A/N: I don't own Death Note. I really thought that this was going to be the last chapter…Well, it's not. Still one more chapter, my God. This is never ending. Thanks for the reviews.
Chapter 30: Forgive
It felt like the room was spinning and Misa's words mercilessly echoed in Light's mind. Before the elevator came to a stop, Light pressed another button so the elevator doors would stay closed. Then Light skidded to the floor while he tried to calm down. He had to access the situation and fully recognize what it all meant. But one thought continued to cloud Light's mind; the fact that he was Kira, a mass murderer.
"Light-kun! Are you okay?! What's going on?!-" Misa's voice screeched from the cell phone which laid on the floor.
Misa must be the second Kira, that's the only way she would know what I am- A MASS MURDERER. That fact stung at Light once again.
"Light-kun, please talk to Misa! What's wrong?!" Misa paused for awhile then suggested, "Did-Did you discard your memory of being Kira again?"
Again? Of course, I-Kira must have done this before. Misa can probably explain everything to me…unlike L who just lied to my face. I have to know. I need to know. Light picked up the cell phone, "Misa…how many times have I discarded my memories of being Kira?"
Misa sounded relieved that Light had answered the phone, "You've done it twice, not including whether or not you have your memories now. Light-kun, do you remember-?"
"No," Light admitted while he rested his head against the wall.
"Okay, Misa will help you," she happily declared, "Misa will give all of your memories back and you can return to being Kira-"
"NO!" Light blurted out in a panic.
Misa sounded surprised, "Oh, you're just unsure of what you want. Trust Misa, you want back your memories and you want to continue purifying the world. After all, the 'Perfect World' is your vision."
Light felt sick to his stomach. Flashes of Arik's twisted ranting of the 'Perfect World' played through Light's mind. Light shakily stated, "You sound like the New Kira."
"Misa does? Misa doesn't think so," she indignantly claimed, "The New Kira was just a cheap imitation of you. You're a way better Kira. You're going to purify the world of all the undesirable people and rule as God. And you'll do a much better job doing it than the New Kira ever could-"
Light franticly hurled the cell phone at the wall. The cell phone actually broke into two pieces as it scattered on the floor. Then Light held his head in his hands and curled up with his knees bent in front of him. Light could hear his heart pounding as his body anxiously shook.
Not only am I Kira but I'm the same as Arik! Light angrily banged the back of his head against the wall behind him. As Kira, I had all the same goals as Arik. Light self-loathingly rammed the back of his head into the wall again. That bastard, that EVIL bastard was imitating ME?!
"Damn it!!" Light used all his strength to smash his head against the wall. His act of self-hatred caused everything to look spotted. Light almost wished that he gave himself a concussion. He definitely felt that he deserved it.
I'm a mass murderer…and L lied to me about it. L was actually aiding me, the killer. How the hell could L justify something like that?! What was he thinking?! If anyone ever found out that L lied for me…L would be labeled as my accomplice. L would be executed because of me! L, you IDIOT! Light abruptly stood up and exited the elevator.
L will NOT go down with me! I won't let him! I need to get far away from here, away from L. Light hurried out of the office building and headed down the street. Then Light aimlessly walked toward an entrance to an underground subway. Light didn't even know what his destination was. He just knew that he had to get away for awhile and be alone. L will probably find me anyway, knowing him.
Light boarded a subway train then sat down in an empty seat. Next Light spotted a newspaper beside him and he nearly gasped. On the front page of the newspaper, there was an announcement of mass burial ground for all the victims of Kira.
Hesitantly, Light picked up the newspaper and read through the announcement. The mass burial ground would have the criminal and the law enforcement victims separated for the sake of the families. Also there was controversy over whether or not Kira would kill everyone who visited the burial ground. So there were warnings against visitation and no pictures of the burial ground shown in the newspaper.
Light found the address of the mass burial site and solemnly memorized it.
How dare he hang up on Misa-Misa! Misa kept dialing Light's cell phone number but she didn't even get an answering machine. Then she hurried across her apartment to the kitchen. Misa found Light's family's home phone number on a counter and hastily dialed the number.
"Hello?" Sayu's voice came through the phone.
"Hi, its Misa," Misa immediately asked, "Is Light there?"
"Uh, no." Sayu sounded nervous, "Why are you trying to find him?"
Misa complained, "Well, he and Misa were having a very important talk then he hang up on Misa! It was so rude-"
"Oh, I'm sorry. Did he break up with you?"
"WHAT?!" Misa shrieked into the phone, "W-Why would you say that?!"
Sayu gasped, "Oh, God. You mean Light didn't tell you? I'm so sorry. Forget that I said anything-"
Misa demanded, "Why would Light break up with Misa?! What has Misa done wrong?!"
"Nothing," Sayu insisted, "Please, Misa don't blame yourself. You're a great model and I'm sure that you can find a really nice straight guy."
