A/N: Please forgive the wait in between chapters.
Abby tossed and turned in bed for an hour before finally fisting her hands in her comforter with sheer frustration. She couldn't sleep despite Gibbs' promises that Tim was gonna be okay. She had sat patiently and listened as her boss told her that Tim was, quote 'just in a lot of pain and had a longer recovery to face than they'd realized' but still couldn't get her mind to shut down for the night; every time she closed her eyes, her mind was tormented by the sight of Tim lying in the hospital bed; Tim being injured; the hurt in his eyes as she let her selfish agenda rip into him and denied him her love and support. Every time she took a chance at finding peace within her troubled thoughts; some memory would come roaring back up at her and hold her mind in its clutches. They was relentless and seemed unwilling to let her forget what was really going on. One conversation seemed to act as an interlude to the vast collection of troubling memories.
"But Gibbs! What Ducky said… what Timmy told him….all those things… have I really been that horrible to him?"
"Apparently, you have, Abbs."
She remembered the meaningful glare that accompanied Gibbs' statement and shuddered. It wasn't one she was used to having aimed at her and she hoped she would never see it again. In her mind, Gibbs' words were louder and seemed to boom in contrast to her small childlike voice.
"Why didn't he ever say anything to me?"
"Would you have listened?
"Gibbs!"
Abby remembered feeling the surprise that washed over her at that statement and realized that he was right; All she could think of at that time was 'The truth really does hurt'
"Abby, would you have heard him out?"
"Probably not." Admitting to her boss had been hard but paled in comparison to how hard it had been for her to admit it to herself.
"He knew that Abbs. That's why he doesn't say anything."
"Trying to get a different perspective on things he's gone through doesn't mean he thinks any less of you."
That was the clincher and Abby remembered her heart breaking just like it was now. The memory faded into nothing leaving her feeling empty and guilty at her actions. It was short lived though and as she attempted to break free of the memory another one slipped into its place. This time, it was the memory of the first steps towards their relationship.
"I'd like to see you happier. I think I can bring you that happiness."
"Thought we made our own happiness." The small smile that curled Tim's lips had been enough to melt her heart.
"Timmy, you know that having a significant other; the right significant other can make a huge difference"
"Yeah, Abby. I know. I was there at one point, remember?"
"Does this mean, you're not gonna talk about what I heard? The way you've been so hurt and angry at me for so long?" Her tone had oozed sincerity as she'd tried to get him to open up.
"You've heard it. I don't have anything to say that can change that or erase the truth from what you heard. The question now is, what do you want to do with what you know?"
"I want us to fix this, Tim!"
"Okay. How do you propose we do that?"
She remembered looking directly into his eyes after he asked that question; the pale green color seemed to take on a new depth and she remembered thinking that at that moment, she could see his heart laid bare. That had been enough to make her open up to him.
"Guess we need to start with me telling how sorry I am. I never meant to hurt you. I'm sorry I took it for granted that you were okay with everything. I never looked very deep. I saw what I wanted to see, I guess."
"Seems like it."
"I am sorry, Tim. About everything. I promise; I'll change. I'll do better."
"I appreciate that, Abby. I do."
"Why is there a but in your tone?'
"I need time, Abby."
n her mind's eye, she could still see him hang his head at that quiet admittance. It hadn't been malicious, it had been honest and almost pleading.
"Time? I don't understand. Time for what?"
"To think things through; to see a difference; to feel comfortable about it; about the idea of us; about the idea of having to worry about Gibbs' reaction if I happen to piss you off or something."
"Oh. Yeah. Okay. I think I see your point. How much time?"
"Abby, I have no idea who long it's gonna take. I'm sorry if you want this to work out sooner than later, but I can't do it like that anymore. I just can't put myself out there like that again, I'm sorry!"
It may have been the initial steps towards happiness, but the memory hurt none the less. She'd finally managed to talk to Tim after everything she'd heard and after everything he'd kept to himself and locked away in his aching heart, he had finally dropped his walls and opened himself up to her.
Abby remembered how his honesty had twisted like a knife; Time? He actually needed time? Think? He had to think about whether or not he wanted to date her?
Still, even as he'd tried to stand up for himself, once he'd thought things through, he'd made his choice quickly and without reservation.
"I'm willing to give us a chance. Abby, we are gonna take this slow, right."
Oh, yeah, of course, Tim. I know you're gun-shy now and need to take things slow, I get that. We'll take things as slow as you need us to."
At the time, relief had washed over her in cleansing waves. Now? Well now the word twisted that blade of guilt until it physically tied her stomach into a big knot.
"Ok. Great. Thanks for understanding Abby. Can we just keep it to dating for now?" She had heard the relieved happiness in his voice; it had been wonderful to hear and left her feeling lighter than she had in ages.
"You mean like starting over?"
"Kind of. Definitely like take things way back toward the beginning."
