Alrighty. I have the next chapter right 'ere for yah.

Just watched iSam's mom. I loveee Jayne. She is my favorite :) Even though almost all her characters piss me off ...

Anyone else already guess that Jane Lynch would be the perfect person (and most likely the only person capable) of playing Sam's mom?

No?

Guess that makes me specialll :)

and OMG SAM'S BLOG ON THE EPISODE.

"Freddie's starting to fill out nicely"

TAKE A HINT SAM, MOMMY KNOW'S BEST!

Enjoii.

Freddie

Alright. I'm going to admit something to you. I'm not gonna be happy about it. But I'm not gonna hide it anymore because it feels like the more I try and hide it the worse it gets.

I'm having ... feelings.

Now, now. Stop rolling on the floor laughing because that's not what I mean.

I mean, strong feelings. Uncontrollable feelings. The kinds of feelings dogs get sprayed with water for having.

Not understanding me?

Let me rewind for a second and tell you what happened. Then maybe you can understand me better.

Sam showed up in my bed. It was nice. I liked it. But after I got out of bed and went to turn on the facet in the shower, I started thinking.

What would it be like to wake up next to Sam every morning? Awesome.

What would it be like to go to sleep next to her every night? Amazing.

Then ... there's the question of what goes on in between the night and the morning.

Yeah. That.

Look, I'm a clean guy. I'm no pig. I try my best not to be chauvinist or demeaning to woman or any of that. So since Sam and I started up, I've tried to keep my feelings and thoughts on the right track. One with no bumps or abrupt turns or any of that. And then Sam jumps on me and starts sucking my face super intensely and the sound of her moaning and breathing heavily just heats me up and just ... makes me wild.

So, I'm in my shower and I'm almost crying I want her to join me so badly. But I know she's not ready for any of that. Is it bad to wonder why? Is it bad to wonder if you've done something wrong?

I mean, Sam was basically ready for anything five minutes prior, so I don't think I've done anything wrong. But there's something holding her back. Something that's making her feel like she's not fully ready. Not saying I'm super cool and mature and totally and completely ready. But I'm a boy. A teenage boy. I have wants and needs. Needs that Sam could fulfil in a second, and we both know that. But I can't let her know that, because she will somehow feel obligated to fill those needs.

As tempting as that sounds ...

No. No no no no no no no. I can't do that. But it's not easy. Not at all.

Because when I'm sitting on Carly's couch and Sam is talking to Carly I feel like a total creeper because I can't stop staring at her. I feel like even more of a creeper because all of a sudden I'm day dreaming and Sam is in pink lingerie and I have no shirt on and Sam is dancing to R. Kelly and it's not any sort of hip hop dancing because It resembles the types of dances you would see in a Candy Shop that doesn't actually sell any candy and suddenly her bra accidentally slips off ...

"Hey Freddo, how you gettin' by?" I snapped out of it and looked up at Spencer, sweat beads rolling down my head. Spencer! He's much older and wiser then I am! He probably gives me advice all the time! I mean, Carly did say he's like an older brother to all three of us ...

"Um fine. Hey Spence, can I ask you something ... personal?" Spencer's expression changed into a concerned one and he sat down beside me.

"Sure man, what's going on? You having some itches or something?" Ugh. Something gave me the feeling that this wasn't going to go as easily as I had once thought.

"No, no, nothing like that. It's about ... Sam. And me. Being together ..." Spencer looked at me as if he wasn't following. "You know ... together?"

"Like ... dating? Aren't ... aren't you guys already passed that stage?" I glanced at Carly and Sam, just to make sure they weren't at a silent spot in their conversation and I wasn't about to say something that would render any unnecessary awkwardness.

"I mean ... together. Like, at night ... alone ... in a room ... one preferably with a bed ..." Spencer's eyes went all big and I guessed that meant he understood.