After a long pause, Misa just laughed from disbelief, "Light-kun is straight."
"…No, he's not." Sayu claimed with a serious tone.
Misa blinked a couple of times and stood completely still. Then she replied sternly, "Misa needs to talk to Light-kun. Where is Light-kun?"
"Uh…Misa, are you okay?"
"Where is Light?!" Misa shouted crazily.
"I don't know. Please calm down," Sayu pleaded.
"When is he coming home? Misa will come and wait for him," Misa determinedly declared.
"Light doesn't live here anymore."
"Then where does he live?!"
"It'll only upset you-"
"Misa doesn't care! Tell Misa NOW!" Misa hysterically ordered.
"Light lives with another man named Ryuzaki," Sayu explained.
Misa burst into an insane laughter, "No, no, you're wrong. Light hates Ryuzaki. Hell will freeze over before Light will ever be with him."
"Really? It sure didn't seem that way when I saw Ryuzaki pinning Light to a table. Or when I found out that they're sleeping together…" Sayu reaffirmed the harsh truth, "Misa, I'm sorry but Light's with Ryuzaki now."
"NO! This is a mistake! Ryuzaki must have chained himself to Light again, that's probably why they live together-!"
"I have no idea what you're talking about. But there was no chain. Light is happy with Ryuzaki, Light wants to live with him," Sayu straightforwardly claimed.
No, no, no, NO! Misa furiously hit the counter with her fist. Light would never do this to Misa! At least not the real Light, Kira. She irrationally decided. That's it! Light is just confused and this is all L's fault! Yes, it's all L's fault! L will pay! L is taking advantage of poor Light when he doesn't remember who he really is!
"Misa, are you okay? I'm worried about you," Sayu fearfully claimed.
"What is Ryuzaki's address?" Misa emotionlessly asked.
Sayu paused then explained, "I can't tell you that. My father made me promise not to tell Ryuzaki's address to anybody."
L must pay. Misa has to save her Light. Misa has to return Light into being Kira. If Misa can't do this…"Misa will die. Tell Misa or she will die," Misa coldly proclaimed.
"W-What?! Misa you can't! You have so much going for you! So what if my brother doesn't want to be with you anymore! Life goes on, Misa-!"
"Not without Light," Misa cruelly manipulated the younger girl, "Without Light, Misa will die. Misa only wants the address so she can talk to her Light just one last time. If Misa can't, she should die right now."
"Oh, God, fine! Fine, I'll tell you! Just don't anything reckless Misa please," Sayu sounded so upset and worried.
"The address," Misa reminded the emotionally distraught girl. Then Sayu reluctantly began to say Ryuzaki's address over the phone.
At this rate, Light is bound to figure out the truth. L aimlessly skimmed through files as if he was actually working on the computer. The Death God, Reficul hovered behind L, watching him. Meanwhile the oblivious investigation team steadily searched through evidence behind him. Of course, L had already rid that evidence of anything incriminating to Light.
Mr. Yagami walked toward L and stood beside him, "Ryuzaki, can you tell me what is going on with Light? Why did Light ask you if he was Kira?"
"Light-kun is very confused right now. When we were in Arik's base, Arik severely drugged Light. So now Light can not remember several accounts and he's trying to fill in the gaps. Light is also trying to somehow explain in his mind why Arik drugged and abused him," L sullenly concluded, "But the sad truth is maniacs like Arik don't always have logical reasons. They can hurt innocent people just because it brings them pleasure. Light has to realize that he was in no way deserving of any of Arik's abuse."
Reficul snickered as he congratulated L, "You're a pretty good liar, Lawliet."
Mr. Yagami nodded, obviously believing L's excuse. Then a sound of a phone ringing came from Mr. Yagami's pocket.
"Excuse me," Mr. Yagami took out his cell phone and answered the call, "Hello?"
The expression on Mr. Yagami's face turned from casual to surprise. Mr. Yagami handed the cell phone to L, "It's Sayu. She wants to talk to you."
L held the phone to his ear, "What is it, Sayu?"
Sayu's voice sounded panicky, "Ryuzaki, I'm so sorry! I-I gave away your home address to Misa. I know that I wasn't supposed to but-but Misa was going crazy. She was threatening suicide if I didn't tell her! I'm so sorry-!"
"Why did Misa want to know my address?" L quickly asked.
"Well, Misa said that she called Light but Light hung up on her. Then I just assumed that Light broke up with her. And I told her about you and Light… I'm soo sorry!"
Misa called Light! L quickly recognized the consequences of that. Misa must have told Light the truth. If Light had hung up on her, there's a good chance that he did that out of panic. Most likely, Light knows that he's Kira now. But since Misa is searching for him that means Light still doesn't have any memory of being Kira… This is not good.
