i hope you like this one. it's set in the last two parts of the three part drowning eps... 3x16 and 3x17

Chapter 16 – When I Lost You

Christopher and Nathan gasped and ran forward, through the clinic to Mindy's bed.

"Daddy, Papa." She cried and they moved to her and hugged her closely; Addison's pager went off, "Mummy?" Mindy asked, "Mummy go help people."

"I-" Addison tried to say before she was cut off,

"Mummy, you're a doctor, go save people."

Addison nodded and pressed a kiss to Mindy's temple, "Okay sweet heart, I love you, okay?"

"I love you too Mummy."

Addison smiled and got up, Chris turned to her, "Addie, is she going to be okay?"

"She's going to be fine. But if you want to know more get Dr. Arizona Robbins." She smiled softly, "I have to go. I'm needed."

"Of course." Addie kissed his cheek and moved off to find Burke and Richard.

Bailey rushed forward to the ambulance that just stopped in front of her, she opened the doors and saw Derek counting the chest compressions he was preforming.

"What d'we got?" She asked,

"Jane Doe, hypothermic, drowning." The paramedic said from the woman's head,

"She's not Jane Doe, it's Meredith Grey. It's Meredith." Derek cut him off, looking desperate,

"Derek! Derek," Bailey tried to get his attention, "Derek, how long she been down?"

"I don't know. She's alive, she's alive." He stuttered, "She's alive."

"Ok, look. I need you to help me get her inside." Bailey said as they pushed her gurney out of the ambulance, "Clear a trauma bay, stat! Move it!" She yelled out,

Addison sighed as she looked over her pregnant Jane Doe, she had a heavy heart. She knew that she needed to be here, to help, there was a major disaster, of course she needed to help, but she felt… She felt like something was wrong. Like maybe Arizona had missed something with Mindy.

She was stuck in worry and had to fight the urge to ask Derek to examine Mindy when he got back from the dock sight. With another sigh she brushed back her long red locks and looked again into the face of the unknown woman.

"She's all-alone." She'd said to Alex earlier, "It makes you think. I mean, if I went missing would anyone even know I was gone."

Addison looked up as Alex entered the room, "How's she doing?" He asked,

"She's holding steady for now. Anybody claim her yet?"

"No, she's still a Jane Doe." Alex paused then said softly, "I'd notice."

"What?"

"If you went missing, I'd notice."

Addison looked at him, "Karev…"

Both their pagers went off, Addison looked down at hers and felt all the blood rush from her face as she paled, Alex looked at her oddly, then down at his pager.

"Crap."

Addison pushed past him and ran, she moved blindly but yet managed to avoid every gurney, patient, or doctor that came in her way. She moved quickly and somehow she found her way. She moved through double doors and saw Derek slumped against the wall opposite to a door to her left; he looked shattered, exhausted, heart broken. He looked up, and she looked at him, her throat wouldn't let her speak.

"Addison…" He whispered, she looked to the door, "No," He jumped up and tried to grab her, but she darted for the door and flung it open. Meredith lay on an exam table covered with heating blankets, intubated and so pale Addison thought she looked blue.

Monitors were beeping and in the back of her mind Addison registered she was in v-fib.

"Clear." Said the chief and Addison watched as they pressed the paddles to Meredith and her whole body jolted at the 300 charge shock, "Back to asystole. Keep compressions going."

"Oh my god." She felt herself murmur, no one seemed to notice,

"She's hypothermic." Burke said as Bailey continued compressions,

Addie seemed to snap into a reality, almost. She fell into her profession and pulled on her glasses grabbing a chart from a nurse, "Uh, have you tried a warm peritoneal lavage?"

Everyone looked up, "Addison…"

"Or even, a continuous bladder lavage with warm fluids? Could do a thoracotomy."

"Addison you can't be here, you can't do this. You have to let us do this."

Addison felt cold tears slip down her face, "But-" she felt warm arms pull her back,

"Come on." Derek whispered softly in her ear,

"Oh God." Addison started to cry and she curled into Derek, sobbing into his neck, "Derek," she cried and he scooped her up, like he had held Meredith's frozen wet form not twenty minutes before,

Richard gave him a grateful nod and continued to run the room, "Get back to the ABG. Come on, let's go people."

Derek moved back to the wall and slowly lowered himself down, leaning against it like he had before as he still held Addison. Mark stopped at the end of the hall way and watched them for a moment, he felt his heart rip lightly, seeing Addison so distraught. He moved forward and lowered himself next to the two. Reaching out, he took Addison's hand from Derek's chest and squeezed it softly. She gripped him tightly, and continued to cry, Derek rubbing soothing circles on her back.

Her pager went off and Addie reached down, letting go of Mark's hand, and took it from her waist, glancing at it through her tears.

"Addison." Mark said softly,

"I have to go it's, uh, my Jane Doe." She wiped her eyes, and broke away from Derek,

"Addison…" Mark sighed, "You should be… you should prepare yourself."

