Chapter 8

Blair didn't know whether to be relieved that Paris taxi drivers had horrible driving standards or to be scared for her life. Either way, she was thankful that the trek was much shorter than she had originally thought it would be. As the taxi pulled into the train station in downtown Paris, Blair and Serena leapt out, both girls' hearts pounding, minds racing to what life without Chuck Bass might be like. Truthfully, neither wanted to ever know what a Chuckless life was like. "S, I think we're too late!" Blair confessed frantically, out of breath from circulating the downstairs lobby of the train station. Her stomach sank at this realization. She was too late. "No. No. No. We can't be too late! What will my mother think? Eric...he'll never forgive me for letting Chuck go without a fight! Nate won't know what to do without Chuck. I've really messed up this time, B. I should have been there for my brother, and in the time he needed me the most, I wasn't." Serena's voice was nothing but a whisper. As Blair tried to comfort her best friend, she frantically looked around, hoping...hoping with every inch of her being that she'd find him somehow before it was too late. Her gaze rose up to the second floor railing of the train station. There, he was standing, ticket in hand. And as much as Blair wanted to run to him...to stop him...to save him, her feet remained planted firmly as she saw the French woman rise from the bench beside him. It was her. Eva. Her heart sank. "All this running after him...all this effort into saving him, and he probably doesn't even want to be saved. I told him once, we'd never be safe. Maybe he took my words to heart. He no longer wants to delay the inevitable. Who needs to be saved when you have Do-Gooder Barbie as your sidekick?" She bitterly scoffed at this thought.

Blair knew that Serena still hadn't seen him above them on the second floor, and because of this, Blair knew she could leave the train station that night without ever seeing him again. Part of her wanted to turn away. Run. Fast. Serena would never know he'd even been there. Blair would distract her before she ever glanced upwards to see him. Serena would have thought they merely missed him...chalked it up to bad timing. But Blair also knew that despite what her head was telling her, her heart was persuading otherwise. She watched as Eva left the bench headed for the lady's room. Now was her chance. Maybe her only chance...maybe her last chance.

"S." Blair said. "I'll be back." Serena watched hopeless as Blair walked towards the stairs through the hustle and bustle of Parisians and tourists. She didn't think it was right for Blair to trail off in a moment such as this, but she knew whatever pain she was experiencing could more than likely be multiplied by one hundred to reach the pain Blair was feeling. Of course, she knew Blair would never admit that though.

As Blair ascended the stairway, her eyes never left him. He really was beautiful...despite obvious internal character flaws that were embedded within him. She could see him perfectly through the crowd of people climbing the stairs ahead of her. As she took him in-step by step up the stairs, her mind raced back to all the memories they shared-mostly good...some bad...some detrimental. She wondered how they ever got here...got to this place. Whatever happened to them? Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck. Ha! Look at them now. "Eat your heart out Gossip Girl," Blair thought coldly. Was their relationship ever worth all the torture and heartache it had caused? She knew that what they had...for a short time though it was...was real...it was the realest love she'd ever experienced in her young age. She smiled sympathetically to herself. However, she knew that if their relationship was real, she'd never be real again...with anyone. Her smile turned to a frown. She had nothing to offer a new suitor. She was used. Broken. Unrepairable. "Once you give your heart away completely, it's impossible to get it all back. The tie that binds me to Chuck is relentless. Could I ever get that piece of me back from him? Will it be fair to the next...to only give him the parts that are whole?" Blair thought about her future life without Chuck by her side. It was hard to imagine, and yet she knew that was, in fact, her future. There was no denying the fact that 1) Blair's heart couldn't take another Chuck Bass beating...period. Game over. And 2) Imagining herself loving another the way she loved Chuck made her want to beat her own heart to smithereens. 3) Both options left her with a beaten heart. "Guess it's time to contemplate the failure of my love life," she thought for a moment distracted from the fact that she now had reached the top of the stairs.

Upon reaching the top, Blair took a deep breath before continuing her pursuit. Chuck looked up from the ground that he'd been staring at for hours. Their eyes met, and the two stared at each other intently, nervously. Neither making a move further. Blair knew what had to be done. Every bone in her body tried to stop her. Every voice in her head screamed, "Don't!" She held onto the railing for support because the way her pulse was racing and her knees were knocking, she didn't know if she could physically make those steps to reach him. As she took the first step, Chuck too began inching towards her. It was then she noticed the painstaking truth behind that walk-he was walking with a limp. Her heart ached for the pain he must have faced...the loneliness in Prague. She knew how lonely he was growing up with Bart Bass. He didn't deserve to ever have to feel that way again-no matter how much pain he had caused her, and yet, she knew in that hospital in Prague he must have hit an all time low. They finally reached each other, and the two stood motionless merely a foot apart.

Blair watched as Chuck stood defeated. She knew, that to him, her being here tonight must seem foreign after the way she responded the night before. He was so hesitant...so careful...so afraid of what her next words might be. The Chuck Bass she used to know never had a problem looking anyone in the eye. In fact, people used to cower when Chuck Bass's gaze met their own...such empowerment and self-confidence often left people intimidated. Yet, in this moment, he couldn't even force himself to look at Blair. "Chuck..." she struggled to get the word out without her voice cracking. He blinked but still couldn't look up at her. "Chuck, please..." she whole-heartedly begged him to look at her. He looked up at her after a multitude of seconds passed by, it seemed, and in his eyes, she saw the saddest thing she'd ever see in all her life. For the second time during her experiences with Chuck, she couldn't see him. Emptiness. She saw nothing when she looked into his deep, chocolate eyes. That realization scared the hell out of her.

