A/N: I am so sorry for the delay but my excuses are valid. I have been a bit poorly recently (so forgive me if this chapter is not the best as a result) and life has also been intruding on my writing-time.

I want to let you know now though, that while updates may slow down a little, this story will not be abandoned! So fear not, it is planned and only requires being written out.

As always thank you, thank you, thank you to all my reviewers. You all rock! A lot!

This chapter is in Chrisitne's POV, and I hope the end of it, at least, makes up for the delay in updating. Lots of necessary dialogue and some book/musical references.

Please enjoy, and don't forget to review! (",)

Chapter 10

Learning To Listen

Erik had taught himself to want for very little. He had learnt to control his wants.

There was only one thing really that he wanted so much he could not control it…Me…My love…

There was not a day that went by that that did not humble me.

- Extract From Christine's Diary

When I awoke Erik was gone from my side. This disappointed me a little but I understood. He would not wish for me to think that he had taken advantage of me in any way while I slept. I would not have thought this but I appreciated Erik's thoughtfulness none the less. Though I had wanted to wake beside him very much…

After readying myself sufficiently I went in search of my elusive Erik.

I found him in the dining room. He was standing by one of the large windows at the head of the table staring out at the trees beyond. There was a plate of food at the opposite end of the table.

He did not turn to face me and so I assumed that he wished me to eat first before we spoke as I knew we had to. This was probably for the best as my stomach chose that moment to growl most embarrassingly. If I'm not mistaken I do believe I saw Erik trying to smother a smile at that. This quite lifted my spirits.

As I satisfied my stomach, I drank in the sight of Erik.

I thought him lost to me for a time yesterday and now here he stood. And while in some ways this greatly appeased me, in others I was not so content. For all I knew he was still lost to me. There was always so much bubbling beneath the surface between us and I doubted that would ever change…But it was my hope that it would improve.

As I thought of what I would say to him I found that I was losing my appetite. I was nervous. I pushed the plate away and Erik, seeming to sense that I was finished, finally turned towards me. He sat down elegantly at the opposite end of the table to me, all without ever actually looking at me. I felt the distance acutely.

Just as I had mustered the courage to speak, he finally raised his gaze to mine.

Goodness, the emotion swimming in those eyes. It left me rather speechless.

I could not figure out what exactly he was feeling for me in that moment.

It was he who was the first to speak.

"Christine." He whispered reverently. I nearly wept hearing him say my name so delicately when I had never thought to hear his voice again.

"Erik." I responded just as tenderly as my own inferior voice could express.

For a time that was all that we said to one another. There was beauty in the simplicity of saying each other's names, for we said them as if we were the only two people in the world. The momentary peace between us thrummed with emotion. We were content within our unsettled chaos just for those brief few moments.

We were broken but my God, it was beautiful!

Alas all things must end, and there was more to be said this day.

"I should not have left you, Christine.,"

I made to interrupt but Erik gently silenced me.

"I should not have…But I should not have taken you either."

My heart almost stopped. Did he not love me anymore, was that it? What would I do? How could he make me feel this way and then leave me to feel it alone?

"I should not have taken you without giving you the choice to refuse."

I was puzzled. What was Erik talking about? I had thought we would discuss our cruel words and yet he was discussing this?! I could not let him continue.

"Erik I had a choice. I made it. Here I am…with you."

This did not seem enough for him.

"You cannot call what I gave you a choice…I was so betrayed, angry…and I…but I had no right…I…"

He seemed to struggle for words and I was beginning to worry that this conversation would end as the other had. I couldn't allow that to happen. But what could I say?

"I could've run."

This seemed to stop him in his tracks and I knew then that this had occurred to him.

"Today, I could've escaped but I didn't. I thought about it…"

He flinched, but I had to be brutally honest if I wanted him to believe me.

"I imagined my life if I left…a life without you…and I couldn't bear it!"

"Wh…" Quickly I raised my hand to stop the obvious why he was about to ask me.

"No, Erik, don't you ask me that until you are ready to believe my answer."

I knew now without a doubt why I couldn't leave this impossible man. I loved him, and I so wished to tell him so forever. But I would not have him spurn the words.

He would believe them when I told him, I had to be sure of that first.