"WHOA! OKAY! THAT type of together, ay?" I shushed Spencer because he was yelling for no apparent reason and both Carly and Sam turned to see what all the commotion was. I did the little gesture you do when you twirl your finger in a circle around your ear and call someone crazy, then made up some lame excuse about Spencer showing me something in his room. I shut his door and immediately regretted it because of the wretched smell that overwhelmed my nose.

"Sorry. Laundry day hasn't come yet." I nodded, but my face was still squished up in disgust. "ANYWAYS, let's get back to this whole you and Sam alone in a room with a bed story. Please tell me this situation hasn't happened already."

Spencer stared at me intently waiting for my response. The response I was now extremely afraid to give. Even more afraid then how much oxygen I was losing in Spencer's room. "Do you want me to lie ... or tell the truth?"

The blood drained from Spencer's face and he fell backward onto his bed repeatedly claiming God as his own. Then he started saying something about being behind only two kids and about Carly getting new friends. When I found a nice pause in his rant, I decided to jump in.

"Spencer, don't worry. Nothing ... happened." He sat up quickly and looked at me wide eyed and expectant again. "Well ... I mean, something ... happened but ... "

"Okay, answer me this, Freddie. Are you or are you not still ... a virgin." When I confirmed that I most definitely was, he sighed with relief and thanked God.

"But that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I've been having ... thoughts ... very recently about ... not ... being one ... anymore. Is that ... bad?" Spencer looked at me for a while with his hand on his chin, then he laughed and told me to sit down on his bed with him.

"Look kiddo. You're growing up. And I know being a teenager is really hard. You're not a kid, not an adult. It's confusing and weird and awkward and scary. I've been there man, I know. But getting those types of feelings, that's totally normal. Actually, I'd be pretty worried about you if you didn't start thinking like that." Well that made sense. I guess. It didn't.

"But Spencer, this is different. I'm not just now deciding that girls don't have cooties and that boobies are hot. I'm actually telling you that I'm having thoughts about having ... sex."

"Well that's too bad 'cause you're not doing it any time soon, bud!" Spencer said laughing, even though it didn't sound like a joke to me. "You guys haven't like ... talked about it at all or anything, have you? I mean, this is all in your head, right?"

"Well ... the more time I spend alone with Sam the more I want to. And Sam wants to too, which makes it even harder for me to say no. And then I feel like the party pooper for saying no but I can't help it because Sam isn't ready!"

"And neither are you! So you know what? You sit there and you think about whatever you want, whenever you want, all you want. But don't mention anything to Sam about it because she's going to think that you want her to do something and even if she isn't ready she's going to be all 'Well if I don't have sex with Freddie, he's going to break up with me and go out with another girl who will!'"

"But I would never do that to Sam in a billion millenniums!"

"I know that! And you know that and Carly knows that and just about everybody on this planet knows that but Sam doesn't. You wanna know why? Because hiding behind that aggressive, assertive, take-crap-from-no-one outer shell is a little insecure girl who just wants to be loved. And with you, Freddie? She has that. And that's great. But if she even feels the slight feeling that you love her any less, she will stop at nothing to regain what she's lost. Nothing. What makes the situation even more dire, is that Sam Puckett does not quit."

As I listened to Spencer I thought, wow. He was totally right. Because an hour ago Sam was willing to lose something she would never gain back no matter how hard she tried, for me. All because of one comment about MMA fighters not being able to have children. That was commitment. It was then I realized the power I had over Sam was more then what I had thought. Sam was a romantic who throws everything she has on the boat and sails off to never-land without once looking back. If I was to hurt her at all, the boat would slowly ... start ... sinking. To the bottom of the ocean. And I wouldn't be able to save her once it started.

"You better be careful with what you say and do, Freddie Benson. You never know what will hurt that little girl."

It was clear to me now.

Sam was no longer my angel.

Tables were turned.

Point of views were switched.

It was my turn to protect, and her turn to be protected.

School was tomorrow. And it was time to start taking things seriously.

Sam

Something's going on.

