Walking back to Abby's apartment, Tim's head was full of jumbled thoughts and emotions. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that the only thing holding him back from wanting to give dating Abby another try, was her status with Gibbs over the rest of the team. But hadn't Gibbs just admitted that he knew what he'd told Ducky? So, that meant Gibbs knew about that, too.
Maybe, Tim could get Abby to understand why he couldn't give her an answer yet. After all, she'd heard what he'd said, too. Chances were she'd heard all of it. Only way to find out was to ask her outright.
"Hey." Abby greeted him at her door when he arrived back there. "Everything okay?"
"Thought that was my line." Tim joked. "Seriously, are you okay?"
"I'm okay, if we're okay." Abby admitted as she led him back to her couch. "I know that you know that I know what you told Ducky. I heard the whole thing."
"So I heard. Maybe you should tell me what the first thing you heard was, so I can see if you maybe heard anything wrong?" Tim suggested.
As Abby relayed the entire conversation she'd heard, Tim reassured her that she'd gotten it right.
"So, what happens now? With us?" she asked cautiously.
"What exactly is it you want to see happen with us?" Tim asked in the same sense of caution.
"I'd like to see you be happier. I think I can bring you that happiness." Abby suggested.
"Thought we made our own happiness." Tim asked with a shy smile.
"Timmy, you know that having a significant other ; the right significant other can make a huge difference.
"Yeah, Abby. I know. I was there at one point, remember?"
"Does this mean, you're not gonna talk about what I heard? The way you've been so hurt and angry at me for so long?"
"You've heard it. I don't have anything to say that can change that or erase the truth from what you heard. The question now is, what do you want to do with what you know?
"I want us to fix this, Tim!" she declared
"Okay. How do you propose we do that?" Tim asked in all seriousness.
"Guess we need to start with me telling how sorry I am. I never meant to hurt you. I'm sorry I took it for granted that you were okay with everything. I never looked very deep. I saw what I wanted to see, I guess." She admitted.
"Seems like it." Tim admitted.
"I am sorry, Tim. About everything. I promise, I'll change. I'll do better." Abby promised.
"I appreciate that, Abby. I do." Tim said.
"Why is there a but in your tone?' she asked unhappily.
"I need time, Abby." Tim explained.
"Time? I don't understand. Time for what?" she asked.
"To think things through; to see a difference; to feel comfortable about it; about the idea of us; about the idea of having to worry about Gibbs' reaction if I happen to piss you off or something." Tim explained.
"Oh. Yeah. Okay. I think I see your point." She said sadly. "How much time?"
"Abby, I have no idea who long it's gonna take. I'm sorry if you want this to work out sooner than later, but I can't do it like that anymore. I just can't put myself out there like that again, I'm sorry!" Tim answered agitatedly.
Upset at her still trying to rush him when he'd just laid it all out there for here; again, he jumped to his feet and headed to the door. "I need some air." He said as calmly as he could manage.
"Tim!" Abby cried, upset that she'd pushed him too far.
Ignoring her, for once in his life, Tim kept going, walking steadily until he felt calmer. Noticing he'd walked clear out of her apartment complex and was standing out on the main road, Tim hailed a cab and told the driver to take him to the gates of the Navy Yard. Flipping open his cell phone he called her even though he didn't want to talk to her right now. He couldn't not tell her he was okay and just going back to work.
"Tim! Where are you?" Abby demanded in tears.
"On my way back to work. I'll call you." Tim kept his voice as calm as he could but he hung up as soon as he could.
Back in the office, he was relieved to find the squad room empty and no note on his desk demanding anything of him. Taking a few more minutes, he took himself to the head, not wanting to be visible untul he was completely calm.
Splashing his face with cold water, he basked in the chill and the moisture as it eased his tension and soothed his nerves. Soon, he was ready to get back to work, his mind prepared to go where it was supposed to be do get the job done.