"No." Said Addison, "No, I won't, I she can't, I just-" she broke off,

"Addison." Derek said, "Addison she was in that water for… I don't know. She didn't swim and-"

"You think...you think that she went in the water on purpose?" Addison cried,

"She knows how to swim, she's a good swimmer."

"No." Addison told him, "No! You're wrong, Meredith-"

"Addison…"

"Meredith never learnt to swim." Addison told them, tears in her eyes, "She never… she's thalassophobic, aquaphobic, I don't know she- she never learnt to swim,"

Mark put his arm around her, "No-one is saying she did this on purpose."

"She can't- No, I have to go, I have patients, I need to-"

"Addison, you can't-"

"No! I can not break down. I can not fall apart." She said forcefully, "Not when there's still a chance and there still is a chance, Derek." She wiped her tears, "I have to go." And she moved off, out through the double doors and passed the other interns,

Addison moved back to the clinic, she'd pulled on the dark purple sweater from Meredith's locker, it was calming her. It smelt of lavender and coffee, like Meredith.

She found Mindy's bed empty and Sydney Heron told her with a smile that Chris and Nate had taken her home.

"What about Kelly, and Nicole?" She asked,

Sydney's smile fell, "Mr. Lambert found a picture of his wife on the board of fatalities." Sydney said quietly, indicating one of the four boards with Polaroid pictures pinned to them, "I… I heard, she's been admitted… Meredith Grey?"

Addison nodded, and wiped away tears, "Yea,"

"If you need to talk, or want a hand, or a hug." Sydney gave a soft smile, "Just ask,"

Addison nodded, "Thank you, but no," she walked away from the resident and sat down in the waiting area, trying not to break down,

"Who you here for?"

Addison looked up; an older man sat diagonally across form her, "What?"

"I'm waiting on my wife, car hit her. Can you believe that, on the ferry? She was run over on the ferry." He sighed, "They haven't said much. Hard as hell to get any of these people to talk to ya."

"Yeah, I'm- my fiancée was there too." The word slipped out and suddenly Addison realised Meredith might never be that, that she might die and Addison would never get to marry her, or have kids with her… she swallowed back tears, "And I don't know...I don't know what's gonna happen."

"It's out of our hands, it's up to the doctors now."

"Yeah," Addison sniffed wiping her eyes, "The doctors."

"What's his name?" The man asked softly,

"Her name's Meredith."

The man nodded, "I'll put her in my prayers."

"I'll do the same for your wife." Addison murmured,

Addison walked back to the hallway. No-one stood outside the double doors now. Mark and Derek were gone. Addison carefully opened the door to see Meredith lying on the exam table, still intubated, but no longer blue. Infact she looked relatively… normal. Asleep. Bailey had her stethoscope pressed to Meredith's chest and her eyes were focused on the heart monitor. The flat line.

Bailey sighed sadly and hooked her stethoscope around her neck, turning slightly; she caught sight of Addie in the door, "Addison…"

"Try again." Addison murmured quietly, when they didn't move she glared at them threw her tears, "Try again!"

"Ok, one more round of ACLS drugs." Bailey nodded,

"One more."

Slowly, finally, Meredith's monitor started to beep.

"Sinus brady!" Bailey said, "We got a heartbeat?"

Burke moved forward and used his stethoscope, "We got it."

Addison let out a long breath and stood by Meredith's feet, her hands rubbing them softly, as Bailey and the others moved around, taking her breathing tube out.

"She's breathing on her own." Addie sighed, the relief and exhaustion in her voice was evident,

"She is." Nodded Bailey,

"She's uh... She's been down a long time…" Addison swallowed, "What if… her brain function."

Miranda moved to her friend and gave her hand a short squeeze, "She's alive Addison. Focus on that."

Addison nodded and everyone left, leaving the two alone. Slowly, Addison walked over and bent over Meredith; she kissed her softly then whispered, "You promised me you wouldn't do this." She wiped her tears and stoked Meredith's hair, "I love you."

Meredith made a small sound, like a whimper or a moan.

"Did you just say something?" Addie asked, caressing Meredith's cheek, "Did you just speak?" Meredith made the noise again, "Baby, I don't understand you. Try... try again... trying again for me, ok? Please baby, you can do it. Just form a word, for me baby, please."

"Ouch." Meredith slowly opened her eyes, and Addison felt tears filling her own as she broke out into a grin,

"Oh God! Oh," She grinned, "I want to get married! Not that you should be worrying about that now but, Mere, you are the one person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I'm- I- God," she cried, "I'm so happy you're okay." Addison smoothed back her hair once more and grinned tearily as she saw Meredith give her a small smile, "Thank you."

"Add," Meredith murmured, "I," she swallowed, "Love you."

"I know baby, I know." Cried Addison softly, "And I love you too. So, so much, I love you so much."

"Kiss me,"

Addison bent over her again and softly kissed her girlfriend, "We don't have to get engaged Mere, but just promise me we'll get married in the next eighteen months."

Meredith swallowed and spoke weakly, "I'll marry you as soon as I get out of here, if you don't mind Elvis being there instead of a priest." Addison just grinned and kissed Mere once more,

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