All of a sudden, Freddie won't stop calling me baby, and beautiful and princess. It's all so cheesy and weird but I love it so much and my cheeks hurt from smiling so big.

It makes me feel ashamed of being a teenage girl.

That night, I don't sleep. I imagine being at school. I forgot something. Freddie and me were mortal enemies.

School was going to be ... interesting ...

Carly

Freddie comes to my house before school in the morning and tells me he's going to school without the cast. I clap and tell him I'm proud. He's coming along great. When we get to school, I show Freddie where his locker is. Where mine is. He insists I show him where Sam's is.

I do.

I quickly show Freddie all of his classes before lunch, and ask Gibby to take the after lunch shift because I'm upstairs from lunch until the end of the school day, and Freddie's downstairs and Gibby's downstairs and I don't plan on doing any extra walking. When we reach my locker again, Sam is at hers, fumbling with the lock. Freddie tells me to be quiet and he grabs her hips from behind. She turns around quickly and her face immediately lights up. I've never seen her face get so happy so quickly.

That's when Gibby ruins everything. He asks what's up with all the 'friendliness' between Sam and Freddie and Sam overhears and she makes a weird face and before anybody knows it, she's got her back turned to Freddie and she's fumbling with her locker like the last two minutes never happened.

Freddie says her name and she asks what as if she's irritated.

I knew what was happening.

"Um ..." Freddie cleared his throat. "So, do you notice anything different?" No reply. Sam was silently messing with her lock. Freddie looked to me for some sort of explanation. I stared at the floor.

"Uhh no cast! I'm getting better and better everyday, Sam." Sam turned to Freddie, pat him on his shoulder, smiled, then went back to her lock that she was pretending to be locked out of. Freddie cleared his throat again and asked her if he could help unlock it. Sam insisted that she had it and she needed no help. Freddie insisted on helping even further, and then Sam yelled at him to back off.

Speechless, Freddie did as he was told. He stepped away a few feet from Sam, but never took his eyes off hers. His face looked hurt, but not that kind of hurt a normal person looks when they've been insulted. It was Freddie's hurt face, which was sort of like he was trying to pretend it didn't bother him, but also wanted to get the point across that it did. He cleared his throat one last time before speaking. Then he shrugged.

"I was just trying to help, Sam." he said simply. I could see the guilt in Sam's eyes, but that wasn't enough. I didn't expect it to be. Guilt could be dressed as a clown and riding a unicycle, and Sam could ignore it.

"Well just ... don't. I didn't need any." She unlocked her lock, grabbed two books and a folder, and side-glanced once at Gibby, who was watching them like HBO.

"No goodbye?" Freddie said, seeming like he already knew what her answer would be. Which was sad. It was really sad that Freddie was able to expect it. Sam stared at Gibby when she spoke.

"I'll see you next period anyway." She walked away without saying bye to anyone. Freddie nodded like he would take that and cleared his throat again. I asked Gibby if I could talk to Freddie alone for a second, and he left.

"She's ... embarrassed of me ... isn't she?" Freddie asked, his back turned to me. I nodded, then realizing he wasn't looking at me, I quietly confirmed. "I can tell."

"Well ... it's not the type of embarrassed that you're thinking of, Freddie. It's just that ... I told you that you guys don't get along. Everyone knows you two as mortal enemies. If that changes one day, everyone will be talking about it. Sam isn't good with being talked about. She really isn't, Freddie."

Freddie still wouldn't look at me, which made me feel really stupid for sticking up for Sam after the cold shoulder she just gave Freddie. I saw him nod again, and I was really confused at that point. Wasn't he supposed to be mad? "Please don't be mad at her Freddie. Please."

"It's okay. It's okay. I'm not mad. I don't understand it. And it hurts. It hurts being treated like this but ... I believe that deep down ... she doesn't mean it." Freddie finally turned to me and I felt happy because of that. I don't know, I guess I was slightly afraid he was going to give me the cold shoulder too. "But man did it hurt ... Wow."

