There comes a time in every sue's life when everything goes absolutely perfectly. Time seems to stop. She stands there, in her flowing white satin gown. Her auburn tresses glisten in the candlelit room. Her fingers are entwined with her betrothed's, as her other betrothed recites the blessings of Manwe and Varda, her four other grooms-to-be standing witness to the supposedly blessed event.

Elured, who had taken it upon himself to facilitate the bonding, ceremoniously handed Elladan one of the slimmer mithril rings. Donroth felt the room swirl and lost all coherent thought as her current groom slowly and gently slipped the wire thin band onto her delicate finger.

Reaching over to the velvet box, Elured took one of the larger rings and placed it in Donroth's free hand. The broader piece of jewelry gleamed in her open palm as she continued to stare at Elladan in a lustful stupor. A swift kick from Elured started to knock her back into consciousness.

Donroth shook her head, trying to clear it. Blinking, she turned to face six very impatient, nonetheless sexy, elves – all looking at her expectantly. Thoughts began to form in her addled brain. She dumbly looked to the elf on her left to see if he could tell her what to do.

"You're supposed to slip it on his finger," Elured informed the dazed sue, motioning to the uber hot elf holding her hand.

"Oh," Donroth said through the remaining haze as she complied with the instruction. Elured then spoke the final incantation.

"You are thus bound, in the name of Eru, the Author, and the Great Tolkien. May no sue break your bond," he pronounced, taking Elladan and Donroth's free hands and covering them over their entwined ringed fingers.

"Finally," Elrohir mumbled under his breath.

"Not that I wish to agree with the peredhil spawn, but we really should get this thing moving along," Amrod testily reminded them.

Elladan promptly glared at the Feanorian but then decided it wasn't worth the effort. Looking back at his newest bride, he took a deep breath – and then looked around the room at the five other elves who were still standing witness to the supposedly blessed event.

"Do you mind?" he pointedly asked, an eyebrow raised in perfect peredhil fashion. Coughing in embarrassment, the five other elves sheepishly turned the other way.

Focusing on the, er, task at hand, Elladan turned back to face his still groggy bride. Taking a moment to steel himself, he gently kneeled Donroth onto the bed of cushions. Tenderly brushing away loose tendrils of auburn that had come to softly frame her face, he started to trace imaginary lines down her slender arms. Softly but firmly, his hands smoothly trekked across the curves of her hips and reached for the hem of her satin skirt. They then began to skillfully maneuver their way up her gown, lightly brushing against the soft skin of her legs.

Unfortunately, it was at this point that Donroth's sue'cide instincts just had to kick in – along with other parts of her anatomy. The poor Son of Elrond soon found himself twisted on the cushions, in much pain.

"Great, you just had to pick a sadistic one, didn't you?" Elrohir accused Elurin.

Elurin lifted his hands in defense as the four standing elves looked at him reproachfully. "She is a member of SCOME. A little resistance is expected," he reasoned out.

"A… little… resistance?!" Elladan choked out from the floor, where he had managed to roll away from his black widow.

"It is not wise to talk back to your elders," Elured reprimanded the bent over elf. Sighing, he turned to the sue who had instinctively backed herself against a wall. Seeing her frightened eyes, he softened a bit. "The words are of no use if the bond is not consummated. You did say you would help us," he reminded her.

Donroth rapidly looked from one hot elf to another, fighting desperately to keep control. The words 'ungrateful little twit' oddly resonated in her brain. She closed her eyes and tried to exhale her excess hormones.

"I told you we should have gone for the bossy Numenorean," Elrohir sulked as he helped his twin up from the floor. Elladan winced at the movement but then steadied himself, shaking off his fussing clone. "Now, it's too late to go chasing after another member. Eru knows where in Arda they may be now," Elrohir continued, rolling his eyes at his stubborn twin.

"I… for one… am not… going out there again… without an… alpha sue," Elladan wheezed as he sat himself on the couch way across the room from Donroth.

Nodding in agreement, the other elves sat themselves down on the nearest piece of furniture they each could find. For a time, everyone just sat in the former SCOME HQ, pondering various options.

Donroth opened her eyes to see her six very hot betrotheds looking very despondent. She felt awful. She could make it all go away with a single act… well, six single acts. It wouldn't be so bad to be bound to them, would it? She carefully looked at each of the six scrumptiously brooding elves. Ai Eru! It definitely would not be bad! After all, it was for a good cause… No! She could not give in! There had to be another way… right?

