A Hidden Past
Chapter 5 – Words I Couldn't Say
"Doc?"
I stood up and walked around the side of the rock formation. Jason was waiting for me on the hill overlooking the small track. He slid down the slope to meet me.
"Your mother's asking for you."
I blinked and stared at my dusty trainers.
"I've arranged for her to be taken to the city this evening. She needs proper medical care. I can't do much here. I don't have the right facilities."
"How is she?" I asked quietly.
"With the right care, she should be fine."
I turned around slowly and folded my arms across my chest.
"You should go to her, Doc. They'll be here in five hours."
I looked over my shoulder as he returned to his car and drove off. I supposed using a car to get out here was what everyone did, but not me; I was happy with my own two feet. I returned to the rock formation and slid down its side to sit at the base. I brought my knees up to my chest and hugged them tightly. I wanted to go back and talk to her, but I didn't want to get into another argument with her.
I glanced at the setting sun, then at my watch. Jason's voice rang in my ears. They'll be here in five hours. I cursed loudly, leapt to my feet and ran off as fast as the sandy surface would let me.
Ten minutes later I turned onto the main road through the town, still running. My lungs burned, and my legs felt light jelly, but still I didn't stop.
There was an ambulance standing outside the motel with the back doors hanging open. I ran into the back of my car to stop myself running and leaned on it for a moment to catch my breath before I hurried into the building.
They were just about to leave when I got to the room. I stood back to let them go. My mother's gaze fell upon me as they took her outside.
"I'm sorry, Doc. I'm sorry for everything. I always loved you." Her voice drifted back to me as I followed them. "I never meant to hurt you, or upset you. I'm sorry for everything I've done to you, son."
I watched them putting her into the back of the vehicle.
"I'm sorry too." I called, moments before they shut the doors. I couldn't be sure that she'd heard me; I could only hope that she had.
I moved into the middle of the road when they drove off, watching the dust rising behind them. It was in that moment that I realised what I should have said, what I would have said if my courage hadn't failed me. I turned my back on the town and went back into the motel. I didn't go to my room, but to the room my mother had been given.
"Jason wants to see you." Flo told me when I went for breakfast the following morning. "He said he's going to be in his office all morning. You can just go straight in."
"Did he say what it was about?"
"No, but he didn't look too happy."
I wondered if I'd done something wrong until reasoning caught up with me. If I had done something wrong, it would be Sheriff wanting to see me, not Jason.
I waited until midmorning before I went to see him. I had never been into Jason's office before, so it took me a while to find it. Once I had located it, I knocked on the door and waited for him to call me in.
"Flo told you then?"
"Yes. What's going on?"
"Perhaps you should sit down."
"I'm okay."
He sighed. "Please, just sit down."
I sat. Silence fell between us. I didn't want to ask again, and he clearly didn't want to say what it was that he had called me in for.
"I got a phone call from a colleague earlier…in the city. He was asking for next of kin for Michelle."
I couldn't look at him any more. I knew hospitals always wanted to know next of kin when a bad case came in.
"It was…it was too late for her. They did everything they could…I'm sorry, Doc."
"You said she would be all right with the proper medical care." I muttered. "You told me she would be all right."
"I'm sorry."
I found I didn't want to hear it. I stood up and left in silence.
Her car was still parked next to mine. I walked over to it and leaned on the hood. It was the only connection to her that I had left. I went back into her room and stopped. It seemed so hollow, so empty, or perhaps that was just me. All those times I'd had to make things right, and I'd wasted them all. I wandered around the room slowly. Something on the windowsill caught the sunlight. Her car keys. I picked them up. The key ring held a familiar picture. One of the few days when we had been a whole, happy family. I turned back to the room, still holding the keys. The words I had never got a chance to say came back to me.
"I love you, mum." I whispered to the otherwise silent room. I closed my hand around the keys and crossed the corridor to my room.
Several hours later I could be found at the dirt track a short way out of the town. For once I had brought my car with me, and now I was letting off steam. I wasn't aware of anyone watching me until I came back around to the 'start line' and saw someone leaning against a car at the top of the hill. I brought the car to a well-practiced stop and got out slowly. As the dust settled, Jason's figure became clearer. He half walked, half slid down the slope to me.
"How long were you watching?" I asked, leaning on the top of the driver's door.
"Only a few minutes. Long enough to see how well you can control a car."
"I've had years of practice. I just wish I'd put the practice in place three years ago. Maybe I wouldn't be here if I had."
"How did you crash?"
"I was in a race…my mother showed up right before the start, we fought. I was in no state to go out and race, but I still did. I wasn't concentrating, put the car into the barrier.2
"I thought I recognised you. Doc Hudson, right? The Fabulous Hudson Hornet?"
Oh great. "Yeah, that's me." I sighed. "I was trying not to let people find out."
"They're bound to find out sooner or later."
"I'm hoping for later." I muttered, getting back into my car.
"Don't worry, the others haven't worked it out yet." He said. "I won't be telling them either, but you should."
"I can't. I've lost too much already."
Song Artist: Rascal Flatts