"Yeah, I have no problem with that. I'm just glad you're willing to give us a second chance.""
"Me too. It means a lot to me that you're willing to give us a second chance, too, Abby."
"Nothin' doin, Tim. If I hadn't been so closed off to the idea of commitment, we wouldn't have to be almost starting over." She had tried to keep her tone light at the time but Tim being Tim had seen right through her and had known exactly how much pent up regret she harbored.
"Abby, don't please. Let's just start fresh all the way around, okay? Can we do that? Can we leave all the negative stuff in the past? We've both had bad experiences with looking for something in other people that we know's been here in each other the entire time. But, we still need to take it slow."
"Sure!"
And even after all of that, Abby had still managed to push his buttons, push too far, too fast. But, dear Sir Galahad Tim McGee had held on for the ride;
"Hmmm, you want company Timmy."
"One day I'll take you up on that offer Abbs, but right now we're taking it slow, remember?."
"Not like we haven't been there before McGee, what's the difference?"
She had wanted …did want…that connection with him. She already had the emotional link and was pretty sure that a part of Tim's heart had always been devoted to her; but she had wanted that physical connection as well, she wanted him to hold her and bond to her in everyway possible.
"We've already talked about this, Abby. I thought you understood. Thought we agreed. I don't want us to mess this up. I want this to work out."
That is, until he'd been shot. Well, no. That wasn't quite the whole story and no matter how hard she tried, Abby couldn't hide from that fact that she'd helped create this mess; this horrible mess where Tim was not only recovering from being shot; but even before that by not reporting the creepy little things she'd noticed happening.
Hadn't her experience with Mawher taught her anything? And what about everything she'd had to accept in the way of her own behavior toward Tim over the years? Hadn't she gotten the point? Hadn't she fully realized and accepted that her usual way of dealing with him wasn't right or good enough? What the hell was wrong with her?
As she lay there trying to sleep, her eyes darting over to Ziva's resting form by the door of their guest room; she couldn't stop the tears from rolling down her face; tears of guilt and regret, hurt for what Tim was going through. She started to pander to her worry by listening to that niggle of unease that things weren't gonna get better any time soon, if at all! And that made her feel as though her heart and soul was missing a piece.
Abby found herself wishing Tim was telepathically tuned to her so she could relay the depth of her regret and the desperate need for him to forgive her. He was a forgiving soul, of that there was no doubt; but even the bravest of gentlemen have limits to their endurance and Abby knew that she'd pushed Tim past his. She wasn't stupid; she'd seen the signs; the biggest and most glaring one being Tim's willingness to hide out in Gibbs' bathroom. If that wasn't a slap upside the head to get her attention, she didn't know what was. But, why had she ignored it and plowed straight through whatever he'd been feeling? For some unknown reason, she had been hell bent on getting Alex off Tim's radar.
Whatever selfish, stupid, single minded reasons she'd had; no longer mattered to Abby. No, right now, the only thing that mattered was Tim. His health. His happiness. His forgiveness. The first two of those three things were non-negotiable and no matter what Tim must have them; the last one was more of a hope; a hope that Abby was clinging to with all of her might as her mind finally surrendered to the bone crushing exhaustion and fell into a much welcomed sleep.
It had been a long afternoon and evening for the guys and all three of them were now bedded down at Gibbs' for the night. They had been taking shifts sitting with Tim and Jimmy had drawn the short straw and caught the night shift. If anything, Jimmy was grateful because he knew his friend would probably sleep through the night; pain permitting that was. He sat back in the easy chair and watched Tim sleep. He couldn't help but frown at the pinched, pained look on that troubled face; something that even sleep couldn't eradicate.
Ducky had briefed them all in the morning before they took their turn. True to Ducky's predictions, Tim had slept for the remainder of the afternoon and he even had to be physically woken up for dinner. That in itself had been a stressful time asTim woke up groggy, disorientated and in pain; it had taken both Gibbs and Ducky a good while to orientate Tim to time and place and calmed down from his pain driven panic enough so that they could both explain exactly what was wrong with him before talking to him about the best way to help him heal without causing him inordinate amounts of pain.
Both older men told him that no matter what, he wasn't to hide his pain from them and that if he had any question or problems then he should talk to them about whatever it was immediately. Ducky even went so far as to let Tim know that what he was going through could get worse if they weren't careful, which is why complete disclosure of both his physical and emotional feelings was so critical.
Tim had listened to everything that he'd been told and his expressive eyes did all the talking as he tried to wrap his head around what he was being told. It wasn't only the pain but the explanations and warnings, as well as the attention and concern of all three of his counterparts that left him feeling overwhelmed and incredibly grateful for their support.
