Chapter 36

One way or another I'm gonna find ya
I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha
One way or another I'm gonna win ya
I'll getcha, I'll getcha
One way or another I'm gonna see ya
I'm gonna meetcha meetcha meetcha meetcha
One day, maybe next week
I'm gonna meetcha, I'll meetcha

--"One Way Or Another" by Blondie

"Are you fucking kidding me? Dude, I told you, I don't bone the help, especially that thing," Brian shook his head, thinking his best friend and Lana had long taken leave of their senses for sure.

"We aren't asking you to bone her," Paul laughed. "But damn, live a little, would you? It would sure beat the hell of you trying to crawl all over me and touching my ass most of the time."

"Hey, I own that ass," Brian said.

"You think," Lana spoke up.

"Okay, at least part of it. But if you think I'm doing anything you suggested to Kimberly, you're out of your minds."

Lana looked at Paul. "You're right; he is too chicken."

"Yeah, I guess I'll be able to keep that fifty bucks after all," he agreed.

"Whoa, wait! What's this about fifty bucks?" Brian perked up.

"Never mind, since we already knew you're chickenshit. I already won the bet before it was made," Paul said with a grin.

"In other words, fifty dollars says you won't do it," Lana added.

"Oh, so you two want to be smart and make a bet, huh? Okay, assholes, I'll show you how chicken I am—or in this case, not."

"There's a stipulation, dude," Paul pointed out.

"And that would be?"

"You got to do it in front of us," Lana replied.

"Just to make sure you actually did it," Paul nodded. "Otherwise, you lose and have to clean our place for a week."

"Ha! Prepare to pay me that fifty bucks and clean your own damn house. You're on!"

"Oh no you didn't!" Suzanne cried when Lana told the girls about the bet.

"I did," Lana giggled, "rather, Paul and I did."

"This should get interesting," Cricket laughed. "Lana, I have never seen this side of you!"

"Yeah, you were always the serious one out of all of us," Denise nodded. "I never had you figured as the type to get involved in hijinks like this."

"Actually, this whole thing was Paul's idea," Lana clarified. "I'm just along for the ride. Nevertheless, we're going to need an audience. Anyone game?"

"I'm in," Cricket grinned.

"As am I," Suzanne chimed in. "I wouldn't want to miss this."

"I have the camera phone to preserve evidence," Denise replied with a laugh.

"Excellent," Lana nodded. "Now it's just waiting for Kim to come back from lunch."

Half an hour later, Kim had returned from lunch and found the group hanging out.

"Hey, guys," she said cheerfully. "Anything happening that I missed?"

"Nothing that important," Lana replied. "Just small stuff, really."

"Speaking of small stuff, anyone seen The Midget?" Kim wondered. "I'm shocked I actually walked in the door and wasn't ambushed for once."

"He's probably still in the building someplace," Cricket replied

"Hang on a sec; I have to make a phone call." Paul said, trying to be casual. He then gave Lana a sly wink.

"Wow, that was random," Kim said, watching him make a call.

"He's probably hunting down Spanky for you," Lana said.

"Oh gee, the highlight of my afternoon."

"Now who else would you hurl insults at that would both take and give them back?"

"Yeah, good point. That may explain why I stuck around for a year and a half."

Paul snapped his phone shut. "I tracked him down," he said. "He should be up here in a couple of minutes. He was bench pressing downstairs."

"Ugh," Kim made a face. "Now I have to deal with a smelly midget."

"He took a shower, Kimbo; don't worry."

"Thank God. I'd hate to think of the idea of recycling a perfectly good lunch otherwise."

"Oh, stop," Lana chided playfully. "You enjoy each other's company and you know it."

"Greetings, good people!" Brian called. "There you are, Kimberly."

"Yeah, my day isn't made until you hunt me down at least once," Kim quipped.

"Well, I kind of got a favor to ask you," he replied, giving Paul a wicked grin.

"Do entertain me," Kim said.

Before she knew it, Brian had spun Kim around and grabbed her before laying a huge kiss on the mouth. Hoots and whistles filled the room and Denise got a shot on her camera phone.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Kim yelled, pushing him off of her.

Brian then grinned again, sashaying over to Paul and held out his hand. "Pay me, dude."

Paul sighed and peeled out some bills, slapping them in Brian's hand. "The one damn thing I'd never thought you'd do," he said.

"Did you put him up to this, Paul?" Kim cried. "God, you are utterly disgusting!"

"I don't know, Kim; you looked like you kind of enjoyed it," Lana giggled.

"And you should know by now that Spanky will do just about anything for money," Paul added.

"Yeah, and this time, he may also pay with his life."

"Oh, I ain't done yet," Brian replied.

"Like hell you aren't. You've infected me enough."

"Who said anything about finishing with you?" he asked, before he bent down, grabbed Paul's face, and laid on a huge, wet one.

"Oh my God!" Lana said, squealing with laughter as Denise took another shot with her camera phone. More hoots and whistles filled the room.

"GET OFF OF ME!" Paul yelled, shoving Brian away before using his shirt to wipe away the slobber. "Jesus Christ, Spanky!"

"Aw, come on, dude, you know you loved it as much as you did the other morning," Brian teased, then held up the money. "Count them and weep, bitches. Looks like old PL here is going to be cleaning his own house. The smooch you all just witnessed was a thank you present."

When he left the room, Kim shook her head. "Excuse me while I go kill a midget," she finally said, and then looked at Paul. "Since you also got infected and you're an expectant father, I'll let you live—for now."