I know, I know. I haven't updated in like a month and a half. And I don't have an excuse as to why because as usual school, family issues, limited accesss to a computer always get in the way. Even though I don't understand how I have limited access to a computer when I have TWO computers in my house and I'm usually always home. sigh. anyways, I know this isn't as long as usual but I NEEDED to get something out. Sorry for the long wait. And my beta, BellaTonks is wonderful!! XOXO!
*WARNING! the end of this chaper is slightly graphic, though there isn't any nakedness or anything like that. Just a warning!!!*
Disclaimer: "HEY! I've missed you guys. Hope you all had a wonderful thanksgiving, I did. As per usual, R4L does not own a thing but the plot, so don't come to me complaining about how I give her free reign over my characters and what not, but I don't. ENJOY, dearies!" S.M.
Chapter 20
BPOV
"Hey, Bella!" Angela squealed into the phone. I was in the car with Edward on our way to the gym. I only picked up my phone because it was vibrating against my thigh and I thought it was Alice or Rose. I was surprised to see Angela's name come up on the screen, having exchanged numbers a week after my arriving here. I wondered why she was calling me instead of waiting until I got to the gym to talk to me.
"Hey, Angela," I said.
"Ben asked me out!" I had to move the phone away from my ear because she was so loud. I'd never seen, er, heard her be so loud before, but I guess it's understandable when the guy you've liked since forever finally asks you out.
"What?! When?!" I asked hurriedly.
Edward shot me worried glances, but I ignored them. He did it so much that sometimes it was irritating, but that too was very understandable.
I knew Angela liked Ben, but she was always so shy, never had the courage to walk up to a boy and talk to him.
"He asked me after my last class. He stopped me on my way out the door and asked me if I'd like to go out to dinner with him tonight!" She said happily.
"And you just couldn't wait to tell me? That's great, Ang!"
"He walked me to class and soon as he was out of sight I called you. I know you always encouraged me to go for it and I had planned to ask him tomorrow since it was a Friday and all, but he beat me to it."
She was rambling, she was so excited.
As Edward pulled into the parking lot I saw Angela standing by the blue doors of the gym.
"I just pulled up, Ang. See you in a second."
"'kay."
I snapped the phone shut and threw the door open when Edward pulled into a parking spot. I ran up to her and wrapped my arms around her in a happy hug.
"Congrats!" I said when we parted.
"He's coming to get me at seven." Angela was grinning like an idiot and I couldn't help but laugh at her obvious giddiness.
Edward came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist.
"Hello, Angela," he smiled at her.
"Hey, Edward." Her cheeks stained a light pink as she greeted him.
"So, I hear you have a date tonight?"
Angela blushed harder, smiled and ducked her head.
Edward chuckled.
"Have fun, Angela," he said.
"Thanks." She smiled brightly, showing all her pearly whites.
The bell rang then. Edward held the door open for us and then we split and headed to the locker rooms.
The day had gone by in a blur that I hardly even noticed. Gym was much the same. We played badminton. Coach split us up into teams of two around the gym. Each group had their own net, birdie and rackets. Edward looked about to have heart attack when Conner ran into me trying to hit a birdie that Brandon hit too far out of his area of the gym. I fell down, hurting my wrists trying to catch my fall.
Conner apologized immensely, as did Brandon. I told them not to worry about it. Angela rushed to me and helped me up. I flexed my wrists, wincing as a sharp pain shot through it and then I heard it pop. I waved Edward off; it wasn't that big of a deal. The look on his face was panicked. He looked about to grab me and make a run for it.
I knew he was worried. I knew he was scared, though he did a damn good job at covering it up, I could still see it. I tried to hide my fear and worry, but I'd never been good at keeping my emotions at bay when things like this were happening. Neither of us knew what was really happening. If we did we'd probably know what to expect later in the future and we wouldn't be beating ourselves up over anything, but since we didn't we just had to deal with it.
It was tiring to say the least. Everyone was on guard. The police hadn't contacted us again, but they did say that they were going to keep a good eye on Mike because his record 'went on for miles'. I'm not going to go into detail about it because I prefer not to dwell on the evil, even though it always seems to find its way into my head constantly.