"Blair, why are you here? It's not your responsibility to make sure I'm okay anymore. You're not my girlfriend." he said cruelly, but there wasn't the slightest bit of conviction in his tone. She nodded, smiling kindly, knowing that whatever pain she was feeling he was feeling it that much more. "Where do you think you're going, Bass?" she asked him. "Did you think you could just leave your old life? Leave the old Chuck Bass once and for all? Become this new Charles Bass? Well, I've got news for Eva Balenger-It's not YOU! Were you just going to leave all of your Upper Eastside friends to fend for themselves? Good riddance, Lilly, Eric, Nate...It's never worked for you before, and it won't work for you now." She tried to reason with him, but he only shook his head in disgust at her. "Like you give a damn." he replied sourly. She sighed but knew she wasn't defeated yet. She had reached the core of Chuck Bass before, and she damn sure could do it again. From the corner of her eye, Blair could see Eva approaching, the bathroom door swinging behind her, and for once, Blair was at a loss of what to do. She needed to do something bold. Something that could shake him back into reality-the reality that he must return to his life in New York-the reality that he must learn to face. The former queen bee wasn't used to having to react this quickly as of lately...the last scheme she'd pulled was the William Van Der Woodsen take down, and that had been months ago. Truthfully, her relationship with Chuck had calmed her in a sense. Scheming was a thing of the past for the most part, but this was a legitimate excuse. She needed to act, and she needed to act fast. Blair did all that she knew she could in that moment. Surprisingly, this take down was to be honest and heartfelt. Not Blair Waldorf's usual style. She wrapped her arms around him in the warmest, most loving embrace she could, their bodies finding one another's like magnets. "I know you'll do the right thing. Come back to New York...for your family." Blair tried to stress that word hoping he'd remember her former promise to him as she whispered in his ear..."If not for yourself, come home for them. They need you. You carry them, Chuck..." She hesitated, afraid to admit the next part. "You've always carried me." she silently assured him of his worth. He looked up at her with an unsure look. She nodded in contentment. With that last phrase, she pulled away from him only to look him deep in the eyes, inches apart from his face. "Please don't push us away. Please don't push me away." Blair knew her final moments alone with him were coming to a close. She managed to add, "I know I all but begged you to leave me be...forever, but the truth is Chuck, I couldn't live in a world that you didn't exist in. I'm sorry for the wrong I've done to you, Chuck, and I'm sorry for the wrong you've done to me. I'm sorry for both of us that we couldn't get it right. But I will never regret what we had. You're a part of me, and you always will be. I'm not Blair Waldorf without you. Knowing that you were hurt so badly, that you could have..." She couldn't make herself say the word, but she knew she didn't have much time. She could feel herself babbling, but she couldn't help it. Her nerves were getting the best of her. "Well...your experience in Prague... just put things into perspective for me. I've realized that I need you in my life in some capacity-I need the Bassterd that calls me out when I'm in the wrong, that challenges me to stand up for myself, that pushes me to be better than I ever knew I could. I need my best friend back." She watched as Chuck's eyes sparkled with a little bit of the old "Chuck Bass" charm. A sad smile reached his lips. Before Eva could reach them, Blair stood firm on her tiptoes, wrapped her arms around his neck, and gently pressed her lips to his cheek. She breathed him in, hovering around his neck and chin. She couldn't help but feel his own lips move towards hers, as well. His breath was heavy, and she could feel his body trembling at their embrace. Their lips were so close...each lingering just out of reach. "It was you." Chuck choked out. "Your face, Blair. I thought of you on the street that night...the thought of never seeing you again. You brought me back to life, Blair." She sobbed silent tears, and she could feel his breath on her, and for once, she couldn't stop herself from wanting something more to happen. "Damn, those mother effing butterflies!" she smiled thinking back to her metaphor squashing...so long ago when Chuck first admitted he had feelings for her. With a smile of that memory pouring out of her, their lips barely grazed each other's before Blair could hear Eva's footsteps behind her. It wasn't until she took a step back that she realized she was panting. "Pull yourself together, Waldorf." she silently condemned herself. If Eva suspected anything from their embrace, she did a good job of hiding it. "Come back to us. Don't disappoint, Bass." Blair whispered to him again before turning to walk away. She smiled towards Eva one last time before taking her first few steps away from him. But Blair turned back when she heard him say in the most melancholic expression she'd ever heard, "I'm...Chuck Bass, Blair. Disappointment follows me." he said guiltily as if he hated himself all over again. "Let it follow you back home..." she said with a hopeful smile.

"Last call for all passengers. All Abored!" Spotted-Another C and E passionless kiss right before walking in opposite directions at the train station in Paris. The only sparks flying-were the sparks on the track. Looks like C may be getting homesick after all. I wonder if B has a remedy waiting for him.

XOXO,

Gossip Girl