The way it went in his head had variations.

Scenario one involved Ross staring at him, silent, mouth hanging open like a fish. And when the power of speech was finally regained he would denounce Chandler soundly.

'You're a blot on the face of humanity, Chandler Bing.'

'I know, man, I know-'

'You're a traitor; you're a cad; you're-'

Wait: cad? A cad? Who the hell calls someone a cad these days? Well, I guess the one thing I can be grateful to Mom for is my extensive vocabulary of archaic terms. Archaic. Huh. That's a funny word.

Scenario two also involved Ross looking stunned for some moments. But then-

'You know what? If I had to see Rachel with anyone else, I'd want it to be you. You're both such great people, you totally deserve to be happy together.'

'You're a big man, Ross.'

'No, no, I'm not. I just really love you guys. You're like a brother to me, man. I guess that makes Rachel sort of like my sister now. And that's how I'll think of her from now on - as a sister.'

Chandler worked out the odds of the occurrence of such a touching, if somewhat saccharine, scene and came up with a well known phrase or saying containing the words snowball, chance and hell.

The third scenario began much as the others did, with the same wordless horror. And then came the demonic glint in Ross' eye. Mild-mannered dino-guy one moment, axe-wielding mad-man the next. Where the axe came from, Chandler wasn't sure, but there it was. And Ross chased him through the streets, swinging his axe, cornered him in an alley, then Rachel appeared and flung herself, sobbing, across Chandler's prostrate form, but Ross tore her away, laughing maniacally and-

'Hey, man.'

'Gah!'

Ross looked down at him, quizzical. 'You okay?'

Chandler stared back, wild-eyed. 'Yeah, yeah, I'm good, I'm great. How are you? Are you good?'

'I'm ... okay.' Ross took the opposite end of the sofa, placed his briefcase neatly beside his feet. Chandler eyed it nervously.

'Uh... Okay, weird question: do you- Do you ever carry, say, an axe in that?'

Ross blinked slowly. 'Why, yes, I do. I also have a shield and a jousting lance in there.'

Chandler laughed. Too much. 'That- that's good.' He blew out a breath. 'Oh, I, uh, got you a coffee.'

'Oh, thanks.' Ross pulled the cup towards him, took a sip. 'So, what is it?'

'What's what?'

'What did you want to see me about?'

Chandler hesitated. Maybe Central Perk hadn't been the best venue for this after all. Maybe no place on the planet was a good venue for this. Maybe he and Rachel could just pretend to Monica and Phoebe that they'd broken up and keep on sneaking in and out of each other's rooms for the rest of their lives. Maybe he could still make that flight to Yemen. He rearranged himself on the sofa, looking fully at Ross.

'Ross. Ross... Hey, Ross.'

'Yeah?'

'I...' Another breath. He couldn't get enough air into his lungs. 'It's... See, the thing is...'

'Chandler- Okay, you're staring to freak me out a bit; what-what's wrong?'

He looked worried, concerned, his gaze focused and attentive. Chandler closed his eyes for a moment, gulped down another breath.

'Okay. It's about Rachel and-and the guy she's been seeing.'

Ross blinked again. 'Okay.'

'There is no Joshua. Well, there is, he's some guy she met at work, a client, but he isn't- they aren't dating.'

Ross frowned, one hand turning palm-up. 'Why would she say she's seeing him?'

'Because she didn't want you to know the name of the guy she really is seeing; y'know, just like I told you guys I'm seeing Janice.'

'What's Janice got to do with this?'

'Nothing, Ross, that's what I'm saying. I'm not dating Janice again; Rachel isn't dating Joshua. We just- It's me. I'm the guy. I'm the guy she's been seeing.'

It wasn't the fish-face Ross wore. It was a closed, granite-like expression as though he had not heard the last few moments. A strange whistling sound came through barely-parted lips.

