Hi. So here's the next chapter. I don't really have a whole lot to say about.
As always, thanks to Miranda, who beta'd.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee
It was hard for Tina to feel anything remotely romantic when she was kissing Mike. There was just no spark there for her. When his lips were against hers, she often wondered if this was how actors felt when they were kissing someone they weren't attracted to. She always struggled to have regular reactions—open her mouth at the right time, move her hands as she should. With Artie, she only had to make sure that she wasn't going to lose her balance and fall over. Or worse, push his chair into a wall or something. But he made the rest of her entire world disappear.
Tina used to ponder sneaking out of class to meet Artie in some dark closet. But Mike…she honestly felt bad not being more attracted to him. He was handsome, sure. But he was kind of like every actor splashed across a teen magazine: the appeal was obvious. The thing about Mike was that he wasn't Artie. His hair wasn't as soft as her former boyfriend's. His eyes weren't that beautiful crystal color that she had grown so used to gazing into. Artie had a hidden appeal. You actually had to get to know him, know his past, his secrets.
Mike, arguably, had a better sense of fashion than Artie, but that was because he owned about two plaid shirts and a cardigan that he interchanged every few days. She thought about the sea of grandpa sweaters in Artie's closet that were ugly to the eye, but so soft and comforting to the touch. She had loved when he'd wriggle out of one of them and let her wear it. It would always smell like him. Clean and boyish. Mike just smelled like Axe.
And of course, Mike could walk. He could hold her hand when they strode down the hallway together. But with that, she felt more vulnerable. She didn't have Artie's chair to cover her anymore. It was weird, but walking behind him, she felt like she was a part of him almost. She never felt that way holding Mike's hand.
When Mike's lips moved away from hers and down to her neck, she tipped her head back slightly and said, "I have to get home."
After a moment, he lifted his head and nodded, "Do you need a ride?"
"No," she shook her head, getting up and pulling her bag over her shoulder, "I think I'm just going to walk."
He kissed her once more, quickly, before she gave him a slight smile and began to walk toward the school's parking lot. She never used to take a car to and from school, but Mike almost always picked her up these days. Despite the fact that she could get a ride from any number of people or just drive herself, she found a certain solitude in walking. She could be alone with her thoughts as music pumped into her ears through her headphones.
Upon arriving her, she unlocked the door and kicked off her shoes as she hung her jacket up.
Her home life was not perfect, like it appeared to be. It never really had been to begin with, but now it was worse than ever. Everyone was well aware of Tina's opinion on them, because she made it very clear. People often thought she was quiet, but then again, they hadn't seen her outburst at the dinner table last month. She wasn't happy with the way things were and she would probably never forgive her parents for making her do this. Because of that, they mostly left her alone these days, unless her grandparents were over. To them, her and Artie's demise was a natural thing; it just stopped working one day. Her grandfather didn't do much to hide his delight, while her grandmother offered a gentle pat to her hand, which wasn't all that comforting.
Tina went into the kitchen and made herself a cup of tea—which Rachel recommended because working on a duet was more pressing on one's voice than a solo, in her opinion—and something to eat before taking it up to her bedroom.
She flopped down on her bed, taking a sip of the warm liquid from her mug before putting it down on her bedside table. She covered her eyes with her hands. She had been trying her hardest to avoid thinking about Artie when she was with Mike, but it was becoming impossible. Everything Mike did, she could think of something Artie did better. She missed him. Every day wore her down a little more than the last, because the weight of all her lies were becoming more tiring to deal with.
Over the course of the evening, she picked up the phone multiple times to call Artie. If they were going to do this duet together, they would need at least a few hours to practice it outside glee club. Rachel had told her she and Finn practiced nearly fifteen hours on top of what they did during rehearsals for "Faithfully." She and Artie would need at least a bit of time to work.
It was hard for her to be excited about getting to sing one of her favorite songs when her partner wasn't thrilled about the arrangement.
Tina could admit it wasn't the most comfortable of situations.
Even though she had been wanting to talk to him. When she saw him at the mall with Kurt and Mercedes, she almost thought about asking him if they could talk for a minute. But it was too hard for her in front of other people. It had to be completely private, from the proposal of talking to the actual act.
Instead of calling Artie, she dialed a number that had now become familiar to her. "Yeah?"
"Finn?"
Finn had eventually given Tina his cell phone number, after she told him how awkward it was to call Kurt's house, have Kurt answer, and have to basically crush his dreams when she had to tell him that she wanted to talk to Finn and not him.
She just couldn't talk to them. Kurt and Mercedes. Because if she did, she knew she would break down and tell them what she did. And they would tell Artie, even if it was just by accident. And there was always the chance that they would hate her for what she'd done.
They could never understand what a huge sacrifice this was for her.