Gibbs watched Tim arrive back in the squad room not even an hour after he'd left him at Abby's. His agent looked stressed, pissed and relieved to find the squad room empty. Seeing Tim try for a minute to refocus and get to work, he was surprised when the young man gave up and headed to the head instead. Surprisingly, Tim was only gone a few minutes and when he came back, he'd pulled himself together remarkably, now looking ready and focused for work. Ducky's words came back to Gibbs now.
There is a part of him that does wish to build that kind of relationship with Abigail.
Abigail, in all of her experience as your favorite, is quite unused to being denied what she wants from those on whom she can pull rank.
More of his brain is reminding him of all the painful experiences he's been through because of her actions or words through the years.
How many times had Timm done that over the years; allowed himself only a minute to deal with his internal conflicts, with no one noticing the lengths he'd gone through to hide the things he figured no one else on his team cared about? With his background and training, it wasn't something Tim had been prepared to have to do. Team Gibbs had obviously drilled it into him, but at what costs?
It was time to finish that talk he'd tried to have with Tim earlier.
"McGee." Tim answered his phone.
"Conference Room. Same one as before." Gibbs cryptically told him in his normal style. After all there was no sense worrying him by acting different. Ending the call, he remained in the shadows watching as Tim took a deep breath and left the squad room, heading to the meeting he'd just been summoned to.
As he sat waiting for Gibbs to arrive, Tim nerves took their jumpiness up two notches and his head was beginning to pound from the stress of worrying about what this ould be about. Maybe it was just Gibbs' way of finding out what happened between him and Abby after the boss had gone back to work.
"Hey." Gibbs' cool greeting broke through Tim's thoughts and sent his nerves up a notch on the jittery scale and managed to scatter his formerly gathered backbone back to the basement of his temperment.
"Boss." Tim answered as calmly as he could manage under the stress driven situation.
"We've got a lot of things to work out, you and I. Thought we should get started on that."
"Okay." Tim's whole demeaner seemed to undergo an instant makeover. He could feel his nerves instantly settle back down around the normal mark and he swore he could even feel his backbone reconnect itself and bond together even tighter than before.
Gibbs watched Tim's body relax and actually bring him an obvious sense of ease.
"What were you so worried about?" the boss asked cautiously
"Wasn't sure what this was about, Boss." the young man admitted.
"And the not knowing had you almost tied up in knots?" Gibbs' tone was still bordering on concerned.
"I guess, so. Yeah." Tim admitted.
"Jeez, McGee. you'd think after all these years you'd have a better handle on your nerves by now." Gibbs offered watching in regret as his words obviously hit his agent like a head slap. Damn it! That sure wasn't how he meant it.
"Relax. I wasn't judging you." Gibbs offered.
Tim remained silent, unsure of what to say to that.
"Let's talk about the Mawer case." Gibbs quietly suggested.
"Okay" Tim answered just as quietly, suddenly unhappy to be in this spot right about now.
"I understand I made some pretty serious errors in juddgement. I treated you like a willfully disobedient school kid and I shouldn't have. I failed to accept Abby's culpability in the situation and I was wrong for that. While I do apologise, I also want you to know, you did not lose my respect or my trust ."
Tim looked at him in shock and blatent disbelief.
"Yeah, I can see where it seemed like it. I'm sorry. We all value trust and respect from each other and I realize now that you believing youd' lost mine affected you worse than I'd even thought about. I have been known to be a bastard, Tim. but it was never intentionally toward you. I am sorry."
Tim silently nodded. That case had hurt so much, devastated his sense of self-worth and almost had him throwing in the towel. Hearing Gibbs admit he'd screwed up where Tim was concerned, while healing, was so late in coming that it was almost painful to hear. It left Tim speechless.
Before either of them could say anything else, Gibbs' phone rang. With yet another apologetic look sent Tim's way, Gibbs answered it.
"Yeah. Gibbs."
"Need to see you. In my office. Now." Vance said cryptically.
"Be right there." Gibbs answered.
"Duty calls." Tim supplied for him as Gibbs closed his phone and looked at him to explain.
"Yeah." Gibbs answered on a frustrated sigh as he headed out.