'I'm sorry, Ross, I am so so sorry. I didn't- We didn't mean for it to happen, but it did and then ... it just kept on happening. And we didn't think it would last this long but it has; and we didn't want to tell anyone until we figured out where this was going, if it was going anywhere; and we really didn't want to hurt you. Ross. Ross, man, say something.'

His mouth worked, tongue flicking out moistening his lips. 'Y-you... You and Rachel.'

'Yes.'

'You and Rachel?'

'Yes.'

'You and Rachel?'

Somewhere in the background a tray of coffee-cups fell to the ground, shattering. Chandler flinched. 'Yeah.'

'I don't believe this.'

'I know; and-'

'How long?'

'Uh... It's been, uh, about a month, a bit more, maybe. Nearly two.'

'I mean how long have you been after her, huh?'

'I- What? No. No! It wasn't like that.'

'Oh... Oh, I see, one day you just looked at her and thought, "Gee, I think I'll date Rachel" - you expect me to believe that?'

'Wh-'

'Or is that what you do now, you steal other people's girlfriends?'

'I haven't stolen-'

'Oh really?'

'Yeah, really.'

'Oh really?' Ross' face screwed up. 'First you stole Kathy and now Rachel; what is that, your new thing?'

'Hey! That is so not fair, that is not- What happened with me and Kathy was a whole different thing.'

A snort. 'Oh really?'

'God, you know what, Ross? Rachel isn't your girlfriend anymore. You had your chance with her, more than one, and you blew it every time! It's someone else's turn now.'

'Oh, and that's what you've been waiting for-'

'No, I haven't! Look, I didn't want to feel this way about her, I didn't set out to get her, but it happened. And I've been beating myself up about it because you're my friend, you're my best friend, but Rachel is not yours. Not anymore. And you don't get to say what she does, or who she dates, or who she falls in love with.'

There was a breath of laughter, that sound that was always more incredulous, scornful, than humorous. 'You think she's in love with you?'

Uncertainty then, sudden and paralysing. 'I...'

'I am.'

Her voice seemed to come from a long way off. Both men turned, looked up, found Rachel standing at the back of the sofa.

'I am in love with him.' She smiled slightly at Chandler, shrugged. 'I couldn't let you do it on your own.'

He tried to say her name but his mouth was dry, thick. He stared at her.

Rachel's eyes moved from him to Ross and back again.

'Can you give us some time?'

'Rach-'

'It will be okay.'

Her face was serious, always so beautiful when she was serious.

'Are- Are you sure?'

'Yeah.' She nodded. 'Yeah, I'm sure. I'll see you later.'

Chandler glanced at Ross. There it was, the fish-face. He was watching them without really seeing them, it seemed. Chandler rested his hand over Rachel's for a moment as he moved past her, squeezed it. She smiled back fleetingly.

Chandler pulled on his jacket, took small slow steps towards the door. Lost in thought, and the sinking sensation that he was leaving Rachel to face an untold doom by herself, he didn't notice the figure blocking the door until he was on top of it.

'Oh, hey, Gunther.'

'You-' Gunther's face twitched; he clutched a dustpan filled with broken crockery. 'You!' He rounded abruptly, marched back to the bar. Chandler sighed, stepped out onto the street.

ooOoo

Rachel sat on the edge of the sofa cushion, body half-turned towards Ross, looking ready to bolt at any second. She forced herself further back in the seat, brushed the hair out of her eyes.

'If you want to be mad at someone you can be mad at me,' she said, 'I'm the one who went after him. But to be honest, Ross, I don't really see how you get to be mad at all. We haven't done anything wrong.'

He jolted slightly, animation flooding back into his face. 'You haven't done-'

'No, we haven't.' She kept her voice low, calm. It was easier that way with Ross, not to be sucked into the sturm und drang of his emotions; that was too draining, and she was out of practice.

