Tony walked out of the bathroom in Tim's hospital room and stopped in his tracks at the sight of Abby occupying the bed next to his Probie. It was something he wasn't expecting and her presence seemed to stir a little feeling of unease when it came to Tim's recovery. Obviously, Gibbs had talked the doctor into this arrangement but Tony had trouble seeing anything but trouble with this idea. Still, he had faith in Gibbs and the boss obviously had a plan…. the boss always had a plan. It was his faith and trust in the boss that made Tony decide to just go with the flow and see what came down the pike next.
With a glance towards Tim, Tony noticed that his friend was still peacefully sleeping and seemed reasonably comfortable for the time being. With a relieved sigh, he walked quietly to Abby's bed and moved the chair so it was sitting next to her.
"Hey. What kinda strings you have to pull to get moved in here?" Tony's voice was barely above a whisper but was loud enough for her to hear. He emphasized his question with his trademark smirk as he settled down into the chair.
"Bossman strings." Abby said with a small smile as Gibbs' warning still rang clearly in her head.
"What's going on, Abbs?" Tony's concern was palpable and made Abby shrink more into her pillows.
"Nothing."
"Doesn't look like nothing. I asked you a question and you looked like someone had just kicked your favorite puppy."
"Nothing. Please, drop it." Abby shook her head and winced slightly as a sharp pain protested against the movement.
"For cryin' out loud. Abby, talk to me. Come on, because the fact that I know something's wrong and you won't tell me what it is, is pissing me off." Tony felt a spike of guilt as Abby blanched slightly. He didn't mean to sound impatient, but realized his quiet tone probably made it sound more dangerous than he intended. Abby gazed at him for a moment and physically deflated in front of him.
"It's just that, you're all so angry with me. I just don't know who to say what to, to fix any of it." Abby said a little too loudly. She caught movement from Tim's bed out of the corner of her eye and held her breath until she realized that Tim had merely settled deeper into his sleep. Her exhalation drew more concern out of Tony.
"Abby, what the hell's going on?" he asked her as quietly as he could.
"Gibbs forbade me from waking Timmy up or letting him talk for the next 48 hours. Apparently, his doctor said his lungs need to get stronger and talking will make them work too hard. I'm only in here so Timmy won't worry about me while he's trying to get better."
"And that has you holding your breath? Come on Abbs."
"I couldn't help it! He moved and I thought I'd woken him up. Why aren't you mad at me?"
"Oh, I am. Trust me, I am. But, I'm also worried about you."
"Aw, Tony. That's so sweet. Thank you." A small smile ghosted Abby's face.
"Abby, don't push it. I talked to Ziva earlier and I have to tell ya, she's pretty damn pissed."
"So, I heard."
"Lucky for you, Probie's too kindhearted for his own good and has already been on her about forgiving you." Tony watched Abby's reaction to the news carefully and narrowed his eyes as her eyebrows shot up.
"Really?"
"This surprises you?"
"That he'd worry about me while he can barely stay awake? Yeah." She glanced over at Tim and watched as he slept. She frowned slightly as his breath hitched but it soon evened out again as he snored gently.
"Thought you knew him better than anybody? Even I know he'd still walk through fire for you!" Tony flapped his hand in Tim's direction to emphasize his point.
"I know, Tony. I know."
"Abby, the morning after he was released from the hospital, you know, the morning you just had to fight with him about Alex's involvement in all this? That morning; he and I talked. We talked about a lot of stuff. You know why?"
"No. You guys never talk."
"Trust me, we do now. We talked because his heart was broken and his spirit was totally crushed; so much so that he couldn't even sleep without being haunted by everything, especially you…again. After everything he'd just been through with that woman who'd stolen his heart only to use that to get close enough to him to try to kill him; he still gave you one more chance. It wasn't long before you took what he had to offer, enjoyed it for a day and then threw it back in his face. Abby, you kicked him when he was already down. You have no idea what that did to him."
"Oh, Tony, I didn't mean to…"
"Abby, you never mean to hurt him but somehow you always seem to do it anyway." Tony held both hands out in front of him as if fending off a rebuke "Before you jump all over me about how I treat him. This is different. I mess with his head and irritate him like a big brother's supposed to. You break his heart. That's not supposed to happen, not over and over again."