I decided I was going to bring Freddie to his after lunch classes because although I didn't feel like walking up and down the stairs three times, he deserved the commitment.

Freddie

I patiently waited outside the classroom for Sam to approach second period Biology. She showed up about two minutes before the bell with a tall-ish ginger with a round face and yellow skinny jeans. She greeted me happily, and I nodded at her even though I had no idea who she was. Then, I turned to Sam. She went completely still when our eyes met.

"Um, Wen? I'll ... meet up in class, kay?" She said, and Wen took a hint and went into the classroom. Sam looked at the ground like she was being punished by her parents. I stared down at her. So she was sorry? But not sorry enough not to do it?

"So what's up?" I asked nonchalantly. She shrugged and murmured something that I didn't consider of much importance because she was still looking at the ground and hugging her binder so tightly I thought it was going to pop. She must have been really guilty. Why do it then?

"You sure? Because it seemed like everything wasn't okay this morning." I made sure that there was no emotion in my voice. I didn't want her to think it hurt me, even though it did. Not because I wanted to keep my dignity or anything. But because I knew she was already guilty because what she did was wrong, and I didn't want her to feel doubly guilty because it affected me.

"I was ... afraid you'd bring this morning up." Still averting my eyes.

"Well, do you care to explain to me what all that was? Or am I to make a wild guess?" I looked at her expectantly, and she kicked the ground nervously. Never have I seen her looking so vulnerable. It was weird.

"I don't think I can explain it ..." She murmured, messing with the straps of her backpack. I smiled and took advantage of the situation at hand.

"Oh, really? Well, luckily, I was there. So, why don't I help you out?" If possible, I saw her body become even more introverted then it already was. "Ahh this morning. Oh right! Everything was going great until you randomly started acting quite rude and obnoxious, and then you walked away from me like I was worth ... let's keep things clean and say a piece of poop."

Now, she looked up at me. Her eyes were glassy though and I all of a sudden felt bad for being so sarcastic. How lame is that? She was here, unable to claim me as her own boyfriend, and I was feeling bad for getting just a tad bit upset. I am such a pushover.

"Freddie ... I'm so sorry ..." She breathed, most likely trying to hold back tears. I really didn't' want to see her cry, but I had to tell her what she needed to hear.

"I don't want you to be sorry, Sam. I don't want you to be sorry because I know that if I was to ask you to kiss me right now you would refuse because useless people you might consider to be your 'friends' are here in the halls to see it all. And that just isn't gonna fly with you, is it?"

"No, no, no." Sam shook her head vigorously. But it wasn't as if she was denying it. She was wishing it wasn't true. But we both knew it was. "Freddie no. No, that's not true-"

"Sam, don't even try and lie to me," I said, stepping closer to her trying to get the seriousness across. Sam looked down and closed her eyes like she was afraid I was going to hurt her. This was wrong. This was all wrong. I was supposed to be protecting her from pain, not causing it. I am officially the worst guardian angel in the business. Trying to soften the mood slightly but not give in completely, I hushed my voice to a softer tone and rest my hands on her shoulders. "Look ... obviously you aren't ... ready ... for us to date 'publicly'. And although I don't agree with that logic, I can understand your reasoning."

Sam rest her head on my chest and thanked me repeatedly like I had just saved her life. "So ... until you straighten all your thoughts out and feel that you're 'ready' ... " This was going to be the hard part.

"Maybe we should just take a break for a while ... " This time, I said the upsetting comment, I walked away, and she got to feel like crap.

Like I said. Worst. Angel. Ever.

Sam

Spencer once told me that if you stare at someone long enough, they will feel it.

"No, I'm serious! You just have to clear everything out of your head and direct your thoughts to that one person, keep your eyes on them and sometimes repeatedly saying their name in your head can help too."

Either Spencer lied to me or I'm not talking loud enough in my head.

Because I stared at Freddie Benson for a whopping 47 minutes and he didn't look back or look around the room or even twitch once. Maybe I just suck at it.