Sayu was still pleading over the phone, "Please forgive me, Ryuzaki. I know that I screwed up. Misa was so persistent and when she started acting all suicidal… I just didn't know what to do."
"Its okay, Sayu. You did the right thing by calling me immediately. Light and I will stay away from the mansion for awhile and everything will be fine. You acted appropriately, thank you." L handed the cell phone back to Mr. Yagami.
L announced as he stood up, "Everyone take the rest of the day off."
The investigation team seemed surprised while L hastily headed toward the exit. I have to find Light as quickly as possible. There's no telling how he'll react to all of this.
Before L reached the exit, Matsuda grabbed his arm, "Ryuzaki, what's going on?"
"Nothing that you need to be concerned-" L glanced over and spotted a newspaper in Matsuda's other hand, which had 'Kira' on the headline.
"Let me see that," L snatched away the newspaper and skimmed through it. Chances are that Light would feel guilty. And if Light has seen this newspaper…
"Thank you," L tossed the newspaper back at Matsuda then left the workroom.
After the subway train ride, Light walked down a paved street toward the entrance of the mass burial site for Kira victims. There was a tall fence all around cemetery so the traveling public could not see it. Light stood in front of the solid gate and waited for an employee to come.
A cemetery worker came out of a booth by the gate and formally asked, "Are you over eighteen and are aware of the dangers of visitation?"
"Yes," Light decisively agreed.
"Alright then. We have your consent recorded so you can't sue us," the cemetery worker pressed a button which opened the gate.
Light kept his head down as he passed through the gate. Then Light slowly forced himself to raise his head. Light gasped in complete shock. He didn't expect this many graves. The sheer, countless amount was overwhelming.
As far as the eye could see, there was row after row of white tombstones. In the distance, the tombstones only resembled white dots. Light fell to his knees as his body trembled. Then Light heard the sound of someone crying. Light turned his head to see a woman sobbing over a grave. In another row, there was another group of mourning people and near them, another group. Light even spotted a couple tirelessly searching through the graves for the name of their loved one.
I'm responsible for all of this. This is the extent of my crimes… Something in Light's mind just snapped. Suddenly, Light started pounding his fists into the ground as he cursed and shouted wildly.
Then a cemetery employee covered Light's mouth with a hand. Light still continued to scream, completely losing any sense of reality.
"Whoa, kid. Calm down," the employee who was an older middle-aged man advised.
Light actually stopped screaming but now his eyes were watering. I did all of this. I murdered all these people! What kind of sick, evil bastard am I?!
"Come with me. You're scaring the other visitors," the concerned employee stood up while he also pulled up Light. The employee led Light into a small building, which was most likely the employee's office.
"Here, sit down. What's your name, kid?" The fatherly employee led Light over to a couch.
Light sat down and kept his head tilted down, "Light."
"Are you okay, Light? Kira must have really affected you negatively," the older man sat in an office chair.
"Yes…he did," Light couldn't look at the ignorant man in the eyes.
"I know that losing loved ones is hard. Hopefully, that bastard, Kira is executed one day for this."
Light forced himself to nod as his body shook.
The oblivious man continued, "Kira truly is evil. The most disgusting and vile killer that this world has ever known. That twisted son of a bitch has the audacity to claim that he's God. And that's he's going to make some 'Perfect World.' That Kira is one insane, hypocritical-"
"I KNOW," Light covered his ears as he placed his bent knees in front of himself.
The employee sympathetically recommended, "I can tell that seeing the burial site was torture for you. If it's too painful for you, you should try to stay away from this place. Try to forget and live normally."
"I'm through with forgetting," Light angrily told himself. I had no right to forget. My victims' families will never forget. I have no right to.
The older man sighed then stood up, "Well, I hope that you can live with that. Just leave when you're ready." The employee left the office.
L walked through the gate and scanned the mass burial site of Kira victims. If Light really came here, he did it to punish himself. L strolled passed a row of graves and groups of people in mourning. After L searched for awhile, he still didn't spot Light.
Then L headed toward an employee, "I'm looking for a young man named Light Yagami. Is there some way to tell whether or not he came here?"
The employee nodded, "Yeah, he's in my office."
L felt a wave of relief, "Okay. Can I see him?"
"Sure. Follow me," the employee led L over toward a small building as he explained, "In all of my time working here, I've never seen anyone freak out like that kid did. That kid was pounding on the ground, screaming and he kind of scared the other people around him."
"I'm sorry for any problems that Light may have caused." Light definitely knows that he's Kira. The guilt must be overwhelming him. Hopefully, I can get Light to trust me enough to let me take him out of here. L braced himself for anything then entered the office.
L spotted Light sitting on a couch, in the dark. After first Light had his face hidden and his knees bent in front of him. Then Light lifted his head and gazed up at L.
Light silently watched L. But just from the look in Light's eyes, L could tell that Light was feeling awful. L made a few steps toward Light.