"You've been cruel to him too, Tony. Don't kid yourself." Abby reminded him.
"Yeah. You're right. There have been times I've stepped over that line and I regret every one of them. But, I still didn't trample on his heart, Abby."
While their tones were quiet, the steady rumble of their voices was enough to rouse the patient. As he lay there listening to their conversation, tears slipped out of the corner of his eyes. Tony had just said everything to Abby that Tim had wanted to, but knew he'd never be able to. He'd told Gibbs the truth and he did want her back. But, he also needed her to know just how badly she'd hurt him this time. As his two best friends continued to quietly talk, Tim managed to slip back to sleep with a newfound respect and gratitude for Tony sharply on his mind.
"Do we understand each other now?" Tony asked as they got to the end of what they'd needed to hash out.
"Perfectly." Abby answered without any bite. "I really am sorry, Tony."
"Well, we both know I'm not the one that needs to hear that. But, I meant what I said. You hurt him again and….. well, you just don't wanna go there."
"I don't want to hurt him again, Tony. I really do love him." Abby's plea didn't necessarily fall on deaf ears, but she knew that she'd disappointed everyone around her and wanted them all to know how much she loved Tim.
"I'm not sure you know what love is, Abby. At least, not the kind that McGee's looking for. But it's not my place to make that decision so I'll leave that up to him. But, don't screw this up." Tony patted her on the knee and got up out of his chair so he could walk over to Tim's bed to check him over and make sure he wasn't having any trouble breathing. Thankfully, he was still sleeping peacefully and the oxygen he was still on was helping with his breathing.
As Abby lay there thinking about what Gibbs and Tony had said and everything that had happened, she realized she was extremely lucky that Tim was so forgiving and thankfully, determined not to let her go. She did have to wonder about that though and let the thoughts mill around in her mind.
Why was he willing to put up with her? Because he's never taken his heart back from giving it to me in the first place! I have to give him the same in return or let him go. It's only right. It isn't fair to give him anything less than what he's giving me; what he's always given me…. his all.
Can I do this? Can I give him all of me? That would mean settling down and thinking of a permanent future… forever.
What do I think of when I hear the word permanent? Isn't that what we're supposed to power our dreams with? Okay, so think. Permanent to me means: always having this great family around me. Every single one of them because I don't ever want to have to say goodbye to any of them. Saying goodbye to Kate was hard enough. But we're not all always gonna be together like this, even I know that. Tony's gonna be a Team Leader some day and who knows where that's gonna take him. Ziva will hopefully one day, realize just how much she and Tony love each other and do what's best for them. Wait a minute! If I can see that for them, why can't I see it for Timmy and me?
Marriage? I know that's what Timmy wants; eventually. Is that the piece of permanent that I want, too? Timmy's been through so much and hurt so much, can he handle the stress of trying to work this out? How do we do that without walking on eggshells after this? I know Timmy wants to have a family, a piece of normal life that doesn't suck the life out of him the way the job sometimes does. It's only fair that I only work through this with him if we have the same goals in mind. He doesn't deserve to be put through the motions if the two of us don't want the same thing at the end.
Marriage! Spending the rest of my life with Timmy. Wow. I never thought I'd be ready to seriously consider that as my definition of permanent. Ziva's right about one thing, though. Timmy's different now. And our friendship's not as close as it used to be. Guess, we're gonna have to spend a lot more time getting to know each other all over again, before we can even figure out just how much further we want to go with this.
But, first, I need to let him see and know and most importantly, feel, how sorry I am that he got hurt; that I let my own stubborn need to be right; come before his safety. Tony said I broke Tim's heart. Yeah, I guess I can understand how I did that. I feel so horrible about that. I never wanted to hurt him. I guess I have really gotten used to railroading him into what I wanted. Wow, why is he even interested in me when I've treated him like that? Because he sees my good points, maybe? I hope so. I hope we can fix this. I hope…
Tony couldn't help but smile as he watched the spinning cogs in Abby's brain come to an obvious screeching halt at the end of a long and winded journey as the peace finally allowed her to fall asleep and Tony couldn't help but smile fondly. She'd been funny to watch, her eyes flickering all over the place as her brain ran through every thought and sent it corralling though its' multi-chambered machine. It had been blatantly obvious that she was doing some serious thinking and he'd gladly left her to it.
