Title: Define My Pain

By: Aina Song

Fandom(s): YYH/FF8 Crossover

Genre: Yaoi

Rating: NC-17

Warning(s): Language; Angst; Blood - Possibly some Saap, if I can manage it.

Pairing(s): Yusuke/Squall; implied Hiei/Kurama

Reviews: Yes, please.

Author's Note: Standard Disclaimer. This story was not written for money. Italics= dreams, and such.

Teaser: He didn't know what he needed… Until it found him.

Chapter Four - Yusuke's Hand

If Kurama had been right, then Yusuke really couldn't give up now. But Squall Leonhart was not making this easy for him. Yusuke had already decided to take him into the city, but the walk into town was somewhat quiet, as Squall was not so willing to chat with him. So, thinking quickly, Yusuke turned the conversation to the one topic he knew would not be ignored.

"I know I made a promise to help you and your friend back into your own world," he began. "And I've been tryin' like Hell all week. But without anything to go on, all my leads have been takin' me nowhere."

Squall was silent a moment longer. Then, without meeting his gaze, "Are you asking for my help?"

"Anything you can tell me about your world would make a big difference."

He seemed to think about it, as though weighing the consequences. "Specify."

Yusuke smiled. "Genkai once taught me that each world has its own soul. A wavelength, a signature, that sets them apart from all others. If you could tell me…"

"A signature," Squall slowly echoed. "A self-explanation?"

Yusuke nodded, knowing he had just been invited past a barrier. Nothing like a common goal. "Go on. How would you define the soul of your world?"

Silence. Then, "As a pendulum," he finally answered.

Yusuke gave a curious frown, "Okay, what? Explain that one a little."

And Squall tried. "Life in our world is a great weight of power that swings back and

forth between faith and responsibility. Corrupt federations and even creatures of the wild can be a constant plague on the people. Most citizens can't defend themselves without help.

"There is military aide called Garden, which deploys its SeeD soldiers from three separate ground locations spread out over the world. Too often, they're the citizens' only hope."

"The pendulum swings," Yusuke guessed.

"Yes." Squall sighed, his haunting blue eyes gazing distractedly at a dagger in the window of a gift shop. "The citizens of our world put their faith in the hope that Garden will always be there to protect them… And the SeeDs must always shoulder the responsibility of never letting that faith be destroyed."

They walked on, passing the shop by. "I know the feeling," Yusuke offered truthfully. More than once had such a task fallen to him. "So what you're really tellin' me is that the soul of your world is Balance."

~o~

Squall gave him a questioning look. "Balance?"

"Yeah," he smirked. "Power, powerless; faith, responsibility. Even life and death have a balance, if you think about it. One can't go without the other." Yusuke suddenly paused in his tracks and let out a short laugh, "I think you've just made my job easier."

Though he could not see how that might be true, Squall felt himself reluctantly admiring the dark youth's dedication. "What is the soul of your world?"

"Lemme think," he answered, still chuckling. But with his next breath, he had composed himself enough to reply, "Change. For this world, I'd have to say the answer to that would be Change. The idea that nothing can stay the same forever." He must have glimpsed Squall's odd look, for Yusuke's eyes lit again with new humor. "I was only born in this world, remember. Kurama, Hiei, and I are part of another world, very different from this one."

Squall did not argue. He did recall the dark youth making such a claim the first day they had met. Anyway, his thoughts had been distracted, as Squall suddenly remembered something else. "He called you his bond-brother."

"You mean Kurama." Yusuke nodded, never once questioning the change in Squall train of thought. "It's not a title he would use without purpose."

"Seifer told me he overheard the other one mention it too."

This time Yusuke came to a dead halt, staring. "Who? Hiei?"

Squall nodded, "You look surprised."

"No, it's just-" Yusuke quickly shook his head, "Pride and honor mean everything to Hiei, and it can take forever to get past them and earn his trust. I knew he'd accepted me, but… I never expected him to actually come out and say it."

The quietly pleased look that flooded across Yusuke's face made Squall feel as though he had given the dark youth a precious gift. He tried to ignore the feeling of satisfaction that filled him, to realize that perhaps he had. "When… the redhead?"

"Kurama."

"When he spoke of it, there seemed to be more depth to its definition than he could put into it."

"So you want me to try to explain?"

Squall nodded.

"Okay…" They began walking again, while Yusuke thought a moment. "How's this. Try to think back to the most solemn promise you'd ever made in your life."

Immediately, unbidden memories of a field of wildflowers invaded Squall's mind, and he drew a sharp breath at their abruptness.

Watching him, Yusuke offered a kind smile. "Got one, huh? I won't ask you what it was; that's none of my business. But can you remember how you felt when you made that promise?"

"… Yes."

"I know this'll seem impossible for you, but try to multiply the strength of that feeling by ten."

Squall stared.