"How could you do this?" Light's tone actually didn't sound too furious.
L sighed, "Light, I know that lying to you wasn't the right thing to do-"
"I'm not talking about that," Light interrupted him.
What? L stood still and stared at Light, unsure of he meant.
Light glared at him, "I'm not stupid. I understand why you lied and I don't blame you for that. But…damn it, L. Don't you know what will happen if someone finds out that you covered for me?! You'll be fucking executed, L!!" Light emotionally shouted, "I'm already responsible for countless of deaths, DON'T MAKE ME RESPONSIBLE FOR YOURS!!"
Then Light tilted his head back down as his whole body trembled, "You fucking dumbass."
L gazed at Light in shock. Light's not angry because I lied. He's angry because my lies could get me killed. L couldn't help but smile.
Light glanced up at L, "Why the hell are you smiling?"
"Because you love me," L's smile widened.
Light furiously snapped, "Yeah, a mass murderer loves you. You should really be proud. Didn't you see all of those graves?!"
L sat beside Light on the couch, "Light-kun, I know that you don't remember but you changed as Kira. When you were Kira, you realized what you were doing was wrong. The last person that you killed was Arik. Then after you killed Arik, you were about to kill yourself…"
Light intently focused on L with wide eyes.
L continued, "But I stopped you. I offered you another option and you took it. I told you that I would help you repent, make up for all the terrible things that you've done. But I also asked that you give up your memories of being Kira…because I didn't trust you."
"I wouldn't trust me either," Light gravely admitted.
"Light, I know that you came here to punish yourself. But that won't do anybody any good," L insisted.
"Yes, it will," Light stood up and declared, "I'm sure that the victim's families would appreciate it!"
"No matter how much you punish yourself, it will not bring the dead victims back," L wisely stated.
"But I still have to pay for what I've done!!" Light asserted as he stepped out of the office.
L quickly followed Light out and grabbed Light's arm, "Don't act irrationally."
"Oh, I'm sure that the kid can't help it," the employee walked up to them, "So kid, how are you doing?"
"There's something that I'd like to tell you," Light unexpectedly replied.
"Light," L jerked on Light's arm.
"Oh, don't worry about it. I've heard lots of sad stories in this cemetery," the older middle-aged man pointed to the field of graves, "Even my own son is buried out there. He's one the criminal side too…"
The tearful man turned to face them, "I know how it feels. My son got into a gang then he was sent to jail for quite a few years. In jail, he-he changed, you know. He wanted to do good. And my son was about to be released in just two months…then Kira killed him."
"So, kid what's your story?" the kind employee asked.
Light looked seriously ill, he stepped back and shook his head. L wrapped an arm over Light's shoulder and steadied him.
L told the man with good intentions, "I'm sorry. Light's just not ready to talk about it."
"I understand," the employee nodded, "That bastard Kira can really screw some people up."
"Actually I believe that we give Kira power when we hate him," L explained as he looked into Light's eyes, "I think that the most important thing for us is to forgive Kira. Otherwise carrying around hatred of Kira will only continue to hurt us."
"Wow," the employee told L, "I've never thought of it that way. You're a smart young man."
"Thank you," L still gazed at Light, who seemed to be stunned. "Well, we need to be going now," L started leading Light away while the old man waved goodbye.
"You seriously meant that?" Light allowed L to lead him to a black car with tinted windows.
"Yes. You know that I was right," L opened the car door and mentioned for Light to get in the car.
Light complied and sat down then L sat beside him while closing the door. The chauffer began to drive the car away.
"So you're really fine with the fact that I'm Kira-?"
"You were Kira. But you're not Kira anymore," L happily announced, "And you really love me?"
Light avoided eye contact and confessed, "Yes."
L blissfully leaned forward and kissed Light.
After the chauffer parked the car in front of the office building, Light and L stepped out. They walked hand in hand into the tall building while the sun set in the distance.
Light asked, "Why aren't we going back to your place?"
"Well, Misa forced Sayu to give her my address. So we should avoid the mansion for now," L strolled into the elevator with Light beside him.
Light looked worried, "Misa still wants to kill you. Most likely she only needs a face to kill. So wouldn't she be able to kill you right now?"
L solemnly nodded, "Yes, but Misa hardly ever acts on her own with consulting you. Her first priority is finding you because she wants you to become Kira again."
"True," Light agreed then the elevator came to a stop.
Light and L walked down the hall and entered the workroom. Light stepped back from surprise.
Misa sat in an office chair with a black, lacey dress on. She also held a Death Note and a pen in her lap. Misa glared at them with her red Death God eyes which were surrounded by heavy eyeliner.
Misa smirked, "You must have thought that Misa was stupid. Misa was expecting Sayu to warn you, Lawliet."
End of Chapter 31
I know, I know. I'm the cliffhanger Queen.