"Uh-huh," he replied. He sounded distracted and she could hear the sounds of a video game in the background, "What's up, Tina?"
"Do you think it's wrong of me to be excited about the solo? I mean, that'll give me an opening to talk to Artie, right?" The video game paused.
"You have every right to be excited, I guess," he replied, "But he might just sit there like a mute."
"Do you really think that?" she asked.
"Well, you did break the guy's heart and bruise his ego. Because, as far as he knows, you cheated on him with a guy that can do everything he can't."
"God, don't remind me," she groaned, falling onto her back and pulling a pillow over her head.
Don't get her wrong, she did like Mike. He was a sweet guy and could make her laugh and her family liked him a lot—how could they not? He fit the Asian criteria—but he just wasn't Artie. Mike didn't have the ability to know what she was thinking when she didn't say anything. She couldn't have movie nights with him, because he talked during all the best parts. She couldn't imagine telling him all of her deepest, darkest secrets. And she definitely couldn't have foot-versus-wheelchair races down the hallways after glee club with Mike.
Being in a relationship with Mike just wasn't the same as being in one with Artie. It was like a chocolate substitute. It was okay for a while, but pretty soon it doesn't cut it anymore.
It was difficult to look at someone like Artie, someone you adore, and see how much you've hurt them.
Sometimes, she would see him smiling. Usually when no one was really watching, like Kurt and Mercedes would start with the friendly banter during lunch. Or when they'd poke fun at him to get him out of his funk.
"Let's put it this way," Finn said, "How would you feel if you were being forced to work with someone who broke your heart? He probably thinks you're going to hurt him again."
"How am I ever going to get him to agree to practice?"
"That, I don't know."
Tina groaned. If Finn didn't have a solution—vague as he is sometimes—then this was more serious than she thought.
Artie had a stomach ache over the getting the duet with Tina. There was a part of him that was genuinely excited, because this was the type of thing that usually went to Rachel and Finn, but he would have been more enthused about it if it had been four months ago. Now, the idea of being in the same room with Tina without the padding of the rest of the glee club put a lump the size of a rock in his throat.
He had been doing a pretty good job of avoiding her. But now, interaction was inevitable.
He heard a knock on the door and he lifted his head slightly, "Yeah?"
His older sister, Ali, entered the room. She was twenty years old and was basically a carbon copy of her brother, except she had a more sporty build than he did, from years of volleyball. She was home from Ohio State for the week, much to Artie's delight. He loved his sister's company. But he knew that she hadn't been expecting to see him this way. He hadn't seen her since June, before all of this stuff started.
She leaned against the doorframe, "We're about to have dinner, Art."
"I'm not hungry."
She stepped closer to him and tugged on his hand, "Come on, you're always hungry. Mom ordered pizza. Your favorite."
"I'm not feeling well," he insisted.
His sister sat down on his bed, pulling his legs into her lap, using them as a blanket. She smoothed out his khakis. "Tell me what's on your mind, little brother," she said in that soothingly, sisterly tone of hers, "Mom told me about what happened with Tina."
Damn her, Artie thought to himself. His sister was curious, he knew, but he didn't really want to tell her. He used to tell Ali everything about him and Tina, but he really didn't want to start something he knew would end badly. Ali would rip Tina to shreds with her bare hands if she knew he'd been cheated on.
Ali was a firm believer that Artie wasn't allowed to be stepped on by people because of his condition.
"Is that what has you upset?" she asked, "Tina?"
"I have to sing with her. And I really don't want to."
She pressed her lips together, "Artie, what have I been telling you for years?"
He sighed and looked away from his sister, up at the ceiling, "Make the most out of every situation in life."
"So, maybe you should give Tina a chance."
"I am not having this conversation right now," he told her, moving to sit up and transfer himself into his chair, "I'll have dinner with you guys."
"That's more like it," she smiled, "Gonna give me a ride?"
He grinned despite himself, "Not a chance."
He felt a little better with his sister there. She took his mind off of everything else.
Tina clutched her books to her chest as she walked up to Artie's desk before History class. She took a deep breath as he looked up at her—his eyes seemed to have more light in them than usual, and she hoped he as in an agreeing mood. She took a deep breath, "Look, I know this isn't an ideal situation for either of us, but can we just put everything aside for a couple hours and practice the song? Maybe you could come over to my house tonight…?"
"I can't."
Those were the first words he'd said to her in weeks.
Her mouth opened, then closed, "But…it's Friday. You never do anything on Friday."
"My sister is town. We're hanging out."
"Oh. Okay. Maybe next week." She ducked her head and went to her seat, putting her head against her books.
