"Hey! Jake, man, calm it!" Emmett said to Jake as he tried to escape my uncle's vice-like hold.

Nahuel's eyes never left Jake as he pushed me behind him on the bed. I spotted my t-shirt and grabbed it, pulling it on. I'd never seen Jake look so threatening in my life, let alone in my direction. I was terrified; even though I knew he'd never hurt me. I looked around Nahuel's body at Jake and saw a look of unease pass over his face as his aggression appeared to lessen slightly.

Rose walked purposefully through the door then and threw a set of keys at Nahuel who caught them mid-air.

"Nahuel, go," she said.

He shook his head and my heart sank as I knew this would only make things worse.

"No," he snarled. "I'm not leaving her here with him like this."

Jake looked wild again at his comment, and he began to struggle against Emmett's arms.

"Rose!" Emmett had gasped. "I can't hold him much longer!"

Rosalie took in the scene before turning back to Nahuel.

"We wouldn't let him hurt her, Nahuel, but if you don't leave now and give him a chance to calm down, we might not be able to keep her safe."

He reached behind him and pulled me to his side. He'd stopped long enough to tell me that he was going to head back to his sisters and would see me soon, and then he'd kissed me on top of my head. Several things happened then at the same time. Jake flew into a wild rage that Emmett was struggling to contain so Rose punched him in the face, stunning him. This stopped him phasing and potentially hurting us all, and gave Nahuel the opportunity to slip quickly out of the open doors and onto the balcony, where he was able to cut back through the other bedroom and go downstairs to leave the house.

I turned back from watching him leave, to see Jake's slumped and dazed form on the floor. I crossed quickly over to him and crouched down, my hand on his shoulder. He didn't look too good and from the sound Rose's fist had made when it hit his face, I was more than a little worried.

"Jake, are you ok?" I asked him. He looked as though he was still having difficulty focusing his eyes.

"What the hell..?"

"Sorry, Jake, I had to do that," Rosalie told him, smirking. "We've only just decorated in here. I didn't want the place being torn apart by some overgrown mutt." Jake looked at her in disgust.

I surveyed the damage to Jake's face and realised that although it had looked impressive, the damage caused by Rosalie's heavy punch was fairly superficial and would heal quickly. I looked into the face that I had missed so much and wanted nothing more than to throw myself into his arms and allow myself to drown in the depths of his deep brown eyes. I felt the strong pull between his heart and mine and was about to succumb to the magnetic pull between the two of them when suddenly, instead of myself, I saw my mother's face reflected back at me in his eyes. I blinked quickly and saw that it had been a cruel trick of my imagination; the face I saw there now was my own, but it was enough to serve as a reminder of the painful revelation I had been subject to earlier.

Being so close to him with these conflicting feelings was too much for me. I pulled my hand back and stood, taking a couple of steps back before I turned and crossed to the open door. I heard the sound of a car pulling out of the driveway. Nahuel. When he'd finally given in to Rose's pleas for him to leave, I was relieved beyond measure. Jake was so mad that I couldn't see any way that Nahuel would have escaped unscathed. I could see in his eyes that he didn't like leaving me here like this, but he knew he had no option; Rose had been right, if he'd stayed we'd all have been at risk of getting hurt when Jake inevitably phased.

I heard the door click closed softly and turned to see that Rose and Emmett had tactfully left Jake and me alone. I looked down at Jake. He was still sitting on the floor, but was now leaning back against the chest of drawers that stood awkwardly in the middle of the space between the bed and the door. He rested his head back against the chest, keeping his eyes on me. I couldn't help noticing that the usual warmth in them had been replaced by something decidedly icier.

"Well, I guess now I know why you were so quick to tell me not to come over earlier." The muscles in his jaw twitched as he sat waiting for my response. I looked on in disbelief; surely he wasn't going to take the moral high-ground with me? Not when he'd been in love with my own mother and never thought it worth mentioning?

I felt the anger building, spreading out through my body. Jake was still looking at me as though I were the only villain in all of this. A growl rose in my throat.

"Goddamn it Jake, she's my mother!"

With lightning speed, I reached for a vase of freesias on the small table next to the door. With all my strength, I sent it whistling through the room toward him, water and petals flying everywhere as the heavy scent of the flowers filled the room. He reached up and snatched it from the air a split second before it hit him. He turned his head off to the side in exasperation and let out an angry sigh before he turned back to look at me and fixed a gaze loaded with annoyance on his face.

"Nessie, you weren't even born!"

I stepped back, unbelieving that he would think that made it ok.

"Shit, Jake! That doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt like hell…"

"And what would you know about hurt, Nessie? I've just found out that you've been holed up here for days with him," Jake's face wrinkled with disgust as he spat the word out. "Then I walk in to find the two of you half naked and all over each other on the bed." He gestured violently toward the bed with one hand as his voice increased in volume so he was practically yelling. "How do you think that rates on the hurt scale?!"

"He's the only one that hasn't let me down Jake. Everybody else has been keeping a secret big enough to make my whole world collapse around me! Imagine how that makes me feel."