Two days ago, Edward had lost everything that was in his room. Two days ago, I'd had one of the worst nightmares in a long while. Edward had asked me about it the next morning, but I shook my head and didn't say anything. And he understood, though he hated it when I had nightmares and wake up disgruntled and disoriented with tears endlessly flowing from my eyes.
Edward was always talking to Jasper and Emmett when I wasn't with him. So from the time he'd leave me with Alice in the morning to when he met me to go to gym, he'd be talking with them just to make sure I was alright. It didn't bother me in the least because I knew why he was doing it. I understood where he was coming from.
But it seemed to bring everyone down a notch.
They weren't as lively and energetic as they usually were.
And I knew why that was as well. I just chose not to think about it unless it was necessary.
Alice's bubbly and forever hyper attitude was all but gone. Of course she'd smile and rave about fashion and hair and the like, but all her smiles didn't reach her eyes.
Rose…wouldn't talk. She didn't talk at all unless it was with Emmett. When we would walk to class she would avoid eye contact with me and not say a word unless she was spoken to directly. I found it strange because Rosalie always had something to say. There was never a time when she didn't. I felt bad because I thought I'd done something bad to hurt her, but when I'd ask Edward about it, hesitantly, he'd always assure me that it had nothing to do with anything I did.
It frustrated me to no end.
But I dealt with it, no wanting to cause anymore problems.
Emmett wasn't as boasting, for lack of better word, as he was before. He always seemed ready for a fight; game face ready, muscles flexing. The only times I don't see him like that is when he's with Rose. His face would become as soft as a baby's bottom.
And then there was Jasper. Jasper, too, seemed ready to fight, but it wasn't as noticeable as it was for Emmett. He seemed more alert than usual. When he'd walk me to class, he'd keep his hand on the small of my back and his eyes would continuously shift and take in our surroundings. But it wasn't only me that he became more protective over either. It was both Alice and Rosalie.
And for the life of me I couldn't understand why.
He'd be in constant contact with Alice and Emmett. It seemed that everyone was in constant contact, but me.
And that everyone knew everything, but me.
I felt left out, like I didn't belong.
Edward would hold me and rock me to sleep every time I told him of my worries and the faults I thought I had. And he'd never tell me anything and I guessed because it wasn't really his story to tell.
But still…
Sigh.
He'd only just comfort me and right now it seemed the best thing to do.
These two days had been the longest ever. I still couldn't believe that it had been only two days and not an eternity.
I sighed and rolled over on Edward's bed. I had tried to take a quick nap when we got back after gym, but it wasn't going too well.
Nothing was going too well.
I groaned loudly and sat up.
"Bella," Edward's head popped in the door frame of the room. "Are you okay?"
I nodded at him as he made his way into the room. I moved to the edge of the bed, throwing my legs over. Edward came toward me standing in between my legs, dropping to his knees and laid his head in my lap, closing his eyes. He wrapped his arms around my waist and sighed.
I guess the two days had taken a lot out of him too.
"Edward, what's wrong?" I asked him quietly as I ran my fingers through his soft bronze hair.
He sighed again and his arms tightened around me.
"I feel useless," he said softly.
That surprised me. Edward was never one to let his emotions show. He didn't like to be left vulnerable. But after all we've been through in such a short time it almost seemed understandable, but then it wasn't. So it took me a moment before I was able to ask him why.
"From the beginning, from the moment I told you that you had me to help you through all the things you were going through, I knew what I was doing. I knew what I was getting myself into. But I didn't care about any of that. I only cared that you were safe and that you never got hurt again. But, now…it seems all I ever do is stand by while you get hurt, and someone else comes to the rescue." He said the last part so quietly that I had to strain to hear it.
"Edward, you don't—" He cut me off.
"I want to always be there for you. Whenever you need me, I want to be there, but…it seems that I can't. When you get hurt I'm never there. I always have to clean up the aftermath, not that I complain about it, but I just wish I was there to prevent it instead of looking at the damage."
I knew he felt bad about the pastimes. The times he hadn't been there to rescue me. It was why he thanked Jasper so much when Mike had assaulted me again. It was why he kept in constant communication with the guys. He thought he could be there, but with the way things have turned out in the past…he was never there to stop anything.