But Yusuke's fierce brown eyes were now watching the traffic light to let them know when they may cross the street. "Now," he was saying, "multiply all of that by a hundred. And then by a thousand. A million. Keep multiplying, until you no longer remember existing without the infinite intensity of that feeling."

"But-"

"You can't, can you." The dark youth turned his head to meet Squall's stare directly. "And even if you could, how do you find words to describe something like that? It can't be done. But that's exactly the kind of oath Kurama, Hiei, and I have made together which will bind our souls for longer than I care to mention. Death and self-sacrifices are no longer an option," he added, almost as though a reminder to himself. "We don't depend on each other to survive. If anything, they count on my survival, and I count on theirs. We live, sometimes forcing ourselves to it when there doesn't seem the choice, because…" Here, Yusuke fell silent, frustrated that he could not explain further.

But Squall was beginning to understand. "Because they themselves live under your very skin, and are no further away than your last breath. And you live to see their next breath, just as they do for you."

The fog cleared from Yusuke's eyes, and he smiled. "I think that's what I meant, yeah." Finally the traffic lights switched, letting them pass, and they stepped off the curb. "The answer to your first question, by the way, is Thirst."

He tried to remember what it was he had asked. "Thirst?"

"Yeah," Yusuke nodded. "The soul of this world may be Change, but the soul of my world is Thirst. For power, for growth. A need, an obsession, to always find a way to better oneself. Matter of fact," he added, giving Squall a sly look. "I've seen the same thirst in you, a time or two."

"I have no 'thirst'," Squall automatically denied.

"Uh-huh," he winked, still grinning. "Right."

And so the night wore on. Yusuke showed Squall around the city. He introduced him to video arcades and barbeque sandwiches, all the while making cutting remarks about Squall's stoic personality. But rather than becoming annoyed, Squall swiftly learned to retaliate with a few barbs of his own.

It was just after midnight when they finally returned to the temple. But Yusuke insisted upon seeing Squall all the way to his room. Squall glanced inside. Seifer must have sought the marble room alone, for he was not in his bed. Thinking he would like to stretch out his own muscles, Squall turned back to send Yusuke on his way.

But Yusuke's fierce brown eyes suddenly burned with a dark light. "The night's not over yet," he murmured hotly, swiftly pulling Squall against him. And before Squall could object, Yusuke's mouth had captured his in a kiss twice as thorough and insistent as the one from the night before.

~o~

At first, Squall tried to pull away. But this time Yusuke kept a firm grip on his arms and would not let him go. Yusuke's mouth moved over Squall's, tasting, savoring the feel of those lips under his own. When at last Squall gave up resisting and returned the kiss with as much fervor, Yusuke growled deep in his throat in relief and appreciation. He backed Squall into the room and pressed him up against a wall.

Squall gave a soft grunt when his back hit the wall, fisting his hands into Yusuke's red shirtfront and tugging him closer. Yusuke gladly took the half-step forward, slanting his head to the side and boldly thrusting his tongue into Squall's mouth. There it was again, that intoxicating taste of cinnamon and citrus. But even more delicious was when he was received with an urgency that almost rivaled his own.

Yusuke lifted his hand away from Squall's arm, reaching to close the door with a soft click. All without breaking their kiss, which grew more stimulating by the second. He cupped one hand to the back of Squall's neck, while the other slid down until a hiss of breath from Squall let him know he had found his prize. His hand at the back of Squall's neck kept the young swordsman from pulling away. But Squall was a very swift learner, his tongue dancing in Yusuke's mouth in a way that nearly drove him to distraction.

Yusuke decided he would rather lead than follow. He broke their kiss to drag his mouth downward, biting along the side of Squall's neck until he found that sweet-tasting juncture where throat met shoulder. It was then that he slipped his hand into forbidden territory. Squall sucked in another breath, and Yusuke lifted his head to watch those hauntingly blue eyes cloud over with storms of passion. Want. And need.

But not disgust. Not fear. And only those would have stopped him at this point.

After a moment he moved his hand, kneading and massaging until he felt the pulsing heat of Squall's response. And, watching his face, Yusuke knew Squall could not hope to contain himself much longer. So Yusuke brought his hand away, a small smirk playing at his lips at Squall's soft growl of protest, then deftly worked Squall's pants loose and released the proof of the swordsman's arousal.

Sinking to his knee, Yusuke took Squall into his mouth. Squall's whole body flinched, so that the back of his head hit the wall. But the low moans were more than enough to encourage Yusuke forth. He felt too when Squall threaded his fingers into Yusuke's hair; it set his blood to racing.

He worked his tongue against the prize in his mouth, eliciting a variety of sounds from Squall that did nothing to quell Yusuke's own excitement. Yusuke then relaxed his throat and virtually swallowed him whole. Squall gave a short cry as his control collapsed and his seed escaped in a flood of release.

His mouth tilting in another smirk, Yusuke swallowed and licked the sticky stuff away. Then he stood and tugged Squall's white tee-shirt over his head, tossing it to the floor. An appreciative growl started up from deep in his throat as he let his eyes roam over Squall's sleek torso. Even the dozens of battle-scars that littered his skin - large and small, old and new - only complimented his marble features.