Jake's eyes were still cold toward me but the anger in them was clearly replaced by hurt now and his voice when he spoke again was quiet.

"I think I know that feeling, Renesmee."

My breath caught at his words. His use of my full name stung, and I knew then exactly how deep the damage inflicted by this whole situation had gone. I'd never heard him use my full name, ever. As I looked down at him on the floor, I felt a pang of guilt twist in my stomach the first time since I'd overheard Rose. It absorbed much of my anger before I spoke again, my tone now lowered to match his.

"No." I shook my head. "Nobody knew we were here, only Rose & Emmett. It was Rose's idea to come here."

Jake quickly blew out a puff of air and rolled his eyes.

"Blondie. I should have known. She's always hated me."

The anger flared in me again.

"Rosalie does not hate you Jake! She respected my decision to want to get to know Nahuel better…"

Jake threw his head back and an almost hysterical laugh filled the room.

"Well, Renesmee, you certainly got your own way on that one didn't you? You couldn't have got to know him all that much better than you did really." The laughter died away abruptly and Jake's eyes were serious again. "Unless, I hadn't walked in when I did of course. Or was that a repeat performance?" He raised his eyebrows at me.

"No! And that wasn't what I came here for, Jake, to start some affair with a virtual stranger." I was hurt that he even entertained the thought that I'd do such a thing.

He scoffed loudly.

"Oh, don't tell me, 'shit happens' right?"

"Well, apparently yes, it does. Like, suddenly you can discover that your boyfriend was in love with your mother and nobody thought it worth mentioning." I turned my back on him and closed my eyes, trying to pretend that this was all a bad dream. It worked until Jake spoke again.

"It was all a long time ago, how many times do I have to say it?"

I spun around, my eyes open now, and watery despite my anger. My voice was starting to shake as I spoke.

"Look, I'm sorry for not smiling and acting like it's fine, but it's not! It's seriously fucked up! Did you really all think you could just not tell me and I'd never find out?"

"We were only trying to protect you."

I was sick of this from them all, the endless over-protectiveness.

"I. Don't. Need. Protecting from everything!" I huffed loudly, throwing my hands in the air. "You know, a little honesty can go a long way sometimes."

"Ha!" Jake was laughing again, a bitter-sweet sound with the backdrop of hurt on his face. "Would you listen to Miss Morals over there?!" He shook his head and looked down at the ground, still smirking through his pain. "You are unreal."

I'd had enough of the snarking now. Today had been hard enough without having to go through this now as well.

"I don't have to listen to this." I turned again and walked toward the open door that led onto the balcony.

"Yes, you do." I stopped and looked back; Jake was on his feet now. "We have to sort this out and I'm not waiting for the right time because there will never be one. We do it now."

"No, we don't," I stated steadily.

Jake rolled his eyes and touched his fingers to his forehead, then pulled them quickly away again in exasperation.

"God, you're just as stubborn as your Mom."

I flew around now, my fury re-ignited by his mention of her.

"Don't you dare compare me to my mother!" I said, my voice full of the anger I felt.

A determined look fixed itself on Jake's face and he took a step closer to me, speaking quietly.

"No, you're right; I shouldn't compare you with Bella, because she can't hold a light to you, as far as I'm concerned."

I didn't doubt him, I knew how imprinting worked, but I couldn't get rid of the nagging in my head about him and my mother. I folded my arms defensively in front of me.

"So Jake, why me? You loved my Mom so what happened to her?" I could hear the almost-vicious tone in my voice as I spoke, but was unable to reign it in. A pained look crossed Jake's face and I instinctively knew that I wasn't going to like his answer.

"Nessie, don't—"

"Why not? It's a simple enough question isn't it?" I was determined to make him answer.

"I just….please." He shook his head and looked at me, his verbal plea reflected in his face.

"So you've seen the damage that keeping this from me has caused and yet you still refuse to tell me?"

"If you think it's because I feel like the loser in this, Nessie, then you're wrong. I'm glad Bella married Edward, because if she hadn't then there'd have been no you. No us."

"And is there still an us, Jake? You still think it all happened the way you wanted it to? Because this sure as hell wasn't in my future plans."

"Whatever happens from here on in Ness, I don't regret a second of what we had. The years we had together, they were worth it; worth any suffering that you throw at me now."

I winced at the thought of Jake suffering. That had never been my intention; I'd merely been following my heart instead of my head, acting selfishly and impulsively. There was still an unanswered question lying heavily between us.

"My Mom?"

He swallowed deeply and hung his head, before raising it again and meeting my eyes.

"We were in her life at the same time. She chose your Dad."

"Right." I nodded. I was quiet for a moment, absorbing his words. "It all makes sense now. The jealousy, the possessiveness; all the things I couldn't understand when I'd never given you any reason to doubt me."

An astonished look formed on his face as he jabbed a finger at his own chest.

"You're blaming me for this mess?" His lower jaw jutted out defiantly. "I loved you enough to stand up and fight for us, Nessie, what did you do?"