But I hadn't thought of it that way. I just thought it was my luck. Edward was just there to pick up the pieces and put them back together. In my eyes…he was always there.
Edward looked up at me and I finally saw his face. It was tired and pained. He had dark circles under his eyes and they were slightly red which indicated that he had been crying recently.
I sighed. If I had known that my problems were taking this much of a toll on him, I never would've gotten him involved in this. It was one of the reasons why I didn't want to get him involved in this in the first place.
I took his face in my hands and leaned down to press a soft kiss to his forehead. I saw his eyes close at the contact.
"Edward, just because you aren't there to rescue me all the time doesn't mean that you are useless. You can't be everywhere all at once, you know." He smiled slightly at that, but his eyes stayed closed. I continued. "You don't have to rescue me to be useful. In a way, you've rescued me more times than I can count just by being with me."
He frowned and opened his eyes.
"What do you mean?" His voice was a whisper. I looked him in the eyes as I spoke.
"You rescue me when you hold me at night while I have those retched nightmares. You rescued me when you took care of me after what happened at my birthday party." He flinched, but I kept going. "You rescued me when you held me as I told your family my poor excuse of a life's story. Every touch and every kiss you give me rescues me. If I hadn't met you, you and your wonderful family, I'd probably be back in Forks, right now, getting beating after beating for not cooking Charlie's fucking dinner the right way. You saved me from a world of torment that I've lived in for most of my life.
"I could go on, but you get the point." He smiled small smile. "But I can't tell you how grateful I am to be here. I know it's hard, now. I know that we are all affected by what's happening, even though we aren't really sure what's happening, but we'll get through it. We all will get through it, No matter what. I love you, Edward. I know it is a piss poor excuse for what I've dragged you and your family into, but it's all I have now."
Edward's eyes were watery. A small smile played on his lips as he gazed up at me. He grasped my right hand in his and kissed the promise ring that I almost never took off unless it was to shower. He turned my hand over and kissed my palm. Hs lips glided over the pink lines scattered there till he got to my wrist. He kissed the pulse point there and breathed in my skin.
Edward then took both my hands and placed them around his neck. He moved up so he was eye level with me. He stared into my eyes like he was searching for something. And as he held my gaze, I noticed his green eyes grow darker with every passing minute.
I saw the love that he held for me in them. I saw the desire to be everything for me. I saw the worry and concern pushed back somewhere, too. But the most dominant emotions in his eyes were desire and lust. For a split second the love had shown so bright that I had to blink a few times to straighten out my vision.
Then he moved closer to my face. His lips were millimeters above mine, and breathing the same breath as me he whispered the words that made me whole.
"I love you."
Then my heart sped up to an impossible speed and my blood was gushing in my veins as his lips descended on mine with a ferocity and passion that knocked me breathless. My hands gripped at his hair. My breaths came in and out as all too quick gasps.
His lips moved against mine, sensually, lovingly, longingly. I moved back on the bed, taking Edward with me. My head was on a pillow a second later and my lungs hurt.
Fortunately and unfortunately he pulled back. My burning lungs were grateful, but the burning desire in me didn't like it too much. His lips traveled down to my neck. He kissed all around my neck, worshipping it, almost. I turned my head this way and that, giving him the access he desired.
He murmured words in my ear that I couldn't understand. But even though they were unintelligible, I knew that they were words of comfort, of love and care.
In the midst of all my thinking I was barely aware of one of Edward's hands making its way up my leg. Having changed into a pair of shorts and a tank after taking a shower from gym, my skin burned under his fingers. It was soft and tantalizing.
It traveled from the back of my left calf, to my knee, over my thigh (which caused a spark to run down my spine), across my stomach and ribs, to rest on my neck. He pulled his head back and gazed into my eyes.
We simultaneously ran our fingers down each other's cheek and smiled. Edward shifted his weight and put himself in between my legs and rested most of his weight on the arm that was next to my head.
His glorious emerald eyes stared into my boring brown eyes (though he thought they were deep and alluring) for however long a time it took for the world to die, or at least that's how long it felt like. We didn't need words to convey the love we felt for one another, though we'd already spoken them out loud.