I wanna be the victim.

I wanna sit here and pretend that Freddie breaking up with me after only 4 and a half days of dating but what felt like 4 and a half years of dating is totally jerk-ish of him. That he broke my heart and I'll never be the same again and I'm going to burn his pictures and all that teenage girl stuff.

But I'm not.

It's the other way around.

Why did I have to care what they thought of me?

I never do.

I never do.

People talk about me all the time and I laugh at their pathetic lives and go on with my life.

And all of a sudden I'm doing things that, not make me happy, but make them happy. I'm living for society instead of living for myself. That's not me. That's just not me.

And I think that is what hurt Freddie the most.

When the bell finally rang, I watched Freddie, not knowing if I was supposed to talk to him or hug him or kiss him goodbye or what. He stood up, grabbed his backpack, and left the room.

Without once acknowledging me. Like I wasn't even there.

Like I didn't even matter.

In fourth period I sat there and listened to Gibby tell me about some type of TV show he watched the night before that had to do with igloos and I decided that this wasn't working for me, and lunch was next period and I was going to see Freddie sooner or later so I might as well get some advice.

"Um, Gibby? Can I ask you something?" Gibby said it was okay to ask. "Great. So um, people know me and you as ... two people who don't get along very well, right?"

"Well yeah ... I guess." He shrugged. I nodded.

"So let's say ... for whatever reason ... we just started dating."

"Dating?" Gibby asked dumbfounded.

"Dating. Would you be ... scared? Of what people think, I mean." Gibby looked at me in confusion, like I wasn't making any sense.

"What is there to be scared of?" He shook his head slightly like what I was saying was simply nonsense. I sighed.

"You know, like embarrassed? I mean, people are going to be talking about it and pointing and whispering ..."

"Sam, if I'm embarrassed of my girlfriend when we're in public, I'm embarrassed of her when we're alone. Theirs not one without the other. Not for me at least." Gibby's words were like, pure poetry. Gibby. Gibby was right. How could I flaunt Freddie to people I don't know, but when it comes to my peers I'm not ready to show him off? "That's just ... hypocritical."

"Man ... I messed up." Gibby asked me what I was talking about and I sighed. It was time to get over myself. Step one would be telling Gibby. "Gibby ... I'm dating ... Freddie and I are ... Me and Freddie are going out."

"Oh." Gibby said simply. And that was it. That's it?

"That's it? Oh? You're not ... surprised? Disgusted? Disappointed? Anything?" I searched Gibby's face for some sort of response, but all Gibby did was shrug.

"What does it matter? What I think has nothing to do with you and Freddie ... " Gibby was just on fire that day, he really was. Gibby's words of wisdom gave me an idea. My plan had to be put into motion quickly though, because the days announcements were about to start in a few minutes.

Freddie

After leaving the lunch line, I dumped the food in the trash and set the lunch tray down at a table Carly was sitting at with the same red haired round faced girl and some short black guy. The strangers each nodded their heads towards me in recognition, then went back to conversating. Carly looked at me with a concerned expression, and I smiled at her even though I felt like scowling.

"You talk to her?" I nodded. She didn't pester, but I knew she wanted me to tell her what happened. Unlike some people, I had nothing to hide, so I told her.

"We're gonna uh ... take a little break. 'Till she gets things straightened out." I nodded and stared at the table, replaying the upsetting scene over and over again in my head.

"Are you sure that's what you want?" I met her gaze and said nothing for a while. Then I smiled a small smile. A smile that wasn't because of happiness.

"Not at all. Actually ... I don't know what I was thinking." Carly smiled to herself and played with her food. Then she looked up at me and sighed.

"You love her don't you?" It shocked me when she asked that question. It shouldn't have though, because it was on my mind for the last 48 hours. Love. Love. Love. I love Sam.

"You think I'm crazy right? For falling in love after only a few days of dating ..." Carly shook her head at me like I was wrong. Funny. I thought she was the rational thinker.