I cringed. He was right, of course. What had I done? I hung my head.

"I fought for her Ness and I lost. I lost her and it just about killed me. You've heard me talk about the months I spent living as a wolf? That was why. I couldn't deal with it."

"So, if it weren't for my Dad, then you and her…" I stopped, unable to speak the words. Jake shrugged.

"What does it matter Nessie? The fact is that she married your Dad and then you were born. I couldn't ever have been happier than I have been with you. You don't need me to tell you this Nessie, you know it."

He looked up at me and when he took in my unmoved expression he gasped in frustration. "You know, sometimes I really wish I had your gift so I could prove to you that I mean what I'm saying. You want to hear the biggest part for me? The moment you were born, every ounce of the pull I'd felt toward Bella disappeared. Gone, just like that. It was you. It's always been you, Ness."

I took in his words in amazement. Was imprinting really strong enough to work before a person was born? Even if I believed what he was telling me, did it change how I felt about the situation? I wasn't sure. Right now, my head was whirling so fast that it was difficult to pick the individual trains of thought out: Jake and my Mom; being kept in the dark; being here with Nahuel, taking things too far and then – I shuddered at the memory – Jake walking in and seeing us.

I regretted my impulsive reaction to the news about Jake and my Mom. I should never have let things go that far with Nahuel, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was a mistake.

I sank to the floor, completely drained. My knees were bent to the side; my hand supported my head and covered my face.

"I can't sort through all of this now Jake, I just can't. What have I done? What a mess."

The tears came again then. And these were tears for Jake. Tears of guilt and of remorse for what I'd put him through. I realised that I could hardly stay angry at him for things that had happened before I was even born, and it was obvious that none of those feelings for my Mom remained or my Dad would have picked up on them. Was I willing to throw everything away because those closest to me had decided to keep it from me? They'd had my best interests at heart and perhaps, looking at how I had reacted to the news, it had been the right decision all along. I also questioned whether I was going to treat everybody else the same way as Jake in this when I made a decision. Was I willing to cut my mother out of my life too? He was no more to blame in this than anybody else, why should he be the one to be punished? I'd punished him enough with my behaviour up to now.

It horrified me now to think of the childish way that I'd reacted to this. I felt bad for Nahuel too; I'd exploited his feelings for me to try and make myself feel better. He was going to end up another casualty of this mess I'd created for myself.

I raised my head and looked out through watery eyes to see Jake watching me as though he were in physical pain at the sight of me like this. I wasn't sure that I could cope with much more tonight.

"Do we really have to do this now Jake? We have forever," I said, my voice almost pleading.

"I don't want forever without you, Nessie."

I stopped crying at his words and confusion flooded my head as I questioned exactly what he was threatening.

"What do you mean?" I asked in a whisper.

"Nessie, I could probably manage a miserable fifty, or sixty years on this earth without you, but I refuse to suffer forever. If you want to turn me away, that's your choice. I won't like it, but I'll respect your decision. It'll be a final decision though, so decide carefully. I won't hang around waiting to see if you change your mind. I can't do that Nessie, it'd kill me. You say no and I'll go, start a life somewhere away from you. I'll stop phasing and I'll age. I'll be normal."

I gaped at him, unable to believe what he was saying. I ran my hand through my hair, nervously.

"You're asking me to decide whether to end your life Jake," I stated. He swallowed hard, his adam's apple bobbing in his throat. His voice was low and husky with emotion.

"Ness, you are my life. Without you it's all meaningless." As he gazed at me, watching his words sink in, I had one question.

"Jake, can you ever forgive me for all of this?" I whispered. A smile crept across his mouth and his eyes appeared resigned as he shrugged his broad shoulders.

"Ness, I don't have a choice. I don't want to live without you. C'mere." He gestured for me to come to him with a flick of his head.

It felt like a lifetime since I'd last been wrapped in his arms. I got to my feet and gave in, at last, to the pull of the invisible elastic that felt as though it connected our souls. Every step closer to him I took felt like a relief, as the tension of the pull reduced perceptibly. I was still a couple of paces away when he stepped forward to meet me, his arms reaching out. I prepared for the familiar and comfortable feel of his embrace, but as his hands touched my arms to pull me into him, I felt a spark that ignited and shot through my body with a force like nothing I'd ever felt before. My stomach did a violent flip and I shuddered with ecstasy as it faded away.

"Holy crap!" Jake exclaimed as his own body trembled before becoming still. "What the hell was that?"

I hugged him hard, feeling as though I'd finally made it home. As he hugged me back and I stood with my cheek pressed to his chest, I felt the glow that I'd had this afternoon returning and my mouth pulled up into a wide smile.

"Shooting star," I whispered, and felt Jake's chest shake slightly as he laughed quietly and contentedly.

I knew we had a long way to go, but we were both back in orbit now.

Ooh, a reunion! I know some of you are anti-Nessie, were you hoping Jake wouldn't go with the reunion?

Please leave a review and let me know!