She knew what she had to do. Somehow, she had to find a way to lure Artie to her, for something he would really want. The thing about him as that he was constantly losing his gloves. He had about twelve pairs, but he always had to buy new ones because they were something he genuinely needed. She'd seen his hands when he didn't wear them for just a few hours.
After school, she had Mike drop her off at the local department store. She went back to the sporting goods department and found a pair of biking gloves in the signature yellow color Artie always wore. She paid for them and walked home, ripping open the package as she went.
Once in her driveway, she found a patch of dirt and threw the gloves down in it, then stepped on them, rubbing them into the ground. She had to make them dirty.
She went into the house next, putting them in the washing machine and sending them through the dryer. She examined her work when she was finished, admiring how worn out they looked. They could really be Artie's.
As she made herself dinner, she dialed the Abrams phone number, hoping a certain person would answer. This part of her plan was harder than the first.
"Hello?" Jackpot.
"Ali, hi," Tina said, closing the refrigerator door, "It's me, Tina."
"Oh, hey," she replied, a hint of recognition in her voice. Tina probably knew more about Ali than Ali knew about her. They'd only met in person once and that was months ago. Before she and Artie were an actual couple, "Artie told me about your duet. Congratulations. Is that why you're calling?"
"Well, yes and no," she admitted, "I found a pair of Artie's gloves at my house and I figured he would want them back, since he's always losing them. I was going to give them to him when we practiced, but because you're in town, he didn't want to tonight."
"We're just going to the movies," Ali said, "We could go to the later show if you wanted to practice for an hour or so?"
"If Artie doesn't mind…" Tina said nonchalantly, but inside she was celebrating that her plan was working thus far.
"I'll drop him off at the school in an hour. Is that okay?"
"Yeah, that's fine. I live just around the corner."
As Tina headed out the door to meet Artie, she was convinced that nothing about this could go wrong.
An hour later, Artie was in the car with his sister, fiddling with the radio when she turned in the opposite direction of the movie theatre. "Ali," he said, hesitantly, "Where are you going?"
"Just have to make a quick stop, little brother," she replied, turning into the school parking lot.
"Ali," he gave her a look that clearly said I'm not doing this.
"Please, Artie? I knew you weren't going to do this on your own. Besides, she has a pair of your gloves. Mom will kill you if she finds out you lost another pair."
"We're not going to the movies until I do this, are we?"
"Nope," she replied.
"And you're not going to leave?" he asked.
"Of course not," she said, turning off the car and pulling a book out of her purse as she unbuckled her seatbelt.
He sighed and rolled himself backward as she pressed the button that put down the ramp.
Inside the school, Tina was waiting near the choir room. It was quiet, but she could hear the faint rumblings of a basketball game being played a few hallways over. She looked up to see him wheeling around the corner. Once he stopped in front of her, she said, "Hi…" She looked at her feet for a moment, "Um, these are yours."
She handed him the gloves. He examined them for a moment before pulling off the ones he was wearing and attempted to get his fingers into the pair she had given him. "You must have been seeing a lot of guys that wear biker's gloves, because these aren't mine."
Damn, she thought to herself.
He shook his head, almost as if he was answering some question in his head, "I can't do this."
He turned to leave. Tina made a move to chase after him, "Artie, wait! I'm sorry!"
She stopped when he did, but he made no move to turn toward her, "Somehow I don't believe that."
He wheeled himself a few more feet away. "I lied to you!"
That made him stop and turn around, "What?"
"I never kissed Mike," she said, her voice shaking, "Not while we were together, at least."
His expression changed to something softer than she had seen it in so long. He whispered, "Then why did you do it?"
"You…you wouldn't have understood."
"You wanting to see other people doesn't seem like that much of stretch," he said, not looking her in the eye, "I can't do all the things that Mike can."
"That's not what it's about…God, Artie, why can't I just tell you? But I know that you wouldn't get it."
"Why do you keep being so vague?" he asked, "What was so bad that you couldn't have told me?"
"My grandfather decided he didn't like you because you weren't Asian. He said I was disgracing our family and our heritage. And whatever he says, goes. My parents said that they wouldn't let me stay in glee if I didn't break up with you…and I was so scared that I didn't know what to do."
"So you lied to me? You put me through hell for two months because you were scared? And what now? You think I'm just going to say: Oh yeah, Tina, of course I forgive you."
"No, Artie, but…I love you..."
"No," he said, "Just stop, Tina. Okay? Do you even think about things before you say them? You told me that I couldn't stand up for myself and you know what? This is me doing that. And you said I care too much about myself. But if I let myself fall into this trap again, then that wouldn't be caring enough."
She stood silent, watching the ground as he threw the gloves down in front of her, racing off. She covered her face with her hands, already feeling her eye make-up melting as the tears fell her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. She fell back against the wall behind her.
She wanted to die right there in that hallway.