"I understand. But I must give you the choice now at least. If you wish to leave me, tell me now and I will return you to your life. I would do this for you if that is what you wished. I will not be like…others, in your life and stifle you. No longer will I stifle you. Erik would give you anything, even a life without him."

Instantly I knew to whom he referred when he spoke of others stifling me.

Raoul.

Erik would not mention his name; I was beginning to think he never wished to, lest it invoke my absent friend to appear.

I could see how important this was to him, this choice he wished to give me. He sat there so proud and yet so strangely vulnerable. My answer would not only decide my fate but his as well.

And yet to me it was all beginning to seem so ridiculous. I had made my choice.

I chose Erik. It was done.

He was the only one fighting it.

It appeared that I would have to make this very clear.

"Erik, that is enough." I did not raise my voice but I spoke firmly. "We will not go through this again. I am here. This is my choice. You are not stifling me…perhaps you once did, but no longer. It is only your failure to believe that stifles me now. That is what we must discuss now, not this silliness."

He sat so still as I spoke, almost disbelievingly still. He was not used to such interaction as this…being almost mildly scolded…being spoken to as a human being…

It amused me somewhat to surprise him so, even as it saddened me to watch him struggle with how to respond. I decided I would begin.

"Erik, I am so sorry for my hasty words yesterday. You must know I didn't mean them. You must see that!"

I felt myself becoming emotional and tried to control the reflexive impulse. I wanted to be strong and composed for him, not a weeping wreck.

Erik groaned as if in pain and yet he smiled tenderly at me,

"You never could lie to your Angel of Music…though you had him quite convinced this time. You are changing, my dear Christine…oh, and it is beautiful even when it hurts."

He seemed to sigh the words and I suddenly wished to be closer to him.

"I am changing for you."

I murmured, almost embarrassed to say it as I knew that I was not quite there yet.

Again he groaned quietly, he almost didn't seem to realise.

"Ah, but you do not have to change so much! It is I who must change! Even now while you say such beautiful things Erik cannot say that he forgives you, though he wishes to!"

This stung, in fact it burned. A sudden, violent pain caused by those words that I understood and yet couldn't bring myself to accept. I felt so desperate for his forgiveness but even I could see that I had not done enough to deserve it.

But did this change his love for me?

"Erik, what I did to you…"

He cut me off, "You have already apologised, Christine…"

"No, Erik, at the Opera…"

Breathing deeply I mustered the courage to finish my sentence, "With Raoul."

Erik's whole body seemed to tighten at the mention of that name. His eyes were terrifying in their stormy intensity. But I had to continue. Though I could barely look him in the eye at times.

"That was what this all began with, was it not? I said some cruel things to you yesterday, Erik, but you were not faultless either. You do not trust me…and it is because of Raoul."

"Christine…" his voice was strained. This was not the conversation he was prepared for it seemed…but it was the one we needed. He lapsed into silence, unwilling to add to the discussion but unable to stop it.

"I am sorry, Erik, that I hurt you but you must understand…I was so young and so frightened. I have never liked change, always feared the future…always clung to the past. Raoul was my past, when things began to change I did all that I knew how to do. I ran to him. And yes, perhaps for a time I believed I loved him more than I did."

"Please, Christine!"

Erik covered his ears but I knew he was still listening. Beside I couldn't stop now!

"You have done some terrible things, Erik, I will not lie to you…not anymore…and it scared me to lo…it scared me how I felt about you…how I feel."

He flinched a little at my words but I ignored it.

"Perhaps, it scares me still…but I am stronger now, I think. I am changing…and I am here. I do not regret that…I could never regret you. Don't you see?"

I was thoroughly exhausted after my little speech and I held my head in my hands, so afraid that I had failed to reach him.

After an eternal pause, he spoke in a wondering tone,

"You speak as though you have aged so much and in such a short time…Perhaps you have…Changing, blooming…"

Yes, perhaps I had aged…and changed, but it was for the better surely.

We regarded each other cautiously for another long moment. Something seemed to pass through Erik's eyes and finally, he found it within him to speak.

"I may have pretended that I was an Angel, Christine, but I never pretended to be a good man. Yes, I did terrible things. I hurt you, as you hurt me…but you know that I never meant to. I only wished for your love but I was not prepared for it. And your boy…"

I noted that he still refused to use Raoul's name.

