Chapter 28

"Paul, stop the car, I think I'm going to puke," Lana said hurriedly as they all were on the way to the hotel a few weeks later.

"Again? Christ, we just stopped ten minutes ago for you to toss your cookies."

"Dude, would you rather she barf in the car?" Brian asked from the back seat. "Pull the fuck over for the lady."

"Considering this is a rental that I'm paying for because you 'forgot' your Mastercard again, I think pulling over will be the lesser of the two evils."

"It's in the pants I wore a couple of nights ago and forgot to pack, I swear."

"Whatever you say, Spanky."

Kim patted Brian's thigh. "It's all right, dear, early senility makes us do things we usually wouldn't."

"Very fucking funny, Kimberly."

They found an area with high weeds, where Lana rushed out of the car and did her deed before pulling out a Kleenex to wipe her mouth and then popped a breath mint.

"Sorry, guys," she apologized when she came back in the car.

"Are you sure you're all right?" Kim asked. "Ever since that fire, you've been doing this off and on. Maybe you should get checked over real good or something."

"Everything was fine at the hospital a few weeks ago," Lana sighed. "I should get a physical over the next break, though."

"Might not be a bad idea," Kim agreed. "Going around with us all the time, you probably caught one of Brian's cooties."

"How the hell do I get dragged into everything?" Brian asked, looking up from his magazine. "I'm just minding my own business. And I don't have cooties. On the other hand, I did take Kim for her flea dip."

"That was Chester, you dumbass," Kim retorted.

"Oh, right. I got to check on the cat; he quit meowing."

"Thank God," Paul groaned.

"Paul, watch that car; he ran the light and you almost broad sided him," Kim warned.

"Jesus Christ," Paul said. "Here I am with a secretary barfing up a lung every ten minutes, two smart asses in the back seat with one of them being a back seat driver, and a hairy beast that has done nothing from the time we left the airport until now but howl at high decibels. My life is hell."

"Admit it, dude, you couldn't live without us," Brian replied once he'd seen Chester was asleep in his carrier.

"It's been a pain in the ass to live with you the last ten years. 300 days a year putting up with your shit."

Brian made kissing noises. "Back at you, wifey," he replied. "If Red's still sick tonight, I'm available."

"Ugh, what are you trying to do, make Lana puke again?" Kim asked, making a face. "For someone that 'doesn't row that boat,' you sure make enough homo jokes."

"Which go in one of my ears and out the other, Kimbo," Paul said. "Rest assured dude is not my type."

"Awww, PL, you just broke my heart. And to think you led me on for ten years."

"Great, now I'm going to be sick," Kim groaned.

"Spanky, make yourself useful back there and check and see if it's okay to turn since Lana dozed off."

Brian glanced up for a second. "Okay, go."

Paul turned and almost hit a Volvo.

"God damn you, Spank!" he yelled, causing Lana to stir. "I thought you said it was okay to go!"

"It was when I glanced up," Brian replied. "Not my fault you drive like an old woman."

"And that's all you did," Kim said. "You didn't actually look."

"What's going on?" Lana asked groggily.

"Fucking Brian almost got us killed."

"Sure, make me out to be the bad guy," Brian said, then paused for a second. "Oh wait, that's right, I am the bad guy now!"