"Excuse me," she timidly began, mentally kicking herself for being the pathetic excuse for a sue that she was. The hot elves turned their gorgeous grey eyes on her. "Maybe there's another way to do this together?" she suggested.

"Oh? Then by all means, pray tell what that is," Elrohir scornfully remarked, his patience with the sue obviously wearing very thin.

"Well," she began, ignoring the snide comment. "For starters, maybe we could find another way to make me your alpha sue instead of, uhm, binding myself to all six of you?" she looked at them hopefully.

Elrohir's gorgeous eyes flashed in anger as he menacingly made his way toward Donroth. The sue felt herself involuntarily cower. "If there was another way, do you think we'd even want to consider this?!" he exploded, ignoring Elured's attempts to settle him down as Elladan limped toward his twin.

"My fea is scarred enough with the residual wounds inflicted by the countless sues I've been forced to bond with!" Elrohir glared down at the sue, all his elvin energies pouring out in fury. "The bliss my hroa experiences with every subsequent bonding cannot even begin to compensate for the ultimate agony of a previous bond being violently ripped from my very being! I – " The poor elf's voice cracked and Elrohir allowed his twin to take him into his arms as he fell back into his twin's embrace in exhaustion.

The room was again silent, reflecting on the anguish The Contagion had inflicted upon each of them as well as the rest of Arda.

Donroth wanted to cry. Never in her whole sue existence did she feel so helpless. What could they do to defeat the darkest power Arda had ever known? There was no ring to destroy. There was no dark fortress to storm or any Valar with enough strength to do so even if there was one. How do you bind six elven warriors to one's service without, uhm, binding them?

She looked at the different elves sitting in the former SCOME HQ in different states of despair. Elrohir lay broken in his twin's currently broken arms. Elured toyed with one of the rings, frighteningly reminiscent of another creature that had always made Donroth shudder. Elurin stared at the floor, unconsciously wringing his hands. Amrod and Amras… An idea suddenly gracefully popped into her sue head.

"An oath then!" Donroth exclaimed.

Six pairs of hot elven ears shot up in attention.

"An oath binding you to my service, made upon the name of the Great Tolkien!" she told them enthusiastically.

Elured and Elurin seemed to ponder on the suggestion, their heads nodding their silent assent. Elrohir looked up at her with newfound hope in his eyes. Elladan, despite his injuries, began to smile. Amrod and Amras looked at her in horror.

The Feanorian twins leapt from their seats as soon as Donroth's words finally registered.

"No! No way! No Oath!" they vehemently cried out. Donroth looked at them pleadingly.

"It's the only other way. What bond, other than marriage, could possibly be stronger?" she tried to reason with them.

"The sue is correct. Even sues are powerless to sever an oath's bond, particularly one made in the name of the Great Tolkien," Elured pointed out. The other elves save the Feanorians nodded in agreement. Amrod and Amras glared at them all. Tensions began rising once again.

"Are you out of your minds?!" Amrod shouted at them, ready to use force to emphasize his point. His twin laid a hand on his shoulder, momentarily staying his outrage. Amras closed his eyes and breathed deeply, mimicking his brother Maglor's strategy for rewording a hastily pronounced order their eldest brother had made.

"What my brother is trying to say – is that our experience with oaths is proof enough of such folly," he began with much restrained fury. "We are never swearing another oath. That is not negotiable," he stated their position with finality. Eru, how sexy these elves could be when angry!

"I suppose in the House of Feanor, slaying one's kin to recover a bunch of sparkly gems is necessary but an oath to save Arda itself is out of the question," Elurin deliciously sneered.

"Careful, Son of Dior. You ought not speak of what you do not know," Amrod dangerously warned, his eyes narrowing and his voice a deadly low.

"Oh, is that so? Well, I apologize, Little Finwe," Elurin sarcastically retorted. "We obviously know nothing about how our parents were brutally murdered right before our eyes. Nor would we know anything about how our people were slaughtered and our peaceful homes burned to the ground for the sake of your precious jewel!" he viciously, but delectably, spat out.

"Do you not think we want to be rid of The Contagion more than any of you?" Amras demanded, also losing his patience. "We have it worse with slash and incest! At least you only have one brother each! We are seven!"

"You should count your blessings. After all, that seven includes one called 'The Fair', another being 'The Skilled' and 'The Well-Formed One'," Elurin maliciously smirked.

Donroth screamed as swords were immediately drawn, the tension in the room finally bubbling over.

"This is not helping! You're supposed to be killing sues, not each other!" she frantically tried to remind them, as two sets of finely crafted elvish swords glistened in the candlelit room.