'You're my ex-girlfriend; he's my best friend and you-you've been sneaking around behind my back and-'

'And maybe we shouldn't. Maybe we should have just come right out and said it but we didn't-we didn't want you to get hurt. And we knew you would. But I can't-' She took a breath. 'I can't go through the rest of my life worrying about what's going to affect you, or making myself not feel something for someone because you might not like it. It isn't fair. And what happens between me and Chandler isn't really anything to do with you, but we've made it about you, both of us, because neither one of us could bear the thought of how it would make you feel when you found out.'

Had she slapped him, Rachel thought, he could not have looked more shocked. More hurt. It was ridiculous that a grown man could make himself look so pathetically childlike; even more ridiculous that she should feel pain with him, for him, that the thought danced through her mind that she should tell him it had all been a hoax in extremely poor taste. She steeled herself.

Ross looked away from her, studying the tabletop.

'You knew that sooner or later we'd be seeing other people, we'd be moving on.'

'Yeah, I just expected you to move a little further than my best friend,' he snapped.

Rachel sighed. 'God, you are going to have to get over that part-'

'Oh, oh!' His dark eyes glittered. 'Excuse me if it's taking me a little longer than the ten seconds I've known about this whole thing to get over it.'

She raked her hands through her hair, held onto the threads of calm that were starting to slip away.

Ross, apparently, was also making efforts at control; he was breathing hard. 'Okay. Okay, just tell me this: why him?'

'I don't-' She shook her head. 'I don't know. I didn't choose this, Ross, it happened.'

'Gee, you guys really got your stories straight. What did you do, rehearse?'

'No, we're just being honest with you.'

'Finally.'

She pressed her lips together for a moment. 'Yes, finally.'

Ross leant forward slightly, his eyes fixed on her face, reading every line, every flicker. 'You know that this is it, right? For us, I mean; if you've been with Chandler, that-that messes up everything, y'know, we could never ... we could never be us again.'

'Ross... We haven't been an "us" for a long time now.'

'I know, but- I know we've always been on-again, off-again, I just, I dunno, I guess I always figured that one day we'd be on again.' He looked at her, hopeful.

'I know,' Rachel said gently. 'And for a long time I think I felt that way, too; but I just don't anymore. I don't want that. Face it: we were a horrible couple. We made each other miserable. And I know we tried, God, we tried so hard; but I think ... I think that if you have to try that hard at something then it just isn't working. But with me and Chandler... It works. It just works. I don't know why, but it does.'

'Chandler's easier than me?'

Rachel bit back a smile, responded cautiously: 'In some ways.'

The familiar rhythms of Central Perk hummed around them as they sat, silent. Rachel twisted her hair around her fingers; her hands came back to her lap, linking together. She looked at him again. 'I'm sorry you were hurt; and I'm even more sorry that we were the ones who hurt you.'

A faint noise somewhere in the back of Ross' throat.

'Ross... Ross? Are you okay?'

He met her eyes glassily. 'I'm...' His face contorted, something approximating a smile working it's way around his mouth and not quite making it. 'I'm fine.'

ooOoo

The door to the apartment flew open, almost rebounding against the wall with the force. Joey stood in the doorway, staring at him.

'Dude!'

Chandler slid his hands into his pockets, smiling slightly at his room-mate's dazed expression.

'I guess you heard the news, huh?'

'Heard? Hell, yeah, I heard. You and Rachel?'

'I know.'

'This-this is huge! I mean, it's great, but this is huge!'

Chandler's smile widened, 'Yeah, it really is.'

Joey closed the door, crossed the room. 'I can't believe you didn't tell me.'

'We didn't tell anyone, Joe.'

'Yeah, I know, but it's you and Rachel! And she is hot.'

They grinned at each other.

'And you're okay about this? You're not freaking out on me?'

'No. I mean, it's like whoa!' Joey's hands waved in the air. 'But no, no, it's-it's great. Du-ude!' He punched Chandler happily on the arm; then pulled back, serious. 'So, now that you're with Rachel that means that you're gonna stop seeing Janice, right?'

Actual pain speared between Chandler's temples; he took a breath. 'Yes, Joe.'

Joey grinned again. 'Dude!'