A Hidden Past

Chapter 3 – A Window Into The Past

I was lucky at Mater's scrap yard. He had scrapped a car like mine within the last few years and was able to scavenge the necessary parts from it. He also helped me to fix my car. I paid close attention to what he did so I could do it for myself if I had to at some point in the future. He suggested I take it for a test spin around the town. It felt wonderful. It was years since the car had last responded this well. Part of me was glad I had been shunned. I doubted my Hornet would have stood up to the tough racing conditions. I took it a little further a field for a short time. For now I stuck to the roads rather than take it down to the track. I followed the road I had come in on back to the level crossing. There I sat for a while before I turned and headed back to the town.

It was evening by the time I returned. I pulled up at the café and took one of the outside seats again. Jason and Sheriff sitting at the table on the other side of the door, but neither appeared to pay any attention to me…until Michelle appeared. She walked over to me again. I stood up, but didn't go anywhere this time.

"Doc, can we please talk?"

"What is there to talk about? You ruined my life."

"Please, Doc…"

"You don't get it, do you? I don't need you around. You're the reason why I crashed in the first place."

"What? I wasn't on the track when you crashed. I wasn't even in the stadium!"

"You knew I wanted nothing do to with you. Why don't you just leave me alone?" I snarled, my voice dangerously low. I turned and stormed off, angry with my mother and annoyed with myself. Whenever she appeared and tried to speak to me, it always ended in a fight.

I wrenched my car door open, got into the driver's seat and slammed it shut after me. I jammed the keys into the ignition and reversed out of the parking lot. I didn't know where I was heading; I simply followed the road, letting it take me to somewhere away from the town. The road was narrow, twisting and turning up the side of a hill and very steep in places.

I was some ten miles outside the town before I stopped. I pulled up outside and old, abandoned motel. Like my battered car, it looked like it had seen better days. I left the vehicle in the lengthening shadows and walked over to the edge of the cliff. I could see the lights of the town glinting in the valley. The evening sunlight caught the large glass front of the fire station. I shoved my hands into my pockets and stared down the side of the cliff.

It was a long, steep drop. Rocks and thorny bushes jutted out of the sides of the rock face. There had been times before when I wanted out, but those days were nothing compared to how I felt now.

I hated fighting with my mother, yet I couldn't seem to change that. My life had changed drastically when I crashed. I'd been racing, the final race of the championship. My mother had shown up right before the race started, and we got into our usual argument. There wasn't time for me to cool down before the race, and so I made some stupid mistakes. One of those mistakes had caused me to crash, and cost me my racing career.

I took a step forwards as a car crunched across the dirt and stopped by the motel. I was vaguely aware of a couple of people getting out of the car, but I paid no attention to them.

"This isn't the way, Doc."

I didn't know who I could trust any more. I knew I couldn't trust my mother to leave me alone, and I didn't know the people in the town well enough to be able to trust any of them. They had all been friendly towards me, but after that argument, right in front of them, who knew what they were thinking now.

"Doc, listen to me. This isn't what you want to do."

"There's nothing left for me. Nobody needs me." I took another step closer to the edge of the cliff.

"That's not true. There's a woman right down there that needs you, Doc."

"She was never around when I needed her. I never want to see her again. She just makes things worse." I muttered angrily. She's got some nerve, just showing up, expecting me to accept her back. Why does she always follow me? I was fine without her.

"Don't you go making the same mistake that she did."

"I've had enough…I just want out…"

"Doc."

Sheriff's voice was demanding. I couldn't ignore him. I turned slightly to show I was listening.

"You're not alone. Other people have suffered too, and they're still going."

I caught the expression on Jason's face in the dim light. There was more going on here than I knew about, and more than they knew too.

"Come away from the edge, Doc." Jason said gently. He took a step towards me.

I automatically stepped backwards, closer to the edge of the cliff. I turned back to face the valley, no longer looking at the base of the cliff.

"Doc, just listen to me. If you still want to end it when I'm done, I won't stop you."

Something in Sheriff's voice made me stop, though I didn't turn around.

"I lost someone close to me recently. If it wasn't for Jason, and the others in that town down there, I wouldn't be here. They care, Doc. They hardly know me, and they still care. The same goes for you, and your mother. This isn't the way. You can sort your life out. I can't. Mine's as good as gone, but I'm not the one standing on the edge of the cliff."

I closed my eyes tightly. The memories came rushing back. My mother leaving my father, me trying desperately to care for my old father, my father's funeral, the fear that I wouldn't make it through school and get into college, the doctors telling me I wouldn't be able to race again…So what if I was older than most of the other racers, I'd still beaten them hadn't I?"

"It doesn't matter any more. Nobody cares." I looked straight at the horizon.

"I wouldn't be here trying to talk you out of this if I didn't care." Sheriff managed to get a few feet closer to me. "You've got your whole life ahead of you, Doc."

"I'm not exactly young any more, Sheriff." I sighed. "Besides, they've forced me out of the only thing I was good at. I couldn't even repair my car when I needed to. They turned their backs on me, just like she did." Me voice rose to a shout. "All I wanted was to be able to prove myself to them, to show them I was still one of them. They told me my time was up without even giving me a chance. All I wanted was one sodding chance!" I screamed the last few words into the valley.

"You're not alone, Doc. There are two people who care right here. We can help you get your life back on track."

"It's been off track for two years." I muttered. "You'd be bloody lucky to change any of it now."

I felt Sheriff's eyes on me. He didn't say anything for a while. I wondered if he'd walk off without me knowing and leave me to it.

"There was a time when I wanted out myself. Times when I've wanted to just curl up and die."

I paused. "What could possibly make you want out?"

"I told you already. I lost someone very close to me…about three years ago now. I was so ready to give up. I travelled around the country for a couple of years, then I came up here and something snapped inside of me." Sheriff stopped speaking for a moment. "It was that lot down there that made me want to live again. Jason helped me to see my life could be happy again, even though she wasn't around any longer. It's your choice, Doc…I can't make it for you."

I looked down at the lights glistening in the valley below, then up at the moon and stars above me. We had been out for a lot longer than I realised. I closed my eyes again and took a hesitant step backwards.

"Come on, Doc, let's get you back to the town." Jason approached me cautiously.

"What about my car? I'm no leaving it up here all night."

"I'll take it back, if you'll let me." Sheriff offered.

I put my hand into pocket and tossed the keys to him. "Take care of her."

Song Composer: John Williams