Dinner had been brought up to him after Gibbs and Tony had helped him get up to use the bathroom. They had left his dignity intact but waited outside of the closed door; both of them had been keyed up for problems to give him any more space than that. Once they'd gotten him back into bed and sitting up as comfortably as they possibly could considering the agonizing pain they couldn't treat until he ate something.
This was something that Tim had trouble with and the pain in his chest was making the soothing broth that Ducky had brought difficult to eat; he knew he had to though because the painkillers he was taking were strong and his stomach would trouble him later as well if he didn't. It was a precautionary but necessary measure because the M.E. didn't to risk his sensitive stomach giving him trouble.
Tim had taken one look at the bowl and quietly asked for it in the form of a drink with a straw. He felt too exhausted and weak to lift the spoon from the bowl so Ducky had taken it back down stairs and returned a moment later carrying a small mug with a straw. Tony grinned at Ducky and watched as Tim slowly sipped at the soup without using too much of his waning energy. To be honest, eating was the last thing he wanted to do and between the painful spasms in his chest and his emotional issues, he was drained and just wanted to be drugged up to the gills and sleeping soundly. He soon finished drinking his soup and even though it had taken a mere 10 minutes, he still felt drained at the end of it.
"Come on Probie, just a little bit more." Tony had kept up his litany of support and between the two of them, they managed to get Tim to finish the contents of the mug.
Ducky soon stepped in and handed Tim two white tablets that would guarantee a one way trip to oblivion for a short while. Whilst Tim slept, Tony carefully scruitinised his friend, needing to know that he was really okay. Once he was satisfied, he sat back in the chair and closed his eyes whilst Tim slept off the sedative effect of the pain killer. He found the chair uncomfortable though and soon moved to Gibbs' room to collect something that they all knew the boss was secretly proud of; Tim's books.
Gibbs and Ducky's shift was spent rearranging the furniture enough so that they could sit and keep watch more closely. The easy chair was now closer to the bed so that the silent guardians could be nearer Tim if he got into any difficulties. Ducky settled back and used the time simply listening to Tim breathing whilst Gibbs took to reading. Their main priority was letting Tim sleep so he could heal and get over both his injuries and the illness that those injuries had caused. They would deal with everything else later.
Despite Jimmy taking the nightshift, Ducky was unable to stay away and got out of bed to check on his young patient a couple of times. Thankfully, Tim's temperature had been downgraded to a low grade fever and the pain meds and anti inflammatory tablets seemed to be doing the trick. Once Ducky had been satisfied, he'd returned to bed.
Jimmy sat there watching Tim carefully. He didn't use his stethoscope to check Tim's breathing but listened out for any changes or pained moans which were few and far between. The night soon passed leaving a beautifully sunny morning in its' wake.
"Mornin' Palmer." Tony's cheery, whispered voice carried through the bedroom.
"Mor…Morning Tony." Jimmy's yawned reply made Tony frown as he walked over and perched carefully on the side of the bed.
"How's he been?"
"Fine. He woke up a couple of times but pretty much went straight back to sleep." Jimmy sounded weary as sleep threatened to pull him under.
"Go to bed and let the next shift start. You're dead on your feet."
"I'm good for now." Tony snorted at Jimmy's reply and clapped him on his shoulder.
"Yeah right! Go before Gibbs has your hide for killin' yourself."
"I couldn't leave him, Tony. Ducky and I are on shifts for a reason."
"No but you could've used this." Tony pulled out a baby monitor and smiled as realization spread across Jimmy's face "Now get because I have to leave for work and I need to tell Gibbs about Abby's fantastically good idea."
"Abby's idea?"
"ooh yeah! I spoke to her and she had the idea. I went out this morning and bought these." Tony stood and placed the monitor on the nightstand "I gotta go so I'll catch you later. I'll set the other monitor up where Ducky can hear it. Between the two of you, you've got him covered. Both of you remember to keep your weapons where you can use them if you need to, you hear me?"
"Yeah, Tony. I hear you. I promise, we'll protect Tim while you guys are gone. See you later, Tony."
Tony left for work leaving Jimmy sitting in the easy chair. It wasn't long before he finally drifted off. He wasn't aware of the figure that walked in and draped a blanket over him. Gibbs smile as Jimmy nestled in to the blankets and started to snore. He glanced at the baby monitor and smiled before leaving to go to work. He knew Ducky was already getting up and would soon be in to relieve Palmer. Hell, knowing Ducky, he'd most likely shoo his assistant off to a real bed any minute now.
Turning his thoughts to what needed to be done this morning wiped all traces of a smile off his face. The culprit behind this nightmare still needed to be apprehended; leaving both Gibbs and Tony with a fierce determination burning in their guts. No matter what, they were going to find the person responsible and make him pay for the damage that had been done. Gibbs hoped with all his might, for Abby's sake, that this bastard wasn't Alex. But, his gut was screaming at him that he knew better. Either way, the boss wouldn't be satisfied until they got this culprit behind bars where he belonged.