Tony had turned the chair so he could see both of his injured friends and sat there lost in thought. He didn't realize how much time had passed and when he glanced at his watch, he noticed that his unofficial half-hourly check had passed. He was surprised to find Tim wide awake and staring at the ceiling, his eyes full of something unrecognizable.
"Probie? You okay?" Tony knew the patient wasn't supposed to talk but was worried about the look on his face and so, he asked him the question quietly so as to not wake Abby up.
Tim nodded as he dragged his eyes down from the ceiling and looked at Tony.
"Thank you" he whispered as loudly as he could without straining himself too much.
"For what, Probie?"
"Talking to Abby."
"You heard?"
Tim nodded and let his deep appreciation and gratitude for it shine in his eyes.
"You're welcome, man. All I ask in return is that you don't let her walk all over you again. You come to me or the bossman first. Deal?"
Tim nodded with a serious look of understanding and agreement on his face.
"Good. Now, go back to sleep before I get shot for keeping you up or letting you talk." Tony quipped before it hit him what he'd just said. As the realization hit him, a look of abject horror at his own thoughtlessness crossed his eyes.
"Tony. Don't." Tim whispered. "It's okay."
"Yeah?" Tony asked doubtfully. "You wouldn't just be sayin' that to make me feel better, would ya?"
"No. It's okay. Really." Tim's whisper settled Tony's sense of unease about putting his foot in it and he sighed deeply.
"Whew. Thanks, man. I gotta tell ya, I was worried there." Tony flashed his friend his trademark grin.
"No. Thank you." Tim whispered as his eyes closed again and his breathing evened out. His body visibly relaxed into sleep once again, leaving Tony standing there with a deep sense of relief.
Tony turned from Tim's bed to find the nurse standing in the doorway glaring at him. Luckily, years of getting used to Gibbs' glare, had more than prepared him for this rank amateur. Smiling cheekily at her, he sauntered over to her and whispered.
"A man's gotta have some way of getting things off his chest. I promise, all he did was whisper and we kept it short."
"The doctor won't like it, regardless." she warned with a sharp tone and no understanding what so ever.
"Well, then we don't have to tell him, do we?" Tony reasoned out in the hope that it would melt the iron maiden's heart.
The glare intensified and was joined with a smarminess that was not becoming of a woman.
"Look. Do you really wanna take away the man's right to speak in some way if he's really got something to say? You don't know this guy like we do. If something's bothering, him, he needs to get it out. We want him to get better just as much as you do… more actually so we're not gonna do anything to jeopardize that."
"Tony?" Abby's quiet voice barely reached them from the bed.
"Abbs? You okay?" Tony turned to her and asked her in concern.
"I need to ask her something." Abby kept going.
The nurse settled her displeasure at Tony's antics as his explanation made sense and she now needed to see what her other patient needed.
"Yes, Ms. Scuito?"
"It's Abby. Please, I need to know if I can go sit with Tim. I promise to be gentle but I want him to know I care about him and that I 'm here for him."
"Abby…" The nurses wary warning didn't stop Abby's desperate need to sit with Tim. In her mind, it was the quickest and best way to start being there for him in the way that mattered.
"You don't understand. I caused this mess and I have to make it right. Please." Abby quietly begged. "Let me 'be' with him"
"All right. But, this is not an excuse to have him do any extended conversations, whispered or otherwise!" she warned to both of them.
Ziva came in just as the nurse was leaving and the two of the nearly collided in the door, forestalling Abby's plan. Knowing this needed to be done before she set her plan in motion, Abby sent Tony on a break with a silent look she'd learned from Gibbs. Ziva smiled thinly at Tony as their eyes met when they changed places. Once Tony was gone, Ziva sat down at Abby's bedside and took a minute to look her over.
"Abby. How are you?"