"Freddie you've known Sam much longer then a few days. That's why I don't think it's crazy." When she said it then, I didn't understand it. While I was trying to understand her statement in my head, I heard the screech of the loudspeaker go off and a little theme tune played for the days announcements. The senior class president started talking about Chess club tournament on Saturday and a car wash that was being held to raise money for prom to be in California. I was just about to blank out when the senior class president said something about a message from a year 11 student.

"Um ... hi. Everyone. I'm Sam. Puckett. I'm a junior. Well, obviously since I'm in year 11 ... um ..." I couldn't believe my ears. It was like I was dreaming. Sam was not about to do what I thought she was about to do. Was she? "Uhh anyways. Sorry I'm ... kind of nervous. Uh ... I've got a message for ... someone. Freddie? A-Are you listening?"

Everyone in the entire outside lunch area turned to me simultaneously, but I didn't blush or run away embarrassed. I ignored them and listened intently because Sam Puckett was talking to me.

"Um, okay. Here goes nothing." Sigh. "Freddie we've been best frenemies for like, years. And I'd be lying if I said I hated you. I'm just going to go out and say it. I ... I think I might love you. And I know it seems crazy and illogical and irrational and lots of people want to slap me right now but I know what I know and that's what I know. I love you Freddie. And I've gottin on here, on this loudspeaker in front of the entire school because ... I guess because you deserve it."

There was the hushed sound of murmuring kids all around me when Sam stopped talking. I anticipated the silence, wondering if it cut off in the middle of her speech like it does sometimes, or if Sam was done. "Umm. That's all. Thanks ..."

I stood up immediately and looked at Carly. She told me where the office was without hesitation, as if she was reading my mind. I quickly walked the halls, the whole time being stared at and pointed at and undoubtedly whispered about. When I reached the administration office, I saw Gibby. Sam walked out of the office, gave him an unenthusiastic high five, and then when she spotted me, she froze. I sighed, and slowly walked over to her.

"Hi," I said simply. She looked at her shoes and her only response was a little high pitched sound that I almost didn't catch because it was so quiet and quick. She was extremely nervous, and I could feel it. At first, I was totally cool. Then we started making this really awkward small talk and I guess she got the courage to look up at me but once she did it was like my intestines twisted up into a billion knots and I couldn't breath anymore because I realized this beautiful girl in front of me just told the world, sort of, that she loved me. And now I was sort of kind of expected to return the favor.

"Um. I'm sorry Freddie. You know for ... being embarrassed. And you know I'm actually really sorry for doing that," she said pointing at the office. "I didn't mean to embarrass you or get you a whole bunch of attention I just ... I just needed to get yours."

I didn't respond because I was feeling right awful at that moment. Not only did I feel like a jerk, but I felt like a total loser for not being able to say what needed to be said to her.

So I snatched a paper from a kid walking by and I pulled a sharpie out of my pocket and I jotted it down and she looked at me like I was an awkward little boy and I didn't blame her because I was acting like one and she took the paper and I ran away.

I literally ran away like a toddler who had to use the potty.

I am such a loser.

Sam

I'm not mad.

Not mad at all.

I could be.

Maybe I should be.

But I'm not.

You remember in second grade when you give someone a note and it says "I like you. Do you like me? Check yes or no?" And you feel all cool so you check no because you want to play hard to get because that's just what you do whether you like the person or not?

It was simple.

I love you too. -Freddie.

Utterly perfect.

Okay I'm done with the chapter.

What did you think?

It was long that's what I think.

But it was a filler chapter.

You know, there's these blank spots and I have to fill them in somehow.

SO yeah.

Please review, because I love feedback EVEN if it's bad I love it.

Well, when it's constructive.

Non constructive feedback is just useless really.

Utterly useless.

There was a book I read as a kid that always said utterly but I can't remember what it was. It had the same illistrator as Charlie and Lola though :)

OKAIIGOTTAGOBII.

-Lols