"I will not lie to you either, Christine, I wished to kill him! And, perhaps, I still do…"

He tried to gauge my reaction to this news, but I revealed nothing. I had already known this deep down.

"I do not think I could ever let you see him again."

Again, I showed no change in emotion, though inside my heart ached a little.

I had never really gotten the chance to say goodbye to Raoul…

I had hoped…but that was a thought for another day.

"I cannot list my sins, for they are many…but I can change, my dear, I can! For you. It is difficult for me to explain myself, difficult for me to see the things that are…good in life. So much is new to me, though I have lived far more than you, my little one.

But I can learn to trust and to forgive…and to love, if that is what you wish."

"But is it what you wish, Erik?"

I am sure his words had meant to reassure but they instead made me doubt again. What did he want?

"Yes." He had to force the word from his mouth, and then seemed to recoil as though waiting to be punished for his admittance. Oh, what kind of life had he known!

I rose slowly from my chair. This seemed to worry him. He probably thought I was going to leave. Oh, when would he learn to listen?

I approached him as he remained sitting in his chair. This seemed to worry him even more.

When I reached him, I lay my head down lightly on his knees and placed a soft kiss there. He suddenly seemed unable to catch his breath.

"Then that is what you shall have…what we shall have."

His hand hovered above my head but did not touch.

"I have done unforgivable things, Christine…"

I would not let this discourage me. For though his words were intended as a warning, he seemed hesitant to push me away again. Another step forward…

"Yes, but I could argue that so have I. And if nothing else, Erik, I believe I forgive you."

My sincerity seemed to tear a sob from him, and in an instant he was on the floor beside me, holding me tightly. I relished the contact.

"I will learn…I will forgive you and trust. Oh, forgive me that it is not today! I am not worthy of your goodness! You say you could not let go of the past but it is Erik who cannot! But, so help me, I will! All for Christine, everything for Christine! Forever!"

He sobbed into my hair and I soon found myself crying with him.

Our tears mingled together in a glorious stream that seemed to cleanse us anew.

There was something almost sacred in the act. We were reborn…reunited.

I was seized by a sudden intense urge and I pulled back slightly from Erik.

His tears had somewhat subsided but they still glistened brightly in his breathtaking eyes.

"Please, Erik," I begged, "Please let me tell you how I feel! Please say that you will believe me! You must believe me! Ask me again why I didn't leave you!"

His defences were down for now, and his soul seemed to shine in his eyes. There was fear, but there was hope. We had to move forwards. We had to be honest…to be together. He had to know once and for all why I stayed. Finally he seemed ready to listen.

Leaning very close to me, he whispered, "Why did you not leave me?"

Finally…Finally, he had asked me. I was exhilarated at the thought of my response.

My heart was beating so fast I imagined he could hear it.

Leaning forward too, I replied, "Because Erik…I love you."

Before I knew it his lips were upon mine. The emotion of at last hearing those words made him bold enough to share his intoxicating passion with me. Such soft lips he had…so full of fire. But I was eager to be burned. I melted into his embrace and forgot the world completely.

I knew that there was more that I wished to say to him, but not today.

Today we had endured enough, I think.

"I love you too, my Christine."

He murmured against my lips as his kiss intensified.

I made sure to enjoy it as I did not know when he would be brave enough to attempt this again. Perhaps, after today he would have the confidence to do so…or perhaps I would initiate it…

I will not deny that both ideas held quite some appeal…

This day went rather well…

It was my last proper thought before his lips again pulled my mind, not to mention my soul, away from me…

I had returned to give her a gift of choice. It had been rather amazing, and a little annoying, to have it so recklessly unwanted. But I had gained so much more from that day, how could I complain? And her words to me, not to mention that kiss, burned themselves into my memory so intensely that how could anything else matter?

I was learning. There was so much I was learning.

I was being made whole again.

By one tiny woman with a heart, and courage, beyond compare.

I was loved.

- Extract from Erik's Journal

Well, there ya go...anyone want to let me know what they think? Please...it'll make me feel better (",)!

The next chapter will probably be in Erik's POV, or at least part of it.

Until then, my dears, please review.

x Restless And Tempted x