"I'm good. Ziva. I think I'm just here under observation until tomorrow when they're gonna let me outta here."
"That is good. Any more headaches?"
"Not enough to need anything for. I'm sorry, Ziva. I know that's why you're here, to jump on my case for everything that's happened. I am sorry."
"Abby, it is not my forgiveness that you need to be concerned about."
"That's just it, Ziva. It is. You and I are friends just as much as you and Tim are friends. I know you're pissed at me for what's happened to him. What friend wouldn't be?" Abby's voice was getting more and more frantic as she tried to explain everything to Ziva.
"Abby. Calm yourself. McGee must rest. Do not wake him. Yes, I am very angry with you. Not as much for what happened as for the simple fact that it did not have to happen. Do you remember our talk? The day we had lunch together to talk about you and McGee?"
"Yeah. Of course I remember it."
"Do you remember what you said?"
"Ziva, we said lots of things."
"I believe that you have missed something very important about McGee. You have failed to realize that he has changed. He is different from the McGee of several years ago. In fact, he is quite different now than he was even a few months ago. His heart has been broken several times. One does not always recover quickly from something like that. As you have already pointed out, it is quite obvious he is definitely not bouncing back this time."
"I know, Ziva. But, I also know he has always loved me. I love him. He's McGee. I have to help him."
"Are you certain he wants your help? And you are sure that that the love he has carried for you is enough? I am not so sure. If it were, Abby, would he not have come to you for this help already?"
"He needs my help whether he knows it or not. Besides, the fact that he still loves me has to mean something!"
"Abby, I will be here for you and listen when you need to talk. But, I will not get involved with this. I respect McGee too much to interfere in his personal life."
"That is correct, Abby. But, I feel I must warn you. There is one thing that has changed since you and I had that conversation." Ziva told her solemnly.
"What's changed?"
"I will no longer stay out of this if I see that McGee is being hurt again. I will not let that happen again."
"Good. I'm glad he'll have you and Tony looking after him. I know I don't always see what I'm doing as wrong, Ziva and I need to work on that, but I don't want it to be at Tim's expense anymore."
"Good. Then we understand each other."
"Ziva, can you forgive me? As Tim's friend?"
"Yes. As Tim's friend and because he has asked me to do so, I can forgive you. As your friend, I am very disappointed in you, but I still care about you and what happens to you."
"Thanks, Ziva!" Abby said as she threw her arms around her friend and let the tears of relief finally fall.
When Tony came back in the room thirty minutes later, it was to find their Lab Rat lying on the bed with Tim. One hand was holding his and her other arm was nestled around and under his neck, an obvious sign that Tim was now her biggest concern. She was there both for him and with him. Tony just hoped Tim wouldn't wake up in a panic with the new situation.
As the two patients slept, Tony and Ziva retreated to the hallway to talk.
"Well?" Tony asked without wasting any time.
"We have talked and we have mended our fences."
"Good. Anything happening at work?
"They have brought in Abby's friend. Vance and Gibbs have both been questioning her. She will not be able to withstand the pressure for very much longer and will hopefully break soon. Gibbs wants you to join him. I will stay with Abby and McGee."
"Okay. Listen, Ziva. I know you're still pretty upset about all of this, but, don't say anything to them about the case, all right? And try not to say anything else about their relationship; I think we've pretty much covered what they needed to hear and the rest is up to them."
"I agree on all counts, Tony. Go on, Gibbs will already be getting angry that you have not yet headed in."
"Okay, I'm gone. You call us if there's a problem."
"Relax, Tony. We will be fine."
As Tony headed out, Ziva returned to the room and began her shift of keeping their teammates company. While Abby and Tim slept, Ziva unpacked the laptop and began working on her written report for the case.
It was coming up to dinner time and Abby was awake and waiting for Tim to wake up. Ziva watched with a small smile on her face, as Tim woke up and quickly realized he wasn't alone in his bed. It didn't take long for the initial shock to wear off, something that was helped by Abby's softly spoken words to sooth his troubled mind enough for him to quickly get his breathing back under control. It wasn't long before Tim actually felt himself melt into her support and embrace and he was pleased that the usual bone crushing Abby-hug was gone and in its' place was a gentle Abby who was capable of the most tender of ministrations anyone could ever need.
