I knew I'd be quickly updating. No reviews yet so far, so I'm not sure how this is being recieved. Would like to hear your feedback - as alot of thought went into this. I pretty much live through Effy's eyes anyway, but it took some careful thought and construction to completely master what goes on inside of her head. Did I nail it? Only you can tell... x
Unbeknown to the Stonem's, Effy kept Tony's Martin Luther King biography. It was filled with 'I Rock, You Suck' slogan stickers, and her own intimate little scribbles. Martin's words reflected Tony's reassurance, and in times of trouble - which were indefinitely frequent - the book would be placed under sleeping Effy's pillow, as a personal comfort.
Effy began following his teachings religiously, particular theories shaping her complexed personality.
'Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anaemic.'
To Effy, power was delicious, and far more valuable than love. At least, that's what she'd been shown, with the dysfunctions of her parent's marriage and Tony's warped relationship with Michelle. She would follow in the footsteps of Cleopatra and Victoria instead, abandoning co-dependency and obsession - keeping her emotions in a tight, restricted cage. Effy believed she had mastered the meaning, with her ice queen demeanour and stony walls left unpenetrated.
But it wasn't until her first day at Roundview that Effy truly understood completely what Martin had meant. Spotting a scruffy boy with a strong set jaw, and his caramel coloured friend with come to bed eyes, the epitome of Martin's words were thrust onto Effy's already fruitful plate.
James Cook and Frederick Mcclair.
Polar opposites of reckless abuse and sentimental anaemia.
And Effy had to pick her side.
Cook was what Effy knew. The secret vulnerabilities, the undercover fears, the buried feeling of worthlessness. She knew because she carried those burdens around herself, embedded - engraved into her own skin.
Cook was safety. So self-loathing that he wouldn't allow himself to love, or be loved. The pair of them could fuck their cares away and truly muster the strength to abandon their inhibitions. Their rebellion was contrived, and a weak façade. But by joining forces, they could stop caring altogether. Forever. And be free.
It thrilled Effy to have somebody so close, so alike in every way. She felt like an alchemist, turning her tragedies into prizes.
But he rained on that. He trampled on her plans and ruined everything.
Freddie. With his sugar coated tongue, idolising eyes and effortlessly cool and contained manner. He provoked something more than the lust driven, selfish sexual needs Effy fulfilled with Cook.
Freddie stirred something…internal. He was inside of her, without - well, having to be inside of her.
So, she fought fiercely. Turned things into competition, turned the boys into oppositions, turned everyone against each other. She continued to shag Cook, and continued to avoid Freddie, and continued to torture them both.
But Effy began to fall. Effy fell for Freddie. And Cook fell for her.
Well, that makes things complicated, doesn't it?
Her heart fell under hostage. Under siege. And she wanted it back. So Effy fought her fears with the worst forms of attack.
With her safety abolishing her, she pushed away. It was all she could do. She'd watched her brother do the same. She'd learned to cut herself away, and isolate herself. To freeze her emotions and dry up everything that made her human. But she should have learned from Tony's mistakes. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. But the absence of a heart - why, that didn't solve it. That didn't solve anything. It left you vulnerable and alone in the world. It drained you of your soul. It fed your inner demons. And Effy's were increasingly hungry.
They were tempted to swallow her whole.