Chapter VII

In which Jacob remembers and a decision is made.

Jacob's POV

"Why don't we get some food?" Harper offered.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mia glance at me. She looked angry. I felt bad for being a jerk to her, she had been incredibly accepting and kind all morning. She sighed and nodded she turned and started toward the camper.

"I'll get us lunch, you guys chill." She said in a defeated voice. As she entered the camper I heard her mutter to herself. "Damn it! Why did I have to be a stupid pushy idiot?" With my sensitive hearing I picked this up easily. I was a jerk, and she's blaming herself? Well great, now I feel like a shmuck. It's just I didn't like talking about that particular topic, and it wasn't one I was ready to discuss with her yet. I mean, I'd only just met her this morning! It feels like longer, but it isn't. I wasn't ready.

I thought about the time Mia was asking about, last time I had run nonstop. I was running from my home, my family, my friends, and my duty. I didn't want to feel anymore, I tried to leave everything I was behind me.

Flashback

I was in Canada, and I had been running for two weeks straight. I remembered being thankful that Sam hadn't sent anyone to get me, I hadn't picked up an order from him to any of them to bring me back, and he himself hadn't ordered me back. So I was totally surprised when I was jumped by none other than Leah Clearwater. I was weak, from not eating or sleeping or resting, so she took me down easily. Phase Back! She ordered me. I didn't have to obey her, but I was too tired to fight and the ferocity of her mind's voice scared me. I did as she told me to. I closed my eyes, it was required when Leah phased. The next thing I knew, my back was against a tree, and Leah's angry face was inches from mine. She was utterly terrifying.

"You coward." She hissed. "You absolute coward. You ran away from everything and everyone who cares about you." I remember the look of absolute disgust on her face as she looked at me. "You think you are the first person to get their heart broken? You think you are the first to be hurt and have to watch as the one you love is with another? Well if you do you are sorely mistaken." Her eyes had grown so intense at this point. "I know what it's like to be in love with someone, to know that we shared something special, and yet watch them with someone else. I know what it's like to just not be enough. I know exactly what you're going through. I went through it too. Worse! At least you can hate the Bloodsucker! Sam's with my cousin, one of my closest friends!" Her voice was never raised, but there was something deadly in her soft tone.

"But I never ran. I never hid. I'm going to be a bridesmaid at the wedding, the man I love is marrying my cousin and I'm going to stand up and smile and give them my blessing! Do you want to know why I'm going to do this, Jacob? Do you want to know why I didn't run away like you? Like a coward?" I shook my head, I had no idea how she had the strength to do this. "Because I see what you all see as well. I see that Sam and Emily are truly happy together, I know they are deeply in love, and even I can see that that love is deeper than my own. If nothing else I want him to be happy, and he is. I didn't run because I couldn't abandon my family, my friends, or my life.

"There were people I cared about and I couldn't leave them." She eyes bored into me. "I watch as the man I love gives his love to another woman, and though it hurts, though I wish constantly that it was me that he was kissing, me he was holding, me that he would be waiting for at the end of the aisle, I have never once ran. I have stood strong in the face of what you cannot seem to." Her tone softened. "You say you love her, you say you want what's best for her, and you want her to be happy. Yet you cannot support her when she chooses to be happy with someone else.

"If you cannot see that Bella and Edward are in love than you are blind. Even I can see it, if I look past the stench, I can see that they fit together, they need each other, and they love each other as much as Sam and Emily do. If you cannot see this, then you do not love her as much as you think you do." Leah looked deadly once more. "Love is the willingness to sacrifice your own life and happiness for someone. To give up what it is you want for what will make them happy. If you loved her you would see this, you would be able to watch her go and know that she made her choice. She chose, and though she did not choose you, you would be able to wish her well. And hope that she truly is happy. "That is love Jacob Black. Looking beyond yourself to the needs of others." Leah looked at me sadly. "You cannot give up who you are; you cannot give up on life simply because you are hurting. She wouldn't want you to. She would want you to be happy as well.

"If I can live with seeing Sam every day, live with hearing him think of her in ways I wish he'd think of me, you can sure as hell live with the knowledge that Bella is in love with a leech." Then she did the strangest thing. She hugged me. I was utterly surprised. Leah never spoke of how hard it was to watch Sam with Emily. And she never openly showed affection for us, Seth sometimes, but he was her baby brother, but the rest of us, she treated like distant relatives she never really understood. But here she was, pulling me into a tight, sisterly hug. Then she pulled away and looked at me sternly. When she spoke again she was completely serious. "Now are you going to come home like a good boy or do I have to drag your sorry ass back?"

"I'll come home quietly; just let me take a nap." I passed out at this point, exhausted, Leah's word reverberating in my head.

End Flashback

I thought of the dream I had shortly after passing out. It's been almost five years, and I still remember it vividly.

I dreamed of Bella. She was different, paler, her eyes were topaz, like the Cullen's, and she was more beautiful then ever, but she was still undeniably Bella. She was laughing and he, Edward, pulled her into a hug. She smiled up at him. "I wish everyone could be as happy as we are." She said contentedly.

"As do I." Edward replied.

"Especially Jacob, he deserves happiness." Bella said. Edward nodded in agreement.

And as it turned out, Leah didn't have to drag me back; I was so hungry I almost had to drag her so I could get to food sooner.

So I tried to be happy. And I managed to get over loosing Bella, and knowing that she was happy did help. I found solace in my friends and family. My life went on as normally as possible for a werewolf. Leah and I never spoke of what happened when she found me. We went back to being snide and at times rude toward one another. Though there was an understanding between us.

I didn't think I'd ever love again after Bella, I thought she was it for me. But I was content with just my family and friends; I had accepted that I would be, though not necessarily alone, I would not have something like what Sam and Emily have. Even after Leah finally found the one she was meant to be with, I did not even consider the possibility for me.

I wasn't sure what I was going to do now that I had imprinted. But I knew Leah had been right. I was a coward, but I wasn't going to allow my cowardice to hurt anyone else, especially not Mia. It was going to take some time to adjust, but I knew on instinct, possibly the same instinct that I fallowed to this campsite this morning, that I would do it for her. I would do anything for her. I wish it could really be that simple though. Fairy tales make it look so easy, and I knew this would be nothing of the sort.

AN: Yay or Nay? This chapter was actually pretty difficult... i knew what i wanted it to say, but getting into a form where someone other than me would understand was very hard... so did you like it or was it totally lame? BE HONEST, your honesty helps me out a lot, it lets me know what works and what didn't, and what i need to improve on or explain further, and well it does a lot. So TELL!!

Much love, Bridget