For the first time since he'd woke up after Alex's brutal attack on them, Tim felt a glimmer of hope that things would turn out all right. It wasn't that he didn't have faith in Gibbs, Ducky or Tony; but rather, that the one part of his life that he needed to have hope in the most; they couldn't help him with.
Tim knew that he and Abby had a lot to work out and to work through. But, he also knew it was something he not only needed to do; but wanted to, as well. Looking over at Ziva, sitting watch over him, he realized, just by the look in her eyes, that she'd come around and was now equally concerned about both of them. Obviously, she and Abby had talked and for that he was extremely grateful.
"Thank you." He whispered in her direction.
"You are very welcome. But you are not allowed to talk. So, unless you can promise to listen without speaking, Abby will not be allowed to talk to you yet." Ziva warned with a twinkle in her eye. She knew the probability of that was zero but felt it was her job to remind him of the fact.
Tim nodded his understanding and flashed her a wide grin. There was no way he and Abby weren't gonna talk but, he would be very careful and very quiet. He had to admit, the difference in the level of pain was huge and he was grateful that his doctor had thought to lay down this restriction so that his tortured chest and lungs had a chance to finally begin to heal. Tim could actually breathe without feeling like his chest was on fire now.
"All right. I will give the two of you time alone. But, I will be right outside that door!" Ziva warned as she picked up her lap top and its' bag, and went out to the hall and took a seat right outside the door.
Abby and Tim looked at each other with soft grins playing on their faces. Getting comfortable was tricky even with Tim's breathing difficulties being less than they'd been before his talking restrictions. Raising the bed up enough that Tim was sitting completely up, she was pleased to see that it helped alleviate some of the pressure. After much shifting and checking, Abby wound up sitting indian style on top of the blanket that covered Tim and as she got comfortable in the space between his stretched out legs, she took his hands in hers and looked directly into the honest, open eyes that she'd fallen completely in love with.
"I am so sorry, Tim."
Tim blinked. It never had taken much of her soul bearing to bring him to tears and this time was no exception.
"I never meant to hurt you, in any way."
Tim knew that but it didn't stop it hurting. He did the only thing he could and nodded at her.
"You deserve so much more than what I've given you. So much better. I just hope I can be enough for you now."
Tim was motionless. He agreed but he didn't want to chase her off. He needed her to want this enough to fight for it but he couldn't make that decision for her. He frowned at the look on her face and squeezed her hand gently.
"I need to let you…"
Tim's heart constricted. Was she letting him go?
"I need to let you see that I can do better. That I will do better and I know this isn't some trial and error lab test we're talking about here. This is our life; your heart; one that's already been through way more hurt and pain than it ever should have been. But, Timmy, I've thought about this a lot and I can finally see what you have all along. Our futures! I can see them as being one and the same; together. And seeing it doesn't scare me like it used to, if anything, It actually makes me feel safe, secure, loved and needed and…"
Tim put a finger to her lips in a silent request for her to stop talking. Leaning over he kissed her chastely on the lips. It was only brief and even the cannula that provided him with the much needed oxygen wasn't enough to help his lungs during the kiss. He pulled away and coughed slightly.
"Abby." He whispered. "This isn't just about what you see for your future."
"I know." She answered quietly. "It's about us in the here and now. But, I needed to be able to see the future to know how to take care of the now."
Tim nodded and waited for her to continue.
"I needed to know if we wanted the same things or if I needed to let you go so you could find your idea of your future with someone who shares your vision."
"And you share it now?" Tim asked in his whisper.
"Yes, I do. I want the same things you do. Maybe not the same exact things; like probably not the same house or the same car; but the same life, Timmy!"
Tim nodded because he didn't want to interrupt the flow of wherever this was going.
"But, I know we need to fix the here and now before we can even think about taking steps towards that future."
He nodded again rested his head back on the pillow with relief.
"So, will you give me that chance?"
Tim's smile was reserved but told Abby that no matter what, he was willing to try again.