I knew he needed me as much as I needed him. I knew he wanted me as much as I wanted him. I knew a lot of things, but I didn't know why he felt these things. It seemed unfathomable to me, but I couldn't doubt him or his words.
His eyes.
His actions.
His voice.
His words.
They all showed me why.
And now that we were involved in something that was out of our power and unknown to us, we still held strong.
Because all we needed, was each other.
Edward kissed me again, but this time it was fierce. It had a kind of desire and animalistic undertone to it. I knew what was going to happen next. I wanted it to happen.
The hand that was on my neck now moved under my shirt. It caressed my newly exposed skin and pushed my shirt up at the same time. I moaned when his fingers lightly glided over right, bra-covered breast and pushed my shirt up over my head. I sat up a little to get it all the way off. He threw it to some unknown area of the room.
My hands, of their own accord, grasped his hair and brought his face down to mine in a kiss that bordered on insanity. All thoughts of anything, but Edward left my mind. My body burned with need. My blood boiled in my veins. My senses went into overdrive.
Edward pulled away, as we both needed some oxygen, and pulled his shirt over his head. That garment, too, was thrown to some unknown part of the room. His eyes flared with need and I was sure mine matched his. Our chests were rising and falling rapidly with the air we were trying to take in. As he stared down at me for a moment, his eyes never left my face. I saw how they moved from my chin, to my lips, to my cheeks, and then finally to my eyes.
It was like he was trying to memorize my face, commit it to memory, as if he would never see it again.
"Edward…" I hadn't even realized I'd said his name until he blinked and then smiled my favorite smile.
Again my hands moved as if they had their own mind and ran across his chest. He sucked in a sharp gasp and his muscles contracted. I splayed my fingers over his breastbones and then moved down to his abs. They were hard and sculpted, but warm. I loved the way he felt under my fingertips.
"Bella…" The way his voice sounded made me look up at his face. It was alluring, beautiful, low, husky…sexy. They were a million other words to describe it, but my mind couldn't think of them all at the moment.
But again his eyes stopped my thought processes. They were dark, oh so dark. My heart stopped, and then restarted. It looked like he was having an internal struggle with himself. He looked like he was fighting for control. Fighting to be a gentleman about what was about to happen and fighting to just ravish me with no remorse.
I wanted him to ravish me, to take me without having to think about it, but I knew he cared too much for me to actually do that. So I just smiled at him and wiggled the index finger of one hand indicating him to come down towards me.
I kissed him, hard. I let him know it was okay to take me how he wanted because at this point in time, I didn't care how he took me as long as he did take me.
Edward growled and ground his lower half into mine. Even though my eyes were closed I swear they rolled into the back of my head. My nerves were on overdrive.
My shorts were gone a moment later. My legs were wrapped around his waist. We moved against each other, searching for the delicious friction that heightened our senses. Edward's hands caressed any part of me he could reach.
My hands grabbed a hold of any part of him they could reach, too. They did it unconsciously.
Passion.
Fire.
Love.
Lust.
Desire.
Stars.
It all overwhelmed me, overtook me, all at the same time. I felt Edward's teeth graze my neck then suck lightly. After a moment of that, I knew I was going to have a mark later on.
My hands reached for the belt of his pants. They fumbled and tried in vain to get it loose.
I was vaguely aware of a pounding noise coming from somewhere a little ways away. At first, I thought it was just my heart and I gladly ignored it, but then they got louder.
"Bella! Edward!" A light voice called through the door of the room.
Edward groaned and pulled away from my neck.
"Go away, Alice!" He shouted.
His eyes were trained on my face.
"NO! You bring your ass out here, right now! Dad's here! He wants to talk to you; both of you."
We simultaneously groaned, but got up nonetheless.
I'd love a couple of reviews. Hehe. And I want to thank taleterror for being my 500th reveiwer. And many more hugs and kisses and cookies to all who reviewed and have stayed with me even though my updating is horrible. I love you guys! I'll be updating whenever is possible, now. And I promise it won't be as spaced out as this one was. Any questions, concerns, comments, you know where to find me.
Reader4Lyfe, peace!