None of the swords were being lowered. Donroth felt a strange sense of déjà vu. Of course, as a member of SCOME, she had to be there at all 372 kinslayings. She could not let this be the 373rd. Mustering all the sue powers she had, Donroth softly positioned herself between the two pairs of twins who were about to duel to the death. "No Oaths, then," she soothingly told the Feanorian twins, delicately pushing the various blades down with her graceful sue hands. The aura of anger slowly dissipated. Grudgingly, swords were sheathed once more. Two sets of touchy twins retreated to opposite ends of the room.

Everyone sank back into their separate states of quiet contemplation. The air in the room grew thick and the despair reached new levels.

Unable to stand the silence, Donroth decided to breach it by bringing up what she thought to be a positive subject.

"Out of curiosity, why don't you have alpha sues?" Donroth asked the hot elves.

"Simple. We're not popular enough," Elured told her as a matter of fact. Donroth started to nod but then threw a skeptical look in the direction of Elladan and Elrohir.

"We're too popular," Elrohir sadly explained. "Too many sues competing tend to cancel each other out. We've had the occasional alpha sue but, thankfully, she's always been of the Edain blessed with Illuvatar's Gift." A small smirk graced his lips at the thought.

"Yes, what fragile things they are," Elladan grinned but then winced in pain.

"I see," Donroth reflected, suppressing a shudder at the brief display of homicidal psychosis.

Silence, again, reigned. Donroth tried to think. Oaths were out. Bonding was, unfortunately, out. How could she become their alpha sue?

Then, like the one ring calling to Isildur, a solution came to her. But would the price be too high? Donroth, once again, scanned the faces of the uber hot elves in the room and decided to turn Machiavellian. A voice echoed through the room, breaking the silence.

"You do not need an alpha sue, at least not yet," Donroth spoke ominously, her voice taking on Maiar-like proportions. The uber hot elves turned to her with a bit of trepidation. Looking at them meaningfully, her voice resounded, sending uncharacteristic chills through them.

"We must first obtain a Stu."

The room shook violently as a great shadow passed over them at the mention of the name. The uber hot elves winced as the words grated into their ears and gripped at their fear.

"Never before has any voice dared to utter those words here in Arda," Elured glared at Donroth, as the room cleared of the shadow.

"And let us hope that the day will come when none will have to utter it again," Donroth dramatically answered. "Nonetheless, I do not ask your pardon for the time has come to fight fire with fire and evil with evil."

Shuddering at her own words, Donroth shook off the dramatics. "I'm sorry. I suppose that happens when you mention words like that," she sheepishly apologized.

Regaining their composure from the creepy incident, the uber hot elves were furious. Six very angry eldar began voicing their outrage all at once.

'Are you crazy?!' 'You are out of your mind!' 'Are you utterly insane?!'

Elured began an infuriated lecture about even thinking of introducing another evil to Arda. Elurin cursed in Sindarin while Amrod took care of their Quenyan equivalents.

"Wait! Please Listen!" Donroth pleaded, holding up her hands to try and placate the very angry hot elves. "Let me explain," she begged. The hot elves settled down but glared at her anew. Taking a deep breath, she began to reason with them.

"The point of getting an alpha sue is to get the other sues currently after you off your backs. The only way we can achieve this, other than resorting to binding and oaths, is by laying our hands on a sexier object of lust. It's unlikely that we'll find other elves in Arda that could get any hotter than the six of you," she explained, desperately trying not lapse into a drool. "Besides, in all conscience, could you actually inflict your troubles on other unsuspecting elves?" she reasoned.

Maybe it was the compliment or the guilt trip, or maybe it was sue power at work. Whatever it was, the uber hot elves eventually agreed against their better judgment.

Thus, the quest to retrieve a Stu or two was born.

AN: Sorry it took so long to update. I don't have a valid excuse other than a busy schedule and classic writer's block. I mean, there is an outline on how things are going to progress. I even have an ending. It's just that it's a lot more difficult to make things sound funny. I really appreciate every single review this story has received. They have been very helpful. I've tried to fix the story accordingly. Although, I'm keeping my sue's name because she is supposed to be a real sue and it's sort of part of my story outline. Though rest assured, if the protagonist was really a personification of myself, she would have absolutely no qualms about being bound to six elven warriors. =P Additional info about the 'universe' wherein this fic is situated will be narrated in further chapters. More reviews on how the story is evolving would be appreciated. More reviews could also help in getting a faster update. No, it's not really an ego thing. It's just that encouragement and critiques really do fuel the creative process. Thanks so much for reading! =)