Yusuke gave a kinder smirk this time, stepping close and kissing Squall on the mouth. His hips he let grind up against his new lover.

~o~

Squall's blood boiled and was like liquid electricity in his veins when he felt the proof of Yusuke's own arousal press up against him. He could barely admit to himself just how profoundly alone he had felt, and for how long. It was a heady thing to be suddenly proclaimed the center of someone's world.

Boldly, Squall set his hands to Yusuke's hips, hooking his thumbs into the waistline of Yusuke's jeans and pulling him closer. The low growl that rumbled against his chest was encouraging; Squall slid his hands round until his fingers brushed the button-clasp and zipper.

But, "Wait," Yusuke suddenly murmured against his mouth, taking Squall's hands and slowly pulling them out of his pants. It confused and frustrated Squall when the next thing the dark youth did was to break their kiss and take a small step back.

Until he saw the look in Yusuke's fierce brown eyes.

All that fiery hunger…

And just a hint of worry.

"Why did you stop me?" Squall softly demanded, his veins still humming with adrenaline.

Yusuke fisted his hands at his sides, as though in an attempt to keep them from grabbing at Squall again. "I want you," he rasped, swallowing a gasp of air. "I want to throw you down and take you until you're left begging for more." Yet Yusuke was shaking his head, a strange look in his dark eyes. "But I will not pretend to be someone else, just so you won't feel guilty about it afterward." He began turn toward the door.

Propelled by a sudden anger, Squall quickly pulled Yusuke back around until he was the one who had Yusuke pinned against the wall. "I am sick of being told which direction to take with you," he warned. "We are the only two in this room. Leave it that way."

He watched the hunger return to Yusuke's fierce brown eyes and, to prove he was just as willing, Squall locked the door with a firm metallic snap.

~o~

Yusuke had only wanted to tell the truth. He hadn't meant to make Squall so upset.

But, damn.

The fire behind that invitation was all it took to stir Yusuke's blood again.

The journey from door to bed was a slow one, as they busied themselves with undressing each other. When Yusuke had backed Squall against the side of the mattress, they both were nude. With a low growl, Yusuke pushed Squall down onto the bed and followed after him.

For several long minutes, the new lovers let their hands discover hot flesh and throbbing arousals. The silence of the room was often broken with heated panting for breath and sharp hisses of surprise.

Yusuke had never spent so long exploring a new lover before having his way. It excited him to learn so many secrets about Squall Leonhart, that he had never bothered to wonder about the others. But it was also driving him far too quickly toward the edge.

Silently, he pulled Squall up to his knees and turned him around. Squall unquestioningly rested his hands upon the headboard and spread his knees apart. As though his instincts were exactly aligned with Yusuke's. It was clear now that this was something they both needed.

Yusuke wet three fingers in his mouth, pushing them up into Squall's entrance. His new lover muttered a profanity, but did not pull away. Yusuke pumped and scissored his fingers until he knew Squall was ready. He brought his fingers out, bending low to slick Squall's ring with his tongue. The small number of hisses and moans before he was done brought a slow smirk to his lips.

Finally, he straightened and snaked his hands around Squall. One, to tease at Squall's aching member, while the other was brought up near Squall's mouth. "Lick it," Yusuke whispered in his ear.

"What?" Squall demanded, his head abuzz with steadily growing want.

"I don't have any ointments or lotions with me," he growled. "Lick it."

It still took a moment for Squall to understand. But then his new lover was wetting Yusuke's palm so thoroughly that Yusuke began to believe Squall's tongue to be a lethal weapon. With a withering groan, Yusuke brought his hand back and quickly tended to himself. Then he thrust into Squall, breaking past the ring in one swift move.

Squall gave a shout; Yusuke wrapped his arms around Squall's waist until he quieted. And he gave a low chuckle.

"Did I hurt you?"

"Get on with it," was Squall's hiss of an answer.

As if Yusuke needed to be told twice. He began to move inside Squall, his thrusts fast and urgent. His brunet lover moaned low in his throat, jerking his hips back to help drive Yusuke closer to that elusive spot that was begging to be touched. Yusuke growled, angling his thrusts just away from it. Squall cursed in protest when he realized what Yusuke was doing. But the dark youth only smirked, pounding into him harder and faster, never yet allowing that single release. He kept balance with an arm curled around Squall's stomach, while his other hand pumped Squall's aching shaft and made sure it did not feel neglected.

He could feel that he was close to the edge. And by the pulsing prize in his hand, he knew it was not much longer for Squall, either. Swearing Squall's name, Yusuke thrust deeper into him, his blood catching fire as he came. His seed washed up finally against that treasured spot, sending shuddering pulses toward Squall's member until it burst with joy, and Squall virtually screamed as he came violently over Yusuke's hand.